When Maya started college she imagined it differently. She expected fun, and independence. She thought she might join a sorority, or a club or something. An acapella group, maybe! She expected to see her best friend, Riley—with whom she was supposed to be rooming— all the time, and to get to share the college experience with her. She expected the best years of her life, like it had been described by everyone she knew.
What she got was no good. She was being harassed by a boy in her dorm; who leered at her, catcalled her and insulted her anytime they crossed paths. She was stuck rooming with a girl she didn't know nearly as well, as her best friend had decided at the last minute that she'd rather live in an off campus apartment with her newly appointed fiancé, abandoning Maya and making herself practically unreachable. Some friend, right? And to top it off, Riley, joined a sorority without her. (She had tried rushing, it wasn't for her).
Instead of the wonderful experience she was promised, she was miserable. She was homesick, depressed, and it had only been two months. Depression was nothing new for her, she had dealt with it in high school. Her mistake was expecting college to be a magical cure for her problems. This was the worst it had ever been though. She could hardly eat without vomiting her meals back up, her stomach stuck in a constant state of anxious nausea. She slept every spare moment. She was hardly doing her schoolwork or even attending class. And although school had never exactly been her forte, she had struck a balance in high school that allowed her to get grades good enough to get her into the University of Pennsylvania, though she was surely blowing it now. She was barely above water these days, patiently waiting for when the current would finally drag her under.
So when her roommate, Darby—who was painfully aware of the state of her wellbeing,— marched into their dorm that evening, declaring Maya was going to a party with her, it's safe to say that Maya was less than enthusiastic.
"I don't think so," was all she had said to Darby's exclamation. "Oh no no, I'm not asking you Maya. I'm done watching you wither away in your bed. And although I recognize that this is not the solution to your problems, I also think that getting your mind off them for an evening might be a start. Or at the very least, a break. So get up." Darby ripped Maya's blankets from her bed and began dragging Maya out of her comfort zone in the most literal way. "Alright, shit, I'll go." Maya stood up from the floor where Darby had dragged her, admitting defeat. She lacked the energy to fight anyway. She trudged begrudgingly over to her closet to put on actually pants, as she assumed her pajamas would not do. She refused to dress up, opting for ripped jeans and a white t-shirt, mostly in an effort to piss Darby off for making her go in the first place. This did little to deter Darby, who just waltzed over with a fancy necklace, placing it on her and declaring, "any t-shirt can be jazzed up with jewelry."
"Are you kidding me?" Maya glared at her annoyed. However, it seemed there was little she could do to shift Darby's mood and determination. "I most certainly am not. Now sit down so I can do your hair."
"No thanks."
"Again, I wasn't asking." Darby said guiding her over to her desk chair and forcing her down on it. Maya crossed her arms like a petulant child, more than unhappy with the turn of events. She was more than unhappy most of the time these days though so what's new.
When all was said and done Darby had curled her hair, forced her feet into wedges, and had done her makeup. Creating the illusion that Maya both cared about her appearance, and wanted to be there. It was top notch on Darby's part.
As Maya wandered around the party alone,—Darby long gone by now, not having the energy to deal with Maya's attitude any longer— she remembered why she hated them. Like all the parties she had attended in high school, they were full of drunk stupid teenagers, acting as such. She barely had the patience to deal with them sober. With the music pulsing around her, Maya thought it best she visit the refreshment table before she left without Darby. Maybe if she were a drunk teenager too she would hate them less. She doubted it, but it was worth a shot. Or ten.
Pouring herself a mix of the strongest liquors she found sitting out seemed like the best approach, and so she did. As she was filling up her cup, Maya felt a pair of hands reach from behind her, covering her eyes. She knew this game, she hated this game. She hated most games, but this one especially, because it reminded her of Riley.
"Darby?" She guessed, since she didn't know anyone here, and no one knew her. "Whose Darby?" A deep voice boomed back at her. Maya would recognize that voice anywhere, and it was just familiar enough to make the ache for home in her chest throb a little more. "Lucas?" Maya asked, spinning around to face him.
Lucas had always been special to Maya. She had liked him most of high school, and he had liked her too. The problem was that Lucas liked most girls, and he expressed as much by being with a different one every week. Never long enough to be a girlfriend, just someone to have fun with, and Maya didn't want to be that kind of girl. So as many times as he had asked her out, and there were too many to count, Maya had always said no—and Lucas never held it against her.
"Darby is my roommate, and the reason I am attending this lovely gathering." Maya's voice dripped with sarcasm and Lucas smiled. "What about Riley? I thought you guys were like, attached at the hip." Maya winced, every reminder of Riley was a fresh knife slicing into her back once more. "Riley followed the sparkly diamond ring that Farkle dangled in front of her into a shiny new apartment and life of domesticity."
"No shit, they got engaged?" Maya nodded. "Good for them." Lucas continued, clearly missing the point. Maya rolled her eyes at his enthusiasm. She glanced around the room as Lucas helped himself to a drink. While he wasn't always the most sensitive or thoughtful companion, Maya was glad to see him. She missed so much about home and the ache for it seemed to dull the longer she stood next to him. Lucas finished pouring himself a drink and looked around the party, seeming ready to move on from their conversation. He opened his mouth to bid Maya goodbye, she was sure. "It was good to-"
"Do you want to dance?" Maya cut him off, desperate to delay their eventual goodbyes. She needed the relief that his presence provided right now and she wasn't willing to let him slip away so easily. She knew Lucas would want to dance with her and so she planned to take advantage of it. He looked at her with both surprise and curiosity playing across his features, as if he was unsure of what was happening; but still he gave in to her request, almost too easily. "Absolutely."
Maya locked hands with Lucas and dragged him toward the edge of the crowd. The music was louder there, the bass turned up so high that she could hardly hear any actual music. Maya turned her body towards his and before she had the chance to think about what was happening, Lucas's hands were on her hips and they were moving to the music.
Maya felt slightly awkward at first but a larger part of her was enjoying this too much to care. Lucas pulled her closer and she let him without hesitation. She could tell that Lucas was testing her, seeing where he could put his hands and what he could get away with. Maya had never let him get away with much before, and he had been trying for as long as she could remember. She knew he was enjoying how uninhibited Maya was behaving. She also knew that he didn't expect anything out of her, which made it all the more enjoyable to Maya.
She had come to the party tonight feeling lost and hopeless, violently homesick. But somehow, in between a couple of drinks and finding Lucas here, she had began to feel better. Lucas's hands on her hips and his body pressed against hers were not only comforting but they were also dizzying. Turning every sour feeling she had when she was arrived at the party into background noise. The more time she spent with Lucas, the less she felt like she was drowning.
The song vibrating through the house was ending and Lucas began to disentangle himself from Maya. She could tell he didn't want to press his luck with her, but as his hands drifted from her body she could almost feel every painful and desperate thought returning. The homesickness that was an afterthought only a moment ago began to throb toward the front of her mind, ready to once again pull her under. And so as Maya watched in fear as Lucas started to say goodbye once more, she did the only thing she could think of to cling to him just a while longer. She wrapped her hands around his neck and kissed him.