We love Jack's sense of humor, so we took advantage of it. If our dear colonel is cracking more jokes than usual, it was intentional, and if you feel it's woefully out of character, sincerest apologies.
This story also contains some hints of Jack/Sam-ness, so all you anti-Jack/Sam-ness people out there, sorry... but come on! They're just meant to be!
We wrote this story with the intention of making a classic SG-1 adventure. I hope you feel that we managed this, and leave us a review to let us know!
Major Samantha Carter strode down the hall to the gate room, still tugging the straps on her vest snug. The door leading into the room was already open, and Daniel Jackson, Teal'c, and Colonel Jack O'Neill stood in front of the shimmering event horizon.
"Glad you could join us, Carter! Take your time, there's no hurry, we have..." He glanced at his watch. "Fifteen minutes and 35... no, 34 seconds before the wormhole shuts down and we have to redial."
"Sorry sir." She paused as she moved to stand next to him. "I was in the middle of an experiment. The plasma cannon we found on P3X-467 was-"
Jack cut her off and glanced at Daniel. "Ooh. A plasma cannon. They didn't have one of those in Star Wars, did they?"
"They did not, O'Neill." Teal'c said in a matter of fact tone with a side glance toward him.
General Hammond's voice came over the speaker. "SG-1, are you ready to depart?"
Jack turned to look at Sam. "Carter?"
With an apologetic smile, she shifted her gaze from Jack to look past the thick glass of the control room. "Ready, sir."
"Then you have a go."
"Alright, gang. Forward, march!" Jack said as he strode up the ramp, humming.
Teal'c raised an eyebrow as he followed Jack and Daniel through the gate, Carter hesitating for just a moment before walking in after them.
As they stepped out on the other side, the wormhole evaporated, leaving them alone in a thickly forested area. Daniel, Sam, and Teal'c walked down the steps, weapons held defensively at their sides. A surprising sound came from behind them, causing them to turn back to the stargate.
Jack was turning slowly in a circle, looking for any signs of life around them while singing softly. "Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better..."
The three exchanged looks. "Uh, sir?" Carter stepped forward, attempting to decide whether she should be worried or amused.
"Hmm?" Jack stopped humming and glanced at her.
"Uh..." She looked to Daniel and Teal'c for help.
There was a lengthy pause before Daniel found his tongue. "You were singing Hey Jude."
"No I wasn't."
"Yes, you were."
"No, I-"
"You were indeed singing, O'Neill." Teal'c interjected.
Jack glared at each of them in turn before deciding that they weren't teasing him. "Well if you don't like it, you can take it up with my neighbors. They're the ones who were having a karaoke party until midnight last night."
"And that's the one song that stuck with you?" Sam asked, her lips twitching into an amused smile.
Jack gave a short, humorless laugh. "If only. If you don't like any of the Beatles songs then you'd better wear earplugs around me for the next few days." He waved his hand for emphasis. "This group of old, gray haired, handicap parking grandpas had a sing-a-long marathon..." He shook his head, his hand giving a final wave of dismissal as he trailed off.
He took off his hat and ran his fingers through his own gray hair before replacing the cap snugly. "What?" he innocently asked as the rest of his team gazed at him with raised eyebrows.
Daniel quickly shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. "Nothing." He cleared his throat and then turned on his heel to walk ahead.
The others turned to follow him, Jack's lips now forming the words to Let it Be.
Teal'c carved a path before them, swinging his staff weapon back and forth to shove the dense undergrowth aside.
They had been walking for about 10 minutes when Jack leaned against a tree branch. It bent just enough to free a smaller one, allowing it to snap into Jack's face.
"Ow!" He pushed it away. "Carter, please tell me we're almost there."
"Just a few more klicks, sir."
"So remind me why we came again?"
"The ruins, remember?" Daniel answered.
"I don't know, Daniel, you know, they say the memory is the first thing to go. After the back... knees... hips... Of course, it doesn't help that all I have running through my mind is Strawberry Fields Forever."
They stepped over a fallen log to where the trees began to thin. The sound of the soft breeze flowing through the vegetation was replaced by a heavier rustling noise through the leaves, causing Carter to raise her weapon defensively.
They slowed as the sound stopped, the surrounding forest becoming eerily quiet. Teal'c's sharp eyes scanned the area.
Jack pressed the butt of his gun closer to his shoulder. "I hate this part. The ominous rustling of the leaves, followed by the-"
A twig snapped, interrupting him. Teal'c swung his staff weapon to face the direction of the noise, preparing it for fire.
Jack nodded. "Yup, followed by the twig snap." He laid his finger beside the trigger.
Silence reigned for a few moments, the team facing outward, guns ready to sight upon any indication of unwelcome company.
Jack was about to signal them forward once again when something dropped with a thud from the tree in front of him.
"Whoa!" Jack announced the startling presence as the others whirled around, pointing guns at the dark shape on the ground.
The form wiggled slightly then rolled over, a childish face looking up at him. "Hello!"
Jack slowly lowered his gun. "Uh... Hi."
A little boy squirmed to his feet, an impish smile lighting his face. "Where are you from?"
"Well, we-"
"What are your names? Why are you here? You dress very strangely. Are they your weapons? May I see them?"
"Wait a minute! You're going too fast. Let me see... Earth; Jack; to explore; yeah, I guess we do; yes; and no, you may not. Now can I ask some questions?"
"Sure."
Jack exchanged looks with Carter. "Alrighty. First order of business: what's your name?"
The boy smiled up at him and said excitedly, "I'm Zaniel."
Daniel raised his eyebrows and cocked his head, nodding appreciatively. "Nice name."
Jack mirrored Daniel's actions. "Yes, Zaniel does have a rather nice ring, doesn't it, Daniel."
Daniel grasped the rims of his glasses and pulled them up further onto his nose. "Yes, well, the similarities in our names stop at the sound. The name Daniel is Hebrew, meaning 'God is my judge,' whereas Zaniel is Latin, I believe, meaning, uh, 'Angel of Mondays.'"
Jack stared at him blankly for a moment. "Oh really? That's the only similarity? I was just sure your name meant the 'Angel of Tuesdays.'" He said sarcastically before turning to Teal'c. "Or was it 'Angel of Yesterday,' I forget..."
Teal'c raised an eyebrow in response. Zaniel suddenly grasped Carter's hand and attempted to pull her forward. "Come! You must see our village!"
"Hold your horses, Monday Boy, give us a minute to talk about this." Jack held up his hand to slow Zaniel before turning to the others. "What do you think, village or ruins? Daniel, don't hurt yourself, I know it's a tough choice."
"Well, these people have doubtless been here for a long time... the ruins are probably our best choice for now, anything could happen at any time to destroy our chances of finding something useful." Daniel reasoned. "It won't hurt the people to wait a few more hours, but these ruins..."
"I agree with Daniel, sir." Carter interjected. "Besides, who knows what we might find in the ruins?"
"Uh... A bunch of rocks?" Jack said cynically. "I vote for the village myself. People are always so much more interesting than crumbling buildings. What about you, Teal'c?"
"I do not think that either decision is monumental enough to warrant an argument or vote."
"Rats. Oh, well, this is the military, not a democracy! Zaniel-"
"Not in the military!" Daniel raised his hand before Jack could continue.
"Fine. Carter, you and Daniel go to the ruins. Teal'c and I-"
"You mustn't go to the ruins!" Zaniel chirped suddenly.
Jack turned to the boy slowly. "May I ask why?"
"They're cursed!"
"Zaniel, I know this may be hard to believe, but there is no such thing as a curse. There's a perfectly logical explanation for anything that happens there." Carter said rationally.
"But a monster lives there!"
"Monster?" Jack questioned. "Boogeyman or the Godzilla kind?"
Daniel watched the boy's frightened eyes with concern. "Yeah, uh, Jack, I don't think he's joking around."
Zaniel's gaze flickered to each member of SG-1. "Bad things happen there."
"Okay, listen, kid...hey, wait!" Jack shouted as Zaniel abruptly dashed off into the trees and disappeared through the dense shrubbery of the forest.
The colonel turned back to the others, his mouth still open from calling as he raised his palms upward in question. "Well, how do ya' like that? We just lost Monday." He let his arms fall limp.
"And our way to the village, it seems." Teal'c noted.
Jack sighed. "Well, it would appear we're back to... exploring ruins."
"Uh, sir? What about the 'monster'?" Carter held up her fingers to put quotes around the word.
"I wouldn't worry. At his age, a monster probably ranges as anything from a rolly polly to a man-eating piranha."
They strode off in the direction that the UAV had shown that the ruins lay, Teal'c once again taking the lead. Shortly, they reached the tall, once almost sky-scraper height buildings.
"Wow..." Daniel looked around excitedly. "Well, it's definitely not Goa'uld... And it doesn't look Ancient."
"What are you saying? That this wasn't built by the known powers in our Galaxy?" Carter asked.
"At least not by the known, known powers of our Galaxy."
"The, uh, known, known?" Jack raised his eyebrows.
"I believe that Daniel Jackson means it is possible that this was built by the Furlings." Teal'c said calmly.
"But it doesn't look like it was built by Ewoks." O'Neill protested.
"Jack, there has been no indication whatsoever that the Furlings were short, fuzzy, and cute!" Daniel argued.
"Have you even heard their name? Names are supposed to be descriptive. No one calls the My Little Ponies...My great...Donkey...See the difference?"
There was a long pause. Daniel and Carter both eased their way past the colonel without a word, leaving him to watch their retreating backs. He turned to Teal'c. "Right?"
The Jaffa gave him a side-glance. "Indeed." He strode after Carter and Daniel.
"Yeah..." Jack grimaced slightly before shaking his head as if erasing the conversation from his mind.
He walked past the crumbling doorway and into the vast room. Sunlight filtered in through the gaping holes in the ceiling, illuminating the hard, stone walls.
Carter and Teal'c ventured down one of the connecting hallways while Daniel stood three inches away from the wall, squinting at some writing while he used his shirt to wipe the lens of his glasses clean.
Jack strode up next to him, staring at the wall of gibberish that Daniel seemed perfectly capable of reading. "How long will it take to translate?"
Daniel brushed his fingers lightly across the dust coated wall. "Um... It could take a while, there's quite a bit of writing. And it's odd..."
"What?"
"Well, I'm sure it's decipherable, but this wall has a very strange mix of Latin and Goa'uld."
"Interesting." Jack nodded sagely. "... I don't get it."
"Um, well, in other cases of human removal from Earth, the Goa'uld simply assimilated the humans into their culture, completely throwing whatever former cultural dispositions they would have had out the window."
"Meaning..."
"Meaning, this is highly irregular. If the Goa'uld took the Latin people from Earth, they would have forced their language and culture on them. The Latin part of their culture, while still present, would just be, uh, disregarded, not embraced by the Goa'uld."
"But you said this place wasn't built by the Goa'uld."
"Oh, it wasn't, which is part of why this is so bizarre."
"So... There's a part Latin, part Goa'uld culture roaming the universe?"
"I'm not sure." Daniel ran a finger lightly along the lines of script. "It says here that the creators of these ruins rescued a people from the Goa'uld and allowed them to advance themselves with little or no influence."
"Nice of them."
"Yeah... The thing is, it's written exactly how I said it. The person who wrote this didn't create this place."
"Does it say who the person who wrote it was?"
"Uh…" Daniel drew out a long breath as he quickly scanned the text. "No…uh, no, not here anyway. But it might be mentioned on that wall." He pointed to the opposite side of the room. "Or…that wall…" He moved his finger in the direction of the next stone. "Or…"
Jack nodded. "I get the picture."
"Not to mention how many other rooms with writing that Sam and Teal'c could find."
"Got it." Jack sighed, clapping Daniel on the shoulder. "Well, let me know if any of that starts to make sense."
Jack turned and followed an unexplored hall, using the flashlight mounted on top of his P-90 to better see down the dim tunnel. After a sharp, right handed turn, he came to a second room, smaller than the first, but a hole high in the wall made it well lit.
A small, dusty wooden table was set up against one of the walls. He went over to more closely inspect the various pieces of broken pottery and random trinkets laid out on the surface.
He poked one of the large pieces of shattered pottery with the tip of his gun, when a series of eerie, high-pitched squeaks sounded behind him.
He jerked around, his weapon ready to fire at anything worth shooting at. But the room seemed empty.
"Sir?"
Jack quickly looked over to see Sam standing in the doorway. "Carter." He acknowledged, his eyes returning to sweep the corners of the room.
She glanced around. "Anything wrong?"
He stopped searching and gazed at her for a moment before furrowing his brow and throwing a quick glance over his shoulder. "No, nothing's…nothing wrong. Just a few rats."
The squeaking continued and Jack grimaced, nudging some rocks on the floor with the toe of his boot.
The next few seconds happened in a blur, seeming both brief and unending at the same time.
A long, snakelike creature leaped from the rubble, its eyes flashing with a golden hue and connecting with Jack's. Time seemed to suspend itself for a moment as the contact seemed to become almost physical. Then the creature broke away, time returning to normal as it returned to the floor and Jack dropped to the ground, unconscious.
"Colonel!" Sam shouted as she sprayed the area where the creature had landed with her gun. The squeaking stopped and she dropped to her knees next to her commanding officer, fingers immediately moving to his neck to check for a pulse.
"What's going on?" Daniel ran into the room, followed closely by Teal'c.
"Something that looked sort of like a Goa'uld jumped up and did... something to him." Sam focused on Jack for a few more seconds. "Pulse is fine. Respiration returning to normal. We should probably get him back to the 'gate to be safe, though."
Teal'c moved toward the bullet holes on the floor and cautiously shifted the rubble with his staff. Daniel knelt down beside Carter as Jack slowly began to come to.
"Sir?" Carter spoke as his eyes worked their way open, squinting in the sunlight.
He jerked his head around, trying to get his bearings as he abruptly attempted to sit up. With a groan, he sank back down and clapped his hands over his face.
"Jack, are you alright?" Daniel asked with concern.
The colonel's hands scraped down his face as he shook his head, trying to clear it. "Yeah, I'm fine." He shifted more slowly now as he sat up. "What was that thing?"
"Whatever attacked you has now gone." Teal'c said as he uncovered a small, mouse-sized hole in the ground where the creature had disappeared.
"It looked like almost like a Goa'uld, but there's no way one could survive without a host for long without any other ways to sustain it." Carter said.
"A close relative, perhaps?" Jack suggested as he adjusted his cap.
Carter shrugged as she stared at the hole in the ground. "It's possible, I suppose."
"Who knows, maybe we'll get lucky and it will come to attack again while we're here." Jack grasped Teal'c's offered hand and pulled himself up off the floor, rubbing his back where it had hit the stone.
"Well, uh, we might need to find out." Daniel glanced at the others around him. "I mean, we don't know what it did to Jack. Capturing it might be the best way to discover what it did."
Jack raised his eyebrows. "Capture it? Daniel, are you sure you're feeling okay?"
Teal'c inclined his head slightly. "I must agree with Daniel Jackson. We should indeed capture this creature and return with it to Stargate Command."
"Oh, for cryin' out loud, we don't even know if there's anything wrong with me!" Jack waved his hand in the air for emphasis.
"Maybe we should get the Colonel back to the SGC, then come back and talk to the villagers. They might know something about this 'monster.'" Sam suggested.
"Yeah, that thing is definitely monstrous." Jack rubbed the back of his head.
"Are you alright, O'Neill?" Teal'c asked.
"I'm fine." He took a step forward and grimaced. "Ow. Got a bit of a headache, too."
"I'll go grab my things." Daniel muttered as he started to slip out of the room.
"Oh, Daniel," Carter reached into one of the larger pockets on her vest. "I found this in another room."
Daniel reached out, pulling a small book from her fingers. "It's a book." He flipped it open, furrowing his brow. "It's in Goa'uld."
Carter noticed his expression. "Can't you translate it?"
He glanced up at her. "Uh, sure, it's just," He looked back at the pages again. "Well, most Goa'uld don't use books. They use crystals to store their information. This must be old. I mean, really, really old..." He muttered as he walked out of the room, his eyes never leaving the open pages.
"So," The colonel turned to Carter and Teal'c. "Do we need to continue the search for anymore old gobble-dee-gook books and evil worms or can we go home?"
Carter's forehead wrinkled slightly as she watched Colonel O'Neill stumble a small step forward. "Sir, are you-"
He held up a finger, cutting her off. "You know, I just thought I'd mention that the next person who asks me if I'm fine with have a bruise about the size of my fist...now, what were you saying, Carter?"
She sighed inwardly as she gave him a half smile. "I seem to have forgotten, sir."
His lips twitched in amusement as he turned and led the way out to the large room where Daniel was packing away his notebooks and camera. He pulled the strap of the pack over his shoulder and walked beside Jack as they crossed the room, heading for the exit.
Daniel glanced over as the colonel rubbed his forehead and, before Sam could warn him not to, said, "Are you alright?"
Without missing a beat, Jack moved his hand from his forehead to sharply smack Daniel's arm.
"Ow!" The archeologist stopped in surprise and rubbed his shoulder.
The colonel paused when he noticed Daniel was no longer beside him and looked back, raising his eyebrows. "…Bug." He turned and continued striding forward.
"Ah." Daniel jerked his head up in comprehension to Jack's simple explanation before his brow furrowed in skepticism as he still held his bruised shoulder.
"Let's go!" Jack shouted impatiently as he reached the doorway leading outside, waving for them to hurry up. Carter patted Daniel's back with a smile as she passed him and jogged the last few feet.
As Teal'c walked past him, Daniel shook his head, breathing one last "ow" before following.
TBC