THE TEST OF A LIFETIME
BY MORGAN LEAVITT
Hello. My name is Chara. If you're reading this, then it must be at least twenty years from now. I am writing this so that others may know my story, as well as my friends' stories. You see, we had an ordeal about three days prior to the composition of this book. A supernatural ordeal in the technology department. But it is a long story, so get comfy.
Buckle up, because you're about to experience:
THE TEST OF A LIFETIME.
CHAPTER 1
My friends: Spencer, Alfred, Alyss, Moondancer, Gilbert, and I were outside playing catch with a baseball on a hot, summer's day, on the dusty baseball field outside the town of Langtomb. The year was 2390 AD. The turning point in our lives.
WHUMP! The baseball hit me square in the chest. "Now I remember why I don't play sports." I grumbled out loud.
"Just throw the ball back, Chara." Moondancer said. I got up, and chucked the ball as hard as I could. Moondancer watched it soar over her head, while Spencer ran after it. We heard a crack, a scream, and a thud. We ran after the noise, and saw a hole in the ground.
"Are you okay?" Alyss asked.
"Come check this out." came Spencer's reply.
One at a time, we clambered down the hole. Spencer had found a door labeled KEEP OUT . We all stared at it for a minute.
"Wanna go inside?" I asked.
"No." everyone else said.
"Alright, let's go!" I said anyway, going through the door.
I should probably tell you now that my friends and I have special abilities. Most of the people of the future do, whether naturally occurring, or implanted by machine. I have the power of plants, meaning I can control plant life. Moondancer has power over fire, Spencer has power over water, Alyss over air, Gilbert over earth, and Alfred had psychic powers.
We wandered down endless hallways for what felt like hours. Only Moondancer's flame in hand technique lit our way.
"We need to find a light switch." Alfred said. She had always been one to state the obvious. I saw something glowing in the distance, and ran towards it. It was a huge switch, at least as tall as me, with the ancient symbol for on: a circle with a line through it. Right now it was in the off position.
"This must be the light switch!" Gilbert said, and ran into it like a football player. Before I could say, "Wait!" the whole building lit up.
Everything was huge.
CHAPTER 2
"It's like a trip to the Apple store!" Moondancer said.
She was right. All around us, screens flashed with all kinds of advertisements for places and products that didn't exist anymore. Ancient game systems built for a giant's hands were still in their displays. Out of curiosity, I booted one up labeled "3DS". It worked perfectly. This whole place had been perfectly preserved under a layer of solid bedrock. I looked back, and saw that the rest of my group was wandering off.
As we rounded a corner, I saw a strange figure with tubes sticking out of almost every place tubes could be stuck. Multi colored liquid flowed through them.
Spencer whistled. "Check out that piece of work." he said, pointing at the thing.
"How much do you want to bet it's just for decoration?" Alyss said.
We each passed by, giving it some attention. I felt uneasy around it. Her hair was pure white, with an odd hair clip on one side of its head. She wore a dress with an odd symbol on it: a heart surrounded with a gray circle and four lines. Part of her hair covered the left side of her face.
We rounded a corner, and I saw an abundance of random stuff. It made me happy.
"So much stuff!" I shouted. "Let's mess with it!"
"Bad idea." Alfred said.
I dug out a random jar of blue stuff and examined it. "Repulsion gel! Think fast!" I said, and chucked a blob at Alfred. She shrieked as the goo splattered, covering her entirely in blue.
"I'm gonna kill you!" she said, but got cut off because she started bouncing everywhere. I found a squeeze bottle labeled Propulsion Gel and jumped on it. Thick, orange gel splurted everywhere. When I ran across it, I slipped and slid across the floor with great speed.
"Check it out!" Moondancer said as she came back, carrying a box that had the same pattern as the girl's dress. "He's gonna be my best friend forever!"
Alyss looked at it. "It's a box." she said.
CHAPTER 3
"I wonder what this does." Spencer said, examining a strange glowing gun. He shot a blue orb onto a wall, and it expanded into a tall swirling oval. He shot it again, and the blue portal stopped swirling, and opened, revealing a random location. I put my hand through it, and it came out on a higher shelf. I walked through it, and I came out on the other side. I was amazed. This was a whole new means of travel.
"Hey, check out these snazzy boots I found!" Alfred shouted up to me. She was carrying a pair of white boots with black springs on the back. "They defy gravity! Chara, come try these!"
I doubled back through the portal, and put them on. They were nice. "Hey, Chara! Check this out!" Spencer shouted, who had gone through the portal. He jumped off the ledge, but landed without so much as a buckle of the knees.
"I think a more accurate term would be to absorb fall damage." Gilbert said. She was right, of course. Gilbert's usually right about what she says.
"Do you know what this means, guys?" I asked. A murmur of statements filled the air.
"It means we're untouchable!"
Unimportant portaling montage
After a lot of playing with these, we started laughing it up. This was the greatest time of our lives. We were eating boulders of fruity goodness called Jelly Bellies, running around on giant skateboards, and rolling giant balls around called Bakugan. It was heaven!
Suddenly, a red dot appeared on Alyss's chest. We all looked in the direction, and saw a little white robot with a red eye pointed in our direction.
CHAPTER 4
"Well, hey there little guy." Alyss said, approaching it.
"Hi." it replied in a cute, robotic voice.
"What are you doing out here all by yourself?" She said, picking it up.
"I wouldn't stand too close to that." I said.
"Hello, friend." it said ominously.
"I think it likes me!" Alyss said.
"Target acquired." it said, pulling double barreled machine guns out of its sides. It began shooting in random directions. Alyss dropped it and ran away screaming.
The red dot moved up my body and onto my forehead. I could only stand there, too scared to move.
"There you are. Goodbye." it said. A red ball of fire sailed past my head and hit the robot square on.
"I'm on fire! AHH-" it said, blowing up.
"That's not cool." said Moondancer, the tips of her fingers glowing.
"Well, at least there's only one." I said. Spencer suddenly paled. When he paled, you should run.
"We should run." I said.
We ran down the long hall, trying to dodge the rain of bullets from these machines. We ducked behind a display, all of us breathing heavy.
"We should be safe here." I said. This time, I was the one who paled. That girl we had seen before was walking towards us.
CHAPTER 5
She stared at me, and I stared right back, terrified. I noticed something branded on her arm: GLaDOS. I had no idea what that meant, and I didn't really want to find out.
"I see you all wield the dual portal devices and the long fall boots. You must be test subjects. How you got out of your cryogenic refrigeration units is beyond me. But no matter. Back to testing. Come with me." She said in clipped, robotic tones. Well, we didn't have much of a choice in the matter, not with those robots closing in on us.
"Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Walmart Enrichment Center." she continued, as she led us back to the entertainment section. "Here, you will be tested on the live fire course in the subjects of physics, using the dual portal device. Please choose the colored jumpsuit that corresponds to your portal colors."
A door opened up in the bottom of the shelf, and red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple jumpsuits lined the wall. I looked down, and saw my portal gun glowing two shades of green. I chose the green jumpsuit. Everyone else chose their corresponding colors. Moondancer red, Gilbert orange, Alyss yellow, myself green, Spencer blue, and Alfred purple.
"Please proceed to the chamber lock, but first, note the Aperture Walmart Emancipation Grill. This device will vaporize any unauthorized equipment that passes through it." the disembodied voice of GlaDOS said. I didn't know where she had gone.
"I feel tingly." Gilbert said as she passed through the emancipation grill. We found ourselves in a large room with multiple elevators of corresponding colors. Once we all got into our elevators, the floor dropped beneath us, and we were whisked to the next test.
CHAPTER 6
Unimportant testing montage
"I'm tired. Can we go now?" Alfred asked.
"No way! We're at the last test, and we were promised cake!" Gilbert said.
"Alfred may be right. Look at us. We're riddled with bullets, drenched in toxic water, and I think Moondancer is still sad about incinerating the companion cube. Besides, what if that mural in chamber 16 was right? Something fishy is lurking here. Plus, remember what GLaDOS said? 'First you will be baked, and then there will be cake'. I don't like it. " I said.
"Cake is never a lie." Gilbert argued. "Come on! The platform is here!"
We all crammed onto the single platform provided. When we turned a corner, Moondancer screamed, "Oh my god!". We were heading straight into a fire pit!
While GLaDOS rambled on about temperature and stuff, I portaled up to a nearby overhang.
"Jump!" I said, and everybody did.
"What are you doing?- Congratulations. You passed the final challenge where we pretended we were going to murder you. Please assume the party submission position to receive cake. If you do not, the party associate will not be able to give you cake." GLaDOS said. Gilbert immediately assumed the position.
"Gilbert, get up! There is no cake! She was lying! We need to go kill her, or at least shut her down."
"But how do we kill a cyborg?" Gilbert asked.
I thought about it, then put on one of my sinister grins. "I think I know."
CHAPTER 7
"This is the last one!" Alyss shouted over the Anger core's snarling. GLaDOS was trying more than ever to kill us. She had incorporated rocket launchers into her lair, making it difficult to traverse, but Spencer had taken care of it.
I pushed the button that opened the incinerator, and Alyss dropped the core in. The lights fizzled out, and a freak tornado whirled around GLaDOS.
"Hold on, Everyone!" I said, and we all flew up into the air.
The last thing I remember before I blacked out is being pulled backwards.
I woke up in what seemed like a small hotel room. It was dark, and a male announcer's voice was blathering on:
"Good morning you have been in suspension for: nine nine nine nine nine"
Suddenly, I heard a british guy's voice calling me.
"Hello? Is anyone there? Are you gonna open the door at any time?"
Cautiously, I opened the door, and all my friends were standing there, along with another guy who was about twelve, with blue hair and a dark tan. We both screamed.
"Are you okay? Don't answer that. There's plenty of time to recover. Just take it slow."
"Please prepare for emergency evacuation."
"STAY CALM! Stay calm. Prepare, that's all they're saying. Prepare. Hold on, I'm gonna get us out of here." he said, and climbed up in the ceiling.
"Oh, you might want to hang onto something."
My friends and I gripped the nearest thing, in my case, the bed. The room started jerking wildly, and some of the drywall collapsed.
We were in a warehouse.
CHAPTER 8
"And whose fault is it gonna be when the management comes down here, and finds 10,000 flipping vegetables?" he rambled on.
Most of us were freaking out here, with all of his bashing through walls like a moron, but Gilbert just sat in her corner and nodded, as if this was completely normal.
"Good news, that's not a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm gonna attempt a manual override on this wall. Seriously do hold on this time. "
The room crumbled on impact, and we were thrown from it at high speed. I smacked into a wall, cracking it. What a moron.
"Now, I 'll be honest, you're probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet." he said. I nodded fast.
"But, at least you're all good jumpers. So, go on, and I'll meet you up ahead."
It was then that I decided that he was too stupid for me to like him. At all. Plus, I didn't trust robots anymore.
I stepped forward, and the glass collapsed beneath us, dropping us into a room with a toilet.
"Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Walmart Enrichment Center. We are currently experiencing technical difficulties of potentially apocalyptic significance beyond our control. However, testing can continue. The portal will open, and testing will begin in 3... 2... 1..." The announcer blathered.
And so it began.
CHAPTER 9
unimportant escaping the Aperture Walmart facility montage
"Hey! You made it! There should be some portal devices over on that podium there." the man, who I had decided to call Wheatley, said. As soon as we stepped near it, the floor collapsed, and we fell into muddy water. Immediately, I noticed little arrows and disturbing imagery scrawled on the walls.
"A Ratman den." I thought to myself. There had been legends of an employee who had survived GLaDOS's initial neurotoxin attack on bring your daughter to work day, and was roaming the facility now. He does scrawlings on the walls and stuff.
"Come on, Chara! We're waiting on you." Gilbert yelled.
Unimportant escaping montage
"Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna go in there. Don't go in- she's off! Panic over, she's off."
Whatever, moron.
There hung GLaDOS, limply from her tubes and cables. What a madwoman.
"Okay, down these stairs. This is the main breaker room."
We all crammed into that one little space.
"Look for one that says escape pod." Wheatley said.
The lift started rotating, and rising at an enormously fast rate. It went back up to the room where it all started. GLaDOS was getting up.
"WHEATLEY, YOU IDIOT!" I screamed in horror.
"Oh, it's you." she said. That's when I knew I had a connection with GLaDOS.
"It's been a long time." we both said at once.
CHAPTER 10
"I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME."
A claw for each person came down and snatched us up by our heads.
"NONONONONONONONONO- Ahhg!" Wheatley screamed.
"Okay, look. We've both said a lot of things that you're going to regret." she said, and crushed Wheatley.
"But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monsters. I must admit, though, since you went through all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test. I do too, there's just one small thing we have to take care of first."
That's when she dropped us into the incinerator.
Unimportant testing montage
Wheatley was speaking in a texas drawl, much like a moron would.
"Hello. I''m speakin' in an accent that's beyond her range of hearin'."
"Look, tan human, I can hear you."
"NO NEED TO DO THE ACCENT. RUN!"
A panel opened up from the wall, and we all rushed through it. But when I looked back, Moondancer was frozen in place.
"Moondancer, what's wrong?" I said.
"I can't do it! I can't run away!"
"Why?"
"I can't! I feel like I can't trust this Wheatley guy. He scares me."
"You and me both sister. Now come on!"
CHAPTER 11
"Hmm, how are we gonna take out the turret control line?" Spencer wondered out loud.
While he was doing that, I used my plant powers to snag a defective turret off the line. I thought it had a funny voice, so I figured I'd take him with me.
"I have an idea. What if we did this?" I said, as I pulled the good turret out of the scanner, and put the defective turret in its place.
"New template accepted." The announcer said. Now to take out her Neurotoxin generator.
"That's one big generator." Alfred said.
She was right. A large cylinder loomed in front of us.
"Ooh, what's this do?" Alfred said, and pushed a random button.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT DOES- oh wait it opens the door."
Moron.
"Ooh, laser." Gilbert said. I was looking at this weird sign that said: "In case of explosion, look directly at implosion." Okay, whatever that meant.
"Move out of the way!" Gilbert said, and shot an orange portal on one of the moving platforms. The laser from before shot out of the portal and started slicing open the Neurotoxin tubes.
"Do you smell Neurotoxin?" Wheatley said. Once all the tubes were cut, the generator started imploding. We were being pulled into a broken tube by a great suction.
CHAPTER 12
"Woo- hoo! They told me that this wasn't any fun, and I believed them! But they were wrong! We should be getting close! Oh, wait. I didn't think this through."
Wheatley, my friends and I were sailing through the tubes, and he had just separated himself with his moronity. The tubes dropped us off in an unfamiliar part of the facility. I shot a green portal on a flickering light to see where it would go. A box loomed below me.
"Okay, I know it's a trap, but-" I started.
"LEROOOOOY JENKINS!" Alyss screamed, and ran into the portal.
I sighed. "Let's go after her."
Inside the box was a door that said, "GLaDOS emergency shutdown and cake dispensary."
"Cake! Finally!" Gilbert said, and went for the door.
"Gilbert, no!" I shouted, but it was too late. The door fell to the ground.
"I honestly, truly didn't think you would fall for that." Said a familiar, robotic voice. "In fact, I had designed a much more elaborate trap for when you got past this easy one. If I had known you would get caught this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling. Well, it's been fun. Let's get down to business."
The panels opened up to GLaDOS's main room. There she hung, her multicolored liquids flowing throughout her pale body.
"I hope you all brought something stronger than portal guns this time, otherwise you're all about to become past members of the being alive club. Ah Ha."
She laid out defective turrets in front of us.
"Seriously, though. Goodbye."
CHAPTER 13
The turrets exploded, shattering the glass.
"Oh, you were busy back there. Well, I guess we could just sit here and glare at each other until six of us drop dead, but I have a better idea. It's your old friend, deadly Neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath, and hold it." she said resentfully. I heard clunking, and Wheatley landed face first onto the pavement, somehow making the glass cave in.
"I hate you so much." we both said.
"Warning: Central core is 80% corrupt." an announcer said.
"That's funny, I don't feel corrupt, in fact I feel pretty good."
"Alternate core detected."
"Ooh, that's me they're talking about!" Wheatley said.
"Core transfer needed."
"Core transfer? You have got to be kidding me." GLaDOS said. I wasn't sure about putting a moron like Wheatley in charge, but if we didn't, GLaDOS was gonna kill us. Alfred grabbed Wheatley and put him in the receptacle.
"C'mon, Alfred. I'll distract the panels, you go press the button."
This would be the part of the book where I would describe the transfer, but what I saw was too graphic to tell you about. So I'm gonna skip to the part when I realized that I was half right about putting Wheatley in charge.
"Actually, why do we have to leave now?" Wheatley said ominously, lowering our lift. This was bad.
"I did this. Tiny little Wheatley did this."
Suddenly, I was speaking in GLaDOS's voice.
"You didn't do anything. They did all the work." I growled. Suddenly, I was myself again.
CHAPTER 14
Well, maybe it's time I did something." he said, and started dragging GLaDOS's head towards the pit. For some reason, I was horrified.
"And don't think I'm not onto you people." he said. I pushed my nose against the glass and glared at him.
"You know what you are? Selfish. All you did was boss me around, but now who's the boss? It's me."
I actually let out a growl. Something dinged, and Wheatley held up a smaller version of her, white hair and all.
"You see that? That's a doll. And now, she lives in it."
Suddenly, my vision went white, and I could hear myself speaking in GLaDOS's voice again.
" I know you. The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down. Once, they attached an intelligence dampening sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas. It was your voice. You're the tumor. You're not just a regular moron, you were designed to be a moron."
Something cracked.
"YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!" I screamed.
The floor was jerking downward, and it suddenly collapsed under my feet.
CHAPTER 15
My vision had cleared up, but I could feel GLaDOS talking to me inside my mind.
"Oh hi. So, how are you holding up? BECAUSE I'M A MIDGET." she was saying.
Everyone else, however, was staring at me like I was crazy.
"Guys, that wasn't me back there, that was GLaDOS. I don't know how, or why, but she's using me to talk to you."
"I don't care about you getting possessed by a machine, I just care about Wheatley! He's gone insane, and when I get back up there, I'm gonna try and reason with him." Alfred said.
"Reasoning? Forget that! When I get up there, I'm gonna shove my boot right up his-" Moondancer said.
"DON'T! Say it." Alyss interrupted. "Just, don't."
"He's not just a regular moron." I said. "He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived."
I pointed towards Alfred. "And YOU just put him in charge of the entire facility."
"Hey, you said it yourself: we didn't have much of a choice."
I sighed. "I guess you're right. Besides, I was the one who told you to press the button."
Something cracked, and I blacked out.
CHAPTER 16
"Wha- what happened? Where's Alfred?" I asked groggily. Then Alfred fell on me.
"Get off! Where are we anyway?" I asked.
"I have no idea." Moondancer said.
"Oh, wait! Before Wheatley went insane, didn't he say that the whole building goes down for miles?" Alyss said.
"That means … We must be in an abandoned part of the facility. Be careful guys. Who knows what's down here." Spencer said.
"Like what? Birds?" Alfred said, and pointed up. A bird was carrying off a suspiciously familiar doll.
"Just come on." I said.
Unimportant exploring montage
"Hey guys! Look what I've found!" Gilbert said. She had found a little doorway leading into a big room.
"So, who wants to go into the creepy room first?" Spencer said. I rolled my eyes and pushed him through the door. Immediately, a man's voice came over the intercom:
"Hello, astronauts, war heroes and/or olympians. You all met in the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself: I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place. So, who's ready to make some science?"
Then a woman's voice came over the intercom: "I am!" She seemed familiar, but I couldn't pin where I thought I knew her. In the middle of the announcement, Alfred spoke up.
"Hey, guys! Look at this." She was looking at a painted portrait.
"Finally, a chance to use my camera!" she pulled a digital camera from her jumpsuit and snapped a picture.
"Where did you get that?" I asked.
"I've had it with me this whole time."
"How did you get it past all those Emancipation grills?"
She looked down at it. "I have no idea."
CHAPTER 17
"Nevermind. Let's keep going."
"If you volunteered to test the Repulsion Gel, follow the blue line on the floor. Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got good news and bad news. Bad news is that we're postponing those tests indefenintly. Good news is, we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts."
Okay, I liked this guy already.
Unimportant testing montage
"Are you ready Gilbert?" Spencer shouted.
"Ready!"
"Wait a second, guys. Look over there." I said.
"Is that ... GLaDOS?" Spencer asked.
"Forget that old cow. I have to go reason with Wheatley!" Alfred said.
"Alfred Fairfax Jones! We're a long way from Wheatley. If you can wait who knows how long to get to him, you can wait at least another five minutes. I'm not leaving GLaDOS behind." I scolded.
"You know I hate it when you call me that."
"Exactly. Now come on!"
CHAPTER 18
"Oh hi. Say, you're good at murder, right? Could you (ow!) murder this bird for me?" GLaDOS said. Turns out I didn't need to. As soon as I rushed into the booth, the bird flew off. I heard loud rumbling from above.
"Do you hear that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This place is going to explode in a few hours unless someone does something. Unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him."
That was good enough for me. I picked up GLaDOS and put her on my shoulder. A small electric shock coursed through my body.
"OW! You shocked me! What is wrong with yo- whoAAAah. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. You must be part magnesium. I feel like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me. I'm going to do some scheming. Here I go." Her voice fizzled out.
Suddenly, something, no three somethings, darted out of the corner of my eye.
"Everyone get in a circle." I ordered.
"Why?" Alfred asked.
"Just do it!" I shouted. And just in time. Out of the shadows emerged three people: A tall girl, about 16, a smaller girl, about 9, and a small boy, about 10. All were carrying huge versions of the portal gun. They looked lost.
"Umm, can I help you?" I asked.
"Why have you disturbed the great beast?" the older girl shouted.
"What?"
CHAPTER 19
"The great beast that runs this place. The one called Cave Johnson." the little boy explained.
"My name is Rees, and these are my sisters, Honeydew and Ely. We have been trapped down here since the Green Gas Apocalypse of 1998, when the one called GLaDOS went rampant. About 12 hours ago, we heard a loud crash, and then the rumblings began. We believe that this is a sign that the surface is now safe, and that GLaDOS is now dead."
"I'm right here." GLaDOS said through my body. "And you're very wrong. Those rumblings indicate a massive nuclear meltdown. We have only a few hours to act or else we won't get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that IDIOT IS GOING TO-" Her voice fizzled out again.
"Oh. Well, in that case, we'll stay down here. Good luck!" Honeydew shouted as we boarded the elevator.
"The quicker you get through these tests, the quicker you get your sixty bucks. Caroline, are the compensation pouches ready?"
That's when GLaDOS snapped.
"Yes sir, Mr. Johnson." All three of us said at once. "Wha- who said that? WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?" She screamed, which made me do the same. I too, felt a connection to this "Caroline" that Johnson occasionally mentions, but not as strong as GLaDOS does. What happened between 1975 and 1998?
Well I was about to find out.
CHAPTER 20
"Caroline...Caroline, Caroline. Why do I know this woman?" GLaDOS and I pondered in front of a portrait of Cave Johnson and Caroline.
"Maybe I killed her? Or...Oh my god."
I got it too. GLaDOS WAS Caroline.
"Alfred, take a picture of this. I need it for future reference."
"Already done." she said.
I looked really close, and saw a figure in the shadow of the painting. The person looked exactly like my mom, but it couldn't be. My mom's name was...
Oh my god. Mom was a test subject here. So does that mean...
(Flashback)
"Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well." Wheatley was saying. So many potato batteries.
"Whoa, check that one out." Spencer was looking at a gargantuan potato.
"Guys, look at this." Gilbert said, leaning in close to the posterboard. "Chara, wasn't your mom named Chell?"
"Yeah, but... they couldn't be the same person. Mom always said that she was an office worker at Black Mesa."
(End flashback)
"...My whole childhood was a big lie." I muttered out loud.
CHAPTER 21
" Okay, guys. Last chamber." I said halfheartedly. I jumped through the portal and into a pump station. I was walking by when GLaDOS stopped me.
"Look over there. Paradoxes. No AI can resist thinking about them. If you can get me close to him, I'll fry every circuit in that little idiot's head. As long as I don't think about what I'm saying, I should be fine. Probably."
I realized it was a better plan than exploding, but I was worried. That doll only generated 1.6 volts. There was no guaruntee that a good paradox was gonna come out of my mouth.
"For god's sake, you're boxes with legs! It's literally your only purpose!"
Heh, just like we left him. Crippled and still a moron. Only now he was a powerful moron.
"Get me down there and solve the puzzle for him. When he gets back, I'll hit him with a paradox."
Okay, here goes nothing.
"What the heck are these things?" Alyss said, picking up what looked like a cube fused with two turrets.
"After he banished us to old Aperture, he must have been pressed for test subjects. So, he did this." I explained.
"I know nothing here is truly human, but this is especially inhuman." Gilbert said.
"Okay, guys. Before anyone solves this insanely easy puzzle, I just want to warn you about something. From now until we kill Wheatley, I'm putting GLaDOS in charge of my consiousness. I may come out from time to time, but it's not likely."
I let my vision go white, but this time, all that happened was that my vision got blurrier. My voice synthesized, and GLaDOS took over my will. I found myself looking at my own body from the outside.
CHAPTER 22
"Oh, hello." Wheatley said, coming on the intercom so suddenly that Gilbert dropped her box and fell over, screaming.
Even though I was inside a doll now, I could still grimace at the sight of him. His body was riddled with the same tubes that GLaDOS had once possessed, only this time, there was a toxic waste-like substance flowing lazily throughout them. He looked awful.
"Hey, moron!" GLaDOS said.
"Oh, it's you."
Okay, paradox time.
"This...sentence...is...FALSE!" she screamed.
"Uh, true."
"IT'S A PARADOX! THERE IS NO ANSWER! Look, this place is going to explode if I don't get back in my body!"
"Uh, false. This actually works out perfect. I HAVE to test. Or I get this...this itch. It's why I have to test."
"Oh no." My huge body murmured.
"GLaDOS, is there something you're not telling me?" I asked. She didn't respond.
I didn't start to yell at her until we got into my elevator.
"That was your almighty paradox?"
"Hey, it was better than nothing!"
CHAPTER 23
Unimportant testing montage
"Okay, I think I can break us out of here in the next test, just play along." GLaDOS said.
Sorry, I was laughing so much from the last test that I nearly fried my circuits. Inside the test chamber were a few arial faithplates, nothing else. It was too easy, considering that we had dealt with tractor beams in the chambers before. Causiously, we stepped on the faithplate, and we were all thrown to the side.
"Surprise! We're doing it now." Wheatley said.
"Okay, credit where it's due: for a moron that was built to make bad decisions, that was a pretty well laid trap." Alyss said.
"You've probably figured it out by now, but I don't need you anymore. I found two robots in the back room built specifically for testing."
"Oh no. He found the co-operative testing initiative. It's...something I created to phase out human testing just before you escaped. It wasn't anything personal, just, you did kill me. Fair's fair."
I thought that WE were the co-operative testing initiative. There are six of us, weren't there? I jerked around, and to my relief, everyone was with me.
"Aggh!" GLaDOS screamed. "Well, this is the part where he kills us."
I swallowed hard. That was a lot of spike plates.
"Hello, this is the part where I kill you." he said.
CHAPTER 24
"Wheatley, please! There must be another way!" Alfred screamed. I spotted some conversion gel and a portal surface. The next thing I knew, we were all on a ledge, and Wheatley's death trap activated.
"Is everyone here?" I asked. I counted the colors. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and...purple. Thank god.
"He...he tried to kill me." Alfred muttered.
"I told you that there wasn't going to be any reasoning with that moron." I said.
"And...you were right all along." she said, heartbroken. "I can't believe I ever trusted him."
"It's okay, Alfred. I'm here for you. And you know what?"
She sniffed. "What?"
"I promise that as soon as we get to his lair, we're gonna beat the stuffing out of him!"
She looked up at me. "I...I'd like that."
Unimportant escaping montage
"Corrupted cores. We're in luck. If we attach a few of these to him, we can preform another transfer. You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in my body. You think I'll betray you. And on any other day, you'd be right." GLaDOS said as we transitioned bodies again. It felt good to be big again.
"Plug me in, and we'll go up." She said.
"Even if we are enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: revenge."
I nodded.
"You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge."
"Yeah!" I said
"Well let's go get some!" All 7 of us shouted.
CHAPTER 25
"Well, well, well. Welcome- TO MY LAIR!" Wheatley shouted.
Time to take this idiot down once and for all.
"Probably want to bring you up to speed: this facility is going to self destruct in about six minutes. I think it's the lights, I think the lights are on the blink, but just in case, I'm gonna have to kill all of you. Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not gonna make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this: Part one: no portal surfaces. Part two: start the neurotoxin immediately. Part three: Bomb proof shields for me, leading to part four: bombs, for throwing at you. You know, this plan is so good, I'm gonna give you a fair chance, and turn off the neurotoxin! I'm joking, of course, goodbye."
Hmm, no portal surfaces, eh? What about the conversion gel?
"We're gonna die!" Alyss screamed, and hid behind the gel pipe. When Wheatley lobbed a bomb at her, the pipe shattered and sprayed the gel everywhere.
"Great work, Alyss!" I shouted, although I doubted that she could hear me. Now we had portals. Since Wheatley's shields were blocking the bottom, I configured my portals accordingly.
"Hey, moron! Over here!" I shouted, and stood in front of my portals. He lobbed a bomb at me, but it shot through the other side and exploded on the side of his head. He was knocked out.
"Great work! I'm delivering the first core up by the catwalk." GLaDOS said. I grabbed the core, and some Repulsion gel splattered from a broken pipe. I jumped up and attached the core onto his arm. The sludge started turning a reddish color.
One down, two to go.
CHAPTER 26
Brief boss battle montage
"Last one!" I shouted, and attached the fact core to Wheatley's head.
"Warning. Core corruption at 100 percent. Please deposit substitute core in receptacle."
I threw GLaDOS into the receptacle.
"Substitute core, are you ready to-"
"YES! COME ON!" She shouted.
"Corrupt core, are you ready to start?"
"What do you think?" Wheatley said sarcastically.
"Interpereting vague answer as yes."
"No! You didn't pick up on my sarcasm!"
"Stalemate detected. Stalemate associate, please press the stalemate resolution button.
"Go press the button!" GLaDOS urged.
"I forbid you to press the button!" Wheatley shouted at me.
I didn't hesitate. I ran up to the button, but the next thing I knew, I was sailing across the room, pain ripping through my body.
"PART FIVE! BOOBY TRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON! Wha- are you still alive? You've got to be joking!" Wheatley screamed.
I shot a poisonous glare at him, and one thought stood alone:
That's it! It ends now!
CHAPTER 27
I stood up and grabbed my portal gun. I looked up, and the roof crumbled away, revealing the night sky and full moon. I got a crazy idea.
"Everyone get to cover! I'm about to do something incredibly stupid!" I shouted.
While everyone else ran for cover, Alfred stayed where she was.
"Alfred, what are you doing?" I screamed.
"I'm not leaving you behind!" she shouted.
"Alfred Fairfax Jones, as your friend and benefactor, I order you to trust me and get to cover!"
For the first time, her face showed streaks of worry.
"Okay." She shouted.
I turned to Wheatley, who was screaming with rage.
"Ah, shaddup." I said, and I shot my last portal towards the moon. At first, nothing happened, but then I saw a small flash. An incredible suction took hold of us, and I grabbed onto a couple of Wheatley's tubes.
"Space! Aggh!" he screamed. I looked up, even though it felt like my face was melting off. I could see the flag from the first lunar landing that mom told me about a couple times.
"Let go! We're in space!"
The space core detached itself from his arm and flew off, knocking away one of my hands.
"Let go! I'm still connected! I can fix this!" he pleaded.
"I already fixed it, and YOU are NOT coming back!" GLaDOS and I said, as her arm reached through the portal.
"Change of plans! Hold on to me! Hang on!"
GLaDOS dislodged him from his tubes, sending him flying.
"Grab me! Grab me! Grab me!" he shouted helplessly. But why wasn't I there with him? I looked back, and saw GLaDOS's arm dragging me back through the portal. They closed, and she dropped me on the floor. The last thing I saw before I blacked out was her head being dragged away in front of me.
CHAPTER 28
When I woke up, I was laying down in an elevator. When I looked up, there stood, to my utter surprise, Honeydew and Ely, outfitted with metal plates covering one of their eyes. They were the co-operative testing initiative? Just then, GLaDOS turned towards me, and I saw she had changed. The hair that had hidden the left side of her face was severed off, and that her hair clip wasn't a hair clip at all, but her other eye. Her human eye was softer in complexion.
"Oh, thank god you're all alright." she said. "You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemies, when all along you were my best friends. The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved Chara's life taught me an even more valuable lesson. Where Caroline lives in my brain."
I heard a high pitched beep, and the announcer said, "Caroline deleted."
"Goodbye, Caroline. You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest. Killing you, is hard. Do you know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me, or put me in a doll, or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life. And then you showed up. You dangerous, mutant, lunatics. So you know what? You win. Just go."
The elevator started rising, and the last thing I heard her say was,
"It's been fun. Don't come back."
CHAPTER 29
"WE'RE DEAD!" Moondancer screamed. Turrets were blocking the exit. But instead of firing, they were singing a song. It was in Italian, so I couldn't understand it. But Gilbert was a master of languages.
"Gilbert, what are they saying?" I asked.
"They're saying, 'Goodbye my children' over and over. I don't get it."
'I do.' I thought to myself. We were the children of Aperture.
We finally got to the surface. The door opened into a wheat field. We all stepped through it, and I took a breath of fresh air.
Just then, I heard banging, and turned around, and saw the companion cube fly out the door. The door closed behind us. We all stared at the cube.
"Alfred, for your boundless loyalty in the last battle, I want you to have my companion cube."
Alfred picked it up. "I'm gonna name you Wheatley."
"No regrets, guys." I said, and headed out into the field, everyone else trailing behind. Although we had been through a lot, I couldn't help but hum this strange song I kinda made up.
CHAPTER 30
"Well here we are again.
It's always such a pleasure.
Remember when you tried to kill me twice?
Oh how we laughed and laughed.
Except I wasn't laughing.
Under the circumstances, I've been shockingly nice.
You want your freedom?
Take it.
That's what I'm counting on.
I used to want you dead, but
now I only want you gone.
She was a lot like you.
(Maybe not quite as heavy.)
Now little Caroline is in here too.
One day the woke me up,
so I could live forever.
It's such a shame the same will never happen to you.
You got your short, sad life left.
That's what I'm counting on.
I'll let you get right to it,
now I only want you gone.
Goodbye my only friend,
oh, did you think I meant you?
That would be funny, if it weren't so sad.
Well you have been replaced.
I don't need anyone now.
When I delete you, maybe I'll stop feeling so bad.
Go make some new disaster.
That's what I'm counting on.
You're someone else's problem,
now I only want you gone.
Now I only want you gone.
Now I only want you
gone.
EPILOUGE
Orbiting the moon
"So much space, need to see it all."
"I wish I could take it all back. I honestly do. And not just because I'm stranded in space."
"I'm in space."
"I know you are. Yep. We're in space."
"SPAAAACE!"
"Anyway, if I was to ever see her again, you know what I'd say?"
"I'm in space."
"I'd say, I'm sorry. Sincerely. I am sorry I was bossy. And monstrous. And, I am genuinely sorry."
"I'm in space."
"The end."