His body felt sluggish from last night, and he silently noted the way the sunlight shining through the blinds which caused the room to be dimly lit, but just enough for Izaya to see every feature of the person next to him, even with his eyelids still heavy from sleep.

"I've said such a thing before, but your sleeping face is quite cute," he heard his own groggy voice croon.

Shizuo wouldn't have allowed Izaya to do this if he was awake, Izaya thought as his fingers brushed across the soft strands of his love's hair. The love he yearned to have, thirsted for but will never be reciprocated, not when nothing about Izaya himself has changed.

He'd seen the way Shizuo made the attempts to direct his affections towards him, and for a while, Izaya was filled with an immense feeling of happiness— until the first strike of pain hit him when the emotion swimming in Shizuo's eyes weren't like his own crimson ones. Then came another strike, and another, to render him helpless with the heart-wrenching pain in his chest.

And he hated that he didn't care as long as he could still stay by Shizuo's side.

"…but that was with a different feeling, hm?"

Can you try again? Please.

Please.

Ple-

Shizuo.

I want to be loved, too.

"What a foolish… lo…" the word felt foreign to say, especially when it involved him and another person, someone who'd surprisingly surpassed the love he had towards humanity.

"..ve."

His fingers found their way to Shizuo's cheeks, barely touching them so he wouldn't wake Shizuo up despite being already aware of how deep Shizuo sleeps, and Izaya leaned in to press his lips against Shizuo's forehead in a chaste peck.

How he wished he wouldn't have done that when Shizuo's voice sent chills down his spine.

"You're still here?"

"I fell asleep, of course. I wouldn't have wanted to be in Shizu-chan's room longer than needed. It stinks of cigarette."

"Yeah, but as much as your house is better, I wish you'd stay sometimes."

"What?"

"How much longer are we going to pretend and spit insults towards each other?"

Izaya didn't respond, then.

All he could remember after was the way his breath hitched when a familiar pair of arms -ones he'd spend nights memorizing the way they looked and felt just so the feeling would linger longer when he's home, sat by his computer and already missing Shizuo- snaked around his thin waist to tug him back into that warm embrace.

He remembered how natural it felt to hug Shizuo and nudge his nose into the crook of Shizuo's neck where the morning stubble felt rough rubbing across his cheek, but he couldn't care less about that when he felt Shizuo's breath ghost over the skin of his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Izaya murmured under his breath, so soft Shizuo almost didn't catch it.

"I heard."

.

.

note: you can read the other drabble, 'kept unsaid' on my profile. this is not related to that, however, since although theyre similar, certain words are different as especially the ending is different. so it's almost as though theyre two different universes. just clearing this up in case it's confusing ;;; bcs i actually wrote this one first, but then i wasnt satisfied with it, so i rewrote and switched the pov to shizuo's, and thts how 'kept unsaid' was born. which one do you like better?