The air was cold, the biting chill palpable through her thin skirt, and Tessa shivered, wrapping her coat more tightly about her torso, trembling in the harsh wind. Her hands, fragile after so many long years, rested gently upon the crimson railing of Blackfriar's Bridge as she looked out into the glossy waters before her. Her chocolate curls floated in the biting breeze and she sighed, a wave of memories flooding her mind as she reached for the clockwork angel at her throat, only to realize its absence. She found it strange how much she still remembered, how much she still thought of as the present.
It hurt, more so than the icy wind upon her reddened cheeks, to come to the realization that everything she knew, everything she remembered, was the past. Dead and gone. A man walked past her, bumping into her shoulder by accident, and a muffled apology sounded behind her as she turned to him, smiling politely. His eyes were blue, brilliantly so, with ink black hair mussed atop his head. His cheekbones were prominent, strong face and teasing smile, and the word that came from his lips was her own name, uttered within a habitual nickname that sent her heart fluttering within her rib cage. Tessa blinked and it was over, the man's young face fading into a mix of blond hair and green eyes with flecks of gold in their depths.
"Sorry," he muttered hastily, before hurrying off into the mass of people on the bridge.
Her stomach sank, a weighted feeling in her chest, and she put a hand over her heart to quell the sorrow rising to the surface. Tears filled her vision at the memory of Will, brave Will, with a heart full of love and a mind full of potential, a sharp smile and equally sharp wit. She remembered long nights spent wrapped in one another's arms, whispers and kisses fading into the memories resting within her mind.
A woman walked by, blond curls bouncing atop her dainty shoulders, and she turned, a graceful smile on her powdered face. Jessamine smiled at Tessa, blood red lips upturned in amusement, and Tessa wondered when last she'd ever seen the woman so at peace. The china doll face vanished as a man walked up to her, dark hair and dark eyes, suit coat hanging loosely from his shoulders, face gaunt, a crooked smile on his lips. Tessa's heart leaped at seeing Nate, but she closed her eyes before he could look at her, the memory of his blood on her hands still too fresh in her mind.
Henry and Charlotte, always the caretakers, came after them, a bundle of blue blankets in Charlotte's loving embrace, Henry's arm around her waist as he walked, the movement of his legs a near foreign thing, beside his wife, all red hair and restless energy, his goggles sitting on top of his hair, as if he'd forgotten them, like always. Charlotte's honey colored hair flowed after her, her warm smile aimed at Tessa as they passed, laughter bobbing in the wind. Their baby wailed somewhere in the crowd.
Gideon and Gabriel walked side by side, hands in their pockets, and Cecily had her arm tightly bundled around Gabriel's, while Sophie gently pressed her shoulder to Gideon's, a tender smile across her scarred face. Cecily's long black hair accented the ruby red jewel resting within the hollow of her collarbone, her piercing blue eyes too much like Will's to stare at. Sophie's light hair was pulled back, bringing attention to the jagged scar across her cheek, which Gideon rubbed a thumb over tenderly, making her cheeks glow with a rosy shade of red.
Camille sauntered by, all sultry movement and seductive smile, and her tinkling laughter echoed in Tessa's mind.
She sighed as they all morphed into strangers, random passerby that didn't pay her any mind, and tears poured down her cheeks at the memories, the voices of those most dear lost to her forever, their faces fading into distant images. A boy pushed his way through the crowd, his silver eyes glinting against the light, and Tessa wanted to crawl in on herself, wither away like the rest of the people she loved, and disappear forever.
But the boy with the moonlit hair and kind smile stole her attention, his slender violinist fingers working deftly to adjust his shirt collar as he smiled at her, a bright, all-consuming smile that seemed to require the essence of his very soul. His light voice found its way to her through the throng of people and she flinched at the grief inside her.
"Tessa," Jem murmured, his bright eyes like the lasting burn of a dying star.
He crept closer, cane in hand, and she was reminded of a night long ago, when they walked arm in arm on the same bridge, quiet whispers of affection lying between them, hearts pounding with an emotion Tessa had only known twice in her long existence.
And it was an existence, Tessa thought, for nothing that could last so unbearably long could be life, nothing so unyielding could be alive, and she knew this even more when Jem's kind, loving, heartbreaking smile faded into the face of a stranger walking past her, brushing against her shoulder, and she could imagine, for only a moment, that it was Jem's shoulder touching hers, Jem's form retreating behind her, and Tessa turned from the crowd to lean over the railing, nails digging into the concrete.
Everyone she knew and loved was dead.
Will's love had withered.
Charlotte's care had vanished.
Henry's energy had dissipated.
Sophie's wisdom had faded.
Gideon's kindness had died.
Gabriel's charm had left.
Cecily's wit had dimmed.
Jessamine's beauty had perished.
Nate's concern had fled.
All but one had died long ago, wrapped up in a memory too far back to truly remember.
The only other person who had ever held her heart, still held it, was trapped, existing but not living, breathing but not alive, in a place all his own, a place where he could not see the world, where the world barely saw him. He could not speak, could not play his wonderful music, could not love, and could not marry. This fact broke Tessa's heart anew every single day, knowing that Jem was lost to her, a stoic Brother Zachariah standing in his place. In those moments of sorrow, she almost wished that he had died with them, just so he wouldn't have had to live within the torment of his own mind, trapped forever in a place where she could not follow.
She remembered, then, when Will would murmur soothingly to Jem, who laid motionless in a bed spotted with fresh blood, pale hands lying unmoving within Will's iron grip. She remembered a bond so strong, so unbreakable, that it could transcend all hardships, all except death, and recalled a moment, leaning against the doorframe to hear more soundly, when Jem had weakly whispered to Will in the confines of his room.
"Someday I will go where none can follow."
Thinking back, Tessa wondered if Jem had known what choice he would have to make- to live on in solitude or to die in it- when he had uttered those tender words, for they rang truer than ever the moment Jem turned from them all, his only family, to enter the Silent City, to go to a place where none could ever follow.
Tessa bit down on her tongue to keep from sobbing, but, in the end, the tears that flowed down her cheeks dropped into the water below-just a few more pieces of her heart lost to the curse of time.
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