Sawyer continued along the now well-worn trail, as the sound of the beach faded, giving way to those of the jungle.
They'd been stuck on this island for almost two months now, and though he'd never admit it, he didn't mind all that much. There were certainly worse place he could be stuck, that was for damn sure. Life here wasn't so hard, at least not for him. He spent most of his days lying on a beautiful beach, drinking coconut milk, and enjoying the views - and he didn't just mean the scenery. Fact is, as luck would have it, there were some beautiful gals stuck on this island with him, and there was one in particular that he couldn't keep his mind off of. His near daily fruit gathering trips into the jungle with her were his only contribution to the group of survivors. Of course, contributing wasn't really his reason for doing it. He looked forward to the time spent alone with her. Teasing her was one of his favorite pastimes. God, she was gorgeous when he got her riled up, and it was so easy to do. Recently though, she hadn't been quite the same. He couldn't put his finger on exactly what the change was, but it was definitely something, and it had him curious.
Not hearing her footsteps behind him, Sawyer stopped and turned around to wait for her. Usually she was the one leading the way, the first to cross a stream or climb up a tree, but lately she seemed to have lost some of that vitality that he'd found so attractive.
He raised his head as she came into view though the trees. "Come on Freckles, let's pick up the pace already", he called out to her as she approached. He heard her grumble something under her breath in response and chuckled.
"What's that Freckles? I couldn't quite hear ya."
"Damnit Sawyer, can't you just call me by my name? What's the rush anyway, it's not as if you have anything else you're going to do?"
When she caught up to him, he noticed she was out of breath and looking a little pale, even for her. "You alright there Freckles? You're lookin' kinda pasty. You're not going to puke on me again, like the other day, are you?"
She shot him a glare. "If you're sick" he continued, "you should go see the good doc. I'm sure he wouldn't mind taking a look at you, if you know what I mean".
"Leave it alone, Sawyer", she warned. "I'm fine, it's just so damned hot today", she said, taking a drink from her water bottle and continuing along the trail.
"Well, that may be true today, but you were definitely sick the other day", he persisted, following close behind her.
"God, Sawyer, just leave it alone. I probably just ate some bad fruit or something. I'm not sick, and I don't need to go see Jack. What do you care, anyway?".
"Uh oh, sounds like trouble in paradise! Did you and the hero have a lovers spat?"
"Just shove it, Sawyer".
Sawyer shrugged, and they continued on in silence, stopping occasionally to pick some berries or low-growing fruit. They soon reached a familiar patch of trees, and stopped to look up at one in particular.
"It looks like some of those mangos are near ripe", Sawyer commented. Kate put down her pack and waited. "Well, aren't you going to climb up and get them" Sawyer asked?
"Why is it always me who has to do the climbing", she asked in annoyance?
Now he was a bit perplexed. "I though you liked climbing trees, Freckles. You're like a monkey up there." Kate rolled her eyes at him, doing her best to look annoyed. He realized, though, that it looked more like she was in pain. Maybe she really was sick.
"Of course, if you're not feeling up to it, I suppose I could give it a try".
She didn't like the look on his face. He looked almost concerned, but, she reminded herself, Sawyer isn't concerned with anyone but Sawyer.
"Of course I'm feeling up to it. I told you I'm fine. It just wouldn't hurt you to help once in a while".
With that, she walked up to the tree. Sawyer gave her a boost and watched as she made her way up into the canopy, tossing mangos down to him as she went.
Partway up, she paused to steady herself against the trunk, willing her head to clear. Sawyer had been right, she admitted to herself; she wasn't feeling up to this. She wasn't feeling particularly nauseous today, for a change, but her stomach had been hurting since this morning, and she'd started to feel a bit light headed. She didn't want to think about what this meant. "I shouldn't be up here", she thought to herself. "Why do I let Sawyer get to me like this?"
"What ya doin' up there, Freckles?" Sawyer called. "Do you see any more ripe ones?"
Kate reached above her, picking one last big mango. She dropped it down without warning, hoping it would hit him on the head.
She heard a yelp, and smiled. "Jeeze, watch where you're dropping those things killer", he yelled up.
"Think we've got enough now?" she asked, starting to make her way down, which was difficult, with her head swimming.
"Yeah, yeah, come on down before you kill me with those things", he said, rubbing his shoulder. As she continued down the branches, Sawyer began loading the pile of mangos into Kate's backpack.
"Just a little farther", she told herself, one branch at a time". With just a few branches to go, Kate suddenly lost her grip when another pain shot through her stomach. She was falling. She hit branch and then landed on the ground with a thud.
Hearing the thud, Sawyer stopped what he was dong and ran towards Kate. She was lying on her back with her eyes closed. He saw a little trickle of blood coming from a small gash on her forehead. Other than that, he didn't see any injuries, but she wasn't moving, and that had him worried. He called her name, and then, when she didn't respond, shook her shoulders. She lurched up with a gasp, startling him, and he noticed her hand went immediately to her stomach.
"Did you hurt your stomach?", he asked, helping her to sit up. She quickly removed her hand, bringing it gingerly to her head instead.
"No", she replied sharply, " I just banged my head on the way down". She looked at the smear blood on her fingertips, and then wiped off the wound with the edge of her shirt. "It's fine", she assured him, getting up and steadying herself against the tree trunk. "It's just a scrape".
"You sure? Jesus Freckles, you scared the shit out of me".
"Of course I'm sure, let's start heading back", she said. She reached for her backpack, but he grabbed it first and swung it onto his back.
"Sawyer, I'm perfectly capable of carrying my own bag", she informed him.
"Just let me carry the damned bag, Freckles". She shrugged, giving up, and let him lead the way back to the beach. They walked the rest of the way in silence.
When they reached the beach, the sun was starting to set across the water. Sawyer unloaded the fruit near the rest of the group's food, and Kate sank down into the sand gratefully. Sawyer again eyed her with concern.
"You sure you're okay? It really wouldn't hurt to let the doc take a look at your head".
Kate sighed, "Really Sawyer, I'm fine. I've got a hard head, I promise".
"Don't I know it" he said with a smile, as he headed towards his tent.
After resting for a few minutes, Kate decided she might feel better after a nice swim to wash away the day's grime. She went a to get a change of clothes and then headed into the forest towards the freshwater pool near the caves. She passed Charlie and Jack, heading in the opposite. She said a quick hello, promising to be back at the beach for dinner in a little while, and hurried on her way.
Since the day they fought over the sliver brief case, the day that Jack had learned the secret of her past, things had changed between them, and that pained her. He had been the one person on this island that she could really talk to, but now they barely spoke at all. They didn't know what to say to each other.
Surely he, and the others as well, would learn her other secret soon enough - the secret she had tried to hide, even from herself. She should have told him before, when she first suspected, but she hadn't been willing to admit it to herself. Now their relationship had changed, and she didn't feel she could go to him. Surely when he did find out he'd be even madder at her, or worse still, disappointed.
As she reached the pool and saw no one was around, Kate stripped off her dirty clothes and sank into the cool water, wishing it could wash away all of her troubles.
A full moon shown down on the beach, as the group of survivors sat around the blazing fire. Everyone seemed content. Locke and Boone had killed a good-sized boar, and Jin and Hurley had managed to catch a fair number of fish. There was plenty of food to go around tonight. Small groups of people were laughing and talking amongst themselves, telling stories and sharing plans.
Sawyer looked across the fire at Kate, who was sitting by herself and seemed to be lost in her own world. He'd noticed she hadn't taken much food tonight. It wasn't the first time he'd noticed this.
The big yellow lab wandered over to her, with begging eyes. Sawyer watched as she slipped him the rest of her fish when she thought no one was looking. The dog licked her in thanks, and then wandered on to beg someone else. Sawyer continued to watch her and saw what appeared to be a look of pain cross her face. She got unsteadily to her feet and left the fire, heading down the beach and toward the edge of the trees. No one else seemed to notice her leave.
Jack, who had been talking with Michael, got up to add more wood to the fire. Sawyer approached him and asked to speak to him. Jack was surprised, and a little skeptical. It was no secret that the two men did not get along. Still, he followed Sawyer away from the fire.
"What's on your mind, Sawyer?" Jack asked.
"It's Freckles" Sawyer said in quietly, and paused, unsure how to continue.
Jack sighed. "What about Kate, Sawyer?
"Well, I know you two had some sort of argument, that you haven't been getting along, and believe me, under most circumstances, that's just fine by me, but . . ."
"Sawyer" Jack warned with frustration, "Is there point to all this".
"Yes, well, the thing is, I was hoping you could but that aside for tonight and go and talk to her, as a doctor, I mean?"
"Is there something wrong with her? Did something happen?" Jack asked, now sounding concerned.
"Well, I'm not sure. She says she's fine, but she's been acting differently lately, not her usual self. She hasn't been eating, the other day she was sick, and she didn't look well today either. She also fell out of a tree when we were picking fruit earlier", he continued.
"Was she hurt?" Jack interrupted.
"Well, she hit her head and scraped it a bit. It didn't look too bad, and she said it was okay. But I think her stomach's been bothering her, too. She looked like she was in pain just a minute ago, and then she got up and headed that way" he pointed in the direction she'd gone. "Look, she'll probably be mad as hell that I'm talking to you about this at all, but could you just go and check on her?"
"I can't believe what I'm hearing Sawyer, are you actually worrying about someone other than yourself?" Jack asked incredulously.
"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. Are you going to go to her or not, doc?"
"Yeah, I am. If she'll let me."
"Okay, good" Sawyer said, relieved. They walked back to the fire and Sawyer sat down. Jack put one last log on the fire and then said goodnight to the group, saying he was heading back to the caves. He headed across the beach in the direction that Sawyer had indicated, looking for Kate.
Kate stumbled towards the edge of the forest and sat down on a fallen log. The pain was truly like nothing she'd felt before. It left her shaking and gasping for air. Her stomach rebelled, and she threw up what little she had eaten.
She knew what was happening, there was no denying it now. It was probably for the best anyhow. Hadn't part of her been hoping this would happen?
Still, another part of her was devastated. And she was scared and alone. Maybe she would die out here, alone in this jungle, perhaps the mysterious beast would drag her body away. It wouldn't be so bad, would it? At least it would be over.
She let out a sob of frustration and pain. She didn't know what to do. If only she could go to Jack, maybe he could help her. Make it stop. But she couldn't. She'd ruined things between them. Maybe it was better this way, she reasoned. This way he'd never know. No one would have to know. Yes, know one had to know.
As the waves crashed on the shore, and the wind blew through the trees, Kate she heard something else, something close. She strained her ears and thought she head footsteps approaching.
"Kate. . . . Kate, are you there?"
Kate froze; it was Jack's voice.
The others said goodnight, as Jack headed away, looking for Kate. He wasn't sure he wanted to find her. Things had been so strained between them since that day, the day they opened the case. Still, he was a doctor, and he couldn't let his personal feelings get in the way of someone's health.
Jack looked down and noticed fresh footprints in the sand, heading towards the jungle. He followed them, and as he approached the trees, he thought he heard a cry. Then silence.
"Kate . . . Kate, are you there? There was no answer, but he heard a twig snap, somewhere just beyond the edge of the trees, then footsteps, heading further into the jungle. She was running from him.
"Kate!"
"Kate!"
God, he was following her. She couldn't let him find her. He couldn't know. She stumble ahead, further into the jungle. Her breath was coming quickly, and her vision was blurring, but she kept going. She could hear him, not far behind her.
"Come on Kate, stop", he pleaded.
She rushed ahead, but tripped on a root, and fell forward, catching herself on her hands. She let out a cry at the impact, but scrambled up and kept going, steadying herself on trees as she went.
Jack could see her now, not far ahead of him. Luckily the light of the full moon filtered through the trees, making it possible to see.
He saw her stumble and fall to her knees. Now he was really starting to get worried. She pulled herself up and continued, but the fall had slowed her down, and he was gaining on her. He saw her grasping onto trees as she continued, as if she couldn't stay up on her own.
He quickly closed the distance between, reaching out to grab her wrist as she continued forward. She tried to pull her wrist free and keep going, but he held strong, and she started to fall forward.
Jack reached out and grabbed her by the waist, catching her before she hit the ground. He turned her around to face him, and gripped her by the shoulders. She struggled against him, trying to pull away.
"Kate stop! Stop!"
"Jack, let me go" she pleaded.
He could feel her body shaking, as if her legs wouldn't hold her up much longer. He moved them back a little, so she was backed up against a tree. He looked into her face, but she averted her eyes. Even in the dim moonlight, he could see that her skin was too pale and covered with a thin sheen of sweat. Her breathing was rapid and shallow.
"Kate, tell me what's wrong, please".
She tried again to pull away, but he held her tight. "Jack, I'm fine. I'm fine. Let me go".
"Damnit, don't lie to me Kate, you're obviously far from fine". He reached one hand up to her face, tilting it so he could look her in the eye. They were wild and unfocused, a look of pain intense washed across her face, and she let out a cry and grabbed her stomach.
Suddenly, she dropped to her knees and began retching. Jack knelt down beside her, pulling her hair back and rubbing her back as her body convulsed. It soon became clear that there was nothing left in her stomach to be expelled, but that didn't stop her body from trying.
Finally, she stopped and leaned back against the tree. Jack could see tears staining her cheeks. She dragged a hand across her mouth and tried to steady her rapid breathing. She still clutched her stomach.
There was obviously something going on here, certainly more than a simple stomach bug. "Kate. Kate, look at me". To his surprise, she met his eyes. He could see pain and fear in them.
"Kate, I think something's wrong here. I think might have appendicitis. Will you let me take a look at you, please?" She shook her head.
"Kate", he said in frustration.
"I don't have appendicitis, Jack".
"How do you know, Kate?" he demanded.
"Because", she paused, as another look of agony passed over her features, "I had my appendix taken out when I was fourteen".
"Oh. I didn't know that." Jack said. "Still Kate, it has to be something, please let me examine you, I promise I won't hurt you".
"No Jack".
"Is this because of our relationship, because of what happened with the case?" he asked. "Because if it is, it doesn't matter. Kate, what matters is that you're okay. I'm a doctor, maybe I can help".
She gave a strangled, pained laugh. "Jack, I'll be okay. Please, just leave me alone. I'll be okay". With that, she got to her feet and started to head further into the forest. Jack followed behind her. It wasn't long before she stumbled to her knees, gasping.
Jack knelt down behind her, pulling her against his chest. She didn't fight him this time. He pressed his hand to her neck and felt her pulse racing beneath his fingers. Then he reached his hand down, and carefully pressed along her stomach, feeling for any signs of problem. When he reached the lower part, just above her pelvis, she cried out in pain and pushed his had away.
"God Kate, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, I . . ."
She was sobbing now. "It hurts, Jack".
That stunned him, the fact that she was finally admitting it. "I know, I know" he soothed. He scooped her up and headed further into the forest.
"Jack?" she asked between sobs.
"We're going back to my cave, Kate".
She didn't fight him now, just said in a defeated voice as she sniffled into his neck, "this wasn't supposed to happen. You weren't supposed to know".
"Know what, Kate? Know what?"
Suddenly she let out a strangled cry as he felt her whole stiffen in his arms. Then, just as suddenly, she went limp.
Jack increased his pace, hurrying towards the caves. Soon after, he noticed something wet and warm dripping onto his arm, then down his leg. At first he was confused, then his nose registered that familiar coppery smell. It was blood.
His heart froze; he finally understood what was happening. He knew her secret.
"Oh God Kate, why didn't you tell me?" He broke into a run.
By the time he got to the cave and lied her down on a blanket, Jack was frantic. It was pitch black. What he wouldn't give for a damned lantern.
He had no choice. He couldn't do anything until he got a fire started, until he could see. He reached over and felt her pulse again. It had slowed dramatically. He knew why. He was covered in her blood. They both were.
With shaking hands, he turned to the fire. He lit a match, and blew on the small ember that started, willing the branches and logs to catch.
When the fire was burning strong, Jack pulled her over into the light and began to remove her blood-soak clothing. That done, he covered her with another airplane blanket and moved further into the cave, grabbing a bottle of water and some clean cloth.
He rinsed his hands, took a deep breath, and went to work. Unfortunately, there really wasn't much to he could do, he had not equipment, and he was a neurologist, for God's sake. He tried to remember back to his basic medical training, and to his ER rotation so many years before. None of what he'd learned would do him much good in a cave in the jungle, though.
Luckily, the bleeding seemed to have slowed significantly. Her pulse, while slow, was still there. Her skin was cool to the touch, her body was going into shock, but there wasn't much he could do, other than keep her warm.
For the next few hours he stayed by her side, monitoring her pulse and breathing. Finally, the bleeding seemed to have stopped completely. He could have cried from relief.
Using the cloth and water, he did the best he could to clean her up, and then moved her onto a clean blanket. He threw the bloody blankets and cloths in the pile with their clothes, and grabbed a big clean tee-shirt. He sat her up as gently as he could and slipped the sweatshirt over her head. He fed he arms through the sleeves and laid her back down, covering her with the remaining blankets to keep her warm.
Next, Jack dragged one of the detached airplane seats over and elevated her legs on it, trying to direct her blood to where it was needed most. There wasn't much more he could do for her right now. He knew she needed IV fluids, and probably a blood transfusion, but that just wasn't an option here.
Sighing, he moved to her head to examine the wound he noticed earlier. Presumably, the one she'd obtained falling from the tree today. Sawyer was right, it didn't look that bad, but still, it should be cleaned.
Jack grabbed his medical supply bag, gently cleaned off the wound, and spread antibiotic ointment on it. Kate stirred and let out a soft moan. Jack tapped his fingers against her cheek, trying to rouse her.
"Kate. Kate, can you hear me? Come on, Kate."
Her eyes flew open, and she gasped, her hand immediately going to her stomach.
"Kate, does it hurt?" he asked. "Are you in any pain?"
Slowly, she shook head. Her eyes met his with a look of desperate questioning.
Jack bowed his head, not knowing how to tell her this. Finally he said, "I'm sorry Kate. It's over now. But you're going to be okay". She nodded and took a deep breath, as her eyes filled with tears, but she remained silent.
"Why Kate? Why didn't you tell me? All of this time, you could have told me, you know."
Finally she spoke, but he had to strain to hear her. "I couldn't. I just couldn't."
"Why?"
"At first I wasn't sure, and then I didn't want to admit it could be true, even to myself." She let out a sniffle, as tears spilled over her cheeks. "Part of me . . . part of me hoped this would happen. Maybe it's my fault that it did."
"Don't say that Kate" he said, wiping away her tears, "It's not true. These things just happen sometimes. It's not anybody's fault". She nodded and closed her eyes, obviously drifting back to sleep.
"Wait Kate, don't fall asleep yet".
"Tired" she mumbled.
"I know you are, but I need you to drink some water first. We have to get fluids into you." He lifted her head and brought the water to her lips. She took a gulp, but gagged on it, her empty stomach rebelling. She couldn't keep it down, not yet. Jack sighed and rubbed her back, then laid her back down.
"Okay, you can go to sleep. We'll try again later". Her eyes were already closed.
The early morning light filtered into the cave. Jack checked on Kate again, and then stood up. He gathered his near-empty water bottle and the pile of bloody clothes and blankets, and headed out of the cave.
The birds chirped as he headed to the pool. He splashed water on his face, filled the water bottle and then set to work scrubbing cleaning their clothes and blankets, still shaken by the amount of blood on them. When he'd cleaned them as best he could, he wrung them out, gathered everything up, and headed back to the cave.
Jack laid all of the wet things out to dry on the rocks, and then, after checking on Kate one last time, lied down and fell asleep.
Kate awoke to the late morning sun shining on her face. She blinked her eyes, sat up slowly, and looked around, trying to recall where she was. She took in the walls of the cave and saw Jack sleeping on the other side of a now dead fire.
The previous night's events flooded back into her mind. She recalled the pain and fear with a sickening clarity, remembered frantically trying to get away from Jack in the woods. After that, her memories became blurred. She had been in his arms, and then things went black. Her next memory was of waking in the cave last night, seeing Jack's concerned face above her in the flickering firelight. He had told her what had happened, she remembered now. She tried to remember if he'd been angry with her. She didn't think he had been.
She got up and began to fold the blankets she'd been lying on. She quickly noticed she was wearing only a large tee-shirt. Where were her clothes? After looking back at the still sleeping Jack, Kate slowly made her way to the edge of the cave.
The sun was high. It was almost noon. She realized that if she didn't get to her morning chore of filling the group's water bottles soon, people would start to look for her. She couldn't have that. Now, other than Jack, no one had to know what had happened. Maybe it wasn't so bad. They could just pretend it had never happened, go back to their daily lives of being near strangers on this island. That thought filled her with the first hope she'd felt in weeks.
Looking to her right, Kate noticed the clothes and blankets drying on the nearby rocks. Making her way over to them she suppressed a shudder, knowing why they were there. Unfortunately, her clothes were still damp. For the first time, she glanced down and a noticed stark streak of blood on the inside of her pale thighs. Obviously, in his rushed to get her cleaned and covered, Jack had missed some.
Kate looked into the woods, in the direction of the pool. She didn't hear or see anyone. Most likely the others were all down at the beach. Slowly, on shaky legs, Kate made her way to the pool. When she reached it, she pulled off the t-shirt and again sank into the cool dark water. It was hard to believe that she'd been here only last night. Maybe, in a way, the water had washed away her troubles.
She floated peacefully for some time, letting the cool water wash away the blood from her body and the cobwebs from her mind. When her fingers started to wrinkle and a shiver passed through her body, Kate pulled herself out and sat on a warm rock to dry in the sun. She wrung out her hair, and pulled the t-shirt back on. Perhaps her clothes would be dry by now, she thought.
As she stood and began to walk back to the caves, Kate realized that the swim hadn't helped as much as she'd hoped. Her body felt heavy, and her head light. She started to wonder if she'd really be able to get the water today. Of course, she had to. People would wonder if she didn't.
After a few yards, Kate stopped to lean against a palm tree as she tried to catch her breath. Now she was wondering if she'd even make it back to the caves. Perhaps it hadn't been such a good idea to venture out on her own. She could have cried with frustration. She hated being helpless and didn't want to have to call out for Jack to come and help her. Maybe if she rested here for a few more minutes, she would be able to make it back on her own. Kate closed her eyes and focused on slowing her breathing and clearing her mind.