I have a huge headache, so please excuse any typos. This is AU, like all of my stuff.
-
Here I am, Emma Nelson, Cause Girl, and my world is falling apart.
All of my smiles are completely fake and well-practiced.
I don't think I can pretend anymore. I can't pretend that my dad doesn't care that I saw someone get shot. I can't pretend that my mom didn't walk out on me and Snake, or that baby Jack isn't sick. Jack is always fucking sick. And I'm always the one to take care of him. I'm the one whose shirts have been puked on countless times while Snake tries to write lesson plans or do laundry or clean. I'm trying to be the good daughter, I really am, but it's hard when all of your friends have abandoned you for boys or drinking or parties or homework and you're all alone. I'm really scared that one day, I'll cut too deep or someone will see the art etched in my arm.
Yes, I've picked up the habit of cutting. I got it from Ellie; it struck me as a good idea. At the time, that is.
Lately I haven't been able to explain my behavior. I'm skipping classes and drinking and fucking random boys. I'm a total whore. I'm a tease. I fuck guys then say I'll call them: I never do. But it's not my loss, since I know that there will be guys lined up to see Emma Green-Peace Nelson getting shitfaced. They want to see me down an entire bottle of vodka in one night.
I've changed more than you could ever imagine. I wear baggy clothes so no one can see my drastic weight loss. I party. I'm quietly screaming. Ellie has changed me. Yeah, we're friends now. I curse. I fail tests. I disobey my superiors. I'm just plain worthless.
I'm Emma Nelson.
-
Dr. Morrison looked up at me with sad eyes. "Emma, your weight has dropped dangerously low."
"I know."
"But there are more important things to talk to you about. Emma, have you engaged in sexual intercourse?."
"Yeah,." I replied, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear.
"Did you use protection?."
I sighed. "Nope."
"Why not?." Dr. Morrison looked at me.
"We were in the mood and there weren't any condoms or anything around. No big deal, I don't have any STDs." I shrugged.
"Emma, you're pregnant. And your weight loss isn't going to help the baby any."
"I know." I sighed. "Look, I have places to be, people to see. I have to get home to help my dad with the baby. Anything else"
"Emma, I want to see you next week. If you haven't gained five pounds by then, I'll be forced to tell your father."
I yawned. "Whatever."
"Emma, please. Don't be stupid."
I stood. "Have a nice day, Dr. Morrison."
-
What do you think so far? I don't know if I want to continue or not. I just need some feedback! Sorry for the punctuation. I really don't know what the hell is wrong with it. Much love,
Zoe