Dancing in the Moonlight

by youngandj

It was only for the moment because they were never meant to last. They lived in a time and world where she had to follow her duty to the life she was born into, and he to his own obligations of protection. Sokka/Yue oneshot

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the Avatar: The Last Airbender.

A/N: In honor of Princess Yue.

- Dancing in the Moonlight –

With her, he was always dancing. His pulse raced, his heart beat, his life was brighter when she was with him. He was never much of a dancer to begin with, though. Two left feet, his sister used to claim he had. But he danced because it was with her, and that was enough for him. It was only for the moment because they were never meant to last. They lived in a time and world where she had to follow her duty to the life she was born into, and he to his own obligations of protection. To some degree she had fallen under his jurisdiction, but she made a sacrifice her body couldn't afford which was just as good because he could never afford to be attached to earthly possessions. She was not of this earth anyhow.

At night when the moon was full he could feel the effect of longing the highest. He would steal forlorn, weary glances at the object of his affections - and his hesitation before involving himself in promiscuity. It was not something he was proud of, but he did it for his own sake only when the moon was well out of his peripheral vision. For some fleeting moment of insecurity he had believed that she could see everything he did and, in essence, right through him as well. He never thought for a second that she could ever forgive him for all the sins he committed in his past, for he was sure that he had fallen out of favor with her. He didn't like to talk about such things. No, he would prefer to restrict himself to the solitude the night can bring. Those nights had taken a heavy toll on his mind.

It must have been very hard for you, someone once told him, a friend perhaps of the distant days. Yes, well; he had tried to finish his sentence but could not bring himself to say what he wanted. He couldn't say it was exactly love that drove him to his sadness. He didn't understand a concept as complex as love, but he knew it was more than just affection. It was something that would stay with him for all the days to come and haunt him in his dreams at night. Happiness often left him with a feeling of overwhelming guilt that he could still feel it as a human and that she could not. Every night he would gaze at the moon in the dark sky, and his heart would ache continuously. He needed her now, like she used to need him.

It must have been very hard for her. At first he had not understood. He had believed there could have been an alternative, and that troubled him for a very long time. He was specifically singled out and instructed to protect her, and he couldn't bring himself to do all that he could to provide it. But for her, her customs came first above all else. Her unwavering loyalty had caught him off-guard. It put him in awe. Yet the life of a permanent thing had never appealed to him in the slightest, and it still did not. Now he had reached a point in his life where understanding would never come easy, and forgiveness was a difficult challenge that even he could not bear to overcome. Once he had stumbled upon her ghost in a swamp. She had startlingly resembled her former self with acute perception, but the words she spoke left a raw pain in his sides.

You didn't protect me. He was not surprised of the words but disappointed that she had said them to him. Disappointed at himself. He had held on to her when he should have been selfless, protected her when she should have been let go. When it was time for her to do what was honorable he had grabbed her hands, never loosening his grip. But it was she who faded away like dust and memory. He had just stood there and watched her, never so much as moving a muscle or blinking an eye in fear of missing something. All the while wondering if he could hold his breath for just a little while longer, maybe he could follow her up there and be one of her stars. But it was too late to make amends. He longed for her in the worst way. In silence and in confinement he attempted to barter his soul in exchange for hers, but the world did not work that way. Not now, not ever. In every city he ventured into, every person he met, during every brutal fight, it reminded him of the one he had lost.

Oh there were others that caught his eye, even forced him to turn his head from time to time. But they were only temporary, hidden in his deep slumber where not even moonlight can stream through. None were as pure or as beautiful as her. She was the essence of innocence, the only light in his world of dark. He grew accustomed to darkness before he would ever confess that he was hurting, but that did not matter. He heard her voice when his grief would fill him up. You didn't protect me. He sat by the flames and looked up at the white moon. I tried, you have to know, but I was not as strong as I believed I was. This world was not something he understood anymore. He would never admit it, not even to himself, but sometimes he felt like he would implode. His heart ached so much, but he had to be a man for the world to see. I am a man; he often tried to convince himself. So he put his heart on guard, wondering if she was watching him from so far away.

Without her, he was always dancing in the moonlight, hoping to close the distance between him and her, to make that moment theirs. Wishing that there could be more, and knowing that there could never be. For how far was she, really? A mile, a light-year, an eternity? No, he knew it was more like a skip away, a blink, a breath. How easy it would be to go where she is.