Hey, new GW
fic. This is in Quatres POV, well, at
least this chapter.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. There, I said it. Happy now??? ;)
Fear, it's a funny thing you know. The adrenaline rush, the pounding of your heart in your chest like a high speed train, it almost leaves me wanting more. I have felt every strong emotion, all of them. Fear, Hatred, Sadness, Power, Jealousy, Love. Above all of these, above all other things fear is the most stunning, the most powerful. When you feel it, you can think of no other thing. Mild fear, you can put up barriers, think of the past peace I long for now. But panic, the strongest weapon of fear, you can't block that out, believe me, I've tried. It overcomes your mind, your body, your soul and the blood pumps so fast that you can hear it and nothing else.
I'm so used to fear now, more then before; I am scared when I'm caught, when my friends are in trouble, when in battle. I have nightmares and wake up shaking from them, but I get most scared when I'm not afraid. Sound strange, huh? But it's true, it really is.
I remember times, long ago, well, I think long ago, we lost track of time out here. Times of peace, of happiness, times without blood stained grass, times without the stench of death in the air and on our hands. I remember walking to the school with my friends, playing in fields of golden barley. Breathing deeply in the sweet scent of spring, of life. But that time, whenever it was, is gone. All it is now is a mere memory, a faded history. I sometimes think my friends have forgotten that, what we're fighting for. Sometimes even I forget. All I know, even when I lose the plot, is not to lose hope. Never lose hope. That's the last thing my sister said, 'Be strong, and never lose hope.' Those words were written in her last breath. A cold breath, that seemed to freeze the tears that spilled from my eyes. That was what started this, that's what brought me into the revolution.
When we started, our numbers were considerable, now only a handful remain. Most would say we're lucky, but we are far from that. Tormented by horrific images of our victims, and the friends we've seen killed. I can never bear to stare into their cold, lifeless eyes. Looking up at me, they ask me why I did it, why I cut short their life. They are the ones in my dreams, they are the faces that haunt me and will never go. They are there to greet me when I wake, and when I sleep. They are there whenever I close my eyes, their blood is on my hands, their screams in the wind. I will never be rid of them, they will follow me until I meet the same fate as I brutally forced upon them. I want to say I'm sorry, but I know if I went back, I would do it again. I know it's necessary, well, that's what I tell myself. That it's for a good cause, that we're doing the right thing. I'm sure we are. We just want our land back, that's all, I think.
Ok, short first chapter, but, tis a first chapter.