Chapter 1: Negaduck Learns The True Meaning of Teamwork

Notes:

Here's a duckverse story for the holidays! Negaduck, Darkwing, the Fearsome Four, and co. are all property of Disney. Malicia Macawber is my own abomination. Rated T for duck tiddies (and Nega-narration).

St. Canard was a rather phenomenal city at any time of the year with its dazzling city lights and lively nightlife. But there was especially something to be said about the Christmas season when a fresh blanket of snow coated the otherwise winter-less city, hiding all of its impurities and replacing them with dazzling decorations and seasonal cheer. The ice rink at city hall echoed with sounds of laughter and merriment while the comforting scent of hot cocoa and freshly baked sugar cookies wafted through the streets.

Negaduck hated it.

There was a reason the maniacal mallard of misery outlawed Christmas in the Negaverse many years ago. He had all but forgotten the immense levels of insufferability brought about by good tidings and various other redundant descriptors for happiness. The holidays seemed to have a brainwashing effect on everyone, turning even the most rotten black-hearted thugs into a bunch of Christmas Caroling numbskulls.

All present company excluded, of course.

Through the fractured window of the Fearsome Five's run-down hideout he could only scowl at the tinsel-covered tree situated across the street. It seemed even The Bad Side of Town was getting in on the festive cheer, albeit a more lowlife edition - judging by the handcuffs and broken glass bottles that substituted for the classier ornaments you'd expect to see in more privileged areas of the city. Negaduck had considered taking a blowtorch to the bedecked abomination, but he could not afford to attract police - or worse, Darkwing Dork - to his front door. Plus he didn't want to listen to Bushroot's sniveling any more than he already tolerated (as if such a thing were possible).

Normally Negaduck made a point of taking asylum in the Negaverse as soon as everyone finished trampling each other to death over Black Friday sales (a holiday he could get behind). But this year had seen a few… complications. Much like a post-election politician, interdimensional portals could be incredibly fickle, especially when one needed them the most. And much like that one particularly freaky stripper at the club up the street, Negaduck knew the portal he frequently used was growing more unstable each time he passed through its murky, endless void. It was only a matter of time before it would collapse altogether (the portal, that is. Strippers and politicians were a hardy bunch).

Which it did, right when the first Christmas song had invaded the speakers of retail stores the world over. This was not as hopeless as it sounded (once again referring to the portal, because seasonal retail workers always had reason to abandon all hope). It was common for interdimensional portals to collapse and then later re-open at a different location. Usually it was only a few weeks to a month between portals. On the occasion when Negaduck found himself trapped in Darkwing's universe or elsewhere for an extended period of time he could easily entertain himself by making everyone around him suffer, whether it be through one of his brilliant criminal schemes or just generalized wrong-doing.

Never one to turn down a challenge, Negaduck decided to view his current predicament as an opportunity to crush everyone's high spirits. Starting with the destruction of the deeply-cherished Christmas display in St. Canard's Sitting Duck Park. It was a long-held tradition for citizens to gather up their families on the night before Christmas so they could stroll through a nauseatingly delightful pageantry of holiday cheer.

It was the perfect target for a Fearsome Five take-over.

The corner of his bill tugged with the shadow of a smile as he considered bringing a megaphone so he could cheerfully inform the many bright-eyed children of St. Canard that Santa Claus is dead and Christmas is cancelled. Permanently.

He was stirred from his fantasy by the voices of the four morons who would be aiding him in tonight's Christmas Eve Conquest. He couldn't quite make out the topic of discussion that carried their excited chattering all the way to his dark corner of the abandoned building, and frankly he didn't care. He shot one last resentful glance at the tree outside before skulking downstairs to join the rest of his team.

"I don't know, you guys... I'm not sure red is really my colour." That was Bushbrain's voice, it was easy to recognize that pitch of whininess, even before Negaduck had rounded the corner into the room.

"I'd say it suits you, Stu!" Shrilled Quackerjack, or more accurately, Quackerjack and his failed attempt at ventriloquism. Negaduck made a mental note to tear that stupid banana puppet into shreds at a later date.

"On the bright side, wool hasn't made me itchy since I traded in feathers for flowers." Responded the reject cucumber.

The context for this conversation became all too clear when Negaduck stormed into the room and was met with a most grisly sight - well, more grisly than usual, given they were all a gaggle of freaks even on a regular day. The "red" in question was not blood stains, as Negaduck hoped, but one of four ugly Christmas sweaters to match the four ugly idiots wearing them. Bushroot's red and white shirt featured a beaker and flask on the front, no doubt to remind the world of his tragic case of nerdiness. Quackerjack, predictably, had all manner of toys emblazoned across the offensively bright pattern of his own knitted outfit, made only worse by the bells sewn onto it which jingled abruptly as the toy maker bounced around the room like a kid at a coke convention. Megavolt's shirt was definitely the most pathetic (and also explained a few things) given it had 'Mama's Genius' written across the front with a light bulb in place of the 'i' in genius. Somehow even the Liquidator had managed to slosh himself into a red and green knit shirt that appeared to have lobster women featured on the front for some undoubtedly stupid reason.

"What." Negaduck intoned with as much disgust as one could muster. "Are those."

As soon as the four registered the arrival of their leader they all visibly flinched and straightened themselves, a response that never ceased to amuse Negaduck.

"Oh, hey boss." Megavolt was the first to greet Negaduck, and did so with the kind of grin that meant something very stupid was about to follow.

"We were just taking time to appreciate the sweaters Mrs. Sputterspark knitted for us!" Exclaimed Quackerjack far too cheerfully.

Aaaaand there it was.

"Yeah, Megavolt's mom makes the best homemade gifts." Added Bushroot who was still trying to get a glimpse of his reflection through a grimy mirror.

"I can see that." Negaduck responded dryly. "I'm just utterly elated for you losers." He absolutely was not. "Glad to see you've taken the initiative by blending in with the rest of the tacky populace because we've got a long night of wrongdoing ahead of us."

The four exchanged hesitant glances in such a way that made Negaduck's jaw clench. He knew when they were about to disappoint him immensely.

"Uh, well. See, the thing is..." It was Liquidator who stepped forward - likely because it was harder to shoot the messenger when he's composed entirely of water. "Four out of five members agree that spending Christmas Eve at the Sputterspark residence will make for a one-hundred-percent guaranteed enjoyable night."

"Yeah…" Bushroot fidgeted nervously. "We all kind of agreed to having dinner with Megavolt's family this year. Nana Sputterspark makes the tastiest home-cooked meals!"

"There's no false advertising in that statement!" Agreed Liquidator.

"Uh, can either one of you actually eat the food?" Megavolt scratched his head, which Negaduck was only now noticing seemed devoid of actual ears.

"Yeah Bushy, how would you know what counts as good food when you snack on manure all day!" Quackerjack shot back.

"The compost she makes is top-notch and that's good enough for me." Bushroot folded his leafy arms with indignation.

"I'll turn you all into compost if you don't shut up!" Negaduck had brought out his chainsaw by this point and brandished it threateningly in their direction. "The Fearsome Five is going on a Christmas-destroying bender and you're going to damn well like it! You dimwits actually think you have a choice in the matter?"

But much to his surprise and steadily increasing fury, not one of them budged at the gleam of his saw blades. There was a moment of awkward shuffling between the group as all four averted their gaze from Negaduck. Finally it was Quackerjack's turn to step up to bat. "We just really want to visit our families. And none of us want to disappoint Megavolt's mom!"

Why now of all times did they decide to gain a backbone?!

"You idiots cannot be serious." Negaduck said incredulously. "Who are you more afraid of? Megavolt's precious mommy …" He inched the chainsaw closer, his voice dropping into a low growl. "Or me."

Once again the four looked at each other, then back at Negaduck.

"Megavolt's mom." They said in unison.

Negaduck was at a total loss for words. Did they honestly think they could ditch him to enjoy the holiday he was so intent on destroying?

"Sorry Negaduck, it's nothing personal." Megavolt continued. "But if it makes you feel any better, Mama made a shirt for you too!"

"What are yo- hey!" Negaduck's vision instantly darkened as the sweater in question was tugged over his head without warning. Unfortunately the attempt failed halfway as the fabric snagged itself on his sizable (not to mention strong and handsome) bill, leaving both his arms and head trapped inside the woolen monstrosity. He spluttered with rage and obscenities, hopping around blindly until he tripped on what must have been one of Quackerjack's roller skates, sending him tail-first onto the cold hard concrete.

As he wrestled with the fabric he could barely make out the sound of all four shuffling toward the exit.

"Sorry Boss, Merry Christmas!" Quackerjack shouted hurriedly as they made their escape.

Negaduck's howl of rage was stifled as he wrestled for freedom from his itchy prison.

"Get back here you-" The door slammed shut.

"-Cowards!"

Complete silence.

"Pah! Like I wanted to waste my time hanging out with those four losers. More destruction for me anyhow." He said aloud to nobody in particular. With one final tug Negaduck wrenched the sweater free from his head. He could see now that it was knitted with black wool and featured a white skull on the front, which would have almost been acceptable were it not for the red santa hat sitting atop the skull's head to add an offensively festive touch.

He hurled the sweater away like it was tainted with a contagious disease and became immediately aware of an itching sensation spreading across his face. Snarling and scratching like a wild animal, he felt the small hives forming beneath his feathers, most likely caused by the itchy wool and/or the motherly affection infused within its loving fibers.

"Next time I see those pansies I'm going to garrote them with string lights! Let's see Megavolt's mom try that!" He spat furiously as he stood and dusted himself off.

It was in that moment Negaduck found himself completely alone on Christmas Eve, with no friends or family to celebrate. Just him, his chainsaw, and a long night of misery-making ahead.

Just the way he liked it.

Author's Note: And thus ends the first chapter in what is no doubt destined to be a hot mess of a story. I haven't written an actual fanfic in 2-billion years so I apologize for the rough start. A special thank-you to my pals Icequeenkitty, Nemzit, and Pharaoh-Ink for their feedback and also to Rebellingstagnation because her Geronimo Series inspired me to start writing again! Prepare yourselves for some Negaduck-level shenanigans.

Also props to Kitty for thinking up the name "Sitting Duck Park" because everybody loves a good pun (and it's way more creative than anything I could come up with).