A/N: After hearing about how the last book may have had a few flaws in logic, and being of the opinion that the last battle between Voldemort and Harry was one big copout, I imbibed myself with a couple pounds of sugar and wrote a new ending to the story. Very AU/crackish/OOC. Please review, it makes puppies and kittens and fluffy animals happy.

"What did you DO?"

A zap of green lightning hurtled towards Harry Potter's head, smacking him right between the eyes and bouncing off... again.

Voldemort tried to duck as the curse came his way, but got zotted in the back and fell over. "What did -I- do?" he screeched, trying to scurry for cover. "This is all YOUR fault!"

The Killing Curse glanced off Harry's shoulder as he threw himself behind a boulder. "I'm not the one that stole my blood to bring you back to life!"

"If it hadn't been for you, I wouldn't have had to been brought back to life!"

Harry popped his head out from behind a tree and immediately got fwapped across the face by the curse, which promptly headed back towards Voldemort. "Well you should have thought about that SOONER!"

The Dark Lord got bopped on the top of the head. "Why you little--"

Growling, the two wizards ran at one another as the Killing Curse continued it's insane game of Wizard Pong between them. They lunged at each other...

... Both landing on their asses as the curse hit them both at the same time, bouncing off and heading off in a random direction. A loud explosion was heard, and several people ran past screaming that the Hufflepuff tower of Hogwarts had been bombed.

The younger man cussed. "We're SO adding that to your bill."

"Talk to my lawyer," Voldemort snapped, holding up a card that mentioned something about Malfoy Law Firm. "I'm filing for bankruptcy."

Harry and Voldemort sat on the ground, glaring at one another for several minutes. Finally, Voldemort held up the Elder Wand and peered at it.

"... I guess you were right then, eh?"

Harry sulked. "That's what I TOLD you."

Voldemort tossed the wand to Harry. "Ah well, you can't blame a Slytherin for trying."

A few more minutes ticked by as each took stock of the scene around them. Harry polished his glasses. Voldemort checked his nails. Harry yawned. Voldemort checked his cell-phone. Harry scratched his nose. Voldemort sent Lucius a text message about their pending lawsuits and getting a decent trial attorney.

Harry twiddled his thumbs. "So."

Voldemort tapped away on his cell-phone. "So."

"We're in an eternal stalemate, I guess, what with my blood and protection and all that."

The Dark Lord pressed the send button. "Looks like it."

"... Do you want to go get pizza or something?"

"Who's buying?"

The boy shrugged. "I stole Dumbledor's credit card."

"Sounds like a plan."

With that, they dusted themselves off, shook hands and went for dinner.

... And all was well.