Fragile Heart

fluorescentpinkfairies

Rated: K+
Warnings: YukinaxKurama romance. Sort-of.
Spoilers: The Tarukane arc in the Spirit Detective Saga (episodes 22-25 in the anime).
Disclaimer: This authoress does not deem to claim ownership upon the series called Yu Yu Hakusho.

--

He doesn't know that I know. He doesn't know that I don't care.

I know that he does it because he doesn't want to shatter my ideal image of who he is supposed to be.

He doesn't know that he is the ideal.

I suppose he thinks I want a brother like Kazuma, brave and honorable and everything that a human would value in her brother. I think that he believes that a person like that would be most welcomed by my fragile heart.

I am not a human. I am also not fragile. Or at least, my heart is not fragile.

I just want him to admit it to me, to tell me that we're related. I would say that it hurts sometimes, that he's so ashamed of our relation, but that would not be true. I understand my brother. I understand him. He thinks that I will not feel anything but revulsion for him because of the sins that he has committed.

What kind of a sister would I be if I did something like that?

Still, it is his own guilt that drives him to this. I'm not sure why, but I will let him sort it out by himself. If he does not deem it necessary to tell me, then so be it. But I think he'll get around to it some day. Otherwise, the teasing of his friends might be enough to drive him to it. And on that day, I will welcome my brother with open arms.

He is my family, after all, and though I cherish my friends, I would cherish a brother more than any other person in the universe.

I wonder though—about love.

What is it, truly? A fickle, fiendish thing, yes that is what most people will say, but is it just a part of one's imagination, or is it real? Sometimes Kazuma uses the word so flamboyantly that I wonder—does it have so little value to him? Is it simply a word to be tossed around in everyday conversation? Is that it?

Perhaps… it isn't.

I love my brother.

And I think… I think… I love… him.

He smiles at me from time to time, those eyes of his catching the light of the setting sun or the rising sun or the afternoon sun and I find myself not being able to breathe. There is a warmth in my heart—in a place that was once frozen. I find myself wishing I could be with him, just in order to feel that wonderful feeling. Is this love? Because it is… pleasant.

He treats me with nothing but kindness and gentleness. The quiet that surrounds him is nothing like the clamor and the need to impress that surrounds Kazuma. He talks to me, as well. Not the way that everyone else talks to me, as though I am a slow thinker. Nor does he feel the need to recount each and every good deed that he has done.

No. He talks to me of the flowers and birds, of current events and of the members of his group. He talks to me of Makai and he talks to me of Ningenkai and ningens and youkai. He talks to me of peace and war, harmony and discord, and what he wants to do in the future. And after a while he says to me, "I hope I haven't bored you, Yukina."

And I, looking him straight in the eyes and ignoring the wonderful feeling in my heart, say, "No! Of course not!"

After a while, my brother will join us, never looking straight at me, and tell, "Kurama, we're needed. Another case."

And then he always says, "All right. Until another day, Yukina," with a smile on his face and the light in his eyes.

As they leave, I wave them off into the sunset, my eyes never leaving the two males that I… I suppose… that my fragile heart loves with all its power.

--

Author's Space:

That took the longest time of all of the four ficlets I've written. It was fun, though.

Do I hate Kuwabara?

No. Why should I?

I love Kurama, though.

So. Tell me before you use this in a C2, review, and if you're a Kurama-phile, read 'Kleptomaniacal' by rogueicephoenix. It's one of my favorites. Obviously. Or join my C2. I need a few more members.

(revampage done on 6/29/05)