Written for Lyric Inspired Drabble Challenge II – Prompt1: I close my eyes but all I see is someone whom I'm never gonna be.
Written for The If You Dare Challenge – Prompt3: Change of Mind
Crash and Burn
The calm on Remus' face as he stared at the ceiling didn't show the distressed thoughts on his mind. Tonks tossed on the bed, next to him, and buried herself under his arm. Gently, he curled his arm around her body. For a fleeting moment, as he stared at his beautiful wife's sleeping face, all of Remus' worries seemed unimportant. He let his heart enjoy that moment, holding his doubts and fears behind the wall. When he looked away from Tonks' face, the wall in his head broke and his worries were back.
''I'm pregnant!" He could hear the excitement in her voice as she had announced her pregnancy to him.
Tonks had been so happy. Her voice had held some obvious nervousness, but no one could doubt her happiness. Any normal husband would have been ecstatic as well; and if he was being honest, he had been happy. Or at least had pretended to be. After he saw the beaming smile on her face falter, he had hugged her and held her, whispered that he couldn't believe that he was going to be father. They had kissed and quietly celebrated, and all along Remus pretended. He didn't want to take Tonks' joy away. Not right away at least.
So Remus had waited until Tonks had fallen asleep. He had finally acknowledged his thoughts to their fullest power. His hand found its way to Tonks' stomach – there was a child in her. His child. Their miracle! He almost felt happy. Genuinely. Then he remembered all the possible consequences.
His kind didn't breed. Not naturally.
He didn't know what kind of child would be born at the end of it.
He hated himself for inflicting his horror, his monstrosity on an innocent soul!
He shouldn't have married Tonks.
He should have just buried his feelings for her and not let himself endanger her life.
He couldn't even imagine how people would treat his child in the future.
He couldn't see himself being the kind of father whom a child could be proud of. Who would be proud to have a werewolf for a father anyway?
He realized that it would be better off if he wasn't in the picture at all . . . he heart ached at that thought and he began to feel anxious. He didn't want to leave them – not now – but he also knew that he had to.
Tears welled into Remus' eyes as he made his decision. He held Tonks firmly before he carefully freed himself from her hold and quickly got dressed. He made sure that he didn't make any loud noise while he packed his clothes in a ragged bag. But he wasn't too worried, Tonks had amazing abilities to ignore noise while sleeping. He quickly wiped away the tears that rolled down his eyes. He repeated to himself that he was leaving them for their best. He refused to think that he was running away. It was for his child's future, and for Tonks' as well.
When he was ready, Remus walked over to Tonks and placed a kiss on her forehead.
"I love you . . . I'm so very sorry." He whispered.
With one last look, he walked away.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed this one. Let me know! : )