This is something I have just written literally its exactly 1000 words and it popped into my head and I wrote it, I thought its was appropriate. So here it is Please review xxx
I'm not going to lie but I'm writing this drunk well maybe not drunk just slightly inebriated after another night out with you. Another crazy but fantastic night out with you, on a date, I still can't quite believe it. I thought I should write it down so you would know what I thought, how I feel because I haven't the strength to say it out loud. I hope one day I will have the strength and the courage to tell you but right now I don't, I don't even want to admit it to myself because admitting it to myself would make this real, admitting this to you would make it all too real and I don't know if you or I could handle that.
We spent the night in a bar, you dragged me to one of those loud, gay ones you said it would be fun, a laugh, something different. I was reluctant but it was fun, then again, it always is with you. It's always fun and a laugh, it's always safe as well, it's crazy, but true the more danger you put me in the safer I feel with you. I don't know if it's because my trust in you grows more and more with every passing day or if it's because the days are so filled with terror that the nights spent in your arms are peaceful and fulfilling but whatever it is its real, it's true, I know it is, deep down I know you do too. Even when you don't let me in I know what you want, how you feel and it scares me to feel the same. It scares me that we do feel the same. If it weren't for you I'd be a shell I'd be so much less than I am, you made me and I'm proud of that, I'm proud of what I've become of what you've made me and for that I will be eternally grateful. I hope you remember that in your eternity, because I know you have that. I hope it keeps you happy knowing I was happy with what we had, what we have even, what I hope we will always have.
You took me to that bar tonight and it was fun you dragged me there and we danced, laughed and drank and you drank too I hope you remember that. We danced our foreheads pressed together and you kissed me grinning that gorgeous trademark grin of yours the one that dazzles people. That beautiful one that dazzles everyone that draws them too you, the one that dazzles me, we kissed and it was perfect because I was with you and no one else in the word mattered. Although everyone was staring you said it was because I was so gorgeous and I laughed sceptically because it's what I do, I suppose your right, because you are always right we are gorgeous together. When that man asked what I was drinking and you answered and said you had it covered, I felt your hand in the small of my back, that small possessive gesture that made a shiver go up my spine knowing you wanted me. Of all the people you could have, you wanted me, the plain, shy man from Newport, it thrills me that I can thrill you and I know I can.
I'd never write this normally but you need to know, I know you watch me on the CCTV in the archives and the tourist centre though I would never tell you. I know you wait every morning for me to bring you your coffee just so you can look at me again and it makes me warm inside that you care so much because you have forever and you are choosing to trust me with that letting me in so that one day I can cause you pain. But Jack I don't want to cause you pain. When I'm gone I want you to remember me for what I am not what I was, remember the looks and the suit and the sex. Oh the sex is so good, remember the coffee and the cravings, the lust and passion that ran through me because you will never be dead to me however far away I am from you I will always be yours. Just remember the life I led the fantastic life I had with you, because of you and for you, because you are my everything and without you I am nothing.
I love you Jack Harkness and I wouldn't change it for the world.
And when you read this I hope you smile, I hope you re-read it when I'm gone because I know you, you check our laptops and home networks and you'll save this or print it and store it away in your memory somewhere safe that you can retrieve it from when you are sad. I hope you do because when you read this you'll remember what we had, what we have and what we always will be. Reading this knowing that I, Ianto Jones always was, always have been and always will be yours though my forever and though yours. I know this Jack because you have taught me to believe that the impossible is never impossible, just highly improbable and that's not what we are Jack we are the probable and I think it's bloody fantastic an I know you do too. So with that I will finish because I have said all I need to say, the only thing I have to add is that I don't want you to be sad when I'm gone. Mourn me and move on just please never forget me and I know you never will because you have told me I am not just a blip in time for you and I know you told me the truth and it comforts me to know I will always have a place in your heart.
Please review I hope it didn't make you too sad, I hope it made you smile in a sort of happy but sad way because I think we all know its trur, Jack and Ianto never go tto live out their potentential and that was so wrong xxx