His footsteps were quiet, like always, but Dean knew them by heart. He could hear Cas slowly creeping into the room, as though trying not to wake him, even though he knew that Dean never slept, not anymore.
"You know, instead of just sneaking in you could just come to bed with me. I don't think anyone will care." Dean mumbled into the pillow and Cas sunk into the bed.
Cas didn't say anything, just laid his head onto the pillow and stared at the ceiling.
"Big day tomorrow." Dean seemed determined to make small talk, he wasn't sure why. Perhaps because he knew what tomorrow would bring, he knew that tomorrow would probably be the end of him, of Cas, of them. "I wonder how past me is going to deal with it. What is his deal anyway, I mean he just shows up here and expects to run everything, thinks he has all the answers, did you see him question me in front of everyone today. Who does he think he is. Well I know who he thinks he is, he is me. But still…" Cas reached over and touched Dean's hand, silencing him.
Dean turned to look at Cas, he could barely make him out against the darkness. The years had not been kind to him, the wrinkles etched out a permanently tired look. Laugh lines were nonexistent. Dean can't remember the last time they laughed, genuinely. It was probably before, before Sammy had fallen, because the end was as close as it was.
Now all he had to look forward to were nights like these. When the silence finally overtook them and they were allowed just a moment of peace. A corner of the world they had carved out as their own. Were nothing bad was allowed to enter. It wasn't big, or glamorous, but nothing in Dean's life ever had been. It was just a small little room with a bed and a fireplace. But it was theirs, it was theirs when they needed it.
Their hands had fallen apart by then, just near enough that Dean could feel the heat coming off of it. Near enough to reach out and touch if he felt he had lost contact with the world. Near enough that he knew he wasn't alone.
They barely ever touched nowadays. Sometimes, when the nights were cold and the blankets weren't enough they would come together. But mostly it was just the nearness that they craved. To know that they were close enough to each other to touch, but not needed too, that had become enough to save them from the dark reality waiting on the other side of the door.
Cas turned to face the embers of the dwindling fire. With his movement it reminded Dean suddenly of the next day, of his showdown with Sammy, of what was certain to be the end. Suddenly nearness wasn't enough. He wrapped his arms around Cas and pulled him towards him. There was still a space between them, but they were now linked, not just in spirit but in body. Dean needed to hold on to what he was about to lose, just one more time.
"Cas." His voice was soft, barely heard within the silence. "I'm scared." It was the first time that he had admitted it to anyone, but it was true. He used to know fear all too well, but that was fear that he ate for breakfast and lunch and then kicked it's ass for dinner. This was fear he didn't know how to deal with.
Cas pushed in closer, closing the space between them, resting the back of his head in the crook of Dean's neck. "Me too." He whispered back, clutching onto Dean's hand, trying to remember what it felt like to be loved.