It was a quiet day in the station. Benson and Stabler had just closed a case, and with Novak pleading the perp out, there was no need for them to go to court for the proceedings.
Olivia sat down at her desk intending to catch up on some paperwork. Although she was known for her work on the streets and her passion for catching rapists and abusers, she, like all cops, had to do some desk work from time to time.
An hour in, and she had almost dozed off. The station was quiet, and the sound of the rain on the windows was making her sleepy. She looked up just in time to say goodnight to Elliott, and figured that if she could get her head back in the game, she could be finished in an hour. An early night, a few games of Candy Crush, and a long, leisurely soak in the bath sounded like bliss after the week she had just had.
Just as she was finishing up, Detectives Tutuola and Munch forced their way into the squad room, wrestling with a perp. 6 foot tall, and built like Abomination, this was one perp that she wanted to steer clear of.
"Hey Olivia" yelled Munch. "Do you want to play the rape game?"
Benson sighed. Munch wanted to be a comedian, and never tired of this joke or realized it wasn't entirely appropriate for the setting.
"No..." She said, wearily.
"That's the spirit!" Munch replied, laughing like an idiot, stopping short of actually clapping his hands together like a brain damaged seal.
"Can you help Fin with this interview, then? I've got a stand up gig tonight and I can't be late!"
Trying not to let her frustration show, Olivia smiled and stood up from her desk.
"Thanks Olivia, just tell him how it is, and he'll confess I'm sure. You'll still be able to get home for 10."
Olivia walked into the interrogation room, where Fin was now standing near the window. His greased back black hair shone in the moonlight that was pouring into the room. Olivia thought she saw him wink at her, but she must have made a mistake. She was more tired than she thought!
"Did Munch start on about the rape game again, Olivia? Do you know how many cops have shot their partners and got off on justifiable? I've said it to him twice. He needs to learn what is and isn't appropriate in the Special Victims squad room. It might work on his dog, but where I live, you leave mutts in locked cars."
Sitting down in one of the interrogation chairs, Olivia could think of lots of things she would rather be doing. But Fin's strong muscular arms, and small stocky body were enticing her. She'd never seen him in this way before. Could the moonlight actually be making her attracted to him?
Maybe it had just been too long since she was last laid.
Either way, she could feel herself getting wet between the legs - something she hadn't felt since the previous weekend when she had watched Fifty Shades of Grey. Yes, she really was feeling quite desperate. Especially as Fifty Shades was rapey nonsense that she would never have given the time of day had she still been banging Stabler behind his wife's back.
"You can't make me talk" shouted the perp, knocking Olivia back into the real world with a start.
"Nobody is trying to make you talk, rape monkey" admonished Fin. "I'm gonna rap battle you until we get the confession we need. Ain't that right Olivia?"
Olivia wondered if she'd heard right.
"Er, what?" She asked.
"This joker reckons he wanted to be a rapper. I propose that if I can beat him with my sick rhymes, he gotta tell us everything."
Olivia smiled, bemused. Perhaps this was going to be more interesting than she had thought. Still though, she couldn't help wondering why on Earth Fin thought he could rap. He had tried acting once, and he certainly couldn't do that, so rapping seemed an unlikely skill for him to be hiding.
"So, erm who's going to start this interrogation then Fin? I don't have time in my life for rap, so unless you want me to start singing James Blunt to you, you'd better get started" encouraged Olivia.
"Ain't nobody got time for James Blunt." Fin said, disgusted.
"So how about it, Notorious F.A.G. - we gonna do this?" He asked the perp.
"You ain't no true rapper. No rapper in 2015 would be seen dead with hair like that. Ain't nobody ever taught you to wash? Head and Shoulders, know what I'm saying, bitch. There ain't no way you're getting a confession out of me today, blood".
"Well look at you, bitch - I've seen better hair on Susan Boyle's taint. Now are you gonna stop pissing and whining and show me what you got? Olivia here'll be the judge."
Olivia smiled. She knew about as much about rap as Stabler knew about not cheating on his wife (the only music on her iPod was James Blunt - she liked to imagine he was singing about her and her very own bonfire heart), but obviously with her judging, Fin couldn't lose, no matter how pathetic his 'rap' might turn out to be. The perp seemed too stupid to notice this slight unfairness in the competition.
But, fuck him, he's a rapist.
"Sure. Impress me." she said, imagining in her head that she was Simon Cowell for a brief moment before remembering this was actually a serious interrogation.
"Where'd you go two nights ago?
From what I hear you weren't with no ho'.
Nah I ain't shitting you bitch, you were with our Jane Doe.
We got it all from her menstrual flow"
"Impressive" winked Olivia, cringing on the inside at Fin's use of 'menstrual flow' in a rap. She hoped to God he didn't know any words that rhymed with 'vulva'.
"Man you are seriously dumb,
To try and rape in our town,
SVU catch all the scum,
Your ass is going down!"
Fin continued, clearly enjoying himself way more than was strictly necessary.
"Yeah we a powerful force,
Let nothing stand in our way,
We gonna bring you to justice,
And then you'll wish you were gay.
Yeah 'cos I know you like rape,
Hope you don't care if it's male,
And it's your ass being pounded -
That's what happens in jail!"
Fin looked at Olivia with forehead creased in a serious expression. "Oh yeah, you better believe I went there." he said.
After everything she had seen, Olivia viewed rape much as she viewed Munch's stand-up - as something horrible nobody should laugh at. But even she struggled to suppress a laugh at the ridiculousness of this interrogation.
She had to admit though, Fin actually looked pretty cool rapping, and his rhymes weren't bad. Maybe not quite sick, but not half the carnival of embarrassment she had been expecting.
"You know you can't take a girl,
And violate her vagina…."
Fin paused, for a moment looking like he thought he'd made a huge mistake.
"But my rhymes will beat yours,
'Cos I'm from North Carolina!"
He wasn't, but there aren't many words that rhyme with 'vagina'.
Olivia grinned with glee at his recovery. She had no idea whether he was from North Carolina or not. She had never really been interested in his life before. Now, though, she was interested in a lot more than his backstory. She was getting really into this, it was even more fun than Candy Crush.
The perp stood up, ready to get 'all up' in Fin's 'grille'.
"Yo, you cops suck ass,
Your rhymes are stupid as hell,
You oughta just give up,
And hit the Taco Bell.
'Cos all you do is eat,
You don't know when to stop,
You ain't no rapper,
You just a fat assed cop!
You cannot beat my rhymes,
You cannot beat my diction,
Ain't no way in hell
You getting this conviction!"
Olivia worried momentarily about her weight, before remembering she was one of those 'hot cops' like you see on TV rather than a fat donut muncher. Then she just felt slightly smug.
"Nope, that was terrible. You'll have to do better to beat, er, my homeboy Fin."
She was trying to sound 'street' but this somehow made her sound even whiter.
The perp turned on her.
"Yo shut your mouth up, bitch,
You just some stupid ho'.
When it comes to rap,
You know less than Jon Snow."
Fin leapt to Olivia's defense, in rap form.
"Man that was out of line,
Don't try and mess with her mind,
Or bring up Game of Thrones,
'Cos I'm a bit behind.
Too busy catching rapists,
To catch up on TV,
So no spoilers, bitch,
I'm still on season 3.
Now I'll admit I digressed,
And got a bit off track,
But I'll still win this game,
'Cos Benson's got my back!"
Olivia realized that this could go on all night if she didn't do something. She faced the perp.
"Look, this is fun and all, but he has beaten you. We can place you at the crime scene and we have all the evidence we need. Rap battles aside, you aren't getting out of this. Just give us your confession and this will be a lot easier for all of us."
The perp glared at her, then at Fin.
"Joffrey dies." he said.
"Aw, man, I said no spoilers! You are the worst kind of asshole!" Fin exclaimed.
"Tell us what happened. I mean, er, not with Jeffrey or whatever the hell it is you guys are on about, I mean with the victim." Olivia demanded. She had never watched Game of Thrones because she didn't like anything that looked like it might have orcs in it.
The perp sighed, then began.
"It started at school,
Girls didn't like me that much,
But I could get what I want,
By giving them the bad touch.
See I wanted to rap,
Let out the words in my head,
But no one liked my rhymes,
So I tried raping instead."
"Is it really necessary for this to be done as a rap?" Olivia interjected.
"Yes!" replied the perp and Fin in unison.
"The paperwork is going to look really weird." She complained.
They ignored her, and the perp continued rapping out his confession. It went on for about ten minutes, and he never missed a beat. Fin thought it was a little sad that such a talent had gone to waste.
With the confession all written up and signed, Fin couldn't believe it. He had actually won something. He had a sudden urge to sing "Ice Ice Baby" but he didn't think that would impress Olivia. After all, that was Hip Hop and he didn't want to be associated with that crew. Instead, he shouted for Herman (one of the cops in the background that never gets named on TV) to take the perp to a cell ready for his trip to Rikers.
With the Perp out the way, Fin was on a high. It wasn't often that he got to impress the ladies, and now Olivia was looking mighty hot. True, she didn't have an ass on her like the girls he usually went for, but the thought of banging her on the interrogation table had never seemed more perfect. He just wished she had a police uniform on her - now that would have been smokin'!
Sensing Fin was thinking about her, Olivia walked over and stroked Fin's tache. "Am I under arrest detective?" she whispered.
"Touch me like that again babe, and you will be. You know I've got an extra pair of handcuffs that I carry around for special occasions."
Olivia let out a small whimper and sat back down on one of the chairs. She bit her lip and gestured for Fin to join her.
But he couldn't wait. Before she knew it he had whipped out his large marrow. It was swollen, green, and dripping slightly. But she didn't mind. She'd seen worse. And what was a large vegetable between friends? No, this wasn't a euphemism for his penis - he had an actual marrow with him that he had bought from the grocery store earlier that day.
"Yo Yo Detective Benson
I want to get into your engine
Don't sit there feeling any apprehension
You and me babe, give Mr Stiff some attention"
Olivia wondered whether Fin actually wanted her to masterbate with a marrow, or if he was actually going to pull his pants down. As lonely as she had been over the months since Stabler went back to his wife, she wasn't quite sure that she was up for marrow sex.
"Put that marrow away and come over here Detective Tutola. I'm a meat kinda girl, and I want to see some sausage!"
Olivia stood up and pulled Fin over towards her. She looked down at his pants and could see them bulging. She knew she was getting him excited. As he watched her, she slowly began to take off her clothes. First came off her blouse, followed by her tight pants. Not thinking she would be in for a night of passion, she hadn't considered wearing matching underwear when she dressed this morning. She hoped Fin wouldn't be put off by her lime crotchless panties that Stabler had bought her for easy access, and her Wonderwoman bra. After all, she was the super hero of the SVU department, and she never knew when she would have to prove it.
Fin was a smooth guy and knew what to do. Before Olivia knew what was happening, he had turned her around and was undoing her bra strap with his teeth.
"They don't call me Tracy Lauren Gnasher for nothing" chuckled Fin. "You'd be surprised at the things my teeth can do."
Bert and Ernie unleashed themselves from their tight cotton cage, and Fin was sure that he'd never seen a pair of num-nums look so good. In fact, it made him go into another rap!
"Man, them titties are fine, girl,
Them titties are fly,
They make me forget
That I'm an ass kinda guy"
Fin chucked the marrow over his shoulder and turned Olivia around so that he was behind her. He cradled her jugs as he started biting her neck.
"Not again" thought Olivia wearily. "Am I going to have to explain another hickie to Cragen in the morning?" She wasn't into vampires at all, and thought Twilight was one of the worst books ever written, even though it didn't have orcs in it. "Why suck my neck when my furburger is all wet?" she thought.
Olivia tried to turn back round, but knowing Fin was an ass guy, she knew he'd want to take her from behind. But she didn't have all day, and she had planned to invite all her Facebook friends to play some Candy Crush when she got home and she didn't want to risk them all being asleep, so she tried to move it along a bit.
"Fin, I really want you to fuck me on the table" teased Olivia.
"Oh yeah baby, you like that?" chuckled Fin.
He let go of her magambos, and in one fell swoop his pants were off. Olivia was slightly unnerved but impressed. Fin had either been moonlighting as a Chippendale in his spare time, and had taken to wearing his gig pants at work, or he had been waiting for a moment to be with her.
"No, stop it. Not every man is a psycho rapist." Olivia thought to herself. Sometimes it was hard to separate her day job from her love life. She hoped Fin would fuck her slowly, maybe after a bit of foreplay. But if her past history had anything to do with it, she was in for a quick, hard banging that was more pleasurable for the guy than for her. Even Stabler had needed months of coaching to be able to make her come. She often wondered how he'd managed to father four kids - his wife probably just used to lie back and think about Pythagoras' theorem or something. At least she had some toys at home that she could get out, should she need to finish the job off herself (like her favorite, The Black Prince, or a smaller one she had named Stabler).
Or she could just pick up that marrow on the way out.
Olivia felt something hard and wet pushing on to her. She looked around to see what she was up against and was shocked! Considering Fin was a small guy, she was amazed at the size of him. This one eyed monster was hungry, and it was heading right for her hoohah!
Fin slipped down her panties at slapped her ass firmly.
"Dang girl. If I'd known you were hiding this under there, I'd have tried to tap you sooner!" said Fin.
With no warning at all, Fin pushed Willy Wonka into the chocolate factory.
"I'm gonna bury my dick so far in this ass that whoever could pull it out would be crowned King Arthur!"
"Nooooo" shouted Olivia. "Wrong hole! I'm a hot female cop and I do not take it up the ass!"
"My mistake, your majesty" apologised Fin, somewhat bitterly.
Second time lucky Fin's purple headed womb ferret made it's way into the Bat Cave. Yes, this is a way of getting some DC into the story, but Olivia may as well have been nesting bats considering she'd been single for so long.
"You push it in, out, in, out, you shake it all about… You bang Detective Benson then you eat a juicy steak, that's what it's all about!" sang Fin.
Olivia started to feel weary. She would definitely have to take the marrow home with her.
"Are you ready girl, I'm gonna shoot off some fireworks and I can't stop myself - get ready for the 4th of July parade!" shouted Fin.
Olivia had pretty much given up on getting any pleasure and was silently wishing she had her phone on her. Candy Crush would have made this experience a bit more fun. Hell, even Stabler didn't feel the need to announce that he was about to blow his wad. At least he hadn't rapped it this time.
"Yeah baby, I'm going to come too" said Olivia wearily. She was glad that her face was pressed down against the table. If he'd seen how bored she actually was, he would have probably got the marrow back out, and she wasn't sure she could handle that.
"One, two, three, Bazinga! Let the mustard see the taco".
Olivia wondered if he ought to see a doctor if his ejaculate resembled mustard. She faked her own orgasm and let him slither out of her like a wet shamois leather.
Although they had just had moderately hot coitus in the interrogation room, both Fin and Olivia felt a bit awkward. Olivia picked up her clothes and dressed as quickly as possible. Fin's meat scepter hung limp and lifeless and he struggled to stay upright. It was right what the perp had said about the cops' diets.
Unsure of what to say, Olivia tried to be her usual friendly self. "Well, goodnight then Fin, I'll see you in the morning".
"Yeah babes" said Fin, trying to sound a bit more assertive. "I hope we get to do a case together again sometime".
Olivia hoped not. She'd rather try banging the brain damaged seal before letting him anywhere near her ass again. She slyly picked up the marrow, and left the squad room.