It was three weeks ago that Seth proposed to me.
We had been spending a lot of time together since the war ended. Mostly we were working… Working on rebuilding Renais, keeping alliances, returning to a normal life, and—well—trying to make a queen out of me.
After the war, Ephraim and I had a conversation… He felt he wasn't suited to being king, that he was too rash, too wild. He said that everyone already loved me. He said I would make the perfect queen…
I didn't want the job, not really… Yes, I had led an army into battle, but leading an entire nation? Having to make the most important decisions anyone could ever make? I didn't feel I could be wise enough or strong enough to do it… However, Ephraim wouldn't back down, and eventually I realized I didn't have much of a choice. I accepted the responsibility, deciding then that I would be the best person I could be, I would always listen to the advice of others, and I would surround myself with my friends.
That way, I wouldn't really have to rule alone.
Seth, especially, was at my side the entire time. Those first months after the war—without him, I wouldn't have made it. He was my harbor, my rock, my steadfast gentleman, and I could always turn to him when I needed help or a smile or just needed to cry for a little while, held in his comforting arms…
In fact, it was when he was helping me once that he proposed.
We were planning for a ball… A victory ball of sorts since we were finally getting back on our feet… I'm embarrassed to say that I've always been a terrible dancer. I don't know how I can wield a sword in combat and yet struggle to learn the steps to a waltz. But I always had trouble with it as a child, and I'm afraid it didn't get easier as I grew older…
Anyway, Seth found me alone in the ballroom, my eyes closed, my hands placed on an imaginary partner as I tried to practice, stumbling clumsily over my own feet.
Suddenly, he was there, his hand in mine.
He didn't say a word, but he smiled the sweetest, warmest smile and tenderly began to lead me in the dance. My eyes locked with his, and somehow… I floated across the room, gracefully, perfectly... For once, I wasn't thinking about how to do it, but rather… how warm Seth's eyes were. How kind and gentle and protective he was. How my hand tingled in his warm embrace. And… how much I hoped he loved me as much as I loved him…
When the dance ended, and we slowed to a stop, we stood frozen. Time had no meaning. We stared at one another, neither of us, I think, wanting the moment to shatter.
Then… he kissed me.
It was a gentle kiss, a chaste kiss, and in typical Seth fashion, he immediately pulled away and begged my forgiveness. Before I could get a word in, he turned to hurry away. But I grabbed his hand, preventing his escape. He looked back at me, a strange mix of emotion on his face.
But then… once I had him, the question arose… What to say? My mind raced. How could I show him what that kiss meant to me?
War had taught me one thing, though, and that was that sometimes, words were inefficient. Sometimes speech was far less powerful than action.
I threw my arms around his neck and pulled his face to mine, his mouth to mine. I pressed myself against him, and his arms came around me. He held me so tightly and kissed me so hard that I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even think. All that mattered in my universe was his lips moving against mine, his hands clutching me tighter...
When we finally got hold of our senses again, he leaned his forehead against mine and asked me to marry him. I didn't have to think about my answer. The question was hardly breathed before I responded with the most heartfelt yes I have ever uttered…
That day was the happiest of my life, and it was followed by many close seconds. Seth and I were the happiest we had ever been…
Until the attack.
We had decided to picnic in the garden. It was wonderful, just the two of us acting like normal people.
That was before the assassins struck. We still aren't sure why they wanted to kill me. They're being interrogated right now in the dungeon… That is, the ones whom Seth left alive are…
He sensed the danger and knocked me down before the arrow buried itself in the dirt behind me. Then he flew into a battle rage and practically tore them apart. I have never before seen Seth so angry, so bloodthirsty…
He felled the last one, and I ran to him to see if he was alright. There were only scratches, nothing serious, but one of the attackers had risen unseen, taken a club from the ground. I screamed, but I was too late. The barbarian swung at Seth, hitting the back of his head with all his force. Another scream, this one infuriated, tore from my throat, and I leapt at the attacker, fear for Seth empowering my limbs… I would have killed him if the guards hadn't finally arrived to pull me off…
Seth was rushed to a healer. The staves bound his wound, and they said he would be just fine.
I was so relieved. There aren't words…
But he was still unconscious, so we laid him up in bed… I refused to leave his side. I wouldn't. I couldn't. All I wanted was to be there with him, to be the first face he saw, the first voice he heard when he awoke…
And when he did, finally, come to, my name was on his lips. I rushed to reassure him of my safety. I hugged him. He held me in his arms, breathing in my scent, his body shaking from his momentary panic… and then, in a confused whisper that froze my heart, he asked me, "Why is it so dark in here?"
My eyes flew open, registering the drawn curtains, the daylight flooding through… and Seth's unseeing eyes…
I held back a sob.
It wasn't for me. I wasn't crying for me. Seth was still Seth, and I adored him with my entire being… It was for him because I knew how he would react.
When I explained the situation to him, what had happened, that… That somehow he couldn't see, his face grew suddenly very serious. Of course, I reassured him. I told him I'd retrieve the healers and find out what went wrong, but Seth only asked me to go, quietly… guardedly. He asked to be left alone.
My heart was breaking for him. I clutched his hand and kissed his palm, trying to impress upon him that he was not alone, that he would never be alone… Again, he asked me to leave, and I acquiesced to his wishes.
Barely a few seconds after I shut the door behind me, the most awful heart-wrenching cry of pain and hopelessness shook through the walls dividing us.
With that terrible sound, I couldn't hold back my tears any longer. I sunk to the floor with my head in my hands, unable to understand. Why, why must this happen to us, now? Now, when we're finally getting our lives back, we're finally together, finally… happy. Finally…
I felt so insufficient, so useless. Like someone had taken hold of my heart and twisted it. I couldn't breathe.
This wasn't supposed to happen. The war was over, the country was thriving… We were all supposed to have our perfect, happy ending…
But sometimes life just didn't work out that way. I knew it was a cruel thing, but this? My Seth… I never imagined… My Silver Knight… It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair…
After a time, my senses returned to me. I brushed the fallen tears from my face and clambered gracelessly to my feet, my promise of sending the healers at the forefront of my mind…
Send them I did and waited anxiously outside his room while they were with him. But they did not come bearing good news. They explained to me that they were baffled, that his wound had been healed, and only time would tell whether his sight would return. My gut clenched. I knew how my dearest beloved Seth would react to this revelation. If it had been a wound that could heal, he could handle it, but… Blindness? How could he… fight? How could he train and teach? He would be devastated…
The healers left, and I took slow breaths, facing his door. Although I desperately wanted to go to him and comfort him and feel his arms around me, I knew he needed space to let him get used to… it.
The darkness.
Late in the night, I returned to my room.
I was infuriated that I let this happen, that I was so careless, thinking I would be safe. That I hadn't been strong enough to protect him as he had protected me for so many years. Why wasn't I stronger?
My night was nearly sleepless. Too much worry was tensing my muscles, and the next morning, I sent the maids away and dressed in my softest silk blouse and skirt. I hoped, perhaps, Seth could discover the joy of simple touch.
Of course, it was futile. Beautiful, stubborn Seth continued trying to protect me.
When I went to his door, he refused to see me.
I begged him to let me in, just let me talk to him, but he wouldn't listen. No matter what I said, he just asked me to go, said he didn't want to see me, said he wanted to be alone…
I didn't know what to do. So I granted his request. I left in peace, hoping a little more time would bring him out of his distress.
But day after day I went to his door. I asked to see him. I begged even, but he wouldn't listen and he wouldn't let me in.
Finally, after two weeks of this, he actually sent for me. I was so relieved, I ran to his room and was breathless when I threw his open his door.
But before I could even cross the room, he asked me to stop. Begged me to stay where I was… And explained that he had only called me to his room to break off his engagement with me, saying I couldn't marry someone who wasn't… whole.
I scoffed at this ridiculousness. I told him nothing could be farther from the truth. I told him I couldn't marry anyone at all if I couldn't marry him. No one. No one would ever hold my heart like he did.
I told him I loved him.
He answered with silence.
Finally, he repeated he would not marry me and asked, again, to be left alone.
I was weeping and angry when I returned to my room. Angry at the assassins who did this Seth. Angry at myself for not fighting harder, for not insisting he let me in sooner and refusing to let him go. Angry at life.
I didn't even try to sleep. There wasn't any possible way sleep could find me with my whole world falling apart, piece by piece. I sat at my desk instead. Or prowled about my quarters like an anxious beast...
When the moon shone down in my room late at night, I couldn't take it anymore. I wouldn't let this happen. I wouldn't give in, and I wouldn't give him up. He was… He was trying to protect my like always, but he had made a mistake because this was killing me. I needed him like I needed air or warmth or… love.
Enough was enough, and I wouldn't accept no for an answer.
I slipped from my rooms and went to Seth.
As silently as I could, I crept to his side and looked at him in the darkness. Yet more tears welled up in my eyes at the blessed sight of him…. I had missed him so much. So much… I gazed at his peaceful face as he lay in sleep, and I fought against my tears of relief, and I reaffirmed that there was no way I could possibly live without him.
I just had to prove that to him.
I touched my palm to his cheek to wake him and whispered his name as he roused. He tensed at the sound of my voice. "Eirika," he said, his voice stiff. "What are you doing h-" I cut him off with a kiss, my hands stroking his face and clutching his shoulders. I kissed him desperately, pouring all of my heart's contents into the connection. He tried to push me back, but I wouldn't go. I kissed him harder. I kissed him again and again. And eventually, he stopped trying to push me away.
By the time I pulled back, he was shaking, trembling, tears spilling down his cheeks. He didn't speak—he couldn't speak—but he didn't have to. I understood.
I whispered my love in his ear, and I told him I would never leave him. I told him I would marry him, because I would not—could not—serve this country without him standing by my side.
He tried to speak, to shake his head, to take my hand and talk me out of it. But I simply said No. No, Seth. I climbed onto the bed with him. I straddled his form, ignoring his protestations, and I kissed him. I kissed his lips, kissed his chin and jaw and cheeks, then returned to his mouth, and then kissed his face again. I kissed his neck and his ear and his temples, and I kissed his lips. Over and over and over, loving him, my fingers buried in his hair, trying with every touch to show him how much he meant to me.
With his hands on my thighs, he trembled beneath me, whispering my name a few times, weakly trying to make me stop. I wouldn't listen, and I'd press my lips to his skin, deliberately working across his face, determined that my lips would touch every space and taste the salt of his tears on my tongue. Every time he tried to stop me, I covered his mouth with my own, cutting him off, and slowly driving us both mad with the attention. His hands tensed on my legs, but I wouldn't stop until he was groaning with frustration and groaning with the difficulty of not kissing me back.
Before long, I was breathless, every touch of his hands on my arms or my face sending shivers down my spine, but… to my delight, he had grown silent… When I kissed him yet again, he finally, finally surrendered. His hands slid up my back, and he crushed me to him and kissed me hard, any fight he had left in him crumbling to dust…
I sighed with relief and told him, I love you, and for the first time in two weeks, he told me he loved me back. Such small words that filled my heart with unspeakable joy… He went on to say he didn't deserve me, but that if I would accept him, then nothing in the world would make him happier than marrying me. I laid on him, my head on his chest, my lips occasionally pressing against his neck, and he stroked my hair.
I told him I wouldn't have it any other way.
And I was happy again.
I stayed there all night, totally comfortable in his embrace. I think… I think we both needed each other for a while longer, needed to know for sure it was real… Needed to feel each other's touch… And I was more than happy to stay and fill that need…
But the next morning I picked up our plans for the wedding again. I brought forward the date. I moved it to only a few days later, much sooner than we had began thinking. But I knew what I wanted. I wanted Seth. I wanted to be his, and more than anything, I wanted him to be mine, now and forever. I didn't want to wait any more.
I sent out invitations immediately, explaining things and asking only my closest friends to attend. Mostly those ended up being much of my army from the war. Many nobles were left uninvited and probably offended, but I honestly didn't care. This was my wedding to my beloved Seth, not the event of the century. I would be more than happy to show off our love to them later on.
Almost everyone made it, which was more than I had hoped on such short notice… But everyone wanted to support me and Seth.
To my surprise I discovered everyone seemed to know already how much we had cared for each other. They were only surprised we hadn't given in to our feelings sooner. I laughed at this, blushing, but clapping my hands with delight.
We were meant to be. I always knew it, but if nothing else, this proved it in my eyes.
Seth, however, was nervous the day before the wedding… Honestly, I think it's the only time I've ever seen him nervous. He was embarrassed by his blindness, and he didn't know how everyone would act. He didn't want sympathy. Sympathy would crush him.
I reached for his hand when he told me this, and he pulled me to him. He missed a little bit, kissing along my mouth before he landed on it, and I smiled against him, totally charmed by his strange new clumsiness. Somehow, it suited him just as much as his precision had suited him before.
I told him how much I couldn't wait for tomorrow, how much I couldn't wait to marry him. He nuzzled my cheek at these words, holding me close.
Eventually, his fears were satisfactorily assuaged, and we were both a little drunk from the intimacy of our closeness. When I finally tore myself away, I did so with an unbearable smile on my face.
The next day was… perfect. Almost… indescribable.
Somehow, my friends and my people had decorated everything stunningly, far more so than I had anticipated. Most lovely of all were the flowers. Hundreds, nay thousands, of them were arrayed everywhere, their wonderful scent wafting through the hall. I knew they did it for Seth, so he could smell what he could not see, and warmth filled me.
Everyone stood when I entered on my brother's arm. All my wonderful friends. The princes and princesses, the knights and cavaliers, the mages and troubadours… It was rare to see so many familiar faces, so many loyal friends, and my heart swelled higher than it ever had before.
And then I saw Seth… Standing by the altar, tall and staggeringly handsome. I don't know what I did to deserve him. He is… everything, everything, to me…
When I stood before him, I took his hands in mine, and he squeezed them gently. He leaned forward before the priest began and murmured, "You look beautiful."
"Seth…" I shook my head, knowing his eyes were still sightless, but his smile only widened.
"You always look beautiful. My deepest regret is that I can no longer see your lovely face."
I don't believe I have ever blushed so hard in my life, but my eyes welled up with tears as the priest finally began the ceremony…
Seth's spilled down his cheeks when I said I do.
In moments, it was done. We were married. Seth pulled me towards him for a kiss, and all my family, all my friends cheered louder than I had ever heard them before. It was the most amazing moment of my life, seared into my memory, stored in a vault of happiness. Never had I felt more right, more fated then that very moment…
Now, we move forward as one. I'm not sure, precisely, what life will bring us next, but… What I do know is that we will be happy because… in the end, we are together… and to me, that's all that matters.