Vertical Horizon

A KaoruXHikaru fanfiction

By KuroiInanis

Usual disclaimer shit: Don't own Ouran High School Host Club, wish I did. College would be a thing of the past and I wouldn't be so ridiculously broke. Oh well.

Warning: This fanfiction depicts graphic sex and sexual situations between male twin brothers. If that's not your thing, don't read it. Criticism and comments are welcomed. Flames will be laughed at and promptly ignored.

A.N.: This is my first Ouran High School Host Club fanfiction. I have seen seven or eight random episodes overall for this series, so if something is incorrectly portrayed or can be altered based on episodes I haven't seen, please feel free to make mention of this. This story is based on the happenings of episodes 15 and 16, as well as mentions of random Twincesty moments throughout the series.

It was the nights in which Hikaru could not sleep that he was most thankful for Kaoru's presence in the bed. He could pass the cold, lonely hours watching his twin slumber soundly at his side, sprawled out on his back with one arm thrown over his forehead and the other across his exposed, slim stomach. Hikaru supposed that in some way it was like watching himself sleep – needless to say he still didn't rest, and he always felt it the next day – there was something rejuvenating about staring at the mirror image of himself and watching his facial features morph and shift as he dreamed.

Kaoru was the single most precious thing in his life. Hikaru suspected that he always would be, and that thought birthed a plethora of mixed emotions in the pit of his stomach both pleasurable and painful. Kaoru was all he had ever been able to depend on. Their parents were, for the most part, distant and unreachable, having replaced everything the twins had needed in a loving family with material possessions. Even the several different outfits that had been made for the Host Club by their mother had been an attempt at buying their happiness. At least, if nothing else, they had each other.

Or at least, they had had each other up to this point. For reasons Hikaru could neither identity nor understand, he felt that as of late Kaoru had been working to slowly but surely sever the invisible link that had kept them glued to each other's sides since birth. It seemed that more and more his brother encouraged him to branch out, to be more personable with at least those in the Host Club, if nothing else. And because of that encouraged expansion and growth, he felt as though more and more he would turn to find the familiar presence of Kaoru gone, no longer at his side where he had always been. Saying that it was like losing an arm was nowhere near a correct analogy.

A person could live without their arm. Losing a large chunk of your heart was not so easily sufferable.

Kaoru was his heart. Or, at the very least, held a large enough portion of it to render Hikaru immobile if ever he were to leave him. A thought at one time so ridiculous as that was now a distinct possibility, and it terrified him beyond and rational comprehension to entertain it.

He suddenly wanted to wake Kaoru up – his warmth, his rhythmic breathing, his mere presence were all not enough in this moment. Hikaru wanted to see those golden eyes, hear that soft voice that was only slightly higher than his own, feel those arms consciously wrap around him and ward away, even temporarily, the fear of the unknown future.

The past few days had been a whirlwind of emotions for Hikaru. His unexcused, confusing jealousy of Haruhi's childhood friend, his hurt at her comfortable familiarity with someone who was a stranger to him, and their failed date that had turned out to not be such a failure after all played back in rapid time in his mind. Even now he didn't understand his own feelings in the matter. It had been so easy to just assume that Haruhi didn't have friends outside the Host Club, that she had been lost and lonely, virtually friendless, until they had taken her in. He viewed the club as being her Kaoru; that single, stable entity that knew her for both good and bad qualities, understood her as a person, and wouldn't leave her…

…as long as she understood that the REAL Kaoru was his and his alone in the end.

What was perhaps most confusing was the emotions she evoked within him. He was no stranger to sexual desire – the "Brotherly Love" act that Hikaru and Kaoru engaged in for the entertainment of their female audience was not nearly as much an act as most were led to believe. The only reason their sexual openness with each other did not carry on outside their Host Club duties was simply because they valued their privacy. Much like the world they had lived in together all their lives, there was only room for two to be privy to such personal happenings.

And if Hikaru could control it, that was how things would stay – with just the two of them together in the end.

Haruhi was a wrench in the works. There was something simultaneously annoying and enamoring about her, much like the flame that draws the moth in – fascinating and entrancing despite the blatant dangers. They had had fun on their date despite how it had ended, and their friendship had not suffered despite the issues that had arisen. Hikaru had to admit that when he was around her he felt relaxed and comfortable and knew Kaoru felt much the same way; both were more willing to be themselves and had less need to fall back on their jokester personalities as a shield against the outside world.

Yet even while out with her, his mind had only been half-there. The other half had been with Kaoru, feeling not only that deep, aching incompleteness that always birthed in the space his twin should be occupying, but also a concern for his brother's welfare and health. They were rarely apart more than a few minutes at a stretch, and never left each other's sides when either one of them was sick. It was foreign, it was frightening, and it was just wrong. He would not have come today, had Kaoru not insisted that promising Hikaru a date was an important obligation to him.

...was it possible to have feelings for two people at the same time? His intense connection with Kaoru went without saying, but he could not deny the strange pull Haruhi had on him, either. Hikaru would have to say that yes, as clichéd as it sounded, that it was entirely plausible to want to be with two people at once. As much as it hurt to admit to it, at least he could be honest with himself in this regard.

But there was a crush, and then there was love. Haruhi was a crush. Kaoru, without a doubt, was love, in all its different and wonderful forms. And Hikaru didn't have to consider for even a moment which one he refused to give up.

"… Hikaru? You're still awake? It's late…"

Kaoru's voice, thick with sleep, was like a lighthouse in the inky blackness of the storm. Hikaru reached out to it, finding his brother's hand in the dark. It felt like stepping out of the rain and into the warmth of dry land.

"I'm just restless is all. Go back to sleep."

"Is something wrong?"

He wanted to lie. He wanted to say that everything was fine and that Kaoru needed his sleep. Because no matter how lonely he felt, how afraid, how completely unstable, he didn't want his brother to suffer with him.

"…no. Everything is fine."

"You're a shit liar, Hikaru. Always have been. I don't know why you don't just tell me the truth…" Kaoru muttered, sitting up and reaching out to wrap his arms around his twin, "come here and let Kaoru make it better."

There was no mistaking the sexual undertone in Kaoru's words, and Hikaru obediently allowed himself to be pulled down against the pillows. Within moments his brother's warm, soft breath was against his ear as his hands stroked up and down Hikaru's exposed arms.

"Mmm… you gonna tell me what's wrong, onii-sama?" Kaoru whispered quietly, darting his tongue out to play with Hikaru's earlobe and sending an electric jolt of arousal straight into that delicate spot just below his brother's stomach, "or am I gonna have to… work it out of you?"

If all those young ladies who came to experience the "brotherly love" package knew the true nature of their relationship, they may have found themselves down several clients. There was something about the seme/uke relationship that drove girls wild, and it was something they fell into easily in public. If anyone knew that behind closed doors they shared both roles, that Kaoru could be the demanding, possessive seme just as easily as Hikaru could be the insecure, frightened uke… it would be the end of their Host Club days for sure. Or any hope of privacy, if nothing else. Neither option was tremendously desirable, at any rate.

Tonight, Hikaru played hard to speak. Not so much because it increased the sexual tension of the game, but more so because there was still that strange inability to vocalize what he wanted to say. Kaoru took his time, touching his twin in just the right places, whispering just the right words, showing that tenderness that Hikaru had come to love and hate all in the same moment. Kaoru's hair was feather-down soft against his palms as he clutched it in his fingers, his back arching and his body growing slick with sweat as that talented mouth worked its wonders against his erection. He obediently sucked on the two fingers Kaoru slipped between his lips to keep him quiet while he worked, and the pain stage of sex had been left behind long ago when finally foreplay was finished and the other half of himself slid into him smoothly and rocked against him in spoon style until his body gave way and he saw stars.

"I knew something was wrong… why do you do this to yourself?" Kaoru chastised quietly, once they were done and Hikaru came to recognize the soft, shuddering gasps that filled the room as his own subdued sobs. This was not an uncommon occurrence in their lovemaking – it always seemed to be when Hikaru was at an emotional breaking point that Kaoru found it easiest to take the lead, pleasuring him with such a gentle intensity that he couldn't help but cry when it was over. There was something psychological about it and Hikaru knew it, but that was a mute point in exchange for the simple relief of finally releasing all the frustrations he had sat on that had led to such a restless night in the first place.

"It's like a vertical horizon, Kaoru…"

"That doesn't even make sense, Hikaru."

"Yes, it does. It's something that's entirely impossible… to have a horizontal line that runs on a vertical plane… it's not a possibility. It has to go one way or the other. That's how I feel right now. Torn in two. Impossible."

Kaoru sighed and laid back against the pillows, cradling Hikaru against his chest and running his fingers across his cheeks, wiping away the tears.

"What feels impossible, Hikaru?"

"These emotions do. I don't understand how I feel. I don't understand why how I feel doesn't feel wrong when it should."

"That doesn't help me. You have to tell me exactly what you're feeling, or I'll never know. I'll never understand. You have to tell people how you feel about them, or they'll never get it."

The words, so much like the ones spoken just before his win/lose date with Haruhi, set off the sobs again and Kaoru cursed quietly, tightening his hold on his brother.

"Is this about your date with Haruhi? Is that what's got you so upset?"

"It's not just that. It's how I feel about her in comparison to how I feel about you. It's how I could feel for her at all, when I have you. I have everything I want, everything I need, and yet somehow I can't help but want more."

"And you think that's wrong?"

"It feels wrong."

"Well, it's not," Kaoru whispered soothingly, "Hikaru, sit up and look at me."

It took a moment to do as Kaoru requested, but once Hikaru somehow found the courage to break away from the comforting hold his brother had on him, he turned to face his lover. Kaoru's warm hand in his own was a source of immense comfort and he squeezed it tightly, lifting it to cradle it against his chest.

"You have to keep in mind that I'm all you've ever had. And you're all I've ever had. It's normal to feel that what we do, that how we feel for each other, isn't wrong. And in my opinion, it's not. Fuck what society says. It's not their place to judge. If two people love each other, that's all that matters."

"But… my date with Haruhi…"

"Was just a date. Nothing more. You took her out, bought her some ice cream and souvenirs, and had a good time. Big deal. So you tore yourself away from your comfort zone for an afternoon. It doesn't mean I'm going anywhere. It doesn't mean I won't be here when you get back, any time you do something with someone else. And I know it will be the same for you."

"… I feel like I'm losing you, Kaoru…"

It was like trying to talk through a mouth full of pennies, the words were so bitter and rustic against his tongue. Kaoru paused, reaching a hand out to stroke over Hikaru's cheek.

"You're not. How long have you felt this way?"

"…awhile now…"

"You should have said something sooner. I'm not pushing you away; I never was. I just want both of us to experience the world outside our own. It doesn't mean we don't still have it. It doesn't mean we can't return to it. It just means we should see what else is out there. I just want us to grow as people, Hikaru. Together and separately."

"And what if that drives us apart?"

Kaoru smiled sadly in the dark, leaning forward to kiss his brother softly. When he pulled back his own eyes glistened with tears.

"We have to take that risk. Not growing could drive us apart just the same. You can't allow the 'what-ifs' to control your life. If you do, you never move."

"And my feelings for her?"

His brother shrugged, laying back down once more and beckoning for Hikaru to join him.

"Just another risk. But one I'm willing to take. I don't fear that you'll love me less. You may come to love me differently, perhaps, but never less. That's what matters most."

The words made him feel better. Not perfect. Not resolved. Not entirely sure. But better. And that was what he had needed most right now.

"Remember, Hikaru. If you love something, you're always willing to let it go on to something bigger and better than yourself. And all you can do is hope that perhaps you yourself will be that bigger, better thing and it will come back."

"… and if not?"

"Love never truly dies. It just changes. As people do."

Kaoru yawned heavily, lifting his free hand to cover his mouth.

"You're exhausted. You need to sleep."

"Do you feel better now? At least better enough to sleep?"

"A good romp in the sack with you always makes it better, Kaoru."

His brother chuckled softly, sighing and closing his eyes a moment later.

"You're a pervert, Hikaru."

"You started it, Kaoru."

"Mmm. And I finished it, too. At the very least, I finished you off."

"Now who's a pervert?"

There was a pause in the dark. Kaoru sighed contented and snuggled into the pillows.

"… don't go anywhere, Kaoru. Not yet, at least. Hopefully not ever."

Hikaru brought their joined hands to his lips and kissed each of Kaoru's fingers in turn, as if to somehow drive his quiet plea home. Kaoru smiled softly and cracked on eye open, tightening his hold on Hikaru's waist.

"I don't intend to. I don't think there's anything bigger or better out there for me."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Kaoru slept peacefully. Hikaru lay awake in the night, absorbing the smell of sweat and cum, watching Kaoru breathe, until his own respirations evened out and he slipped under as well.

~*Owari*~