…this actually happened, by the way.
Honest.
DISCLAIMER: Just consider it disclaimed.
The sun rose over Quantico, Virginia. SSA Aaron Hotchner, being the disciplined man he was, had been up before dawn. Now, on this fine Saturday morning, with all his paperwork squared away, his perfect little boy fast asleep, and his beautiful wife in the kitchen preparing for a dinner party she was hosting that evening, Hotch sipped his coffee at peace. In his line of work, those slowly-enjoy-your-coffee-and-watch-the-sun-rise-without-worrying-about-unsubs moments were rare as a four-leaf clover, and thus to be savoured.
Then, his phone rang.
The buzzing box of doom buzzed from its normal place in his pants pocket. The jingling tone of the 'Incredibles' theme heralded a call from the BAU's tech-savvy mass o' sass, Garcia, who'd insisted on picking her own assigned ringtone.
He answered.
There was a case.
Of course.
Morning ruined.
Shit.
Hotch gulped the last mouthful of coffee and dashed upstairs to the safe in his and Hayley's room. Ever the family man, he kept his gun and badge out of Jack's reach. The gun in the hands of the curious four-year-old could be disastrous. As for the badge…well, it was nice to play 'civilian' sometimes, even if his job was always there.
But his badge wasn't.
He cracked opened the safe to see his gun and badge gone.
Of course.
Job ruined.
Shit.
"Hayley!" he yelled, in his famous Hotch outdoor voice.
"What!" called Hayley, still prepping casserole in the kitchen.
"Where's my gun and badge?" Hotch began dashing back down the stairs – wheels were going up in thirty!
"What?"
"Where. Is. My. Gun and Badge!" Hotch rummaged through the pillows on the couch. Had they fallen off his belt?
"Um…I put them away!" Hotch froze.
"Where?!" Hayley froze.
"Why do you need to know?!" she yelled, pure, unadulterated sass leaking into her voice.
"I need them!" Hotch wasn't whining. Honest.
"Uh-uh! Don't you think about running off doing no daring-do. We've been planning this dinner for two months!" Okay, his job was important. But he was not leave the state tonight! Meanwhile, Hotch flopped onto the couch.
"The public is in danger!" Not. Whining.
"My evening's in danger!" A wiser man may have let it lie. Not Hotch. He shot to his feet.
"You tell me where my suit is, woman! We are talking about the greater good!" Hotch protested. Hayley appeared in the living room doorway, hands on hips, exuding levels of sass that would make Garcia jealous.
"'Greater good!'" she snapped. "I. Am. Your. WIFE! I'm the greatest "good" you are ever gonna get!"