*So I Sit Here* -Duo P.O.V
1 By: Deux Maxwell
*I sit here and wait
For what? For who?
For something that I know will never come
For someone who I know will never understand
*I sit here, cold
What freezes me this way?
Is it was I fear of feeling?
Or is it the feeling I have but fear of acknowledging?
This ice cold fire that burns in me
It rages…
Fuelled by hate
Unspoken desires
Unspoken only because I fear
*I sit here, lost
Lost for words to describe my hurt
The hurt I feel is strange
Strange only because I, myself caused it
I'm lost in a world even unknown to me
I've lived in a world where I could never be wrong
Would never have to worry or ever feel real pain
*Pain is but a word
And has only been a word
A word to throw around and manipulate to my every pitiful need
But no longer
I now feel pain in a way that I've never known
It's an uncontrollable longing, wanting, hoping
But towards what…
Towards who…
Is unclear
But this feeling is painfully clear
I am not certain for how much longer I can bear it
*I sit here, lying
Lying to myself
Telling myself stories
Stories of success and survival
But lies are all I am achieving
'I will be okay'
'It'll all just disappear'
Lies…
My hope is disappearing
Fading away slowly but steadily
It will continue to fade until I have nothing left
*I sit here, dying
My world is falling apart
A part of me wants to keep lying
Wants to keep me alive
But the better, sensible half knows to die
Let all these feelings and useless emotions die
*I sit here, crying
Hot tears drip down my face
A face so disfigured and made hideous by anger
So full of anger, hate
Now all I feel is disgust
Disgusted with my feelings…
With my pathetic hopes and desires…
With myself…
So I cry
*I sit here, alone
So alone and isolated from everything around me
I try to change my attitude and outlook about life
About a life I know will end before it even begins
New beginnings for more pain and hurt to thrive on
I'm so alone in a room crowded by people
People who think they understand
Think they know what I'm going through
*I sit here, hiding
Hiding my feelings from everyone
Everyone that I know will try to help
Try…but not succeed
I've been hiding behind these walls for a couple of years now
But now these once protective walls are closing in on me
I feel this urge to push the walls away
And speak the unspoken feelings I keep locked up within
But I'm not so foolish
To follow and go on such an urge is far too dangerous
Danger is too big a risk to take
I've taken risks before
It has only added to this feeling that I now suffer with
Only added to this unspoken hurt
*So I sit here
Waiting, cold, lost, lying, dying, crying
So alone and still hiding
*So I sit here now
Praying for relief…
How will this relief come?
In what form?
When?
Will it even come at all?
I do not know…
*So I sit here*
1 By: Deux Maxwell
*I sit here and wait
For what? For who?
For something that I know will never come
For someone who I know will never understand
*I sit here, cold
What freezes me this way?
Is it was I fear of feeling?
Or is it the feeling I have but fear of acknowledging?
This ice cold fire that burns in me
It rages…
Fuelled by hate
Unspoken desires
Unspoken only because I fear
*I sit here, lost
Lost for words to describe my hurt
The hurt I feel is strange
Strange only because I, myself caused it
I'm lost in a world even unknown to me
I've lived in a world where I could never be wrong
Would never have to worry or ever feel real pain
*Pain is but a word
And has only been a word
A word to throw around and manipulate to my every pitiful need
But no longer
I now feel pain in a way that I've never known
It's an uncontrollable longing, wanting, hoping
But towards what…
Towards who…
Is unclear
But this feeling is painfully clear
I am not certain for how much longer I can bear it
*I sit here, lying
Lying to myself
Telling myself stories
Stories of success and survival
But lies are all I am achieving
'I will be okay'
'It'll all just disappear'
Lies…
My hope is disappearing
Fading away slowly but steadily
It will continue to fade until I have nothing left
*I sit here, dying
My world is falling apart
A part of me wants to keep lying
Wants to keep me alive
But the better, sensible half knows to die
Let all these feelings and useless emotions die
*I sit here, crying
Hot tears drip down my face
A face so disfigured and made hideous by anger
So full of anger, hate
Now all I feel is disgust
Disgusted with my feelings…
With my pathetic hopes and desires…
With myself…
So I cry
*I sit here, alone
So alone and isolated from everything around me
I try to change my attitude and outlook about life
About a life I know will end before it even begins
New beginnings for more pain and hurt to thrive on
I'm so alone in a room crowded by people
People who think they understand
Think they know what I'm going through
*I sit here, hiding
Hiding my feelings from everyone
Everyone that I know will try to help
Try…but not succeed
I've been hiding behind these walls for a couple of years now
But now these once protective walls are closing in on me
I feel this urge to push the walls away
And speak the unspoken feelings I keep locked up within
But I'm not so foolish
To follow and go on such an urge is far too dangerous
Danger is too big a risk to take
I've taken risks before
It has only added to this feeling that I now suffer with
Only added to this unspoken hurt
*So I sit here
Waiting, cold, lost, lying, dying, crying
So alone and still hiding
*So I sit here now
Praying for relief…
How will this relief come?
In what form?
When?
Will it even come at all?
I do not know…
*So I sit here*