Tart

Author: nat

Rated: fluffy tart T

Set: during the show

Ship: Mal/Inara

Author's Notes: cranky captain + stolen chocolate tarts fluff

Mal walked into the kitchen to a delicious sight. A huge plate of chocolate tarts towered as the centre piece and everyone was helping themselves.

"Chocolate tarts?" he said with a smile.

Kaylee already had a mouthful, "They're delicious Cap'n, try one!"

He picked one up, chocolate just happened to be his favorite and it HAD been a while since he'd had any, "Don't mind if I do. Who brought these anyway?"

"Inara," Kaylee answered, "She got 'em from a client."

The tart froze on its tantalizing journey to his tastebuds and held.

Inara's face came into view, grinning madly, "That's right Mal, they're mine. How can you possibly eat one in good conscience? They're tainted with my whoring!"

Her eyebrows were raised in that smug mockery she so enjoyed having over him and he dropped that tart like a hot potato. Everyone had stopped eating and taken a real interest in his reaction. There was a collective groan as he dropped it.

"Aw, c'mon cap'n," said Kaylee, "Don't matter where they come from. Just eat one!"

Mal met Inara's eyes, "You could tell me those tarts had the elixir of life in them and I still wouldn't eat one!"

Inara's laughter followed him out the door.

He stepped out of view and shamelessly eavesdropped though.

"Shame on you," Kaylee was chiding, "torturing the Cap'n like that. You know chocolate's his favorite!"

But even Kaylee was laughing at him. He was totally betrayed. And they were all eating delicious chocolate tarts without him!

"How did you get these?" Book asked, helping himself to a third.

"My last client—if you could call him that," she said with disdain, "He turned out to be quite…..unpleasant. These tarts were the only treasure of the encounter so I took them all and made it look like his ridiculously pampered dog did it."

They were all looking at her so she added, "It bit!"

Kaylee and Simon laughed.

Mal was furious. First off, she was discussing clients now? Second of all she had STOLEN the tarts? These were the perfect tarts! They were criminal, Inara letting her hair-down tarts! If only he had known that, he could have used that as leverage to eat one! And thirdly…..well thirdly, they were chocolate and she was very very mean. They were all mean, he concluded and huffed off.

But that night, when he clamored down into his bunk, he found a little heap of them on his table with a note from her that read, "I won't tell!"

He smiled and stuffed one in his mouth. She wasn't so mean afterall.

Just then Zoe's voice piped over the comm.. "Cap'n?"

"Ymes?" his muffled voice answer as he tried to chew faster and swallow.

"You want Wash to plot a course now so we're heading there while we sleep?"

"Mmhmm!" he managed, swallowing painfully.

"Will do." She answered and then there was silence.

He breathed out in relief and reached for another tart when her voice came back over with laughter in it, "Sir?"

"Yes?"

"Whatcha eatin'?" she teased knowingly.

Mal hung his head in defeat.

Goram chocolate tarts!