Hi. This is another one of my random One Shot fics. Yay.
This is my first songfic, the song is Without You: By Busted. Yeh well I thought that it worked well with Rose and the Doctor.
Disclaimer: I still don't own Doctor who, as much as I would like to. Enjoy.
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Without You
The way you always made me look at you,
With all the simple things you said,
Rose was gone, and without her the Doctor wasn't sure if he'd be able to go on. She had changed him, almost as much as he had changed her, made her a better person given her a choice in life. The chance to make everything better. From the word; 'Run' she was his and she would have followed him to the end of the earth. She did. He had slowly fallen in love with her and she with him. That made so much harder to say goodbye, to tell her he would never see her again.
The way so many things surrounded you,
And all the tears it seemed to make,
He could hardly go on without her. Loving her as he did remember the one and only kiss he was able to give her, to save her. The second didn't count as she wasn't in control of her own body. Rose was his everything. His raison d'être, and now he was alone without her. And it was ripping him apart. You'd think he would have got used to leaving people behind, that in his 900 years of travelling, he would have learnt that humans are fragile. She wasn't dead, but it was worse that she were alive and he could never see her again, than her being dead and that no-one would see her again. It was a selfish thing to think, that he knew, but he couldn't care less he was mourning her. He was loathing any person who got to see her. To touch her. If only.
And now I'm falling,
There's nothing left to say,
And I can't break free,
Out from in me there,
Love was hard. When you can't live without someone. When you can't see them. A final goodbye and he didn't get to say what was in his heart. Didn't get to tell her he loved her. Heart, body and soul. The stupid ape had grown on him, more than he'd care to admit. In truth he was so deeply in love with her, he was surprised that one of his hearts hadn't stopped beating the moment she was taken from him. She was so far away, yet every time he closed his eyes he could see her, smell her, but never touch her and it was slowly suffocating him.
And I can't breathe without you,
I can't breathe without you,
I can't breathe without you,
Without you, without you, without you,
To love someone so totally, to know only them, when the world is caving in and there's nothing you can do. What would he have left? With no Rose. He had nothing. No reason to keep going, he had to save the world, over and over. But for what point? What was the use when the one person your heart belongs to is a dimension away. He would have gladly destroyed worlds just to reach her, just one touch. But his morals held him back, the moral dilemma of destroying two worlds just to see one person. That sort of guilt would haunt him forever. So he had to 'move on'. Was that possible? This was so human of him to be missing her. Why was this so much worse? Why couldn't he move on like he had done so many times before? A simple answer would have been suffice, but love is never simple. That makes it hard to love again.
The way I never thought I'd leave this place,
The way you made it seem so real,
It would always be real to them, the tears they would cry missing each other. The trust that would be lost. When you lose someone, like that. They would be better off dead. The selfish notions would creep up on him unexpected. He would picture Mickey and Jackie hugging Rose. Holding her like he could not, and he'd be jealous. A rage that time could not withstand. He lost mercy. Lost faith in everything. But never lost his faith in her. She was the exception to the rule. The extraordinary human. The one, who changed him, brought him a new understanding. The domestics of fighting evil. She was perfect, to him anyway. She was his equal. No-one else could see it, but she would challenge him and because of her he could see things much clearer. Often he would sit in her room, the scent of her surrounding him, so perfect and eternal. He could imagine her sitting on the bed, listening to music. Just existing, just being Rose, it was always that simple. Nothing more, nothing less.
Cause you have faith and you had empathy,
And all I needed was this,
The Doctor would often wonder if Rose was missing him, as much as he was her. He would always remind himself that she had Mickey. He was now her constant, not him, Mickey. They were together now. It killed the Doctor to know this. He loved her and she had someone else to love her. In the times when he would think this he would remind himself that she told him she loved him. He'd never heard her say the same to Mickey. That thought would always bring him back from the dark pit of despair into which he had fallen. For a while he would lock himself in her room and block the TARDIS from his mind, just letting it be him and Rose. Then came Martha and he found that if he hid himself away she'd ask questions. Like; 'Who's Rose?' questions that the Doctor didn't wish to answer. 'Did I replace her?' was once her question. This caused the Doctor to choke on his tea. As he thought; -no-one could replace Rose- he gave Martha a warning look, which meant; -I'm not going to answer that question- he hated how inquisitive she was. Always wanting to know more.
And now we're falling,
Got nothing left to say?
And I can't break free,
Out from in me there,
He would swiftly remind himself that Rose was inquisitive once. She would always ask the right questions though, would always know what he wanted to hear. He regretted the amount of things he didn't tell her. The lies and cover-ups. How long would he have to miss her? To live without her? To think that the one you love is so far away, would rip any human man apart. To know that to you she's as good as dead. Any human would fall to pieces. But the Doctor wasn't human, he dealt with his pain differently. He had to carry on. Fight the good fight. He was sure to lose a part of him to Rose. But that's just love isn't it! Sacrifice is worth it sometimes. The Doctor had to keep telling himself that, just so on an off chance he would believe it. He was struggling, that was clear. Rose was his everything.
And I can't breathe without you,
I can't breathe without you,
I can't breathe without you,
Without you, without you, without you,
Rose would never have her shoes filled; the Doctor wouldn't let another human worm her way into his hearts. Not again. He knew that if he did, and he lost her. He would never be able to forgive himself. He would have lost again. The battle of love. And that would be far too much for one Time Lord's hearts. He understood entirely that his companions love him. Unconditionally. He saw it so clearly in Sarah Jane. The longing, even after being separated for so long. Seeing the jealousy in Rose's eye. How many of them had their been. He couldn't answer that question whether that was because it was too painful for him, or because there had been too many to count, he wasn't sure anymore. It was getting so hard to go on. He had had enough. The decision to stop was out of the question, so he would keep going, flying through time and space. Alone? Sometimes. But one thing would be for sure. He would always be free. To move on, and live with his memories. He would sit and remember, just to see her. One more time. To smell her. But never to touch her. The love of Rose, was ripping his soul in two. Rose was his one and only, and she always would be. He would but on a brave face but in truth he would always hold her in his hearts.
How can I let you leave this way?
Without you I'm not at all
And I see things now in these memories
Just to see you...again
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A/N: I'm not all that pleased with this. I need a Beta. Anyone want to be it? Review please. Thank you.