AN: So let me start by saying this: I think the scene with Kurt and Rachel busting into the Gershwin and singing "For Good" is perfect just the way it is. It's one of my favorite scenes ever on the show, and I would never want to "take away" an adorable Hummelberry friendship moment. But it struck me that some of the lyrics to "For Good," particularly the bits about forgiveness, are so very St. Berry. Additionally, I am always peeved at the way Ryan Murphy tends to portray women on his shows - and I was aggravated in "New York" by the statement that women always have to choose between love and career. If you find the right guy, it's not necessarily a choice. Also, I was thoroughly annoyed that while Jesse was sitting on his hands in Ohio (respecting Rachel's wishes, I might add), Finn got to make his ridiculous Sardi's overture. OK, rant over. So all of that inspired me to do a rewrite of the scene in the Gershwin. To be honest, this is not my favorite thing I've ever written. I'm a little clunky with song-fics. But it's just something I had in my head that I had to get out. Hope you enjoy :)
Disclaimer: Do I look like Ryan Murphy to you? Glee is definitely not mine, otherwise, St. Berry would most definitely be together. Oh, and just to cover my bases, Wicked doesn't belong to me, either.
Unlimited
Jesse St. James tunes out the voice of the stewardess running through the safety procedures as he settles into his seat. He's been on enough planes to know the drill.
Even if it were his first flight, his mind is already worlds away, going over the details of his plan one more time. He's filled his accomplice in on where to be and precisely when, slipped him the cash to bribe security with. Once again, he thanks his lucky stars that Kurt Hummel is who he is. Rachel needed a friend like him after ... well, after. Fundamentally, Kurt is the same type of person as Rachel and Jesse - which means he knows what Rachel needs to be happy. And he has a big heart, which prompted him to truly consider her happiness when Jesse proposed this plan, putting aside any lingering anger he still held toward the older boy - although of course the first thing Jesse did was admit that he really wasn't that perturbed by Kurt's rendition of "Some People."
It helps that Kurt is a hopeless romantic, to boot.
He closes his eyes as the plane begins to back away from the gate. He's never been quite this nervous flying to nationals before.
"And you have some big Broadway dream about singin' some song on a real Broadway stage," the janitor drawls. Rachel, petrified that he's going to call the authorities and her competition at nationals will be over before it even begins, opens her mouth to apologize. But before she can even get a word out, he turns his back. "You got 15 minutes," he calls over his shoulder.
The next morning...
She stands frozen, rooted to the spot for a moment, unable to believe their good fortune. Then Kurt grabs her hand and pulls and she is running up the steps to the stage. She turns to face the audience. Even without a full spot, it's so bright up here. The rows and rows of seats make her dizzy. With everything swimming in front of her, joy bubbles up inside her. She presses her hand to her mouth to stop herself from squealing like a child. It comes out anyway.
"If you have to make a choice, you have to visualize both of the options," Kurt tells her.
She laughs, shrugs her shoulders, turns to face him. "How?"
Kurt looks past her and over her shoulder, into the wings. He nods. She turns to look. Her heart registers it before her brain does. It skips a beat, does a slow turn, and seems to start up again going double time. Her mind races to catch up. By the time it does, Jesse St. James - who is supposed to be back home in Ohio - is walking purposefully across the stage to her.
It suddenly dawns on her how he found her here. She whips back around to Kurt - confused and maybe just a little furious. "You planned this with him?"
He gently but firmly takes her by the shoulders. "Finn is my brother. He's been there for me this year. But even I know that he is not the best option for you," he says gently. "You have options, Rachel. It's not just Broadway or Finn. And as your friend - and a future star in the making - I think you need to consider this one. Just hear him out."
She searches his eyes, then turns around to face Jesse, who is waiting patiently an arm's length away. She tries to stand firm. "Jesse, I told you I didn't want any distractions. Nationals are too important. We could have talked when I came home."
His gaze hasn't left her eyes. "I know. And I'm sorry. But I couldn't stay away."
Her heart flutters in her chest. She clamps down on it. "From the show?" she asks nonchalantly.
He shakes his head a little, and the Jesse St. James smirk ghosts across his lips. "Not from the show."
He watches the emotions flit across her face. Surprise, pleasure, shyness. "Oh." She packs so much into that one word.
They stare at each other in silence for a moment, and even Kurt can't take the melodrama. He rolls his eyes. "We don't have all day, St. James," he snaps. He looks at Rachel. "Sing with him." Her head whips around to face him, her mouth dropping open. "Picture yourself standing in front of a full audience ... belting out a song from one of the greatest musicals of all time."
"But there's no orchestra," she protests lamely.
Kurt raises one perfectly groomed eyebrow at her. "So make one ... in your mind."
He walks to the piano she hasn't noticed behind the wings until just this moment. He sits down, runs through a scale to warm up, and then plays the opening series of notes she would recognize in her sleep.
Well - she's not going to waste the opportunity. She steps to center stage. She squeezes her eyes shut, trying to find the acoustics in this big room.
I'm limited - just look at me.
I'm limited.
And just look at you, you can do all I never could ...
So now it's up to you - for both of us,
Now it's up to you...
For a moment, she's forgotten about the two boys on the stage with her, because it feels so good to stand in the middle of that stage and sing those iconic words and image how things could be. But now she remembers and turns to face Jesse. He is watching her with a face so enraptured and so patient, she almost can't stand to look at it. He takes a step forward toward the front of the stage. She backs away quietly, but can't seem to look away. There's a question in his eyes and she nods, letting him take the next verse.
I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason,
Bringing something we must learn.
And we are led to those who help us most to grow - if we let them,
And we help them in return.
Well I don't know if I believe that's true,
But I know I'm who I am today because I knew you.
She's heard Jesse sing before. Indeed, in the moments she allows herself to miss him, what she usually thinks of are the hours spent serenading each other in her bedroom, or the choir room, or his Range Rover - save for Kurt and Blaine, he's the only equal she's ever had. His voice is always a revelation. But for all his talent, he's never sounded quite this sincere, and it leaves her puzzling over the lyrics. And suddenly she realizes why he's singing about learning who he is to her. "You know Jesse St. James, the star of Vocal Adrenaline, your competition at regionals. I want to introduce you to Jesse." Does she have any doubt about who is with her on this stage now? Or who taught him to be?
Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes a sun,
Like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood,
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you,
I have been changed for good.
She is horrified to find her own voice quavering with emotion as she takes the next verse. But deep inside - she doesn't want to be brash, but she knows she's never sounded better, never felt whatever this emotion is. She's talented, she knows, but to survive on a stage like this, it takes the extra spark. Is this what's been missing all along?
It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime,
So let me say before we part -
So much of me is made of what I learned from you,
You'll be with me, like a handprint on my heart.
And now whatever way our stories end,
I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend.
Like a ship blown from its mooring by a wind off the sea,
Like a seed dropped by a skybird in a distant wood,
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you -
He sings the answering line and moves toward her as they sing the final line of the verse together - their voices meshing perfectly just like always. Always.
I have been changed for good.
He meets her eyes without fear, and there's a question in them as he holds out his hand to her.
And just to clear the air,
I ask forgiveness for the things I've done you blame me for.
He sings the words with more sincerity, more passion than she has ever heard from him. And finally she knows - there was no ulterior motive, he wasn't waiting to break her heart again - he means what he has been saying since he shows up in the McKinley auditorium three weeks ago. Her heart is light as she takes his hand, allows him to lead her back to midstage as she answers.
But then I guess we know there's blame to share,
And none of it seems to matter anymore.
She's belting the lyrics out now with a certain joy, and beside her, she can feel that he's less tense, that he is starting to enjoy this. She really has to work at it now, to maintain her own verse as he's singing the other lines, their voices challenging and pushing each other to new heights, daring the other to keep up. She's missed this.
Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes a sun -
Like a ship blown from its mooring by a wind off the sea -
Like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood.
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood.
As if they've rehearsed it a hundred times - they always were just like that - they turn to face each other at the same time. And suddenly she sees just how it could be - not just herself on a stage, but the two of them on a stage, equals. Her dream, and her guy. She smiles. He smiles back.
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better.
And because I knew you,
I have been changed ... for good.
Kurt plays the final few notes quietly, and lets them fade away in the empty theater. She's standing across from Jesse, and they're still smiling at each other stupidly as she tries to catch her breath.
How could she ever think there was a choice? Standing on the sidewalk ten minutes earlier, she had envied Kurt so much because he shares the same dreams with Blaine - requiring no choice between love and career. How could she be so blind to not realize she had the same thing right under her nose the whole time? How could she think she had to choose between love and the stage - when what she had all along was the exact right person she loves to share a stage with, to compliment her, challenge her, complete her?
He's still waiting, watching her, struggling to keep the smirk in his eyes off his lips because he knows she's made her choice. Damn him. Damn him for knowing her so well. She takes one step toward him and he opens his arms in invitation. That's all she needs to step into them. He folds her in an embrace, and she listens to his heart pound, feels his body relax in relief that she is here again as he presses a warm kiss to her temple.
"Thank you," she whispers sincerely. She turns within his arms to face her friend. "And thank you, Kurt." She turns to look at the empty stage. "I see it now. I don't have to choose between my career and love."
Kurt is still rolling his eyes a little, but smiling good-naturedly. "Come on, lovebirds," he says, leading the way to the stairs. "We still have two original songs to write if we're going to win that nationals title."
They step out onto the street, blinking at the brightness. Color and noise are everywhere, and a passing subway rattles the ground under their feet. As they look up at the buildings, Jesse slings an arm over her shoulders, and Kurt links his arm with her free one. For a moment, Rachel closes her eyes, letting the sounds and feelings of the city wash over her. Jesse's arm is warm around her shoulders and the sunlight warm on her face. When she opens her eyes, she meets Kurt's. His eyes are bright with the same thoughts as hers, and she laughs, snuggling a little closer to Jesse.
One more year. One more year, and they'll be back here with their guys, ready to build their lives and chase their dreams on these stages, for good
She can hardly wait.
Unlimited ... my future is unlimited.