Title: He Was Mine
Author: Aldalas Rating: K Beta: Cel ((BIG hug)) Summary: A grave is visited for the last time. Angst, fluff – Not slash!
Spoilers: Some of my other stories - "The Sight" and "To Let Go". I'd recommend that you read those first, but by all means, if you wish to read this by itself, go right ahead! And, by request... TISSUE ALERT!
Disclaimer: Nothin', nada, zilch. I don't even own the grave. ((sigh)) Surprise surprise, I bet you weren't expecting that... ;)
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A lone figure stood to the side of a vast, open courtyard. On both sides, aged but tall oak trees stood, dotting the land for many lengths until they ended, unable to be seen beyond thick walls and towers of stone. Not yet dawn, what was normally white looked a somber grey and black.
The trees had all been touched with the moisture in the air, their leaves dripping softly with dew. Birds began to wake, filling the still air with snatches of their songs, still too early yet to be full and clear. A stray dog darted deftly through the oaks, making nary a sound. Beyond these, the courtyard was empty.
The being present made even less noise than the others. His boots made little more than a whisper of sound across the courtyard. Wrapped up in a thick black cloak, weapons and provisions strapped securely to his back, he looked more than ready for a journey.
And he was. There was just one last thing he needed to do.
"Hello, mellon," he whispered, reaching one of the more unique parts of the courtyard, where a large stone sarcophagus stood. Standing taller than his hip, the sides were intricately carved and the cover carefully formed into the shape of the being it now protected. The Elf stopped by its side and traced with his hand the stone face permanently set in relaxed sleep. It looked so much like his dear friend, so much like the face he remembered as vividly as the last time he had seen the Man alive. Yet it was not him.
He shook his head. It had not been long enough. It would never be long enough.
"I am going, my friend," the Elf said to the stone face, somehow hoping that the person he sought would hear. "To the Sea. I will travel to the Grey Havens and build a ship to bear me away to Valinor. Gimli wishes to come with me still, just as he said before-" Legolas stopped. "He is supposed to be waiting for me next to the stables with Adroniel, but I do not think he has even realized it is time to wake..." The Elf trailed off, lost in thought.
Glancing around to take in his surroundings, the Elf shook his head in disgust. The pre-dawn light made this place look more like a cell than a place of respect. He never would have chosen this as the final resting place of his friend. Nestled in the trees, surrounded by grass, under a wide blue sky - It was where Aragorn was always the happiest...the most alive.
"I could not, Estel, I could not sleep," Legolas started again, pushing his hood back a little to better see the stone face that both was and was not his friend. "To this day I have never figured out how you always knew when I could not, even when I didn't tell you. Ever since that night... that night I told you everything.. . you've always known."
He studied the tomb that held his friend and felt a sudden need to be closer. He lifted himself up gracefully onto a corner next to Aragorn's stone head without a threat to fall, and again touched the chill rock of Aragorn's cheek, as though wishing to warm its impenetrable surface. A surface that would always be cold and hard.
"Before I left I – I wanted to tell you... that I am sorry if I was ever a burden to you. There were so many times when I felt it would have been better if I had been left alone. But you were there, whenever I needed you or requested your presence. Some days it was the only thing that kept me going. But I still feel as though I took advantage of you at times... that I never gave enough back."
A memory rose unbidden to the forefront of his mind to rebuke what he had said, a whispered prayer of utter gratitude in a dark, pain-filled cell deep in the Misty Mountains. A lifetime ago, yet still real, still there.
"You... saved me... Legolas..."
"I know," Legolas whispered to the memory, nodding his head in defeat. "I do know. Yet still, little it seems compared to what you have done for me."
The memory intensified, bringing back to recollection many terrible things Legolas had long since wished to forget. How he had fought for his friend, fought to keep him alive, to keep him safe. Recalling those things brought back stray tears the Elf could not hold back.
Sitting there, the Elf began to remember several things he had not thought of in many years. Too much else had suppressed them, leaving them in a corner of his mind to wait until they were called forth again. But he did remember. Remembered all too well both the good times and the bad that he had shared with the Man who now lay beneath rock.
Looking back on the past several decades he had spent with his friend, Legolas began to realize, and not for the first time, how different he had become since the forming of their friendship. Meeting in the eyes of hostility and distrust and ending captured in a bond that had made them almost inseparable. Seeing again what had made them such caused Legolas to think even harder about the value he had placed on their friendship.
"I don't know how I could have been so foolish to think I could understand what it would mean when you were finally taken from me," Legolas murmured angrily at himself. "Despite the fact that we talked of it, despite the fact that I have seen death of both my kin and yours all my life. It was so much more than that. Nothing... nothing could have readied me for that moment when I knew you to be gone."
An iron ball of his hurting began to form behind his mantle of unfeeling, growing paper-thin and weary under the pressure. "You have taught me much, gwador, more than I will ever know. But I will never understand why you were taken from me. Never."
The Elf sighed. "Forgive my weakness. I would wish for them to be gone, but never have I been that lucky." His voice broke. "I miss you, Estel..."
Knowing that somehow, ever since the day Estel died, some part of him was still screaming from the pain of his loss, Legolas bent over the stone face of his friend and wept harshly in the only presence he would ever trust to see him so broken. Wind rustled through the trees, adding to both his discomfort and his pain. Needing to be held but left so alone, needing to feel warmth but knowing only cold. It tore bitterly at his heart to come to such an end.
Within his tears he beat into his own heart, "You told me never to cry for you, you told me to keep living, told me to move on, you told me... and until now I have done as you said. But is it really that simple? Had our roles reversed and it was I who had died, would you move on? Would you find no reason to grieve for me? Ai... I am sorry, Estel, I am so sorry..."
A new pain came to him, crept into the shadow of his despair, one deep with grief and regret. But it was different, not his own. In the realm of his thoughts Legolas could sense another mind, one nearly collapsing under the weight of an unknown force. A dear, familiar voice was chastising himself deeply, the words spoken riddled with self directed anger.
"No, never. Never should I have asked that of him. How could I have been so cold; left him in such doubt? Only two people in this world own that place in my heart – my sweet wife... and my dear friend. Had our roles reversed I would not just cry; I would grieve until my end came. I could not continue to live as I did; my pillar of strength gone. I could not move on... I would die! Forgive me, forgive me, Legolas, please..."
The words filled the Elf, frightening him for a moment. He glanced around himself, searching for the source he knew had to be close. He had to be there, he had spoken so clearly! But there was no one around him, not a soul in sight.
Pale light began to bleed through the towering walls, sunrise had come. With it, came a resolution. Legolas let his breathing still.
"I swear to you, Estel," the Elf whispered to the stone face again, "Somehow I will find you. I don't care if I spend eternity searching, if I am killed trying, if I have to go into the pit of Melkor himself... wherever you are, I will be there as well. You are the part of me I lost coming to this world. I will find you, and I will not be parted from you again. For you, I would give all."
He waited for an answer, some reassurance, some sign that Aragorn had heard him again. Slow was the coming, and this time, it was so short.
"... Brother, build your ship and you will find me..."
"Ai!" A loud cry sounded from the hallway where Legolas had first entered this area. It was now occupied by a young guard, who, in the clinging darkness of the morning and the black cloak wrapped around the Elf, did not recognize the being he saw to be Legolas but some kind of intruder here to desecrate the grave of a dear King. "Get away from there! What are you doing? What business do you have with the grave of our last King?" He waited, his gaze fierce with one hand on the hilt of his sword, looking for any opportunity to defend or to give chase if he must.
None was given.
Legolas turned his head slowly, giving the guard a chance to see his face in the coming light, full of age and pain and memory. A light breeze swept gently into his hood, revealing a single pointed ear and pale golden hair.
Overcome with emotion, the Elf could barely speak the words, "He... he... he was mine."
The words, however silly and incomplete of its thought or intent, meant more to both the Elf and the Man than this guard would ever even begin to understand.
Recognition fled into the guard's being as the features fell into place. His voice, once so angry with misunderstanding, now filled with guilt at his serious mistake. "Forgive me..." He backed away slowly. "I did not recognize you, my lord... please, forgive my intrusion..." The darkness of the hallway swallowed him up, and for a short while Legolas listened to his footsteps as he took great lengths to escape his fault.
Turning once more to the encased features of his friend, he attempted to bid him farewell one final time on this side of the seas. "I will not let this be the end, Estel..."
He felt a gentle pressure, little more than a touch of wind, on his shoulder. Legolas turned his head, searching for a source but found none. But the feeling did not fade as he moved. It only grew, sliding carefully across his chest until it reached his other shoulder. Warmth spread across his back, touched the side of his face. It was like being held from behind. His breath hitched, tears fell slower. Like being held in the arms of an angel.
The Elf relaxed into the familiarity of the touch, letting it become stronger, more real. "Wait for me, Estel... please. Just wait. I'm coming..."
The touch strengthened, as though in reassurance, then faded away until Legolas could feel it no more. But it left behind something, an imprint in the Elf's mind... He could see himself pushing through a crowd of people, trying valiantly to reach another person. Then, in a rush, there he was! There was Estel. He looked on the outside every bit how the Elf felt on the inside. Legolas could feel the tears on his face as he ran to his friend and fell into the other's embrace, fearful that if he let go, the Man before him would vanish. It was a moment before Legolas realized that Aragorn too was weeping, weeping in barely retained joy. The Man kissed the Elf on his brow and held his friend tighter, such relief in his voice, "Welcome home..."
He did not move for a moment, caught up in the joy he didn't want to lose again, hoping it was not too far away.
Legolas pushed off the corner he had occupied and backed away a few paces, letting the entire coffin fill his view. Sapphire eyes rimmed in tears, the Elf whispered his final goodbye.
"Until we met again."
The End
A/N: Any thoughts, as always, are highly appreciated. :D I was toying with an idea for a sequel. Would there be any interest in that?