Severus Snape glared at Albus Dumbledore.
"You want me to go to France," he repeated, keeping his anger at the interfering old codger from his voice.
"You need a holiday and I insist it will be good for you," Albus replied, eyes twinkling over his half-moon glasses, smile twitching the corner of his lips.
"I have some potions I can't possibly leave at this point in time. It will destroy my work of the last three months," Severus responded in a bored tone.
"Nonsense my boy" Severus' glare intensified at that. "Surely you have not forgotten you can place a stasis charm over the potions. In fact, Minerva is doing that as we speak," Albus smiled.
"What!" Severus snarled losing his composure at the thought of that Gryffindor wench in his potions lab. Merlin only knew what else she was nosing through down there.
"A stasis charm," Albus replied deliberately misinterpreting Severus, "is a very nifty charm which you can cast on something temporarily so it doesn't change until you remove the charm. My my, how did you pass your Charms class? I had thought you had passed with high marks" Albus connivingly mused.
Severus growled in response restraining himself from casting a stasis charm on Albus. It was tempting - the image of Albus sitting frozen at his desk for the rest of the day. Maybe two. Quiet. Ignorant of all around. Stuck. It would drive Albus batty. Not that he wasn't already.
"Dobby," Albus called breaking Severus from his fantasy of a frozen non-interfering headmaster.
Dobby popped into the room laden with parcels.
"Now Dobby has kindly packed your belongings so you can head on your holiday immediately. You should thank him you know," Albus said looking expectantly at Severus. Severus' hand twitched towards his wand, recalling the stasis charm wand movements.
Severus levelled a glare which would make third years wet themselves in fear. Albus merely smiled at him. Dobby, however, took one look at Severus' face and tripped backwards in an effort to increase the distance between himself and the greasy professor before popping out of view again.
Pulling out a jar labelled Floo Powder, Albus said "Now because I know how eager you will be to enjoy your holiday, the Hogwarts wards are set so you cannot return until tomorrow. La Tremoille!" Then he waved his wand and Severus was thrown backwards into the fireplace with his parcel before being whooshed through the floo to the hotel.
-sssssssssssssssssssssss-
Severus landed with a thump on the hotel floor. Immediately surrounded by house elves, which seemed more like nifflers sighting gold, they busily and numerously scurried to serve him.
Shrugging the eager house elves off, he stood and focused his gaze on the girl at the desk. Finally someone who would wilt under his glare.
Striding towards the counter he watched the girl intently. Hearing footsteps she looked up, flashing a toothy smile in place that immediately blanched and slid from her face like melting jelly on a window. She seemed to shrink as he came closer, shoulders hunching as though trying to protect herself.
"Bonjour. B-bienvenue à La Tremoille. Co-comment puis-je vous aider sir?" She shook. (Translation Hello. W-welcome to La Grande Tremoille. Ho-how can I assist you sir?)
"Severus Snape checking in, of course you incompetent girl," he sneered.
The girl visibly gulped.
Switching to heavily accented English the French girl responded "Of co-ourse. O-one moment please while I bring up you-ur details sir."
"Well hurry up I have got things to do."
In reality, he had nothing planned for today except attending to his potions. Working on cures for spells, potions and magical diseases. The meddling ungrateful codger Albus had destroyed his peaceful plans. Peace was a rare commodity at Hogwarts, which outside of summer was overflowing with idioitic children waving wands like it was their Merlin given right at everything in the castle and beyond.
"Aren't you done yet." He snapped.
"A-almost Mr Snape, I"
"Professor."
"So-orry, Professor Snape. Here we go, this is your room key. Le-level two on the right, the house elves will take your bags to the room." The girl quivered, handing over the room key.
Swiping the key from her hand Severus whipped around and strode to the exit, cloak billowing behind him, in search of a place to eat.
Stepping onto the pavement he scowled at all the couples exchanging copious amounts of saliva in front of the Eiffel Tower. He saw nothing romantic about what he witnessed, rather just the jumped up hormones of young and old allowed free reign in this "city of love".
With a subtle flick of his wand it pointed him to the entrance of the magical restaurant at the top of the Tower. He may as well have a good meal at a place with privacy spells so he wasn't forced to witness the sickening sight of hormones out of control.
Shortly thereafter, Severus found himself in the quiet restaurant with 360 degree views, watching the dots roaming the ground far below like spilt lemon drops.
-sssssssssssssssssssssss-
Walking around the Tower after lunch, Severus spied a young lady stumbling back and forth through the wizarding crowd. What she was tripping on he had no idea, but every time she stumbled she would almost lose the pile of bottles in her arms.
His eyes perused the rest of the crowd, mostly people with their partners or devil spawn children, a few single people (some enjoying the surrounds others just looking morose) and one or two who looked tempted by the height to experience the fall.
Sighing with boredom he turned to leave, considering that he might be able to find an ancient potions book in one of the out of the way bookstores while he was in Paris so this trip was not a complete waste of time. Maybe he should put a potion in Albus' drink when he returned… or better yet Albus' beloved lemon drops.
Smack.
Thump.
Crash.
Severus lurched backwards at the sudden impact which felt like a buffalo hitting him at full speed.
The impact knocked him sideways into the man who had been considering jumping, who in turn, unbalanced over the edge of the railing.
Screaming a high pitch sound Severus would have expected from a two year old testing its vocal ranges, the unbalanced man clung to the railing, obviously having changed his mind about the drop.
Smoke began to fill the air as Severus jumped back to his feet to assist the man as onlookers watched – about half having the presence of mind, or lack of, to use their imaging recorders to capture the event – the others standing gobsmacked and useless.
Severus hauled the man over the railing, not wanting to use his wand due to the smoke around of which he had yet to determine the source of. The wrong wand movement around potions was dangerous. Bringing the man over the rail he quickly toppled back to the ground with a painful thud; his feet having been smacked from under him by flailing limbs.
Glancing to see who dared to knock him over he saw the stumbling lady on the ground desperately trying to get colour substances of her skin with all the grace of a squid out of water.
"Get it off get it off GET IT OFF!" the stumbling lady gasped.
Severus frowned realising the bottles had been potions that now covered not only the girl but his clothes and the ground around.
And it was moving.
Fast.
The potions combining and expanding like out of control devil snare.
This was dangerous.
And stupid.
In the magical world you never combined the potions unless you were a trained professional – carrying multiple potions in breakable containers was ludicrous.
Severus grabbed the lady pulling her to her unstable feet. Shaking her, he asked, "What were you carrying?"
"Potions. GET THEM OFF ME!" she wailed.
Severus snapped, "Stop wailing and tell me what potions."
"I CAN'T…. Emotlicon, Stinartus, Anacrolua ….ARGH!... Ciptonus, Livinarus, Polyjuice, Peruvian Blast, Acidanus … OFF OFF GET IT OFF!"
Severus gasped. No wonder the lady was like this as he thought over the list of potions:
Emotlicon - a potion which switched a person's emotions to the opposite emotion, usually used on trauma or violent patients it could turn a calm person hysterical)
Stinartus - a stinging potion (a rather dark potion at that)
Anacrolua - the spider potion (another dark one which made it feel as though spiders were crawling under your skin… hmmm have to let George Weasley know about that one sometime, he was bound to then put some of that in Ronald Weasley's drink)
Ciptonus – a substance which dissolved any metal when mixed with acid
Livinarus – usually an innocuous potion which sped up your actions but now seemed to speed up the effects of the other potions
Polyjuice – changed a person's appearance when mixed with hair and drunk
Peruvian Blast – a smoke potion, which would have caused this dastardly thick haze
Acidanus – a painful acid potion used for removing layers of skin
Wait…acid.
Oh Merlin.
A feeling of horror crept upon Severus as he looked around through the haze.
He saw the potions were eating through the structure.
Creeeeeaaak.
The level dropped suddenly. One metre. Everyone fell to the floor except Severus this time. Recording devices began falling off the side.
BEEP BEEP BEEP
"This is an emergency. Could all magical persons please Apparate to the emergency gathering point in the French Ministry located at co-ordinates 48.8567° N, 2.3508° E or a location of your choosing. If you are unable to Apparate please congregate at the restaurant and pick up a salt or pepper shaker which are actually portkeys. For safety reasons please follow these instructions immediately."
Suddenly all the gawkers realised the danger and started to disappear.
Looking once more at the structure he decided that perhaps it was best he didn't halt the work of the potions, easy though it would be. He figured that the lovers had holidayed in Paris for far too long and it was now time for a more intellectual group of people to visit the city without being forced to witness the 'romance'.
Severus grabbed the clumsy lady who was in no state to Apparate and took them both back to his hotel.
-sssssssssssssssssssssss-
Grabbing his bag off the hotel bed he found his potions (all in unbreakable sealed jars) and pulled out the ones to counter this mess of potions.
Turning around he screamed.
Yes Severus screamed.
Although you probably would too if faced with an hysterical Severus Snape in very tight and somewhat torn clothing. Damn, she must have also swallowed Polyjuice potion that had mixed in his hair when he was knocked over. Having flashbacks to the description of Neville Longbottom combating a boggart his mouth dropped in horror at the girl who had just morphed into his image.
"GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!" the Snape imposter wailed.
Now that was just disturbing.
Disconcerted Severus handed over the potions one by one to stop the effects. Unfortunately he'd have to wait an hour until the Polyjuice wore off – no counter for that one. Note to self – create a counter to the Polyjuice potion.
Eventually the Snape imposter calmed down and what had happened began to set in.
"Oh Merlin, do you think the Tower is okay?" imposter Snape asked.
Severus decided it was probably best for her/him to see the damage firsthand instead of trying to describe what looked like a Neville Longbottom type result. "We should be able to see what happened from my balcony. Follow me."
Severus led the way to the balcony doors, taking a deep breath before opening them. The door swung wide. The Tower stood in front.
Or what was left of it.
The twisted hulk of metal looked like a giant lake of acid had been poured over it. Which he supposed thanks to the mixing potions it had.
Smoke rose from the desolate scene in front.
Wails of distress and a lot of outraged swearing could be heard.
At least the hormones had now taken a backseat for now, Paris could now be stomached by the not so nauseatingly in love.
"Whoops," imposter Snape muttered.
"Whoops indeed Ms…."
"oh, Miss Sierra Cassowarick. Thank you for your assistance …."
"Professor Severus Snape."
"Thank you Professor Snape. I apologise for knocking into you and indeed looking like you. Some hormonal couple bumped into me while they were dancing on the Tower, unfortunately just as I tripped. I was promised these were unbreakable bottles by my employer. At least he no longer has a potions lab due to his lying."
"You worked for Le Potions Pty Ltd situated in the Tower?"
"Yes."
"Mr Lefroy always was a terrible business man and potions master," Severus replied.
"You know him?" asked imposter Snape, surprised.
"Indeed. Why would you work with that useless flobberworm?"
"He promised I could be his apprentice. I signed an agreement and am stuck working with him, even though he hasn't come through on his part of the deal. It's okay I get revenge by giving potions to his kids when they come by. They use them at home when they are bored or annoyed. So quite often actually. Mr Lefroy still hasn't figured out where the kids get them from. Last time I gave the kids a potion for a 48 hour English accent. He missed three days of work 'sick' the following week. He really hates the English and was so embarrassed by the accent."
"Fourty-eight hours… that's three times the usual length. I suppose you added the unicorn hair during boiling rather than simmering." Severus mused.
"Yes, I wanted some peace in the office for a while." She said with a shrug.
They stood gazing at the melted ornament across from them. "You know I quite like the new Tower. It's like a piece of abstract art now rather than an iron pinnacle. To me it looks like a burnt old oak tree, peaceful," She said after lengthy contemplation.
"I see an old man held in a stasis charm," Severus responded.
"Really, how interesting."
Severus though it best not to elaborate on who the old man was, but the thought of this image gave him some amusement.
Soon the hour wore off and Sierra returned to her own self, although the torn clothing was hardly dignified. Fixing it with a swish of her wand she thanked Severus for his assistance and left with the determination to end her work contract given the debacle her employer's lies had caused. She thought she might try her hand at potion creation instead. She had heard of a fascinating company called WWW which did a lot of experimenting. It could be a good change.
Severus spent the remainder of his day in search of potions books, rare ingredients and a bag of lemon drops. Agreeable with the progress he made he fell asleep on the altogether far too soft hotel bed with some contentment.
-sssssssssssssssssssssss-
Early the next morning he called the house elves to pack his belongs, checked out and flooed back to Hogwarts. He'd flooed directly to his own rooms to avoid Albus flooing him somewhere else.
In a hurry he set up his potions lab he brewed a special potion he had created years ago. He quickly prepared and added the ingredients. Then stirring carefully he brought the concoction to a boil. He watched with smug satisfaction as the colour change from a deep purple to a clear liquid. Once finished he carefully dipped each of the lemon drops in the liquid before placing them back in the bag and resealing it.
A smirk crossed his lips as he sat down and waited for Albus to come and meddle.
Albus came in soon after, singing the Hogwarts song to a polka tune. Severus hated that song and he wouldn't put it passed the codger to be singing it just to annoy him.
"Welcome back my boy. I see you had fun in Paris." Albus said waving The Daily Prophet in his face. Pictures of the Eiffel Tower immediately caught his eye, including one of himself getting knocked into by the Sierra.
"She's a pretty girl. It says you left together," Albus deliberately goaded. "With love blossoming between you two I am surprised you would let such a symbol of romance as the Eiffel Tower be destroyed."
"I had no control over the balance problems of a child nor over those potions Albus. They both belonged to a potions company." Severus sneered.
"And you didn't know the spell to fix them? Hmmm perhaps we need you to retake your potion masters course. What do you say my boy?"
Snarling, Severus grabbed the lemon drops and threw them at Albus before stalking out of the room.
Albus looked at the lemon drops and smiled. H would share these with the rest of the staff at lunch.
At lunch that day Severus felt true joy.
True blissful joy.
The chaos his altered lemon drops had caused made it impossible for the surly potions master to stop sniggering for the rest of the week.
He was confident Albus wouldn't force another 'holiday' on him for a long, long time.
The End
Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed the story - feedback is definately welcome so please send me a review :) Also a big thanks to my Beta reader - NJ Coffee Queen!