A Penguin Potter

Written for hh_sugarquill's A Penguin in the Slytherin Common Room challenge.

Unlike his co-worker, Minerva McGonagall, Severus Snape never let his students run wild even within the confines of the common room. There was something that sounded suspiciously like a shouting match going on behind the Slytherin common room door. It was times like these that Severus despised Minerva's let brats be brats way of life. For a moment, he considered taking up the path but when he heard the other boy shouting it sounded eerily like Potter. If that bloody menace was in his common room he was going to find himself disemboweling toads until his grandchildren came to Hogwarts.

Upon opening the door, Severus saw the unmistakable back of Draco Malfoy, shoulders taught in anger and his hands flying towards his unbuttoned top. A flash of black hair disappeared and Draco quickly turned around, stuffing his wand in his pocket and slowly backed up as if he were trying to hide something.

It was times like these that Severus wondered exactly how Draco had made it into Slytherin. Often, he had comforted himself with the knowledge that Draco was still a young child, but as the years went on, that comfort lessened. The boy had a love of drawing attention to himself, and sometimes it seemed as if he was doing it unintentionally.

A strange braying sound, similar to a muggle donkey's bray, broke through Severus' thoughts. He narrowed his eyes as Draco shifted to his right, kicking something behind his back. A black beak poked around Draco's leg.

"Mr. Malfoy," Severus began, "Explain to me why there's an African Penguin in the Slytherin common room."

Guilt flashed across Draco's face before he quickly schooled his features into a blank stare and nudged the beak back behind his leg. "There's no penguin here," Draco said.

"Do not give me cheek, Draco. Given your careless appearance, you have either decided to indulge in bestiality with a penguin or you have transfigured another student of whom you were rendezvousing with into a penguin in the vain hope of not getting caught."

"It's a pet, sir," Draco said, flushing. "My father—"

"Your father would be most curious as to why you've been lowering yourself to deal with such a muggle animal."

"I think that might be a better deal," Draco muttered and the half-hidden penguin let out an almost amused-sounding bray.

"Draco, turn her back or I will inform your father of this most peculiar bestiality development."

"I…I can't, Professor."

"What do you mean, you can't turn her back?" Severus asked dangerously, his eyes narrowing even further, and his trademark sneer making the penguin step back further.

Draco had the decency to look ashamed. "I don't know the counter spell," he said quietly.

"Mr. Malfoy, sometimes you act as rash as a foolish Gryffindor. Now move out of the way."

Head down, Draco scooted out of the way of the penguin. Severus could almost swear that the penguin looked…betrayed?

"Revealo!" Severus shouted sharply. When the penguin form changed into a boy Draco's age, Severus suddenly remembered the entire reason he had ventured into the common room. He had forgotten that it was Potter's voice that drew him in. It had been all too easy to forget the blasted boy in lieu of the penguin Draco was hiding. Sure enough, the penguin was the blasted boy. "Potter!" he spat.

Potter stood, looking slightly dazed and confused. He had a half-dressed, careless appearance that matched Draco's. The two boys' lips were slightly swollen and even though the Potions Master towered over them with one of his most famously severe looks, the two couldn't stop stealing glances at the other.

"What do you think you are doing?" Severus growled at Potter.

"We…I mean...I…er…"

"Mr. Malfoy, would you care to expand on Potter's articulate explanation?"

"I was…" Draco took a calming breath before he began his lie. "I was practicing spells, sir. And Potter came in with his blasted invisibility cloak and tried to hex me! I was only defending myself, Professor."

"Detention, Potter!"

"But—" Potter began.

"For two months."

"That's not fair!"

"And fifty points from Gryffindor, shall I continue?"

"No," Potter said sourly.

"Five points from Gryffindor from disrespect."

"No, sir," Potter said, irritability lacing his words.

"Now get back to your common room and I will know if you decide to take any side trips."

The Potter brat left the room, but not before stealing another look at Draco and whispering, "spoiled brat". Severus decided to pretend he hadn't heard.

"Thank you, Professor," Draco said, relief in his voice.

"The next time you decide to have a midnight rendezvous, you may want to consider bringing the golden boy of Gryffindor somewhere other than the Slytherin common room."

Draco's eyes widened and his face reddened spectacularly.

"Now, go to bed. And if I ever find you outside the common room after curfew with anyone, your father will learn that you have a thing for both muggle penguins and the Dark Lord's most reviled enemy."

Draco swallowed heavily, nodded, and then turned on his heel with his head held high.

Severus decided that he had spent more than enough time inside the common room and left. Instead of heading to his own quarters, he headed to Albus' office. Once he was in Albus' office and had denied all of Albus' usual pleasantries and offers of tinned sweets, he placed three galleons of the desk.

"Do you know where Minerva is? She won as well."

"Now which bet would this one be?" Albus said with a smile.

"You know perfectly well which one."

"Remind an old man, Severus."

"Potter and Malfoy," Severus gritted out.

Minerva McGonagall suddenly entered the room. "Really Severus, how did you find out?"

"Malfoy turned him into a Jackass Penguin in an attempt to keep their little…tryst…a secret."

"Must you always antagonize Harry so?" Minerva asked.

"That's the species of the penguin. It is also called an African or a Blackfooted Penguin. I prefer the Jackass title in this case."

Minerva sighed but quickly smiled. "Really Severus, I'll never know why you bet on Ginny Weasley and Harry when the entire staff bet on Harry and young Mr. Malfoy. It seems you were wrong about the boy." There was an unspoken 'once again' after her statement.

Severus dropped another three galleons into Minerva's hand. Wordlessly, he stood up and nodded his good-byes before spinning out of the office. He had to come up with the most horrific detention plan for the Potter brat. Perhaps something to do with penguins.