a one-shot that I have been thinking about. I have writers block right now for my other story because with fitz being saved and all good now, I don't really know what to do yet :(

degrassi owns everything.

This is how I think Clare's life would have been if Julia and Eli never got into that fight which caused her to run away and get hit by a car.

If Julia Never Died

Clare's POV

Alli was going on and on about something that I honestly couldn't care less about as we walked over to our usual lunch spot. I gave her the occasional nod and "Oh really?" so she wouldn't know that I was not paying attention to her. But I just couldn't concentrate with them sitting at the popular table, laughing, giving each other pecks, and feeding each other food into their mouths. The sight was stomach churning. Couldn't she feed herself? Being pregnant should not prevent you from being able to do such simple tasks. I gagged in disgust as I set down my lunch tray.

"I know right! That's exactly what I did when I saw Dave and that tall girl frenching on the front steps this morning. I mean I'm happy for Dave and all but that's just a little too disturbing for the human eye to see!" Alli said as she broke me out of my reverie.

"Huh? Oh yeah. That's why I gagged..haha.." I said as I looked down, picking at my food.

"Clare, are you even listening? Tell me what's wrong." That's one of the few things I did not like about Alli. She could always easliy tell when something was bothering me. I nodded towards Jenna and K.C. and Alli let out a long sigh.

"Clare, It's been months. It's time to move on. Your even worse than me when it comes to getting over a guy," Alli said with a hint of annoyance in her voice. I didn't blame her for being a little annoyed with me. I still haven't gotten over the whole K.C. leaving me for Jenna and getting her knocked up even after all this time.

"I can't help it Alli. It's not like I want to be the girl who lets a stupid high school relationship get in the way of her happiness but it really hurts having to look at that every day. I mean, even after he broke up with me for Jenna, there was still hope that maybe someday he'd come back to me even if I'm not a beautiful, blonde cheerleader. But when I found out he was going to have a child with her, all that hope vanished. Even if he did somehow wanted to come back to me, it wouldn't be right. I wouldn't let him abandon his and Jenna's own child no matter how much I dislike her. How would you feel if Drew got Bianca pregnant all of the sudden?" I told her, finally saying what I was bottling up for weeks. She looked down at her food and gave me a sad smile, indicating that she knew she would feel the same as me if that happened. She claimed that she was over Drew after what happened, but anyone could easily see that she is just like me, suffering every day because of some stupid boy.

"There are plenty of other fish in the sea. I see that guy over there checking you out almost every day," Alli said as she pointed to a guy whose name was Fitz, I think. He was messing with someone by holding his comic book out of his reach as the slender male was jumping up to get it.

"Please tell me you are joking Alli. There is no denying that he's insanely hot but he's one of the school's biggest jerks. And plus, there's no way he would even look twice at a girl like me," I said as I uncomfortably watched him torment the student wearing a beanie. After Fitz finally gave him the book back, he looked up and caught me starring at him. He winked at me and smiled, and I immediately felt the heat rush to my face. I tore my gaze away from him only to see Alli beaming at me in delight.

"I told you! He totally likes you!" Alli squealed.

"He was probably looking at you Alli. You're way prettier than me anyways. It would only make sense," I said as Alli rolled her eyes.

"Don't say that, Clare. You are beautiful," she said with sincerity as she squeezed my hand. As much as I wanted that to be true, it wasn't. Even after a change in hairstyle and laser eye surgery, what I see in the mirror is not a beautiful girl. I don't have beautiful long lashes like Alli or beautiful blonde hair like Jenna. Nor do I wear pretty clothes like my sister.

"Thanks Alli, but I still don't think Fitz is the guy for me."

"There has got to be someone you like besides stupid K.C." Alli said as she scanned over the cafeteria trying to play match maker. There aren't many people like K.C, sadly. He has everything that I always wanted- brains, an adorable smile, charm...I could go on for hours listing the amazing qualities of K.C. Guthrie. He of course has bad qualities too like uncontrollable anger, a bad temper, and of course the tendency to leave his current girlfriend who loves him for blonde bimbos. Although, another person came to mind who also had some of K.C's good qualities.

"Actually...there is someone, and he's also my English partner. He's really cute, funny, and mysterious too," I said as I thought about his piercing green eyes, smart remarks, and crooked smile.

"Who?" Alli shouted as her big brown eyes lit up.

"His name is Eli. He's the one wearing all black and the one who has his arms wrapped tightly around that girl..." I mumbled sadly as Alli's face fell. I knew that if anyone could help me get over K.C, it was him.

If I had a type, it definitely wasn't Eli Goldsworthy, but something about him was very alluring and attractive to me. He and his girlfriend acted much differently than K.C and Jenna. It seemed much deeper, and more passionate by the way they stared into each other's eyes and the way he gently stroked her cheek every once in a while. I would never try to steal him away from her. It would be blasphemous to break that kind of bond between two people.

"What about that guy sitting next to him who Fitz was messing with earlier? He's Drew's step-brother, Adam."

"I know him. He seems nice, but I don't like him like that."

Suddenly Adam, Eli, and his girlfriend got up and started walking towards me. Alli gave me a questioning look and I just shrugged. As Eli got closer I realized that he was just going to give me my English essay back that he edited. "Hey Clare. I read your story," Eli said as he handed me my essay.

"Uh..t-thanks. Did you like it?" I said as I tried avoiding eye contact. His presence alone made me nervous.

"Well...it has the potential to be an amazing story, but it's missing something. I think you should try writing about something more personal, like what really pisses you off," he said as he gave me another one of his signature, crooked grins. "I'd help you but I promised to spend time with my beautiful girlfriend. Oh, this is Julia by the way," he introduced her to me as she held out a pale, slender hand painted with black nail polish.

"I've heard nothing but great things about you. It's nice to finally meet you," I said as I tried masking my sadness.

"Likewise," Julia said simply. I guess she was a woman of few words. I took a good look at her, and I could see why Eli is crazy about her just by her looks. She was pretty much Eli himself, but with two x chromosomes.

The bell rang abruptly and I picked up my lunch, which was barely touched, as I got up. "Thanks for the advice Eli. I'll see you around?"

"Guess you will," Eli said as he took Julia's hand and walked away.

"Why him. Why do I have to like him, Alli? Out of everyone in the world, the person who I like and the person who I can't get over are both taken," I cried out as Alli took my arm.

"I'm sorry, Clare. Someday you will find a guy that's right for you. I'm positive."

"I have to get over K.C. first," I said miserably as Alli and I walked to our next class.

At last, 7th period ended and I was free to finally go home. When I was putting my books back in my locker I heard someone call out my name in a very shrilling voice.

"Clare! Guess what, guess what, guess what, guess whaaaaat?" Jenna sang as she dragged K.C's tall body along with her down the hall to get to my locker. Jenna thought that I didn't hate her and that we were friends again, so she was never mean to me besides for what she did last year.

"Whoa someone's a little hyper," I laughed, holding back a glare of hatred. Alli walked up beside me and asked what was going on.

"It's great news!" If the news was her moving back to Tennessee, that would definitely be great news. "In a few months after the baby is born...K.C. and I are going to get married!" That's when my heart stopped.

"And I want you and Alli to be my bridesmaids!" That's when I prayed to God for forgiveness for when I strangle Jenna by the neck. I was about to loose control when Alli hugged me tightly to keep me from murdering Jenna, and to make it seem like she was happy to hear the news.

When Alli could tell that I was finally in control of my emotions K.C. said, "So what do you say, will you? Jenna and I would really appreciate it," while pushing his shaggy hair out of his eyes.

No. Absolutely not. I would rather remove my wisdom teeth with my own bare hands than be her bridesmaid. Being her bridesmaid would be like spending a day in hell! I would have to be absolutely and incredibly insane if I were to say yes to such thing!

"...I'd love to," I forced out with gritted teeth. I have no idea how those three words even came out, but they did, and I must say that was certainly the biggest lie told in the entire history of the world. Jenna squealed, thanked me and gave me a hug which felt extremely awkward considering that she could barely wrap her arms around me with her enormous belly in the way.

"What about you?" K.C. asked Alli.

"I'd be honored," Alli said with a genuine smile. It kind of hurt me that Alli actually seemed happy to be the bridesmaid of the person I loathe but Alli's always wanted to be one, so I decided to let it go.

Jenna hugged us both one more time, much to my dismay. It surprised me when K.C. bent down to hug me as well. It shouldn't have meant anything, because friends hug each other all the time, but I couldn't help but be reminded of my memories from last year- when I was actually happy. I breathed in his scent which I missed so much, and for a brief moment, everything was alright. I had my arms around his neck and he was kissing him softly and sweetly. Much too soon, he pulled back from the hug and I was back in reality. I got to look him in his hazel eyes for the first time since the break up when he pulled back, and that was a really bad move. I could see pure happiness and love, but not with me. Jenna made him happy, happier than I've ever made him. They said goodbye, he flashed his teeth at me one more time, completely oblivious of what he was doing to me.

They walked away hand in hand, and I felt my heart shatter. There was definitely no hope left for K.C. to ever love me again. I felt my throat tighten, and my eyes started to water.

"You wanna come over? We can watch The Notebook or something and pig out on ice-cream. It helped after Johnny and I broke up," Alli said sadly, seeing that I was in serious pain.

"No thanks. I just want to be alone," I sniffed.

Nearly everyone has already gone home, and I have been on the front steps of the school for nearly two hours, tears flowing like rivers down my face as I sobbed. My mother must have forgotten to pick me up, probably distracted from fighting with dad, and I couldn't find the strength to get up and walk home. I heard a few footsteps behind me, but I was too busy crying my eyes out to look to see who was there,

"Who's the asshole?" a male voice said he took a seat beside me on the stairs.

"None of your business," I snapped with my face buried in my hands.

"Look, do you want me to beat up the bastard who did this to you? Because I'd be glad to do so."

I finally looked up and saw that it was Fitz. "Thanks, but no thanks," I said after wiping my eyes.

"Are you at least going to tell me who did this to you?" How did he even know that it was a boy who was the reason for all these tears?

"Like I said, none of your business."

"Fine, but you asked for it." he said while bringing his hand to my torso.

"Asked for wha-" he interrupted me mid sentence by tickling me mercilessly. "Stop...it...now!" I shouted in between laughs.

"Not until you tell me," he said while tickling me even harder. Was he really this immature?

"Okay!Okay! I'll tell you! It's K.C!" he finally stopped. Thank God.

"Oh I know that kid. Bianca and I had a drink with him once. What did he do?"

"Dumped me for a blonde cheerleader, got her knocked up, and is now marrying her."

"Ouch." Fitz said with a sad smile.

"And to make matters worse, another guy I like has a girlfriend."

"Who's the dude?" Gosh, he is pretty nosy.

"Eli Goldsworthy," wait, why the heck was I even telling him this? It was weird though, I felt really comfortable talking to him. Even though I was aware of his ruthless bullying to innocent people all around the school, right now, he seemed like a really down to earth guy.

"You mean that freak who drives the hearse?"

"Yes, and I'd prefer you not call him a freak."

"Well I think they are retarded or something, because even a not-so-smart guy like me would drop anyone for a cute girl like you," Fitz said as he nudged me with his elbow. I raised an eyebrow at him. He actually thought I was cute? He was probably just trying to make me feel better or something.

"I find that hard to believe. They don't like me because I'm no blonde cheerleader, or even a tiny bit pretty. All I am and all I ever will be, is the smart one. No more, no less," I said as a tear escaped from my right eye.

He brought one of his fingers to my cheek and wiped of the tear. His blue eyes looked straight into mine and he said something that made me feel terrified. "You are so much more than the smart one."

hope you guys liked it. and sorry for all the terribly long gaps in between updates :( i hope you guys understand. please review! I love you all!