A/N: This got requested by a friend of mine. I'm not sorry for anything here.

Also, I don't own DR and whatever

WARNING: Fic contains drug use and a horribly cracky OT3. Viewer discretion is advised.

If there was one student in the 78th Class that Junko Enoshima genuinely liked aside from her sister, it was Yasuhiro Hagakure.

There was something about the guy that just made her smile every time he opened his mouth to talk - she supposed that was part of him being a Hope's Peak student, to 'lead the next generation with the power of hope' or some shit. It made her skin crawl to hear such a cliche.

Or, maybe, just maybe, it had to do with their common taste in plant life.

She had discovered it totally by accident one day - she was needing to get away from Ishimaru after another skipped class and the inevitable detention that would follow - and in her getaway, she found Hagakure, who was also skipping out on classes for the day, smoking a blunt that he'd gotten from his friend.

"Oh, hey Junko-chi!" He greeted the fashionista with that sickeningly sweet voice of his, though it seemed slightly more gravel-y than usual. Probably from the weed. "You wanna try some? I bet it'll push all the troubles away!"

Junko paused for a moment. She didn't particularly care for smoking - even she thought it was disgusting - but if it meant that she could get the image of that stupid Ishimaru out of her head...

And that was how Junko Enoshima smoked her first blunt with Yasuhiro Hagakure.

A couple of months passed since that fateful day, and Junko had since taken to meeting with Hagakure out back after school to smoke up instead of during classes, so that they wouldn't get caught. It was a simple enough arrangement: they'd hook up after school, smoke a couple blunts, and split off after they'd gotten high enough to not worry about things for a while. Junko was usually snapped out of her high quickly with the help of Mukuro, but she never did care much for Junko's bad habits.

Being a soldier must have crammed a stick up her ass permanently, Junko thought.

One day, during their lunch break, Hagakure came over to Junko briefly in the cafeteria to ask her something.

"Hey, Junko-chi, is it alright if I bring a friend along with me today?" Hagakure asked the fashionista, to which she raised an eyebrow.

"Why're you asking me for? You're the one who's packing the stuff all the time..." Junko replied. It kinda pissed her off how Hagakure never directed her to his dealer, considering how much weed they'd smoked over the last few weeks.

"Well, actually, this time my friend's bringing it. He's... kind of my dealer." The shaman replied with a sheepish look on his face, which had Junko's eyes lighting up in anticipation. Hagakure's face then contorted back into its natural smile, before leaving the cafeteria with a wave. "See you later, Junko-chi!" He called out as Junko nodded in approval before going back to her salad.

After her final class, Junko raced out the door to her usual meeting place. She was surprised that Ishimaru wasn't around to scold her for running as she flung open the doors, but she was glad about that. After all, she hated his stupid preppy...

"Oh, hey Junko-chi!"

Her thoughts were cut off by Hagakure, who was coming out the door...

And following him was the last person Junko expected to see: one Kiyotaka Ishimaru.

"Ah, Enoshima-san! How are you doing today?" Ishimaru greeted the model in usual loud voice. Junko glared at Hagakure as she grabbed his arm and dragged him off to the side.

"Why. Is. He. Here." Junko seethed, as Hagakure threw his hands up defensively.

"Woah there, Junko-chi! I thought you've been wanting to meet my dealer?" The shaman replied, to which Junko couldn't even respond to. She couldn't blink, couldn't move, couldn't talk. This bit of info that she'd just gotten rocked her world to the core: Ishimaru, the very person she'd been trying to purge from her mind, was the one who was indirectly responsible for her & Hagakure meeting up all the time.

What.

"Now then, if you don't mind, I'd like to get going right away! I have a lot of business I must take care of!" Ishimaru shouted out, tapping his foot impatiently as if he was loaded with clients.

"Holy shit." Junko could only muster those two simple words and Hagakure led her to the usual spot.

After about an hour, Junko had lost count of how many blunts she'd already gone through. With Ishimaru in tow and sufficiently high, Hagakure managed to coax a lot more weed and rolling papers out of him.

She really needed to learn how to do that.

"Hey Junko-chi~" Hagakure said after some time of the group simply giggling, as he crawled over to the model and rested his head on her lap. She was shocked at first, but... hey, she was high. She didn't care now.

"Oh? Two months and you're just now making a move~?" Junko teased, as she ruffled her stoner friend's hair. Ishimaru just sat on the other end of the alley, giggling away still as he looked at the scene before him.

"H-hey man... It ain't like that~" Hagakure replied, digging his head deeper into Junko's lap. "I'm just gettin' comfy is all~"

"Riiiiiiiiiiight... I totally believe you, Haga-kun~" Junko was having too much fun at this point, what with her best friend in her lap and her now-former arch-nemesis across from her giggling like a schoolgirl. Both in pitch and in frequency, she might add.

Then the giggling stopped, somewhat. "H-hey..." Ishimaru sputtered out. Junko couldn't tell just how high he was, but if he was even slurring his words like a drunk, then he really should stick to dealing.

"What is it, Ishi-chi~?" Hagakure asked, trying to lift his head up before it was met by a svelte hand pushing it back down. As much as she figured it was the weed talking, Junko liked him better that way.

"Wh-what if..." Ishimaru began, continually stumbling over his words before he found the right ones. "We jus'... jus' do it. Ri'now. All threeovus." Hagakure and Junko both looked at each other, then back to Ishimaru, then at their phones to check the time, then up to see if the aliens had been trying to abduct them yet, then back at each other, then back to Ishimaru.

That was how Junko Enoshima had her first three-way, and subsequently how she lost her virginity to the most unlikely pair of stoners ever.

A/N: I'm not sorry for this. At all.