Author's Note: This story is based off the episode of Buffy called 'Hush'. I probably should not of attempted a story with no spoken dialogue as my first story, but oh well, I gave it a shot. This story mainly focuses on the interaction between Quinn and Rachel, not the actual monsters that caused the silence, like they did in Buffy. I don't have a beta for this, so sorry for the mistakes :) One more part to go after this.
Also, I wrote this after the prom and funeral episode where Quinn and Finn have just broken up and Rachel and Finn weren't together yet.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. Ryan (Mr Continuity) Murphy and Co. do. I also do not own Buffy or the episode 'Hush'. How I wish I did, though.
Can't even shout, can't even cry
The gentlemen are coming by.
Looking in windows, knocking on doors
They need to take seven, and they might take yours.
Can't call to mum, can't say a word
You're gonna die screaming, but you won't be heard.
Rachel
Many would think that the probability of an utterly silent Rachel Berry, although welcomed, would be quite impossible, after all the girls chatter never ceased. Yet here she was, mid step, mouth ajar, melody dying in her throat and leaving her lips in a strangled breathe. Getting ready to hear her rendition of the infamous 'Wind beneath my wings' come from her mouth, Rachel was shocked when instead no sound came out. Panicking, she lifted her hand to her throat. That's odd, she thought. Her throat certainly didn't feel sore, and when she had laryngitis last year she could at least choke out a pitchy, butchered, or quite possibly improved version of the original, depending on whom you ask, of 'The Climb.' Concluding her voice just wasn't warmed up enough, she hesitantly opened her mouth and tried to speak once more. Slowly and deliberately she attempted to enunciate the sound, her tongue forming around the word Barbra, but nothing came out, not even the caress of a whisper. Eyes widening, she was in full on panic mode now. The only thoughts flashing in her mind and effectively increasing her impending doom were, I'm nothing without my voice; my life is over.
Forever the problem solver, she stood up straight, mentally berating herself for thinking such negative things. You're Rachel Berry, you can fix this. Retracing the events leading up to this unfortunate situation seemed like the best thing she could do, she reasoned, after all something she may have done previously could be the cause.
Yesterday was nothing out of the ordinary, she attended her volunteer shift at the Lima Heights old folks home, being scolded particularly harsh that morning for yelling at an elderly woman who was singing off key. In her defense, the elderly woman was really bad; singing flat and pitchy, and if there's anything Rachel Berry dislikes, it's off key singing. Granted, the woman was 93 and partially deaf, but still she sounded like a strangled ca- Let it go, Rachel. Anyway, then she went to her three o'clock dance lesson, which might she add, was quite unproductive. Her regular teacher called in sick, leaving her with some man with a fake French accent and a wispy moustache that looked like cat whiskers. His expertise was also phony, Rachel suspected, as he instructed her to 'dance freestyle' for the entire lesson while he texted on his blackberry, needless to say she was not happy. Making her way home, she was quite dejected with the unproductivity of her day thus far, but her mood lifted when she remembered it was game night at the Berry residence.
Rachel loved game night, as did her fathers. Yes, she admits that sometimes she may get a bit too competitive and chuck the monopoly board when she's losing, but who doesn't, right? Right? Anyway, the night went off without a hitch, with Rachel only having a minor tantrum after one of her dad's bought Mayfair and Park lane before her. Bidding farewell to her fathers, she went to the bathroom to perform her nightly rituals, got changed and slid into bed. The same familiar face plaguing her thoughts as her tired eyes succumbed to sleep.
This ofcourse brings us to now, with Rachel standing in the middle of her room, dressed in yoga pants and a singlet top, her strenuous elliptical workout all but forgotten.
Racking her brains, Rachel couldn't for the life of her find anything out of the ordinary in the last 24hrs that could explain…whatever the hell was happening. She needed to talk to someone, okay, maybe not talk as such, but communicate with another to figure out her sudden muteness. Her dads, however, are currently at work. Being a highly accredited heart surgeon, and deputy chief of police seem to require them to be at work at 6:15 in the morning. Drat. She would call, but once again, given her predicament, that would be a little pointless.
Evidently, she needed some form of help, from either family or not. Communication was going to be a problem though. Searching around the room for some paper and a pen, the mini whiteboard she kept on the wall by her bed caught her eye. Perfect, she snatched it up and grabbed a marker from her bedside table. Good to go, she tore out of her room and down the stairs. Grabbing her keys on the way from the key bowl, she locked the door and headed to her car.
Only after pulling out of her driveway and continuing down the road did she realize that she had no idea where to go. She could go to the hospital, that being the most reasonable option. Her dad could have the best people available working on her, and she'd be fixed in no time. Hopefully she could be singing again by the end of the day, she had a few propositions she needed to work on to present to Mr Shue for Nationals. All solos for herself of course, seeing as she does have the best voi-.
A man jumping out in front of her car interrupted her from her musings, and effectively brought her car to a screeching halt. Shit. Taking a deep breath she surveyed in front of her car to see if the faceless man had been hit. Thankfully she couldn't see any lifeless bodies lying around nor did she feel any impact of a possible fatality. Heaving a sigh of relief, she mentally cursed the thoughtless, not to mention rude, individual that decided to play hit me not with oncoming traffic. Looking around, she surveyed her whereabouts, becoming aware that she had driven to the main drag of Lima. What she saw made her gasp.
It looked as if a mini tornado had hit, leaving mess and confusion in its wake. The once clean street was now in a damaged state, with newspapers and rubbish strewn about everywhere, side carts upturned, shop windows smashed and even a car had run into a now overflowing fire hydrant. That was shocking in itself, but what made Rachel's jaw drop is what the people of Lima were doing. The few that were inhibiting the street were all distraught in some way, ranging from individuals blatantly weeping in public, some wandering around with vacant expressions to others engaging in physical violence with one another, it was all around chaos. Driving carefully down the disaster that now was the main street, Rachel spotted a few people standing in row formation in what looked to be a makeshift bible reading. They seemed to be in silent prayer, the words "Revelations 15:1" written on a chalkboard next to the minister.
She stopped her car, not bothering to park, and jumped out. Running up to the first person she saw, it was a woman, and one of the many aimlessly wandering, she tapped on her shoulder to gain her attention. The woman turned to her, tears streaking down her face, confusion painting her features. Hastily, Rachel picked up her whiteboard from around her neck and scribbled two words on it.
What's wrong?
The woman looked torn for a moment, then something that resembled hope flashed across her face. She opened her mouth with newfound confidence as if she was going to explain something, but nothing came out. Only a defeated little breathe, disappointment colouring her eyes. Then it clicked, it wasn't just Rachel that couldn't speak, it was everyone. Judging by this woman and the misplaced utter silence that engulfed the war zone around them, the muteness had extended to everyone. What the hell was going on?
Running back to the safety of her car, she quickly drove away from the scene, making sure to dodge the remnants scattered on the road. Absolute bafflement would probably describe the state Rachel Berry was in at this moment. Never had she been so unsure in her life. Numerous possible theories as to why or how this happened racing through her panicked head, all potential conclusions fizzling out with the impossibility of the situation. The whole town might be have been exposed to some sort viral infection of some sort, this was the main theory she speculated. But the whole town coming down with whatever this 'thing' was a bit farfetched though. Running a hand through her hair, Rachel abandoned her attempt at making sense of the situation. Even her highly tuned 6th sense is unable to figure it out.
She needed to get to her fathers, to see if they were at least okay. Maybe their presence could lessen the nauseating dread that had blanketed her mind. They had always been able to do that, make her feel as if she had nothing to be afraid of. She had always wondered how they were able to do such a thing, calm her with just their comforting presence, seemingly have the answers to everything; it must come with the role of being a parent. Today though, she had a feeling their comfort would be futile. After all, this wasn't reassuring words when she'd been afraid of the dark or a warm hug when she'd broken up with Finn. This was the unknown, and her fathers were probably just as afraid as her.
Resorting back to her original destination of choice, Rachel arrived at the hospital in mere minutes. What she saw there, once again, left her shell-shocked. It appeared as if the whole town of Lima had taken up refuge in front of the Emergency Dept. Thousands of people were surrounding the premises, the majority of them were pushing and shoving, trying to make their way into the hospital. The police were apart of this mob also; they were surrounding the crown and attempting to maintain order, but failing despite their efforts. Two birds with the one stone. Rachel knew both her dads would be here, but getting to them would be an issue, if she could at all. Her daddy was most likely seeing multiple patients trying to solve the town's sudden muteness and her dad would be sending orders on how to calm the rowdy crowd. Deciding they probably had enough to deal with, she started her car and took off, taking to the road without purpose.
After driving without cause for half an hour, Rachel gave up and pulled into the car park of William Mckinley High, not realizing she'd been circling the school for the last fifteen minutes. School was actually scheduled today; after all it was a Monday. But she highly doubted anyone would actually attend given the state of the town. Rachel contemplated sitting in her car until this whole nightmare was over, but she quickly discarded that option, got out of her car and headed over to main entrance of the school.
Hiding out in her safe place, the auditorium, sounds like a good plan, better than facing the reality that the town was in chaos and everyone in it was unable to utter a word, anyway. Pushing the double glass doors open, her suspicions were immediately proved to be correct. The school was deserted, not a soul in sight. It was almost strange being here, the unfamiliar quietness at this time was slightly unnerving, she was so used to the chatter and laughter that brought the halls to life on a regular day.
Stopping by her locker, she grabbed a few books she'd been reading and the packet of vegan chocolate chip cookies she kept in her locker to nibble on when she practiced after school in the choir room. If she was going to be staying at school for a while, at least she'd be entertained, and any sugar cravings she had would be satisfied.
Trudging off to the auditorium, she rounded the corner and was met with a wall. At least, her initial assumption was that it was a wall, until said wall let out a sharp intake of breath and fell backwards. The force of the collision made Rachel reel back also, dropping the items she held in the meantime, resulting in her landing square on her ass. Huffing, she proceeded to rub her now sore backside, looking up to gage what had stopped her in her tracked. Sitting across from her, hazel eyes marred with annoyance, was none other than Quinn Fabray.
Quinn
Waking up that morning was no different than any other day, for Quinn at least. The shrill shriek of her alarm clock cut through the air, breaking the dead silence in her room and propelled her out of the pleasant dream she was having. Okay, she could think of more fitting words other than pleasant to describe her 'dream'. After all, she was in it, and that meant it more so classified as a fantasy than dream. That wasn't an uncommon factor though, considering she inhibited her dreams more often then not. Each time her (not so) unwarranted presence invaded her dreams; Quinn woke up feeling the same way. Sweating and over stimulated, every damn time.
Quinn knew it was wrong, the dreams she was having, and more so the feelings they elicited in her. She wasn't supposed to feel this way, not for a girl, not for her. So she did what she did best, repress. By now, Quinn Fabray had become a master at just that. It had become almost too easy, going about her day-to-day life and pretending that the crippling and very real fears that clawed at her façade were merely just fleeting thoughts. Her true emotions had been swallowed, replaced by an act that could rival the best of show faces, portraying a character that reeked of perfection.
She'd been doing that pretty much for the last two years, taking her feelings and hiding them from the world. If she hid her fears from others, not making them known, that meant they weren't real, right? Except as much as much as she'd like to feign naivety and believe that, she wasn't stupid. She could fool the people around her, but she couldn't fool herself. As much as she tried to run from her own feelings, her own desires, she couldn't. The rampant thoughts still spun in her head like a record player stuck on repeat.
Beth was her prime example of that. She hadn't so much as uttered her name since she was ripped from her embrace after her birth, yet the little girl never left her mind, no matter how hard she tried to make it go away. It wasn't that she wanted to rid herself of association from her little girl, not at all. It's just that each thought of her ripped at the gaping hole that resided in her chest, taking up space as soon as Beth left her life. She knew she'd done the right thing giving her up, she knew that she herself couldn't give Beth the life she deserved. That fact didn't make it hurt any less though, in actuality, it further solidified the obvious truth that she was inadequate. But it only made sense that she pleaded ignorant of Beth, for fear that if she voiced her sadness; it would make all of last year real. She also knew that if she spoke about it, spoke about the ache that giving up her daughter had left her, people would surely brand her selfish. Purely because how dare she have the right to want her daughter back for reasons driven by selfish intent, when the life she was receiving was far better than what Quinn could have given her. So it made more sense just to ignore everything, nobody asks questions, and they assume she's just fine, which suits Quinn perfectly.
With Quinn's latest development however, those dreams, it differed quite greatly from Beth. She couldn't address the meaning behind them, once again if she did, it would become all too real, the possibility that she were not so straight was something she couldn't face. It wasn't that easy to ignore though; the dreams of her were getting increasingly prevalent. Quinn sometimes had trouble distinguishing reality, as the dreams she partook in seemed too real.
This was something she didn't want to address though, Beth, although a touchy subject was still something she occasionally let herself think about, this was definitely not. The thought of what her mind was unconsciously projecting through the form of a dream was something she couldn't bring herself to face. She wasn't, she couldn't be gay. She was Quinn Fabray, she was a Christian, she was straight. At least, that was what her repressed mind tried to tell her. Funny, she knew that couldn't be exactly true if she'd had countless less-than-innocent dreams about a girl she was supposed to hate.
Tired of the internal debate that always followed her dreams, she sighed and forced herself to sit up in bed. The overwhelming urge to bury herself under the covers and live in dreamland became increasingly stronger each day. It would be better than facing real life, but she knew better. She knew she had to go to school, she knew she had to have an education to get out of here. When it was finally time to leave this shithole, she would never look back. She'd move far away from the memories that left a bitter shade on her existence. Until then, she'd just have to endure it. Slap on her fake smile and go about her business like she was actually okay. It's funny though, she'd been pretending for so long she wasn't even sure if there was anyone under the mask she'd built.
She wasn't who she once was, that's for sure, the majority of the old Quinn had been lost when she willingly gave up her daughter. She's not sure why she bothers with putting on a front though, it's not like anyone cares. Her inevitable breakdown is always millimeters from the surface, threatening to spill over at any given time, but no one can see the warning signs. Even if they bothered to look at her longer than a few seconds, and saw that she was breaking, no, broken, they wouldn't care anyway, after all she's just 'heartless bitch that cares only about herself'. She doesn't deserve their empathy, anyhow, she convinces herself.
Exiting her warm bed, she made her way into her bathroom, undressed and slipped into the shower. She let out a hiss as the hot water hit her back, her body's overworked muscles protesting as she stretched for her shampoo bottle. Quinn was somewhat thankful she wasn't on the Cheerio's anymore; she sure as hell didn't miss the 5am training sessions. But that didn't mean she stopped training altogether, she just didn't do it at Sue Sylvester's barbaric times. She'd lost track of how long she ran for yesterday night, getting home from school she changed and set off, only to arrive home after eight. She was sore this morning, but it was a good distraction. It placated the taunting thoughts that stripped at her sanity.
Turning off the shower, she stepped out and got dressed. She blow waved her hair, grabbed her bag and headed downstairs. It was quite, extremely so. This was nothing new, however. Ever since her parents had split, her mom needed to take extra shifts at the supermarket just to afford daily living costs. When her dad left, he took a lot of things with him, including his money. Things with her mom had never been better though, even though they weren't well off, their relationship wasn't as strained as it once was. After letting Quinn come back home, Judy Fabray had apologized profusely and ever since had been nothing but supportive. As thankful as Quinn is for this, she knows if her mother knew the real her, she'd have thirty minutes to pack, just like last time.
Grabbing an apple off of the counter, Quinn grabbed her keys and headed out the door. As she started her car, she switched on her cd player, music instantly filling the small space. The drive to school was relatively uneventful, except for the lack of traffic, it was odd actually, and the roads were unnaturally quiet. It was now 7:30am; the streets should be busy with people on their way to school or work, but there was no traffic, none at all. Quinn also found it strange when she pulled into Mckinley High; she found it to be deserted. There wasn't a single car in the car park, and she couldn't spot any students entering the school. Confused, she checked the date on her phone. It was a Monday, so that meant school was definitely in session today.
Jumping out of her car, she headed towards the school to investigate. The doors weren't locked, so that must mean school was still on. But where was everyone? The hallways were deserted, no students in sight. Granted, she was a little early. But there were usually quite a few students here on any other day. Shouldering her bag, she jogged past her locker, around the corner and towards the gym. It was empty as well, she found. Great, someone could of have at least notified her there was no school today. Or maybe the teachers did tell her and she just wasn't listening, it wouldn't be the first time she zoned out while her teachers were speaking. Heaving a sigh, she exited the gym and walked back towards her locker. She needed to grab a few textbooks anyway, so she might as well get them before she heads home, she decided.
Rounding the corner however, she collided with a small barrier, making her lose her balance and fall backwards. Sharp pains flashed in her already tender thigh muscles, but she was distracted from them momentarily as she noticed said barrier had shoes on. She's not the only one here anymore, so school must be on, Quinn realized. The look of relief that briefly crossed her features was quickly replaced by annoyance as she recognized whom she ran into. It was none other than Rachel Berry.
The two were no longer enemies, as such, after the whole slap debacle, but Quinn still felt mixed feelings about the girl. It wasn't because she'd openly pursued Finn when they were together, even though that was quite annoying, it more for the fact that said girl had set up camp in Quinn's mind and wouldn't leave. Yup, Rachel Berry was the one making cameos, or more accurately, was the lead role in her dreams. It was quite ironic that her former enemy, and the girl that was head over heels in love with her recently ex boyfriend, was the one she couldn't stop thinking about. It could only happen in Quinn's fucked up excuse for a life. Quinn unfairly detested the girl, partly for making her feel like this, for making her feel so wrong, so sinful. And also because she knew she could never have her, not in the way she wanted.
Dusting her self off, she quickly stood up and glared down at the girl, fear seeping into her expressive doe eyes.
'Manhands', she barked. Or at least attempted to, but no sound came out. Confusion clouded her features as she grabbed at her throat and tried to speak again. It was to no avail as all that left her mouth was a small breath. Realizing something was wrong; she looked at Rachel who was looking at Quinn with a surprised but empathic look. Rachel opened her mouth, and Quinn expected her to start ranting about the proper etiquette of greeting people or something equally as aggravating, but nothing came out. Quinn was shocked to say the least, hearing a silent Rachel Berry. She was never silent, so something serious must be going on. What though, she had no idea.
Rachel seemed to get an idea and reached down the whiteboard around her neck, and started to write something. Quinn was just about to lean over see what she had written, but their actions were cut off by a loud bang at the end of the hall. Whipping their heads towards the sound, Quinn could say she was honestly scared by what she saw. The loud bang had been caused by two 'figures' bursting through the doors that led into the school. What scared Quinn wasn't the bang though, it was the things that entered. The things (Quinn had no clue what they were) were slouched over, their movements slightly resembling that of an ape. They were donned in something resembling straight jackets, it seemed and their faces were covered by unrecognizable due to the cloth that covered their heads. Two more figures followed the hunched over men, and as Quinn took in their appearance, she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand to attention.
Floating in the doorway, yes, literally fucking floating, were two men in suits, at least she thought they were men. They were bald headed, their features sharp and defined, almost skeletal like, their skin was a sickly pale shade of blue and they were wearing these malicious smiles that sent chills down Quinn's spine and stole the breath from her lungs.
Something was telling Quinn that these characters were not playing some harmless joke, dressing up in costumes to scare them, only to pull their masks of and yell surprise. No, judging by the looks on their faces, which screamed 'I'll kill you for funsies with a smile on my face', and the scalpel in each of the floating figures hands, kill or seriously injure them seemed to be on their agenda. Snapping out of her shocked state, Quinn glanced over to Rachel who seemed to be frozen with fear, her mouth hung open and her body tense. Reaching over, Quinn grabbed her by the arm and literally dragged her into the closest door she could find.
It wasn't as easy as it sounded, however. Rachel had into a catatonic like state, her body rigid and unmoving, and Quinn had to support her whilst trying to get to safety as quickly as they could. Quinn was strong, that was a given considering she'd spent the last 3 years attending Sue Sylvester's army like training sessions. And she was doing just fine half carrying, half dragging Rachel along until said brunette decided to unfreeze and attempt to scramble out of Quinn's grip to flee to safety.
Out of reflex, the blonde automatically tightened her grip around Rachel's waist; in turn making Rachel even more determined to get away from Quinn's unwavering hold. As Rachel frantically kicked, their legs became tangled and they toppled to the ground. As they lay dazed on the floor, one of the hunched over figures had reached them, gaining purchase on Quinn's legs and attempting to pull her away. Panicking, she blindly kicked her legs in the direction of her attacker, connecting with its chest and making it reel backwards.
Thinking quickly, Quinn scrambled back to Rachel, picking her up and pushing them both through the closest door they could find. Once inside, she ran over the oak desk near the end of the room and attempted to drag it to the door. It was heavy, and she was struggling to move it at all. In that moment, Rachel seemed to wake up and quickly ran over to Quinn's side and helped push the desk against the door. Moments later, rattling and knocking sounded from the other side of the door as the 'monsters' were obviously trying to reach them. The heavy desk wouldn't budge though, and the rattling stopped after a few minutes.
Quinn sighed and slumped to the floor, heart racing and her stomach threatening to force out the apple she'd eaten an hour before. She breathed slowly and deeply in attempts to calm her pounding heart, her hands trembled as she dragged them through her hair.
Looking around, she searched for Rachel, her sights quickly setting on the catatonic form of the brunette. She hadn't moved from where Quinn had left her and she was visibly trembling. Standing up, Quinn headed over to the scared girl and put her hand on her arm. It was a simple touch, her fingertips barely grazing her arm, yet tingles raced up Quinn's arm and throughout her body. Retracting her hand as if she'd been burned, Quinn mentally scolded herself, get a bloody grip, this isn't the time.
Rachel's head snapped up and their gazes locked; fear and unshed tears lingering in the smaller girls eyes. Quinn didn't know what to do; she didn't know how to comfort her. How could she take away Rachel's fear when she was terrified herself?
Erasing the words she'd previously written on the whiteboard, Rachel quickly scribbled out a question and handed it to Quinn.
What just happened?
Both
There was no way Quinn could answer Rachel's question, with her being as equally, if not more, bemused about the entire situation, so it was left unanswered. In their rush to safety, they'd found themselves in the drama room, which is probably the only stroke of luck the girls had experienced thus far. The drama room is filled with all sorts of cool junk, like props and instruments, plus it's carpeted and is stocked full of blankets and pillows. So in terms of being locked in a room for God knows how long, the Drama room is the way to go.
Still on shaky feet, Quinn padded over to the corner of the room, grabbing various pillows and arranged them so they could sit against the wall with support. Sitting down, she slouched against the wall and took a deep breath, forcing her tense muscles to relax. Looking over at Rachel, Quinn raised her eyebrow and patted the space next to her. Rachel quickly came over after checking the door, and sat down next to Quinn with crossed legs.
Despite Rachel's lingering question, silence fell around them for a long while. Not only because they couldn't physically speak to fill the silence, but more so because their thoughts had held them captive over their impending conversation.
Rachel was lost in a whirlwind of thoughts, none of which she could make sense of. Never in a million years did she think she'd be locked in a room with Quinn Fabray, after fleeing from constipated looking psychos with knives. No, the blond was the last choice Rachel would have picked. It's not that she disliked Quinn as such, far from it, but more so because she never knew what to say to her. I guess she's in luck today then, considering she can't actually say anything to her. Still, it was uncomfortable, especially when every time Rachel would attempt to steal a glance at Quinn, the blond would meet her eye.
Rachel had studied the blond in the past, more than she'd like to admit. When someone for longer than you could remember bullies you, you're bound to at least observe them, seeking out answers to their actions. Except, in this case, it was more than that. Rachel had watched Quinn, she had watched her throughout her pregnancy, she'd witnessed the blond be knocked from her throne, and down to the depths of the social ladder, only to claw her way back to the top after Beth was born, and she'd also watched the girl fall apart right in front of her eyes. She knew something wasn't right, that was evident from the tight smile the blond wore, and the sorrow that was permanently etched in her eyes.
She didn't know if it was normal, watching someone you're supposed to hate, but Quinn had always intrigued her. With her guarded emotions and head bitch exterior, she held Rachel's focus more than she'd was one thing that confused her though, Quinn Fabray and her emotions. Finn had told her recently that you never knew what Quinn was feeling, and acted as if the blond had no feelings whatsoever, but how could that be when Rachel herself had witnessed them firsthand?
It was at prom that Rachel realized how broken Quinn really was, it was also that same night she discovered that watching said girl break, made her feel something she never wanted to feel again. It had shocked her, the feeling of utter dread and anguish clench painfully in her stomach as she watched Quinn cry, eyes red and tears spilling from her beautiful eyes. Her throat constricted, a dull ache resonating and tears threatened to fill her own eyes. It wasn't exactly an emotion Rachel could understand, nor had she felt it was warranted at the time either. She was supposed to feel triumphant that night, Finn had fought for her, albeit irresponsibly, but he had done so and she should have been on top of the world. Finn still wanted her, this is what she wanted, what she'd planned, and she should of felt happy watching the girl that seemingly had it all, fall from grace.
Instead she felt ashamed, heart beating rapidly when she realized Quinn tears were partly her fault. She never intended to come between Quinn and Finn at first; at least she tried telling herself this. Quinn had left the pair alone when they were together, and Rachel had vowed to do the same when her rival and ex teamed up once more. But she didn't, she couldn't stop her self, watching them together sent white-hot rage throughout her veins. Quinn could have had anyone; she was beautiful and smart and had a smile that made her stomach flip and yet she settled for Finn, once again. Rachel knew she'd done this solely to win prom queen, and this only served to make Rachel angrier.
Her and Finn were meant to be together; at least she once thought so. These days she questioned their compatibility immensely, especially since in her quest to get Finn back she'd done things she was ashamed to admit. She had sacrificed her dreams, and her morals, to salvage a relationship she wasn't even sure she'd wanted in the first place. Finn had been her first boyfriend, hell, he was her first real friend, and he was the first person at Mckinley that had given her a second glance. She was lonely; she could be the first to admit it. Aside from her dads, she no real companions, only people around her that used her for her talent, and even then they still treated her like crap. It was lonely, her existence, at least if she had Finn back she wouldn't have to spend her free time in the company of shadows. It was pointless though, they weren't meant to be together, in fact, their relationship was quite toxic.
Watching Quinn cry that night had put a few things in perspective for Rachel. It woke her up from the pathetically immature game she'd been playing, and made her realize that she's played with people's emotions for no reason at all. But most of all, it made her realize, in that moment, she wanted nothing more than to sweep the broken girl into her arms, and protect her from the torment she was so obviously was enduring. She wanted to run her hands through her hair, whispering to her that it would all be okay, and press kisses on her forehead. Leaving Rachel even more confused than ever, she decided on dabbing her tears away and reassuring her. Rachel had no doubt that if she had carried out the first option, it would have freaked the blond out.
Ever since that night, things have been a mess. Rachel hadn't been this confused since she was six, when her fathers explained to her (gently), that the world didn't revolve around her. Quinn hadn't left her mind, especially of a night, her broken hazel eyes flittering around in her dreams. Looking up at the blond now, their gazes locked, and tingles shot straight to Rachel stomach. Quinn was stunning, simply put. She was telling the truth when she told her she was the prettiest girl she'd ever met. She broke her line of sight, and her eyes flicked down to Quinn's full pink lips, she had an overwhelming urge to tangle her fingers in blond locks and smash their lips together. Frustrated with herself, she turned away before she did something she'd regret.
Seemingly lost in her own world as well, Quinn had been trying to figure out how her day had led to this. She was stuck at school, locked in the drama room, with Rachel Berry. The strange thing about this situation was, it wasn't all that different from her dreams. They were usually in the choir room though, pressed up against the piano, but they had no use for words in that situation either. Blushing, she fiddled with her hands, trying to distract herself. This was no time to do unspeakable things to the girl sitting next to her in daydreams, creepy much.
Officially sick of the silence, Rachel huffed, picked up her whiteboard and wrote down a question. Handing it over to Quinn and giving her a pointed look.
Why are you even here?
Hurt flashed across Quinn's face before she could stop it, and was not quick enough to school her features before Rachel caught it. Quickly changing her expression to stony, Quinn rolled her eyes and snatched the board off of the brunette and scribbled her answer underneath.
Yeah, I'm bursting with enthusiasm to be stuck here with you as well, Berry.
Oh. Realizing that Quinn had misconstrued her question, she hastily wiping the board clean, and quickly scribbled another question to correct her poorly worded query.
Sorry, I mean, what are you doing here at school?
Confusion painted Quinn's expression as she read Rachel's question, she looked up at the girl and was met with a curious gaze. She briefly considered asking Rachel if she lost her brain as well as losing her voice, but she settled with.
It's a school day, Berry, why else do you think I'm here?
Yes, it is. But surely with everything going on you'd think school wouldn't be on.
Rachel wondered if Quinn had seen the state of the town yet, judging by her facial expressions she didn't think so. Right before the suited men came after them, as Quinn was attempting to speak, it seemed as if the blonde was only finding out at that moment that her voice was gone.
Quinn was growing more and more confused with this situation as they went. She'd figured out she'd lost her voice and creepy men in suits inhibited the town of Lima all but 5 minutes ago, so she didn't understand what Rachel meant by 'everything going on'.
I didn't know anything was 'going on' until I ran into you, and wasn't able to insult you for your clumsiness.
Quinn cringed; she didn't know why she had to be so harsh to Rachel all the damn time. Funny, even though the thing she wanted to do most in this world was have the chance to be with Rachel, she always went out of her way to torment the girl, old habits die hard. She looked away then, wishing she'd just stayed in bed today. She was so close to going back to sleep, maybe then she could of stayed in dreamland with Rachel. Being so close to her now, it was heaven and hell for Quinn. The thought of just reaching out and touching her was overwhelming, but she bit her tongue and wrapped her arms around her body to restrain her twitching hands. She couldn't do that, Rachel wasn't hers to touch, Rachel wasn't even her friend. Sighing, she had already accepted that this was her life. She couldn't have the things she most desired, hell, who was she even to deserve it in the first place.
Rachel ignored the insult, instead opting to watch the internal struggle play out on Quinn's face, her expressions seemingly warring with one another, finally settling on despair. She reached out and touched Quinn's arm, gaining her attention, then grabbed the whiteboard and wrote out a question.
Are you okay, Quinn? Not just in terms of today, but in general.
Surprise took over Quinn's features as she let Rachel's question sink in. The other girl had always been like that, asking about her well being even though she had done nothing to warrant it. It was kind of messed up that the girl she'd tormented for so long, was the only one to ask her if she was okay. Not her so called 'friends', not her mom, but Rachel. It made Quinn's eyes sting…
I'm fine Berry.
Rachel searched her eyes with a curious gaze, but Quinn turned away before she could spot the tears that were rapidly forming. Get a grip.
Are you sure? I heard that you and Finn broke up?
Oh. How could she be so stupid? Rachel wasn't concerned about her; once again, this was all about Finn. This is why she liked her dreams better, Rachel wasn't head over heels with Finn, and she only had eyes for her. She looked at Quinn as if she was the only person on earth she'd ever want or need. But that's not real life, it's just some fucked up fantasy. Snatching the board from Rachel's grasp, she angrily wrote her reply.
Yeah, we did. I bet you're happy. He's all yours now. He was always yours; he only ever wanted you anyway.
Stupid Rachel, she berated herself. Why did she have to go and ask that question? She just wanted to see if the blond was okay, not question her about Finn. This wasn't even about him; she just needed to know if Quinn was okay. She could imagine how her question had seemed to Quinn though, Finn Finn Finn. That was the record she was playing these days, wasn't it?
I'm not happy; I'm so sorry Quinn.
Quinn looked down at what Rachel had written and mentally scoffed. Sorry for what? Sorry for doing something she deserved in the first place? She turned away from Rachel then, not wanting to continue a conversation that just reminded her the one she loved, loved another. That is, until she felt the familiar tingles that shot through her arm as Rachel's small hands encircled her wrist.
I don't want him.
Quinn looked up into Rachel's eyes and only saw sincerity, which made her even more confused. If she didn't want Finn, then why had she pursued the boy so relentlessly?
Sensing the confusion of the blond, Rachel quickly scrawled her explanation.
I was, I am, lonely, Quinn. Nobody wants me, so why not grasp onto the only thing that made me feel wanted?
Rachel turned away from Quinn; afraid that if their eyes met, Quinn would see the pathetic amount of vulnerability that shone bright in her brown orbs. She didn't know why she was opening up to the blond like this, laying her insecurities bare. She could of just taunted Quinn, told her she was happy about their breakup, have the upper hand for once in their screwed up relationship. But she didn't, so she told the truth, probably because no matter how hard Quinn tried to act like everything was perfect, Rachel knew the truth, and was in the exact same boat.
Guilt shot through Quinn like a fire hot poker. She understood how Rachel felt, yes their situations were different, but she knew what loneliness felt like. Sure, people had wanted Quinn for her looks, but that's it. Puck had only wanted her for a quick lay, Finn had never wanted Quinn enough to stay with her, and her parents didn't want her enough to keep her under their roof. But how could they? Who would want something so jaded?
Looking up at Rachel, noting the tears in her large doe eyes and the protective arms wrapped around her waist, Quinn felt nothing short of terrible. She's the one to blame for Rachel's insecurities and shaky self-esteem, seeing as she's the one that had consistently crushed it for years. Tearing her down and alienating her from the rest of the school has been her aim, and she was successful. Quinn single handedly killed Rachel's reputation, leading the kids of Mckinley to join in on the attack. She'd never forgive herself for the way she'd treated her in the past, she was a silly little girl that couldn't differentiate between love and hate, and when she did, her fear of loving another girl only spurred the bullying on even more. She's ashamed of what she's done; especially considering Rachel is one of the most worthwhile people Quinn knows. She's beautiful and kind hearted, she has passion and never backs down from a challenge, and she's the most generous person Quinn has ever known.
She had changed her ways, this past year she had stopped her bullying, up until recently anyway. The cessation of her cruelty towards Rachel had started during the latter half of her pregnancy, what with the hormones making her soft and all. The insults dulled, replaced with an unspoken truce between the two. They weren't friends, far from it, but they weren't at each other's throat either.
During this time, Quinn stayed far away from Rachel as possible. It was then, with her ever-expanding baby bump and unsettled emotions, did her feelings for Rachel come to fruition. She was in the cramped basement of the Puckerman residence, curled up in her hard single bed, sheets twisted around her body and sweat covering her. She was having a nightmare, well what she considered to be a nightmare at the time, of Rachel. It was the first time she'd dreamt of the girl, jerking awake with a fast heart and clammy forehead.
The dream she'd had had shocked her, after all she was a Christian girl, and good Christian girls don't dream such scandalous things about other girls. What frightened her more though, was the present ache residing down low in her abdomen, and the uncomfortable amount of wetness that had accumulated there. With each thought of her 'dream', the ache intensified, and it took every ounce of self-control she had not to slide her hand beneath her sleep shorts and relieve it.
Quinn didn't get much sleep that night, what with her almost painful state of arousal and thoughts of Rachel running through her head, she was more than distracted. She did a lot of thinking that night, mainly about the brown haired girl. Many things seemed to become clear, at least some of her previous actions.
Quinn had always felt strong feelings towards Rachel, negative or not, and a strange fixation on the girl was also present. Whether it was drawing pornographic pictures of her in the bathrooms, scrawling numerous hearts around portraits of the girl or excessively targeting Rachel for no reason at all, it was always about her in one way or another. It was that night Quinn realized the burn she felt in her veins in the company of the brunette, wasn't because of hate, but more so because of want.
So the bullying had ceased, for a long while actually, until recently. She hadn't gone back to her old ways, far from it, it was more of coldness towards Rachel that had a bit of a bite. She had her reasons though; it wasn't as if she was tormenting her for no reason again. No, this time Quinn was doing it out of jealousy, and a little bit of hurt. It was petty and childish, but it just wasn't fair. She had gotten back with Finn, solely because of her desire to win prom queen, and Rachel had gotten in the way once again. Watching Rachel's constant attempts to get Finn back had hurt her. She had no reason to expect Rachel to consider her feelings after everything the blonde had done to her, but to go after Finn so blatantly, it was hard. It wasn't as if she cared about Finn, not at all, but she didn't want to lose him to Rachel, not again. So she lashed out at her, calling her names and telling her to back off, praying that she'd get the hint.
That was only the small part as to why she resorted back to her old ways though, the major reason being the realization of what Rachel's actions had meant. Seeing Rachel go after Finn so insistently had been like a slap in the face. Yes, she could fantasize about what it would be like to be with her all she wanted, but that wasn't real life. This was reality, in which Rachel was extremely straight and pining after a boy. Something she was not, solidifying the fact that she could never be something that Rachel would want.
So she had resumed with her bitch attitude towards Rachel to try and compensate gaping hole that had filled her chest. It didn't, it made her feel worse, the hat she felt for herself intensifying with each snide comment she sent Rachel's way. Her heart wasn't in it either, leaving her insults lacking any real malice. It seemed to affect Rachel however, her face falling each time an insult left her lips. So she stopped, stopped the insults and stopped the threats.
It was never her intention to tell Rachel how she felt about her, considering she had trouble admitting even to herself. She had just planned to ignore the dreams that unraveled her desires, swallow the niggling feelings the brunettes presence brought forth, ignore Rachel in general. But seeing her look so defeated, she wanted to let her know that she is wanted.
So she picked up the board, and decided the write something she knew she'd regret. But she'd already regretted the majority of things she'd done during their 'relationship' anyway, so one more couldn't hurt. She didn't want to see Rachel with that look on her face again, the one that led her to believe that Rachel believed she was unwanted.
I want you.