Leonard was out for a late night stroll through the park near the apartment he shared with Seldon at 2311 Los Robles Avenue. He had stopped at the center of a small wooden bridge that arched over a little ravine and was leaning against the railing and gazing into the night sky, when he got a sudden feeling of being watched. Turning his head to the left, he noticed a thin, dapperly dressed man with dark hair, greying at the temples.
"He-l-lo-o," said Leonard nervously. "Is there something I can do for you."
"Leonard Hofstader," said the stranger in a baritone voice. It was a statement, not a question.
"Do I know you?" Leonard replied.
"No," said the man, "But I know you, I am your Guardian Angel!"
"O-kay, Doh-kay," replied Leonard, with an expression usually reserved for one of Sheldon's crazy outbursts. "Do you have a name?"
"Um, Angelo, yes that'll do! But you can call me Angie, you know, like "Yo, Angeeee..."
"Yea, I already did that joke, wasn't that funny the first time."
"Leonard," intoned the man, getting back on track, "You have plenty of reasons not to do what you are contemplating."
"Wait...what?" said Leonard, with a puzzled look on his face. "What the frack are you talking about?"
"Why, jumping, of course," said the man. "Off the bridge," he continued, noting the baffled expression on the physicist's face. "Ending it all would be a grave mistake. I can show you what life would be like for your friends if you ceased to exist."
"First of all," Leonard said, "I had no intention of jumping off this bridge, and secondly, it's only a six foot drop into a grassy ravine. The worst that would happen is a few bruises, maybe a sprained ankle, tops!"
"Ah, they're always in denial," the supposed angel sighed to himself. "Come," he said to Leonard in his authoritative baritone, "I will show you the devastation your death will have on the lives of others."
"Fine, whatever," Leonard replied, figuring that his old policy of knuckling under would be the fastest way to put an end to this guy's shtick.
There was a whooshing sound and suddenly Leonard found himself standing beside "Angie" in the familiar confines of Penny's apartment. Said blonde was seated on the sofa, elbows on her knees and head in her hands, sobbing hysterically. She began declaiming to herself in an overly melodramatic voice.
"Why Leonard, why have you left me alone?! You had so much to live for, I was going to finally tell you that I love you."
"Whoa, whoa, hold it right there!" said Leonard with an exasperated sigh. Penny froze in mid gesture and Leonard turned to the angel. "You're like, a season behind! She's said that she loves me several times already. In fact, Bernadette let it slip that she is going to propose at midnight on New Year's Eve, so why would I kill myself now?"
"Really?"
"Really.
"So I don't need to tell you how, in her depression over losing you, Penny would leave Pasadena and her dreams of being an actress, move back to Nebraska and become a lonely spinster with fourteen cats."
"No!" stated Leonard emphatically, "We are going to spend the rest of our lives together, happily everafter. And who still says spinster, anyway?"
"Oookay, what about Sheldon? How he will be unable to cope without someone to drive him places, or the hundreds of roommate applicants he'll make mortal enemies of?" queried the Angel.
"Well," said Leonard, "when Penny and I get married, I'm not going to stay with Sheldon, or even live in her apartment for any length of time. What with the possibility of children, we'll eventually need a bigger place, so the point is moot. And, in spite of popular belief, Sheldon can take care of himself, he just prefers having a toady to do things for him so he can concentrate on his, quote/unquote, important work. Besides, Amy is more than willing to take my place."
"I see," said Angelo. "So, you really weren't going to jump off that bridge?"
"Nope, I really wasn't."
"Oh," the angel paused in thought. "Then my work here is done," he said with a grandiose tone.
There was a dazzle of lights and that whooshing noise once again and Leonard was back on the bridge in the park, alone. He shook his head ruefully and went back to contemplating how to act surprised at New Year's when Penny popped the question.
The End.