Rating: T
Pairing: Edwin/Edward Elric x Winry Rockbell
Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.
Word Count: 1670
Title: So Much I Can't Breathe
Description: Edwin One Shot/angst/fluff? – Post-canon, married fic
Edward surprises Winry with some news, which leads to a fight more intense than their usual shouting matches.
A/N: It's time this was released from my WIP folder. Comments are always appreciated. Enjoy!
Winry
I hear the door open to my workshop, and I wince. Is it that late already?
"I'll be out in a minute, Ed," I call. "Let me just finish this–"
"Don't bother," he interrupts me gruffly. "I just came to say goodbye for the night."
"What?" I drop the screw I'm holding and twist my neck to look over my shoulder.
I flinch when I see him. He's wearing a face I've never seen before. Dark and surly. Like he has no emotion. It's just…empty.
"I'm going to stay at the hotel in town tonight," he announces in a low tone. "We can talk in the morning."
"What?" I repeat, my voice faltering. "I don't understand."
"I'm sick of it, Winry," he says quietly. "This…whatever this is. I can't do it anymore."
He turns to leave, and I jump up from my seat. "Wait!"
He doesn't even turn around. My heart plummets as I chase him out into the yard.
"Edward! You can't just leave," I shout at his back. "Talk to me!"
He stops walking, and I freeze, waiting.
"Tell me you need me."
"Tell you I—What?" I blink at him and take a step back.
"Tell me you need me, Winry," he repeats, turning to look at me slowly.
"Are you serious?" I stare at him in shock. "You think I don't need you?"
I watch a muscle in his jaw twitch.
"Well, it sure as hell doesn't seem like it, Winry," he bites out. "You're always in your workshop obsessing over automail, and when I try to help, you just snap at me constantly about how I'm doing it wrong."
"Ed," I whisper.
"And no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to cook a decent meal or wash the damn dishes right. If I attempt to fix anything, I fuck it up. I'm just…done. I need to feel useful in my own fucking house, and right now I don't. I just feel like I'm a nuisance."
"Edward, please."
"I'm not finished," he snarls, holding his hand up.
I go quiet and wait while he takes a deep breath through his nose.
"We haven't had sex in over a month, Winry," he announces softly. "A month. Any time I mentioned it, you told me you were tired, so I quit bringing it up. But I heard you in the shower the other morning, and I know exactly what those sounds mean. So, you do have the energy, you just don't want to spend it on me."
"I thought you were asleep," I say softly. "I didn't want to wake–"
"You didn't use to mind," he cuts me off. "You used to wake me up in the middle of the night with your mouth between my legs. What happened to that?"
"I…" I feel my eyes start burning, and my chest gets tight. "I don't know," I confess. "You've been spending so much time working on your research, I didn't think…"
"Do you even want to be married to me anymore?"
The question hits me like a punch to the stomach, and I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me.
"How can you ask that?" I whisper. "I love you."
"Do you?"
My face heats with a rush of anger, and I ball my fists at my sides.
"Of course, I do, you idiot!" I scream at him, tears slipping down my cheeks. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you! But if you're just going to-to–" I throw my hand out wildly. "To give up when things get hard for you, fine!"
"I'm not giving up!" he shouts back, walking toward me. "I've tried to talk to you about this, but you've been busy doing what-the-fuck-ever in your damn shop so much you haven't given me the time of day! Since when are you so selfish?"
"Selfish?" I hiss. "You think I'm being selfish? Designing prosthetics for deserving people who have lost limbs?"
He frowns at me.
"Not like that," he growls. "You know that isn't what I meant. I mean the other times. The early mornings and late nights that I know you aren't spending making customers' designs. What about then? Are you avoiding me? What?"
"I'll admit I've been putting in extra time in the shop, Ed, but there's a good reason."
"Is that so? I hope you're not entering into another competition in Rush Valley. You have enough damn awards."
I jerk back as if he slapped me, and feel my cheeks burn.
"I didn't realize you felt that way," I murmur, "but it's not."
"It's not?"
"It's not for a competition, and I'm not avoiding you either." My voice sounds weak, and I hate it.
"Well then, what–"
"It's your leg," I speak over him.
Edward
"My…what?"
"Your leg," she explains, looking up to meet my eyes. "I'm designing you a new one. It was supposed to be an anniversary gift, but…I guess there's no point in keeping it secret anymore."
"Shit, Winry," I groan. "I…"
"I wanted to surprise you with it," she whispers, blinking rapidly to keep the visible tears in her eyes from falling.
My gut twists, and I want to bang my head against the wall.
"That's why I was working early mornings and late nights," she goes on. "I was working with a new alloy and incorporating all these cool upgrades that I thought you'd like…"
"Look, I…" I exhale slowly. "I'm an idiot," I mumble finally. "I didn't mean any of those things I said, and I'm so sorry I hurt your feelings."
"Usually, people are more honest when they're angry," she ventures carefully. "Are you sure you didn't mean anything you said?"
"I…well, no. I mean, yes? I don't know–"
"You don't know?" she echoes bitingly.
"No! I mean, God, Winry, I didn't mean to—Just…" I groan and run a hand over his face. "I shouldn't have reacted like this. I let my insecurities get the better of me, and I let myself believe something ridiculous."
"Insecurities? About what?" she asks, her tone losing its edge.
"Well, us." I exhale slowly and look away. "You're too good for me, and I know it, and sometimes…it gets to me. I love you like crazy, and the idea that you could do so much better than me–"
"Shut up."
I blink and look up at her. She looks ready to slap me, and the way her watering eyes are glaring at me is unnerving. My entire body freezes at the intensity of her gaze.
"Don't you ever say something so stupid ever again, Edward Elric," she demands, her voice vibrating with rage. "If you do, so help me, I'll knock you senseless."
"Winry, I–"
"Do you really think I would've married you if I thought I could do better?"
I start to open my mouth when she waves a hand in my face.
"Don't answer that."
I watch as she takes a few breaths before turning back to me.
"You're it for me, Ed," she says softly. "You always have been. And…it hurts that you don't think you're good enough because I know that you're so much more than that. I married you because I love you, and I want to spend my life with you. I want to have your babies and bring them up, teaching them about how their daddy saved the whole country and their Uncle Al. But it doesn't matter how much I believe in you, if you don't believe in yourself."
"Fuck. Winry, I…"
"I know you're trying to figure out how to live without alchemy still, considering you've been using it for as long as I can remember, but you're not useless. Your research is important, and I'm sorry if I nag at you sometimes–"
"I love you so much sometimes I can't breathe," I blurt out over her.
"What?"
"I just mean…I'm sorry. For all of this." I grab her hands, pulling her closer. "Can you forgive me?"
"Always." She tugs her fingers from mine and reaches up to caress my face.
With her lips so close to mine, I can't resist the pull, leaning down to kiss them. She melts against me instantly, and I slide my arms around her back.
God, Winry is everything.
After a long moment, she tucks her head into my shoulder, breaking the kiss. I rub my nose in her hair, the familiar scent instantly soothing my nerves.
"You know," she murmurs, her voice muffled. "Since it's not a surprise anymore, I could go ahead and fit you for your new leg."
"Really? Are you sure? I mean, is it done?"
She tilts her head back to meet my eyes and grins. "I just finished it last night. I really wanted to show you, actually, so I'm not really upset that you know."
"Our anniversary isn't too terribly far away anyway."
"And if I swap it out now, I'll have time to do any alterations to make sure you've completely adjusted to it before the day."
I frown at her.
"Why does that matter?"
"Well…" she starts leadingly, "maybe I should say the night."
"The night?"
"Uh-huh. If you have plans for our anniversary night, Ed, I definitely do. Plans that don't require…clothes."
I swallow hard and almost choke when I feel her hand slide under my shirt.
"You know, if you want to, we could practice right now."
"Practice?"
"Yeah," she breathes, her fingers skimming across my waist.
"You don't have work to do?" I grunt.
"Work can wait. I want to spend time with you right now."
Well, how can I say "no" to that?
"Lead the way, Mrs. Elric."
She lets out a giggle that hits me straight in the chest, and I brace myself as she leads me to the house and upstairs toward our bedroom.
What started out as a terrible confrontation took a wild turn, and I honestly couldn't be happier.