The Lifestream
Authors note: If you find this fanfic on any site except this one, please send me a review telling me where it was. I got kicked off fanfiction.net last time because of a story like that and am pissed off with people that do that. Anyways, Enjoy (
Chapter one
"People wouldn't know what to do with themselves in a truly peaceful world!"
-Nun/monster, Chrono Trigger
Watching.
Startled, she drew a sharp breath in, and spun around in alarm. It loomed before her as threateningly as ever, seeming by its very presence to contaminate the area around it. Somehow, it seemed strangely attentive, as if it was spying, taking in everything around it. But that was all.
It took several moments of staring at the motionless sword before Tifa felt relief enough to berate herself for her paranoia. Her breathing returned to normal. It was just a piece of metal, of course; propped casually, blade down, against the window of the simple stone house. The long weapon glimmered brightly, even in the fairly dim light of early morning. She walked on, into the main streets. She ought to have gotten used to it being there, by now, after almost a month. But Tifa was beginning to doubt that she would ever get used to this sword.
Sephiroth's Masamune.
Tifa had tried to warn Cloud about the sword when the mechanic had brought it to him. It had been lying on the ground of the now-deserted Sector 5 Slums, blown there presumably by the intense energy of Meteor, Holy, and Lifestream that would have destroyed any other blade. Cloud had been quick to laugh off the idea that the weapon itself might be inherently evil or dangerous, but ever since he had gotten it, he seemed to have grown moody and distant. Tifa's suspicions about the sword had no real basis in logic, other than the eerie feeling she got every time she looked at the blade. But in the twenty-six days that the Masamune had rested in front of Cloud's house, Tifa's feeling of foreboding had not diminished in the slightest. No one else seemed to react this way; to Tifa's mild alarm, Cloud seemed to like using the weapon better than the shorter swords he was used to.
Not that there was much to use it against, of course. In the seven months since the near-destruction and salvation of the world, life had been good. People were getting over the loss of those loved ones in Midgar whose lives had been claimed by Holy before the Lifestream had diverted it. Those living under Shinra were getting over the loss of the Mako energy that had sustained cities for years. But those who were old enough to remember life before the fifteen years of Mako had quickly taken on the task of reconditioning the world. Most of the carnivorous monsters had been killed by Holy, and grass and a few plants had already started to grow again in the ruins of Midgar. A few nature-loving people had even settled in that now-temperate area, despite all the cleaning up that still had to be done.
Tifa looked up just in time to realize that she had almost bumped into a worker heading in the opposite direction with a load of dull gray rock. He gave her a dirty look for an instant, but seeing her Highwind commander's uniform, he apologized profusely and hurriedly moved on. Tifa soon drifted off into thought again. Highwind was the agreed-upon name of the organization that was trying to rebuilding the world. Right now, Highwind was devoted mainly to building up the formerly small towns, now mini- metropolises, of Nibelheim and Rocket City. Though Cid, Highwind's namesake, claimed not to care much about the rebuilding or the organization, he was soon giving more orders than just about anyone else on the planet, besides maybe Reeve. Tifa continued along the cobblestone streets of Nibelheim, while admiring the work that had been done already. The town had tripled in size since Highwind had started building- southward, of course, since people were still reluctant to deal with the area around Mount Nibel. Most of the houses were fairly simple brick or wood structures, but they emanated a kind of homeliness that was lacking in the more advanced buildings of Rocket City.
Still seeing the menacing shape of the Masamune in her mind's eye, Tifa proceeded to the Chocobo stop, and focused her mind on the day ahead.
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The shadows of the late afternoon had grown longer as Tifa returned to her home area. The older buildings of Nibelheim were less uniform in design than the newer ones, giving it a more pleasant air. Tifa found it even more 'homely' than the rest of the town, although that could have been because it was built to look like the place she's spent the first sixteen years of her life. Cloud and Tifa lived in Shinra's reconstructions of their childhood homes. She passed under the shadow of the old water tower and shivered at the sudden coolness; the tower itself no longer functioned, but was kept intact as an historical monument.
Tifa reached Cloud's house, bracing herself to deal with the Masamune and its mind tricks. To her surprise, it wasn't there. She caught sight of Cloud standing by the house, amidst the browning shrubs, staring out into the distance to the east, behind the row of houses. Tifa still couldn't understand for the life of her why Cloud had decided to pursue a career in what was basically menial, physical labor. Cloud was one of the barely-paid workers doing the actual building the town, meaning that he was outranked by virtually everyone else in Highwind. Not that anyone really had the courage to actually give him any orders, but Tifa would never have imagined that she would one day see her proud, stubborn, combative childhood friend tirelessly nailing boards together or carrying loads of brick. She'd never seen him happier. at least, before he got that damned sword. Despite his recent mood changes, Cloud usually looked exhausted but content after a long day's work.
Today, Cloud looked cool and disturbed. He was carrying a loaded sack over one arm, and the Masamune was strapped over his other shoulder. "Cloud?" she called. He continued staring off into space as she approached, running his hand through his spiked blond hair. She took it in for a second, then walked up beside him.
"You going somewhere?"
"Yeah," Cloud answered without turning to face her. "I think I'll leave in a few minutes."
Tifa was caught off guard by this, but had no idea what to make of it. She decided to keep talking. "You're just packing up and leaving?"
"I just said that, didn't I? I won't be coming back." Now he turned his head to look at her, but he didn't really seem to see her. His blue eyes, which had always held a spark of something special, a kind of life, looked sunken and hollow.
"What are you talking about?" Tifa demanded. "Where are you going?"
Cloud shrugged. "Away from you. Away from you, and everyone in this world who've denied me my own life." At Tifa's bewildered look, Cloud went on. "I've wasted my life tryin' to impress you; you know that. Well, it's over. I've had enough of you keepin' me from doing what I want. As for everyone else who'll suffer for me, well, I've given enough for them also. They'll have to cope with the consequences for once."
The last part of his strange statement lost her. "I don't know what you're talking about. What's wrong with. hey! Where are you going?" Tifa experienced a sudden panic as Cloud walked away, ignoring her. "Come back! Don't leave me!" For a moment, she just stood there, stunned by his suddenness and irrationality. Then she started to run after him. Unexpectedly, Cloud stopped and turned around.
"Tifa?"
"W-what?"
"If you try to stop me, I'll kill you."
Chapter Two
"Out of my way. I'm going to see my mother."
-Sephiroth, Final Fantasy VII
Tifa followed him, of course. He was fast enough to leave her far enough behind so that she didn't know if couldn't hear her calling him, or if he was just ignoring her. Tifa's mind questioned the wisdom of following him alone, but her heart ignored it. She rationalized it by saying that she didn't want to let him out of her sight. Besides, she couldn't bring herself to believe that Cloud would actually do anything to her. And she wasn't trying to stop him, as he'd warned against, since she didn't know what he was planning.
The plains were beginning to turn brown, but the weather was still hot, and she soon became aware of the sun beating down on the side of her head, and the sweat running down her back beneath her uniform. Cloud had taken the most direct route out of the town, but was now circling around it, striding generally northward through the overgrown areas between the eastern edge of the town and the mountains. She no longer had the sun at her back. The weeds grew tall here, and Tifa soon found herself pushing through them to make a path for herself. Ahead of her, Cloud did the same, spreading his arms to bend the waist-high weeds out of his way, and allowing them to spring back into place behind him. At first, Cloud had seemed to be trying to leave her behind, but after a few minutes, he had slowed to a steadier pace that she could keep up with, with effort.
She lost sight of him for a moment, as he passed the town and entered more open grasslands. But soon after Tifa broke free of the cumbersome weeds, she saw him again, about sixty meters ahead. Mount Nibel loomed larger ahead of them, and its they were soon within its massive shadow. The chase plodded on, and the sun dipped lower.
Suddenly, of all things, a monster appeared to help Tifa catch up. It was an overgrown green lizard with yellow frills the attacked Cloud from behind; nothing compared to the more vicious creatures that had once lived here, and certainly no match for Cloud's Masamune. The lizard's attacks were ineffective, and one casual swipe of the massive blade separated its head from its shoulders, but this gave Tifa the time she needed to, by running, close the gap between them. To her surprise, instead of trying to move on, Cloud just stood there, allowing Tifa to get within three or four steps before calling sharply, "No closer, Tifa."
Tifa stopped and the two exchanged stares for a few seconds. Cloud seemed intensely focused on something, and even more oblivious to the world than he had been an hour ago. Finally, Tifa ventured, "Cloud? Can't we talk about this?"
"I don't have anything to say to you. I'm not going to stop what I'm doing, and I'm sure as hell not going to let you manipulate me any more."
Tifa suppressed her anger, trying to stay calm. "I don't understand. I have no idea what you're planning to do, and as for 'manipulating' you, I never." She stepped forward as she spoke.
"I said, no closer! I think this conversation's gone as far as it's goin' to go," Cloud cut her off.
"No." Tifa finally allowed her voice to give in to intensity and anger. "No, it hasn't. I don't know what the hell you're ranting about me controlling your life for. I never asked for you to become obsessed with trying to please me, and I've never encouraged you to be anything but yourself." For the first time, Cloud seemed to really see her, and his determination wavered. He suddenly looked as confused as he'd seemed for a moment, back in Nibelheim. "Cloud, I don't know what's wrong with you, but we understand each other, at least, we did. Let me try to help you." His eyes softened.
Tifa stepped closer towards him, which she immediately recognized as a mistake. She flinched backwards as out of nowhere, the Masamune sprang up at her. Staring into Cloud's uncaring eyes, she seemed to see another pair of equally dispassionate eyes from her past as the Masamune bit into her shoulder.
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01-05-17-09-15. Nothing.
Tifa wasn't even paying enough attention anymore to be frustrated. She just mechanically moved the dial to the next position. This could take hours, she realized, if not days, but it needed to be done.
01-05-17-09-16. Nothing.
After getting her wound treated, she'd returned home to Nibelheim. One thing she definitely didn't miss about Mako was media technology. As something of a celebrity, she could understand why people hated reporters. News and gossip about her injury would spread, of course, but gossip couldn't shove a camera or a microphone in her face.
01-05-17-09-17. Nothing.
Tifa was clearly ready for a journey. She had her own sackfull of provisions now, and had strapped her weapon of choice, the Premium Heart, around her right hand. She had abandoned her Highwind uniform in favor of her usual traveling outfit. if a half-t-shirt and shorts could really be called an 'outfit.' All that she needed now was some of the leftover Materia from the safe in Cloud's house, but he'd changed the combination. Fortunately, the safe wasn't booby-trapped or anything, but she'd spent the last half hour trying combinations, and there was no end in sight.
01-05-17-09-18. The safe opened, to Tifa's immense relief. Thankfully, Cloud had had the decency to start the combination with a low number. Something bothered her, but she shrugged it off, and gathered up some shards of Materia. Cloud had vetoed the idea of just leaving the Materia lying around after the defeat of Sephiroth. It could too easily fall into the wrong hands, or worse, Yuffie's hands. Instead, it had been locked in this safe in Cloud's house, by the stove. As Tifa had suspected, Cloud had taken most of the best orbs, but there were still a few of interest here, including Bahamut, Comet, and FullCure. Tifa stocked up, glad that even after their war with Sephiroth, the little group had kept their foresight.
Sephiroth. Cloud's face had been so much like Sephiroth's when he had attacked her. The same single-mindedness and disconcern for the affairs of others that Sephiroth had shown while retrieving Jenova's head. Maybe it was the sword itself. Tifa swore for a few moments. The Masamune must be turning Cloud into another Sephiroth!
But he had held up. That was why her wound hadn't been as severe as the one Sephiroth had given her five and a half years ago. Cloud had stopped himself. He could have killed her.
Tifa's optimism left her only one explanation for this. Cloud was fighting the effects of whatever was possessing his mind. She had been about to get through to him. The real Cloud was still there, and she wasn't about to let him go. As she walked towards the door, determination coursing through her, she realized what was bothering her about the safe's new combination.
01-05-17-09-18. It was a simple alphanumeric code.
A-E-R-I-S.
With a chilling certainty, Tifa suddenly knew exactly where Cloud was going and what he was trying to do. The chill came from the fear that she wouldn't be able to stop him.
Chapter Three
"Justice is not the only right in this world. someday you will see."
-KluYa, Final Fantasy IV
As he walked, his boots churning through the dirt of the wide avenues of Rocket City, Cloud found it difficult to suppress his displeasure. Though Rocket City had grown at an even more rapid rate than Nibelheim, it still had the blackened streets and dusty air than seemed to betray the fact that it had been a virtual ghost town barely six months before. The newer houses were mostly made of leftover scrap metal, and it showed. Little effort had been taken to remedy the general state of disrepair of the older houses south of the launching pads. In the center of the town, the twin black pads rose up. The one on the left held the jagged green shape of the still- incomplete Highwind #3 rocket, intended as the first manned extraterrestrial launch. The right pad, without a rocket, seemed diminutive in comparison. It was still splotched with blots of brown rust, though some half-hearted effort seemed to have been made to fix that.
No, thought Cloud to himself, Highwind had gone a bit wrong here. It made him feel a bit better about the fact that Rocket City, like all the other towns, would likely not stand much longer.
Cloud walked briskly on, feeling freer than usual. Though he carried his sack and sword, they were a light load compared to the construction materials he was used to. He was also pleased to have put a stop, however temporary, to Tifa's incessant pursuit. She'd be back, though, knowing her. Cloud almost wished that she would try to stop what he was doing, so he'd have an excuse to get rid of her more permanently.
Soon he reached the central Highwind building. No attempt had been made to disguise the fact that it was made of mostly black scrap metal from the former Shinra building. By contrast to that imposing structure, the central Highwind building was only four stories tall, with nothing grandiose about it. A light stone bridge led from the top floor to the airship Highwind's landing pad, now empty, built over a ravine. Thick and dark smoke spiraled up from the building into the air. Cloud vaguely recalled an argument over using North Corel's coal resources. The coal was efficient compared to the other limited resources available (Shinra had done a good job of eliminating everything but Mako), but some argued that it would be easier to stop air pollution if they never even started using pollutants again. Cloud had tuned off the debate after that, since he had wanted nothing to do with politics or military again.
He entered the building, and the cold looks he threw kept the various guards from bothering him. Another reason not to get involved in the power games; though he had no official status, everyone deferred to him anyway, sometimes to the point of pissing him off. Cloud made his way down the carpeted stairs to the basement, telling anyone who asked that he had an appointment with Reeve, which no one questioned. Though none of the higher- ups really had an official title, Reeve and Cid were the ones who gave most of the orders. Knowing Reeve, Cloud thought wryly, he was probably trying to get everyone to like him before he asserted his dominance and became some kind of supreme leader.
In an opened side room beside Reeve's office, Cloud saw the still figure of a huge white moogle, with a stuffed black cat riding atop it. Cait Sith was supposedly just a toy that could be controlled by and turned on and off by Reeve, but the cat seemed to have something of a personality of its own. Despite everything else on his mind, Cloud took a moment to ponder for the thousandth time where Reeve ended and Cait Sith began.
A few meters further down the hallway, a rather fancy smooth wood door stood with a one-way-glass window in the upper half. Suppressing a smile at Reeve's ability to show his status, Cloud knocked on the door. In contrasting style, Reeve's office looked like a basement warehouse. Cloud wondered at the change; psychological games, maybe? In the center of the room, near the door, was a fairly simple desk, loaded with paperwork, and a few shelves behind it. Reeve sat behind it, wearing an elaborate blue suit, apparently engrossed in the document he was reading. The outer edges and back of the large room consisted of bare gray cement floor, dulled further by the thick dust that coated it. Reeve stood up as Cloud approached his desk, beaming with surprise.
"Cloud! Sorry I wasn't expecting you, or I would've scheduled a break. What do you think of."
Reeve broke off when he saw the look in the other's eyes. Cloud was in no mood for endless pleasantries. Just from his demeanor, it seemed that the being who had become so close with Cloud and his friends had been Cait Sith, not Reeve. Cloud stepped forward.
"Save it. I don't want to be wastin' time with this. I want the Materia."
Reeve was a bit nonplused. "The Materia? What would you want."
"It's not your concern," Cloud cut him off.
"Listen, Cloud, if there's some kind of problem, I'd be glad to help."
Cloud smiled faintly. "Works for me. You can help by givin' me the damn Materia and stayin' out of my way. Or, if you're in a masochistic mood, you can try to stop me and I can take it by force." He casually drew his sword. Reeve's confusion was turning to nervousness.
"Cloud, I'm sure if we just think this through." Reeve was cut off again, this time by a cold glare. "Look, I have a friend who'd like to talk to you." His features momentarily furrowed in concentration.
Before Cloud could respond, Cait Sith bounded through the opened doorway, past the alarmed guards. "Hiya, Cloud! Can't say ah see what y'all so uptight about, but calm down and let your ol' friends help ya with whatever it is!"
Stealing a brief glance at Reeve, who stood at apparent ease, Cloud turned to the cat. "I don't want your help. I just want your cooperation. Are you going to give me the Materia or not?"
Reeve shrugged. "Unless you tell me what you're doing, I won't be able to answer that."
That was all Cloud needed to know. Grabbing Reeve's coat with his left hand, he bodily threw the smaller man sideways, onto the floor, and started towards the back of the room. He was startled when he felt a moogle's weighted fist slam down on the back of his head. Cloud fell painfully to the floor, while Cait Sith danced around him, looking worried.
"Cloud! Get ahold of y'self!"
Rolling quickly back to his feet, eyes flashing with anger at his friend's betrayal, Cloud didn't hold back any longer. He blasted the doll with a Bolt 3 spell, turning to look around him as he did. The two guards at the door were drawing their weapons and beginning to yell for help, but a Death spell silenced them both forever. Instinctively, Cloud then cast Reflect around himself, just as Cait Sith attempted to cast Stop on him. Cloud felt the air in front of him crackle as the spell was sent back, paralyzing its caster.
Behind him, Reeve had drawn a shotgun, and was aiming it. Cloud spun around and impaled him through the chest with the long blade of the Masamune. Reeve's mouth opened in surprise before he collapsed, face-down. Cait Sith did the same. Pulling his sword free, Cloud stepped over Reeve's body. The hole in Reeve's back spilled a large pool of slowly flowing blood, bubbling out like a broken fountain.
In the back of the room was another safe. A combination lock was no barrier, especially when Cloud had been the one who set it up in the first place. Moments later, he strode out of the room, holding the Black Materia in his hand.
He avoided looking at Reeve's corpse again as he approached the door.
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After carefully destroying the stolen helicopter, and taking a short hike through the ruins of the Forgotten City, Cloud had finally reached his goal. As the pool surrounding the alter came into view, Cloud fingered the Black Materia in anticipation. As he had expected, the pool now contained even less water than it had before. That little bit of liquid desperately tried to gather on the surface, but it could no longer mask the fact that the pool was almost entirely filled now with the glowing green not-quite- liquid of Lifestream.
Cloud remembered when he and Tifa had first discovered this new pool of Lifestream. Despite his failure to communicate with Aeris at Mideel and the Northern Crater, he had hoped that this place might be somehow different. But it had soon become clear that Aeris had some limited control over Lifestream, but nothing short of a blast of Meteor could bridge the gap between the living and the dead. That, of course, would be catastrophic to the living. But Cloud knew it was worth it.
He still felt a twinge of guilt over the way he'd killed Reeve, but that was fading more quickly now. Cait Sith had attacked him from behind with the intent to hurt him. Brutal as it seemed, Cloud had done what he had to do to protect himself. He'd already forgotten any shame at all in what he'd done to Tifa. He hadn't hurt her too badly, except maybe mentally. If she insisted on displaying this contemptible jealousy of the joy he and Aeris could share, he would take extreme measures to keep her out of it. As for the rest of humanity who would suffer. let them. Cloud had given up almost everything he knew in his quests to save the world and defend its 'innocents.' Was it too much to ask for them to suffer a bit, if it meant that he and Aeris could finally have a little bit of joy?
Cloud raised the Black Materia in his hand. It glinted dully, seeming to absorb all light sent its way. Though the Materia had been kept under guard in the Highwind building, no one had really believed that Meteor would be a threat again. Somewhere along the line, a myth had developed that the power of Meteor could only be used once - despite the fact that Cloud knew it had been called at least twice. Others figured that its power could only be invoked by the Cetra, now extinct.
A grim smile spread across Cloud's face. Lifestream. Being careful not to touch the plasma, he slowly dipped the edge of the Black Materia into the pool. His near-fatal encounter with Lifestream at the Northern Crater had been more of a gift than he had realized at the time. Cloud had been a part of the knowledge and consciousness of many Cetra, among others. If the Materia was in contact with Lifestream, he was certain that he could invoke their powers and call Meteor.
The smile widened as he finished his summons and withdrew the Materia from the pool, leaving Cloud feeling the closest thing to satisfaction he'd felt in recent memory. "Just a little longer, Aeris. I'm coming."
Chapter Four
"Time flows like a river. and history repeats."
-Secret of Mana
"Cloud? Can you hear me?"
Obviosly, he couldn't. Tifa kicked the ground in frustration, trying to think of another plan. Cloud sat before her, eyes closed, locked in some kind of a deep trance. She tried to pry the Black Materia from his clenched right hand, but his grip on the stone was like iron. Despite her fervent attempts to come up with another explanation, all signs pointed the conclusion that he had already began to invoke the spell. She was too late.
Her search for Cloud had taken far too long, after the chaos in Rocket City. It had taken almost a full day to secure a ride on the last surviving helicopter, even just as far as Chocobo Bob's farm. Aboard her Gold Chocobo, Dancer, she had made better time, but had incorrectly guessed that Cloud would try to reach Lifestream in Mideel, where he had personally experienced it, rather than here in the Forgotten City. Cloud had probably gotten here days ago.
Tifa thought she still felt a kind of personal connection with Cloud after their experience in Lifestream, and spoke to him softly, trying to somehow project herself back into his mind. "Listen to me, Cloud. At least hear what I have to say. I don't know what's wrong with you. what's controlling your mind. But whether it's that sword, or some kind of demon, or whatever, I know that the real you is still there."
A barrier, real or imagined, blocked her efforts to communicate. Even if it was possible to reach him this way at all, something was stopping her. She gritted her teeth in frustration. "Come on, Cloud! Let me reach you! I know that you're not yourself; I can accept that. The real Cloud. the Cloud I. I mean." Her words were turning to toothpaste in her mouth, so she broke off. Her connection with the real Cloud was beyond the need for words. She held his head in her arms, silently trying to reach past whatever was possessing him, but his resistance only grew stronger. "Damn it! Why won't you listen to me? Why can't you help me?" Tifa, despite her best efforts to prevent it, began to give in to despair. Tears of frustration were beginning to well up in her eyes, and she allowed her face to drop to the cracked marble edge of the pool. She rose again an instant later, spinning to confirm what she'd seen out of the corner of her eye.
Jenova. She threw herself backwards onto the ground in front of Cloud to avoid its sudden attack. Jenova was here, looking as at had when she, Cloud, and Red had last faced it in the core of the planet: a skull with a thin-faced being affixed to its front, its tentacle-like arms sprawling outwards with a range of nearly twice its height. Tifa quickly rose again. Even last time, with most of its cells scattered throughout the world, Jenova had been fully reassembled in five years. This time, without such roadblocks, the Reunion had taken less than six months. Using all the strength she thought she could spare, Tifa cast a protective barrier over the inert Cloud, then spun again to face the nightmare from the skies.
Once again, Jenova's tentacle-arms cut through the air at her. Once again, Tifa was barely able to avoid them by twisting to the ground. She kicked out blindly, her left foot connecting with one of the arms on its backswing. Tifa raised her hands to call forth the power of Bahamut, and light blue plasma cut through Jenova's defenses, exploding spectacularly, but the attack did little to slow Jenova's advance.
Jenova's counterattack was a vicious fusion of red, blue, and yellow lights that seemed to cut into Tifa's mind. Her world exploded in pain, and she could sense Cloud's barrier weakening. With a supreme effort, Tifa struggled to fight her way back to consciousness. Her vision slowly returned, but she only had the time to cast a single curing spell before she once again had to avoid an attack from Jenova's arms. This time she wasn't quick enough. As she ducked the left arm, she felt the right one smash hard into her forehead. Her skin was flayed off wherever the arm touched it, and blood began to spew forth. Feeling lightheaded and dizzy, Tifa managed to jump into the path of the other arm before it could reach Cloud. A second trail of pain began to emanate from her right side where the blow had struck.
Her rage building even further, Tifa struck back, her own limbs flashing out, attacking with every martial arts technique she knew. Blow after blow connected. Sephiroth's "mother" gave an unearthly shriek of pain as hands, feet, water, and meteos rained down on its body and arms, seeming to come from everywhere at once. Still, even after weathering a blast of Final Heaven, the thing advanced. Tifa fell to the ground exhausted, and another blast of the multicolored light threatened to take the last of her life. The pain was even worse this time, and intensified as Tifa's mind fought to not give up. Even if she survived, how could she beat an immortal foe?
Calling on the last of her strength, and praying that she wasn't dooming the world, she cast her strongest Comet spell, aiming slightly to Jenova's left side. The meteos collided, making the air explode around their vicinity. Jenova absorbed most of the damage, but the force of the blasts pushed the creature sideways. For a moment Tifa feared that it wouldn't be enough, but a last explosion carried Jenova over the edge and into the pool of Lifestream.
The green plasma suddenly reacted, crackling into the air, surrounding Jenova. The tendrils of Lifestream fell again, as Jenova's sickly red plasma began to flow in clots, beginning to contaminate Lifestream with its virus, threatening to do to it as it had done to the Cetra, so many ages ago. The green glow Lifestream was slowly pushed away. But then it rebounded, rushing at Jenova. The air crackled, and the traces of red slowly faded, as, convulsing and sputtering, Lifestream enveloped Jenova. Then the plague from the skies was gone.
Tifa used her little remaining magical power do as much curing as possible. The pain faded somewhat, but it was still all she could do to keep from passing out. The flow of blood from her forehead and right side was beginning to slow, but showed no signs of stopping. Managing to raise her head, she saw that Lifestream was not unaffected by the destruction of Jenova. It seemed to swirl around in circles, building up speed, trying to hold the energy that was being released into it. For a second she thought she saw the blurred shapes of faces flashing by within the stream. Then there was a face, clear and distinct amidst the raging swirl of green.
-Tifa!- Aeris called. -Don't delude yourself!-
Then she was swept away by the current of souls.
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The remaining supplies from her sack had further restored Tifa's strength, but she was still nowhere near a hundred percent. or even twenty-five percent. Dazedly, she continued to search for the meaning of Aeris's message. "Don't delude yourself."
She had considered the possibility that Aeris was taunting her. She might be confident of Cloud's success in his insane attempt to reach her, and be telling Tifa not to fool herself into thinking she had a chance of stopping him. But Tifa had soon dismissed that possibility. She didn't want to think that of her friend, and Aeris had never done anything to suggest that she would go along with something like Cloud's plan. Tifa had seem Lifestream as it rid the world of Jenova, clearly at great effort and with pain to itself. No, Tifa had soon concluded, Aeris was trying to help her save Cloud and the Planet from disaster. She just needed to figure out what Aeris was trying to say.
Tifa's train of deductions had hit a rail-block somewhere around there. How was she deluding herself?
Eventually, she decided to get back to getting through Cloud's trance, her other problem, hoping that time might have let her come up with some new ideas. But the case soon proved as hopeless as before. Tifa tried to apply Aeris's warning to everything she thought of, but nothing fit. Finally, head pounding, she weakly kicked at a stone before sitting back, no closer to a solution than before. She guessed it had been a few hours since the battle with Jenova, and wondered how much time she had left. It would probably take another day or so for Cloud to complete his call for Meteor, if last time was any indication. She smiled grimly. She could probably hold out here for that long, unless she slowly bled to death first.
Another thought crossed her mind. If she couldn't find another way to stop Cloud from calling Meteor, would she have to kill him? Tifa's skin crawled at the very thought. She started to push the thought aside, but then decided to face it. If she would have to kill Cloud to save the Planet, would she be able to do it? She didn't know. Another gnawing fear told her that she might not have the strength to do it. Sensing that she was close to passing out, she tried to muster up her determination again. She wouldn't have to make that choice, because there would be some way to reach Cloud. There had to be!
Pulling herself back up, Tifa again cradled Cloud's head in her hands, and started from the beginning. Something in Cloud's mind had driven him crazy, causing him to leave Nibelheim, murder Reeve, and steal the Black Materia in an effort to summon Meteor. This would likely wipe out life on the Planet, but would break the barrier between living and dead, allowing him a brief time to be with Aeris. Aeris, presumably not as enthusiastic about this possibility as Cloud was, had given Tifa one hint, "don't delude yourself." Tifa was still trying to come up with a way to get in touch with Cloud.
She sighed, running a hand through her blood-stained hair. Maybe she was deluding herself by thinking that she could get through to Cloud this way. Maybe she'd be better off trying to figure out what had caused Cloud to snap. Whether it was some monster she didn't know about, or that damned sword, or.
It clicked. "Don't delude yourself."
Once again she reached out to Cloud's mind, this time trying to articulate her thoughts. "I'm having trouble believing it, but. something that's a part of you caused this, didn't it? It's not a sword or a monster that made you do these things; you did them. I still can't believe that you'd do something like this, with your own will. but, well. I can't help it. I still love you, Cloud, no matter what happens. We still have time. Will you listen to me?"
As before when trying to reach him, Tifa felt like she was surrounded by blackness, with a dark barrier before her. This time, a small, almost intangible slit opened in the barrier for her.
Something inside Cloud awoke.
Chapter Five
"If it is my fate to be destroyed. then I must simply laugh!!!"
-Magus, Chrono Trigger
Cloud sat up, his head throbbing. At first he couldn't see a thing. Then the world came back into focus, but it seemed to be a world made up of swirling colors. Cloud tried to blink his way through the sickly greens and yellows. He didn't know where he was, but had the idea that this wasn't the real world. His mind continued to spin. It was hard to think, to focus. Something was wrong with him, but he couldn't put his finger on it. He stood up and looked around. He seemed to in some kind of void. Just empty space, without even a visible floor. It reminded him of somewhere but, the memory was hazy. It was like the time. He couldn't remember.
For a few moments, he briefly contemplated how disconcerting it was to look like he was floating in space, not being able to see the floor. Then he could see a floor. He thought he'd seen it before. That other time, the time. Lifestream; the word came to him suddenly, and then he remembered. He felt like he had when he was within his mind, in Lifestream, divided. Incomplete. He must be inside his own mind again. Part of him, he realized, was somewhere else. Maybe that was why it was so hard to think clearly.
Abruptly, he remembered the Black Materia. Meteor. That was how he had made contact with Lifestream. His body wasn't inside it this time, but he had. his mind grew hazy for an instant there. He had invoked its powers. That was why his mind was in Lifestream, and he was inside his own mind. Like the last time. Lifestream. Tifa.
Tifa! He seemed to wake up a little bit more, though it was hard to tell. Tifa had been calling him. He was. again he took a few minutes to remember. It had to do with Meteor. After more effort, he remembered. He had awakened, become incomplete, because of Tifa. The other part of him was still trying to call Meteor. He had to stop it. That was it. Cloud closed his eyes again and tried to concentrate. He called out.
Nothing could hide from him in his own mind. A moment later, he stood before himself. The other incomplete Cloud's eyes were cold, full of hatred, contempt, and resentment. Like Sephiroth, Cloud realized. The other Cloud, the other part of him, flashed him a mocking smile.
Cloud suddenly realized he had a weapon strapped to his back. A sword. He pulled it free. The familiar weapon was his first blade, the Buster Sword that he had fought with for five years.
The other Cloud unsheathed the Masamune.
The swords collided. The shock through his weapon jarred Cloud's body. The other Cloud didn't seem affected. Cloud struck again, and ignoring the shock this time as the blades collided, he pressed his attack. The other Cloud was far to quick, defending and counterthrusting with contemptuous ease. His opponent knew everything he did, Cloud realized, and the added range and power of his weapon gave him a decided advantage.
The fight went on for a few minutes, with Cloud miraculously avoiding getting hurt, but he soon realized that he didn't stand a chance. The other Cloud knew it also. He spoke for the first time, in his hate-filled voice. "You can't win." Cloud began to feel stirrings of anger, something of an incomplete feeling without hatred. "You'd destroy the Planet!"
"Yes. You would." His opponent's words struck a haunting note within him. He redoubled his assault. This time, the other Cloud let him strike. He stabbed at the other Cloud, the Buster Sword slicing through the other's armor, but his blow still had no effect. Cloud stared at his seemingly invincible foe, who once again grinned that smile of total contempt.
"Get out of my mind!" Cloud yelled, as his vision began to waver, and he started to lose a sense of where he was. The other Cloud's voice drifted back distantly. "You can't get rid of me. I am your mind." Then he was alone again.
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Cloud had no idea how long he had stayed there, oblivious to his surroundings, when something once again began to happen. This time it was a pressure, pressing in on his mind, strong enough to cause physical pain. He temples ached as he tried to fight off the sudden doubt that spread over him. He recognized this as a mental attack from the other Cloud, his hatred, but there was nothing he could do about it. He felt his principles challenged, as questions filled his mind.
He asked himself why insisted on fighting his desires. For the Planet, and its innocents, the answer came back quickly enough. Even as he thought about it, that answer seemed glib and insincere. When had he suddenly started caring again? Even in his war with Shinra and Sephiroth, the planet had been secondary. But was it really worth giving up his happiness? He'd already suffered more than anyone else on the Planet. Was it too much to ask for a chance at a little joy? Why did he always have to be the one to make the sacrifices?
Cloud felt his will, his resolve fading. Desperately, he tried to fight the compulsion to allow his compassion to be replaced by bitterness. His head throbbed harder, and he thought he had begun to fall. Endlessly downward.
Suddenly, Tifa was there. The pressure seemed to fade as he stared at her beautiful and somehow delicate complexion, into her fiery eyes, not seeing the crimson streaks that ran down her forehead, staining her entire face and forming damp streaks in the darkness of her hair. She reached out towards him as if from a great distance, as if she were trying to fight through a barrier of some kind.
-Don't fight me, Cloud. Please, let me try to help you. I.-
Her voice was cut off and it seemed she was being pushed away from him. The other Cloud, no doubt. "Tifa!" he called.
For a moment, the resistance she was fighting dropped away, and he could hear her voice again. -.to me. Remember Aeris, Cloud! Think of.-
Then she was gone. The other Cloud had banished her from his mind. The waves of pressure returned, as strong as ever. Cloud knew that Tifa's words had been all that had saved him, and he held them before him desperately like a shield.
Then he did remember Aeris. Every detail of her face appeared clearly to him, changing as tender moments came back to him: her flirtatious smile as she offered a date for his services; her respect for and determination to help Tifa at Corneo's, if only for his sake; her care and self-sacrifice as she called out affirmation of Marlene's safety even as she was carried off by the Shinra; her gratitude when he came to save her; her desire to understand her Cetra heritage; her deep caring for him as they floated through the Gold Saucer's firework-lit night; her faint smile of love and fulfillment that even Sephiroth's brutal sword strike couldn't erase. He remembered it all.
Impossibly, the pressure on his mind intensified even more. He tried to resist it enough to build up coherency in his mind. Aeris wouldn't. His thought trailing off was only momentary. She wouldn't want this. He was rewarded with a stronger burst of pain. She wouldn't find joy in returning if the Planet and its people suffered. Cloud's head felt like he was going to burst. Fighting for his survival, he drove away all thoughts but Aeris. He still loved her.
If he loved her, he would put an end to this.
The thought cut through the pain with crystal clarity, the pressure on his mind melting away. His confusion was gone, and Cloud could only gasp with the delight of having control of his mind again. He was safe from the other Cloud now, he knew. It seemed Aeris would never cease to protect him, even in death. Love and resolve mingled in him as he straightened, throwing his head back to laugh. He knew what he had to do. Cloud once again began a journey through his mind to face himself.
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The other Cloud was waiting for him, of course. Cloud stifled back any fear or apprehension he felt, knowing that it might cost him his soul. The other Cloud was incapable of feeling these things, so his opponent's resolve wouldn't waver.
"Again? You don't give up, do you, boy?" The other Cloud held the naked Masamune in front of his face, and was sweating from his intense hate. Cloud only smiled at the idea of part of his mind feeling contempt for another part. He faced his enemy with a dispassionate coldness.
"I've had enough games. Let's get to the point. For Aeris's sake, this ends here."
"All right," the other snarled, then seemed to calm a bit. "Let's get to the point. You can't kill me. But your soul might just die trying."
Cloud raised his sword. "You're right. I can't kill you." He made as if to attack, then suddenly lunged for his opponent with his left hand, sheathing the Buster Sword across his back. He firmly gripped the other Cloud's shoulder. "But I can accept you."
"What the hell are you doing?!" The other Cloud swung the Masamune at his arm. Cloud twisted, but the blade still sliced through flesh and bone, only barely failing to take his arm off entirely. Cloud refused to relinquish has grip. "Stop it!" The other Cloud was panicking now. He drove his sword through Cloud's chest, but Cloud, as he had once before, yanked the blade out by the tip with his bare right hand. With a mighty sideways heave, he wrenched the sword from his enemy's grasp and threw it into the distance.
"I have to accept you. You've made me do some unforgivable things. But you've also helped me survive more times than I can count. You helped me kill Sephiroth. You're a part of me, Cloud. Accept it." The grimace and the hatred faded from the other Cloud's face. Its body faded away as well as Cloud drew his hatred and bitterness back into himself.
He was whole again.
Breathing a sigh of relief, Cloud slumped to the ground for a moment, starting to feel the agony of the injuries he'd sustained. His left arm limply hung at his side in uselessness, and even when he covered the wound in his chest, blood and gods-knew-what-else continued to pour out. Now that he was thinking clearly and had time to concentrate, he could see the pale green glow that surrounded everything here, hovering on the edge of his consciousness. He had gone through so many encounters with Lifestream by now, he had almost ceased to regard it as a novelty.
It was time to be getting back, he thought, back to the surface. Back to the world above. Why did he hesitate? He was reluctant to leave, he realized, because of her. He realized this was the closest he'd get to being with Aeris until he died. It wasn't much. But he felt better knowing she was among those that surrounded his mind here. His sense of responsibility grew more insistent, reminding him of the things that needed to be done. Still, he hesitated, her face still burned into his memory.
Finally, it was love that called him back. As he groped for reasons for why he should return, another equally beautiful dark-haired face replaced Aeris's in his mind. One he held with equal affection, and who he also owed his life.
"I'm here, Tifa," Cloud called, as he half floated and half swam upwards, out of Lifestream. To her.
Chapter Six
"She was smiling to the end. Unless we do something, that smile is going to just freeze in place."
-Cloud, Final Fantasy VII
Without warning, the sound of an explosion rang throughout the chamber, and much of the water covering Lifestream shot into the air in a geyser-like blast. The green flow of Lifestream began to grow, spilling upward, filling the pool. Tifa spun to face it, realizing in sudden panic that Lifestream must be reacting violently to the energy released when it had destroyed Jenova. If it was as bad as it looked, she had maybe two minutes to get out of the Forgotten City. Suppressing the wave of terror that threatened to overwhelm her, Tifa returned to Cloud's side.
As she reached out to him, wounds suddenly opened up in his body. His left arm filled with gashes and blood suddenly erupted from his chest, quickly turning his shirt into a mess of red. His eyes opened slowly. "I'm here, Tifa," he breathed faintly. She saw it, a glow in his blue eyes that told her that his mind was okay. Not wasting any more time, she hoisted him to his feet, almost dropping him twice, and half-led, half-dragged him away from the pool of Lifestream. His right hand opened, releasing his iron grip on the Black Materia, and showing that the hand was nearly destroyed. Tifa grabbed the Materia and threw it backwards into the now-overflowing pool of plasma before dragging him onward.
As fast as she was able to, Tifa climbed the stairs of the Forgotten City, Cloud's head draped over her shoulder as he shook it, trying to clear it. Blood ran into her eyes, blinding her for an instant. She blinked it away and moved onward, aware of the blood that by now completely caked her body. She hoped that not too much of it was hers. Immediately, she took that thought back. She hoped not too much of it was his.
Cloud was moving now. Though he still leaned against her for support, his left arm hanging bobbing limply at his side, his feet stumbled up the steps of his own accord. Their speed increased as they fought their way upwards.
Lifestream was moving faster too. The plasma swirled and continued shooting upward out of the pool, quickly sweeping across the floor and filling the room. By the time Tifa and Cloud had reached the top of the stairs, the bottom half had been submerged. Racing up the next twisting flight of stairs, the two barely made it to the tower at the end of this staircase, past the area that usually housed a large fish, before Lifestream had completely filled the large hole in the tower's floor and was flowing out.
The two raced downward to the outside of the tower, and Tifa stared in stunned dismay. Fifteen meters below, the stone floor of the Forgotten Capital was covered with Lifestream. They were trapped. Before they could even ponder this turn of events, the entire city seemed to shake. It was all Tifa could do to keep her balance and keep Cloud from falling into Lifestream as the tremors continued. The huge shape of the airship Highwind shot across the sky and slowed to a stop above them.
Despite the distance, Tifa thought she could make out the figure of Cid on the deck of the huge vessel, deploying some machine. A moment later, a long rope dropped from the ship, coiling its way downward towards them. As the rope fell towards them and the Lifestream from inside the tower began to flow to the floor outside, Tifa grabbed Cloud, holding him in front of herself and jumped. The air whipped by her as she reached for the shaking rope.
It was maybe a centimeter beyond her reach. As her hand reached futilely for the rope, they began to fall towards the endless sea of Lifestream building up beneath them.
It couldn't end like this! Her mind recoiled from the idea that they might still die, after everything they'd fought through to survive. It didn't end. Cloud's right hand suddenly shot forward to grab the rope. Amazingly, despite its mutilation, the hand held firm, Cloud's muscles clearly straining with the effort. Tifa wrapped her arms tightly around his body, holding on with what little strength she had left, and the rope began to pull them up.
They still wouldn't make it, she realized. Directly in their path, maybe half a second away, was a huge tidal wave of Lifestream. Its crest rose above her head, illuminating Cloud and her with its strange green glow as it prepared to break. Without even thinking about it, Tifa found herself praying to whatever powers guided her, begging for a little more time. She had done this many times in the past. This time, though, her wish was granted.
The wave of Lifestream abruptly halted in midair. Tifa stared at it in surprise. It wasn't moving. Energy still swirled around frantically inside of it, and Lifestream itself seemed to convulse with pain. The wave held firm. The rope lifted Cloud and Tifa past the top of its crest and into the air. Once they were past it, the wave suddenly broke, resuming its course as if it had never stopped.
As they rose higher, Tifa saw Lifestream sweeping on. It raged on, continuing its destruction of the Forgotten City. Tifa felt a twinge of pain at seeing the last tangible evidence of Cetra civilization in the world swept away. Lifestream seemed a tempest of destruction, a force of nature - uncontrollable, arbitrarily destroying anything in its path. But Tifa knew better.
In her mind's eye, she again saw the gas-like tendrils of Lifestream, gathering from around the world, converging on Meteor and Holy, bringing in the Planet's compassion to save Midgar. She saw the pool of Lifestream, struggling against Jenova's infestation, fighting rid the Planet and its inhabitants of the parasite forever. And she saw the wave of Lifestream, resisting its impulses, ignoring its pain, to give Cloud and her the few seconds they needed to survive.
As she weakly stumbled over the railing to the safety of the Highwind's deck, Tifa got a nice view of the glowing sea of green plasma far below.
"Thanks for everything, Aeris," she murmured.
Last Chapter
"Cloud? Would you tell me. 'it's all right?'"
"It's all right."
-Tifa and Cloud, Final Fantasy VII
It was looking like Cloud would be all right. The Highwind didn't have any beds, but they had managed to clear out a space for him to lie down on the left side of the bridge. He had fallen asleep almost immediately. As Tifa rose, she saw the only other person on the ship, a tired-looking Cid, staring at her. He had casually thrown off his flying helmet near the steering wheel, and now leaned against a rail, cigarette propped in his mouth, as usual.
"Okay," Cid said. "Now that we've gotten this crap cleared up, you mind telling me what the hell you think you were doing?"
Tifa stared at him for a second. She had already filled him in. "You know that. I was going after Cloud to."
"I know THAT, dammit. I meant you just runnin' off on your own without tellin' anyone or anything! Think, girl! You can't just count on me to drop out of the sky and save your ass every time something unexpected happens!"
Tifa was a bit startled. "Yeah, I'm sorry it had to happen that way. But I was..."
Cid pushed off the rail to a standing position. "In a goddamn hurry, yeah, I'll bet! Stupid bitch! Did it occur to you that your damn hurrying might get you killed without anyone knowing where the hell you were?! Did you stop to think?!" He kicked a console angrily, filling the bridge with annoying beeping sounds.
Tifa had had enough. After the endless barrage of narrow escapes and barely surviving, Cid's abuse was the last thing she wanted. "Damn right, I thought! I thought about what might happen. I don't know how long it takes to cast Meteor. What if I hadn't shown up? Hell, ten minutes later and Jenova would've had Cloud. I'm doing what I can, fighting for the Planet and for Cloud; I don't know what you're doing!"
Cid angrily approached her, pulling the cigarette from his mouth. "That doesn't give you an excuse to throw your goddamn life away!" He might have said more, but at that moment, he inadvertently waved his cigarette in Cloud's face. Tifa hurriedly leaned over and tried to fan the smoke away. Cid, presumably realizing that the smoke couldn't be helping either Cloud or Tifa's conditions, hastily snuffed the cigarette out and threw it into the corner by the wheel, where he was building up quite a collection of the things. When he turned back to face Tifa again, he was calmer.
"Look, I'm sorry. It's just that, hell, I do care about you. I don't want anything happenin' to you or Spike when I ain't there to help."
"Yeah, no problem." Tifa was too tired to argue the point. "How did you finally figure out where we were?"
Cid grinned his familiar crooked smile. "Didn't. I just got lucky. I've been flying back and forth across the damn globe for the past three days. Missed my weekend with Shera for it." He grew contemplative. "Still, good thing I got there in time. That was real close."
He really did seem disturbed by it. "Hey, Tifa. You're big on promises, right?" She nodded slowly, not entirely sure where he was going. "Well, could you promise me that next time you go off on some damn fool quest like this, you'll at least get word to me or Barrett or Red. Promise me that, okay?"
Tifa hesitated for a moment. She quickly realized that she wouldn't be able to make that promise. Finally, she spoke. "I promise I'll do what I can."
She hadn't really promised anything, and Cid's dissatisfied look let her know that it hadn't been lost on him. After waiting for a moment, Cid apparently decided that that was the best he was going to get from her. "All right. And you tell Spike the same thing when he wakes up."
Tifa nodded. Grunting, Cid walked out to the deck for a smoke.
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Awakening immediately initiated a mix of feelings within Cloud. He had tossed around in a mostly-unconscious state for a few hours, but he didn't feel like the semi-sleep had done him any good at all. He saw that most of his wounds were gone, and had a vague memory of the Cure spells that had eased the more severe physical pain. He still wore a few bandages. Just about every muscle in his body ached, and he felt stiff. Cloud slowly began to sit up, straining with the effort. Beside him, his eye immediately caught sight of his sword, the Masamune. For a moment, he wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to look at it again without feeling sick. But after a few seconds, he decided that the sword really had little to do with what had happened.
The whole situation was his fault.
The mental anguish was worse than the physical. Cloud groaned aloud as he thought of his brutal murder of Reeve. The guards at the door too. And he was close to having the blood of millions more on his hands. He could rationalize it all he wanted, but this time it hadn't been something else controlling his mind. His hatred had come from within himself, and had driven him to these things.
Now that his mind was whole again, his scattered thoughts at the time seemed humiliatingly selfish, and infantile. He still had trouble believing that he'd actually thought for even a moment that Aeris would be happy to be with him, if he was trying to undo everything she had devoted her life to. He would have liked to think she was pleased that he'd stopped himself, but he had no real reason to believe she didn't hate him for the people he'd killed and tried to kill. He groaned again.
He heard footsteps, and raised his head to look. Tifa was approaching, having heard him wake up, he guessed. Like him, she had gotten most of the blood cleaned off her face and body, and her injuries were healed or healing. She didn't look as though she'd slept, though. "Tifa," he greeted shortly.
Concern covered her features. "How're you doing, Cloud?"
Cloud shrugged. "Fine, I guess, for an attempted mass murderer. And you?"
For a moment, he wasn't sure how she would respond. Finally, she frowned. "I guess we'll have to get to that right away. I know about the things you've done, but you have to realize that."
"That it somehow wasn't my fault?" Cloud found himself growing angry. "That anything I can do can fix what happened? Don't lie to me, Tifa! I don't want you trying to make excuses for me!"
Her frown deepened. "That wasn't what I was going to say." She dropped down next to him as he looked away. "Remember, it was as hard for me to accept that you'd do something like that as it was for you. You have to realize that if you're going to blame yourself for what you tried to do, it means a lot that you were able to stop yourself, and accept your guilt. You were strong enough to do that." Tifa faltered for a moment before continuing. "Besides. I've been thinking, and I realized that I'm that way too. I guess we all are."
She had his attention. Genuinely curious, Cloud turned to listen. She went on. "I've known lots of people who let bitterness mutilate their minds like that. I mean, I've got a part of me that could have done the same kind of thing too. It's still kinda tough for me to accept, but if I'd been in the wrong mood, I might have gone crazy and, oh, I don't know. Tried to kill Aeris in a fit of jealousy, or something like that."
She seemed uncomfortable about continuing, and Cloud couldn't blame her at all. Were Tifa and the others really capable of the same kind of irrational callousness? Then he remembered Sephiroth. Once, even that murderer had had a good heart. He still remembered Sephiroth's almost fatherly affection for him. For Zack, actually, he amended, but he could still remember it as if it were meant for him.
Cloud could take little comfort from all this. It didn't change the fact that his resentment actually had taken control of him. Every time he tried to come to terms with himself, he was assaulted by images of Cait Sith; bouncing to keep up with Cloud and the others; cheerfully drawling his up- to-the-minute information about the Shinra; the cat bellowing orders over his tiny megaphone and the moogle smashing their foes in response. Thanks to Cloud's lack of control, they could never again be more than images or memories. Once again he felt himself sinking into guilt and despair.
"Cloud, please. I don't know how I feel about this either, but you can't just give up!" Tifa seemed to sense his mood change. Her statement lacked certainty, and was more like a plea than anything else. But as its meaning began to sink in, Cloud realized that she was right. He had successfully overcome and accepted himself. Now he had to try to see if he could rectify any of the damage he'd caused. To make sure Reeve's planning and work wouldn't be forgotten, and to do whatever he could to help rebuild the world for the future. To just lie there feeling sorry for himself, or to commit suicide, or, in fact, any other option, would be running away from the problem.
It was still a lot to cope with, but he figured he'd have to try. Sure, he had a responsibility to the Planet and its people to do what he could. But he also owed it to himself. And to Aeris.
"I don't plan to give up on life just yet," he mumbled, more to himself than to anyone else. Tifa sighed with relief but didn't speak.
After a few moments, Tifa began to pull herself back to her feet. From the way she moved, Cloud realized that physically speaking, she was hurt at least as badly as he was. For whatever reason, she was trying hard not to show how injured and exhausted she was. Then Cloud realized why; she was trying to be a source of strength for him. He was touched.
"Tifa?"
"Yeah?" She kneeled beside him again.
"Thinkin' about it, I've really lived a lot of my life for you, you know that? No matter what I might have said, it hasn't been so bad. I don't think I'd do it differently, given another chance." She didn't seem eager to add anything. "Anyway, I have a lot of work to do, and I guess a few more inner demons to fight off. I can tell you're not really sure about me, after what happened, but it'd mean a lot if you'd stand with me, and try to help. Could you do that?"
Tifa smiled. "Isn't that my line?" She laughed abruptly, sounding forced. Cloud, though he usually found it endearing, felt irritation with Tifa's habit of trying to avoid uncomfortable subjects by turning them into jokes. He suppressed his annoyance, with guilt, shame, and anguish still flowing through him.
"I'm serious, Tifa. Can I count on you to be there for me?"
She nodded wordlessly. Gently, he pulled her face towards his. When she didn't resist, he brushed her hair away and kissed her, throwing his arms around her body and squeezing her tightly. She returned the kiss with equal passion, and the hug with almost equal strength, squeezing a few salty drops from his eyes. She felt good against him, and even his guilt and shame faded as he lost himself to love.
Irrationally, he felt a need to prolong the kiss for all time. But eventually, his need for air forced him to pull his mouth away. As he did, the pain returned, but not as bad as before. Cloud felt ready to deal with the world again. Tifa gently brushed away his tears, though she was crying a bit herself.
"Tifa?"
"Don't worry, Cloud." Tifa threw her arms around him again, more gently this time. "It's all right."
Authors note: If you find this fanfic on any site except this one, please send me a review telling me where it was. I got kicked off fanfiction.net last time because of a story like that and am pissed off with people that do that. Anyways, Enjoy (
Chapter one
"People wouldn't know what to do with themselves in a truly peaceful world!"
-Nun/monster, Chrono Trigger
Watching.
Startled, she drew a sharp breath in, and spun around in alarm. It loomed before her as threateningly as ever, seeming by its very presence to contaminate the area around it. Somehow, it seemed strangely attentive, as if it was spying, taking in everything around it. But that was all.
It took several moments of staring at the motionless sword before Tifa felt relief enough to berate herself for her paranoia. Her breathing returned to normal. It was just a piece of metal, of course; propped casually, blade down, against the window of the simple stone house. The long weapon glimmered brightly, even in the fairly dim light of early morning. She walked on, into the main streets. She ought to have gotten used to it being there, by now, after almost a month. But Tifa was beginning to doubt that she would ever get used to this sword.
Sephiroth's Masamune.
Tifa had tried to warn Cloud about the sword when the mechanic had brought it to him. It had been lying on the ground of the now-deserted Sector 5 Slums, blown there presumably by the intense energy of Meteor, Holy, and Lifestream that would have destroyed any other blade. Cloud had been quick to laugh off the idea that the weapon itself might be inherently evil or dangerous, but ever since he had gotten it, he seemed to have grown moody and distant. Tifa's suspicions about the sword had no real basis in logic, other than the eerie feeling she got every time she looked at the blade. But in the twenty-six days that the Masamune had rested in front of Cloud's house, Tifa's feeling of foreboding had not diminished in the slightest. No one else seemed to react this way; to Tifa's mild alarm, Cloud seemed to like using the weapon better than the shorter swords he was used to.
Not that there was much to use it against, of course. In the seven months since the near-destruction and salvation of the world, life had been good. People were getting over the loss of those loved ones in Midgar whose lives had been claimed by Holy before the Lifestream had diverted it. Those living under Shinra were getting over the loss of the Mako energy that had sustained cities for years. But those who were old enough to remember life before the fifteen years of Mako had quickly taken on the task of reconditioning the world. Most of the carnivorous monsters had been killed by Holy, and grass and a few plants had already started to grow again in the ruins of Midgar. A few nature-loving people had even settled in that now-temperate area, despite all the cleaning up that still had to be done.
Tifa looked up just in time to realize that she had almost bumped into a worker heading in the opposite direction with a load of dull gray rock. He gave her a dirty look for an instant, but seeing her Highwind commander's uniform, he apologized profusely and hurriedly moved on. Tifa soon drifted off into thought again. Highwind was the agreed-upon name of the organization that was trying to rebuilding the world. Right now, Highwind was devoted mainly to building up the formerly small towns, now mini- metropolises, of Nibelheim and Rocket City. Though Cid, Highwind's namesake, claimed not to care much about the rebuilding or the organization, he was soon giving more orders than just about anyone else on the planet, besides maybe Reeve. Tifa continued along the cobblestone streets of Nibelheim, while admiring the work that had been done already. The town had tripled in size since Highwind had started building- southward, of course, since people were still reluctant to deal with the area around Mount Nibel. Most of the houses were fairly simple brick or wood structures, but they emanated a kind of homeliness that was lacking in the more advanced buildings of Rocket City.
Still seeing the menacing shape of the Masamune in her mind's eye, Tifa proceeded to the Chocobo stop, and focused her mind on the day ahead.
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The shadows of the late afternoon had grown longer as Tifa returned to her home area. The older buildings of Nibelheim were less uniform in design than the newer ones, giving it a more pleasant air. Tifa found it even more 'homely' than the rest of the town, although that could have been because it was built to look like the place she's spent the first sixteen years of her life. Cloud and Tifa lived in Shinra's reconstructions of their childhood homes. She passed under the shadow of the old water tower and shivered at the sudden coolness; the tower itself no longer functioned, but was kept intact as an historical monument.
Tifa reached Cloud's house, bracing herself to deal with the Masamune and its mind tricks. To her surprise, it wasn't there. She caught sight of Cloud standing by the house, amidst the browning shrubs, staring out into the distance to the east, behind the row of houses. Tifa still couldn't understand for the life of her why Cloud had decided to pursue a career in what was basically menial, physical labor. Cloud was one of the barely-paid workers doing the actual building the town, meaning that he was outranked by virtually everyone else in Highwind. Not that anyone really had the courage to actually give him any orders, but Tifa would never have imagined that she would one day see her proud, stubborn, combative childhood friend tirelessly nailing boards together or carrying loads of brick. She'd never seen him happier. at least, before he got that damned sword. Despite his recent mood changes, Cloud usually looked exhausted but content after a long day's work.
Today, Cloud looked cool and disturbed. He was carrying a loaded sack over one arm, and the Masamune was strapped over his other shoulder. "Cloud?" she called. He continued staring off into space as she approached, running his hand through his spiked blond hair. She took it in for a second, then walked up beside him.
"You going somewhere?"
"Yeah," Cloud answered without turning to face her. "I think I'll leave in a few minutes."
Tifa was caught off guard by this, but had no idea what to make of it. She decided to keep talking. "You're just packing up and leaving?"
"I just said that, didn't I? I won't be coming back." Now he turned his head to look at her, but he didn't really seem to see her. His blue eyes, which had always held a spark of something special, a kind of life, looked sunken and hollow.
"What are you talking about?" Tifa demanded. "Where are you going?"
Cloud shrugged. "Away from you. Away from you, and everyone in this world who've denied me my own life." At Tifa's bewildered look, Cloud went on. "I've wasted my life tryin' to impress you; you know that. Well, it's over. I've had enough of you keepin' me from doing what I want. As for everyone else who'll suffer for me, well, I've given enough for them also. They'll have to cope with the consequences for once."
The last part of his strange statement lost her. "I don't know what you're talking about. What's wrong with. hey! Where are you going?" Tifa experienced a sudden panic as Cloud walked away, ignoring her. "Come back! Don't leave me!" For a moment, she just stood there, stunned by his suddenness and irrationality. Then she started to run after him. Unexpectedly, Cloud stopped and turned around.
"Tifa?"
"W-what?"
"If you try to stop me, I'll kill you."
Chapter Two
"Out of my way. I'm going to see my mother."
-Sephiroth, Final Fantasy VII
Tifa followed him, of course. He was fast enough to leave her far enough behind so that she didn't know if couldn't hear her calling him, or if he was just ignoring her. Tifa's mind questioned the wisdom of following him alone, but her heart ignored it. She rationalized it by saying that she didn't want to let him out of her sight. Besides, she couldn't bring herself to believe that Cloud would actually do anything to her. And she wasn't trying to stop him, as he'd warned against, since she didn't know what he was planning.
The plains were beginning to turn brown, but the weather was still hot, and she soon became aware of the sun beating down on the side of her head, and the sweat running down her back beneath her uniform. Cloud had taken the most direct route out of the town, but was now circling around it, striding generally northward through the overgrown areas between the eastern edge of the town and the mountains. She no longer had the sun at her back. The weeds grew tall here, and Tifa soon found herself pushing through them to make a path for herself. Ahead of her, Cloud did the same, spreading his arms to bend the waist-high weeds out of his way, and allowing them to spring back into place behind him. At first, Cloud had seemed to be trying to leave her behind, but after a few minutes, he had slowed to a steadier pace that she could keep up with, with effort.
She lost sight of him for a moment, as he passed the town and entered more open grasslands. But soon after Tifa broke free of the cumbersome weeds, she saw him again, about sixty meters ahead. Mount Nibel loomed larger ahead of them, and its they were soon within its massive shadow. The chase plodded on, and the sun dipped lower.
Suddenly, of all things, a monster appeared to help Tifa catch up. It was an overgrown green lizard with yellow frills the attacked Cloud from behind; nothing compared to the more vicious creatures that had once lived here, and certainly no match for Cloud's Masamune. The lizard's attacks were ineffective, and one casual swipe of the massive blade separated its head from its shoulders, but this gave Tifa the time she needed to, by running, close the gap between them. To her surprise, instead of trying to move on, Cloud just stood there, allowing Tifa to get within three or four steps before calling sharply, "No closer, Tifa."
Tifa stopped and the two exchanged stares for a few seconds. Cloud seemed intensely focused on something, and even more oblivious to the world than he had been an hour ago. Finally, Tifa ventured, "Cloud? Can't we talk about this?"
"I don't have anything to say to you. I'm not going to stop what I'm doing, and I'm sure as hell not going to let you manipulate me any more."
Tifa suppressed her anger, trying to stay calm. "I don't understand. I have no idea what you're planning to do, and as for 'manipulating' you, I never." She stepped forward as she spoke.
"I said, no closer! I think this conversation's gone as far as it's goin' to go," Cloud cut her off.
"No." Tifa finally allowed her voice to give in to intensity and anger. "No, it hasn't. I don't know what the hell you're ranting about me controlling your life for. I never asked for you to become obsessed with trying to please me, and I've never encouraged you to be anything but yourself." For the first time, Cloud seemed to really see her, and his determination wavered. He suddenly looked as confused as he'd seemed for a moment, back in Nibelheim. "Cloud, I don't know what's wrong with you, but we understand each other, at least, we did. Let me try to help you." His eyes softened.
Tifa stepped closer towards him, which she immediately recognized as a mistake. She flinched backwards as out of nowhere, the Masamune sprang up at her. Staring into Cloud's uncaring eyes, she seemed to see another pair of equally dispassionate eyes from her past as the Masamune bit into her shoulder.
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01-05-17-09-15. Nothing.
Tifa wasn't even paying enough attention anymore to be frustrated. She just mechanically moved the dial to the next position. This could take hours, she realized, if not days, but it needed to be done.
01-05-17-09-16. Nothing.
After getting her wound treated, she'd returned home to Nibelheim. One thing she definitely didn't miss about Mako was media technology. As something of a celebrity, she could understand why people hated reporters. News and gossip about her injury would spread, of course, but gossip couldn't shove a camera or a microphone in her face.
01-05-17-09-17. Nothing.
Tifa was clearly ready for a journey. She had her own sackfull of provisions now, and had strapped her weapon of choice, the Premium Heart, around her right hand. She had abandoned her Highwind uniform in favor of her usual traveling outfit. if a half-t-shirt and shorts could really be called an 'outfit.' All that she needed now was some of the leftover Materia from the safe in Cloud's house, but he'd changed the combination. Fortunately, the safe wasn't booby-trapped or anything, but she'd spent the last half hour trying combinations, and there was no end in sight.
01-05-17-09-18. The safe opened, to Tifa's immense relief. Thankfully, Cloud had had the decency to start the combination with a low number. Something bothered her, but she shrugged it off, and gathered up some shards of Materia. Cloud had vetoed the idea of just leaving the Materia lying around after the defeat of Sephiroth. It could too easily fall into the wrong hands, or worse, Yuffie's hands. Instead, it had been locked in this safe in Cloud's house, by the stove. As Tifa had suspected, Cloud had taken most of the best orbs, but there were still a few of interest here, including Bahamut, Comet, and FullCure. Tifa stocked up, glad that even after their war with Sephiroth, the little group had kept their foresight.
Sephiroth. Cloud's face had been so much like Sephiroth's when he had attacked her. The same single-mindedness and disconcern for the affairs of others that Sephiroth had shown while retrieving Jenova's head. Maybe it was the sword itself. Tifa swore for a few moments. The Masamune must be turning Cloud into another Sephiroth!
But he had held up. That was why her wound hadn't been as severe as the one Sephiroth had given her five and a half years ago. Cloud had stopped himself. He could have killed her.
Tifa's optimism left her only one explanation for this. Cloud was fighting the effects of whatever was possessing his mind. She had been about to get through to him. The real Cloud was still there, and she wasn't about to let him go. As she walked towards the door, determination coursing through her, she realized what was bothering her about the safe's new combination.
01-05-17-09-18. It was a simple alphanumeric code.
A-E-R-I-S.
With a chilling certainty, Tifa suddenly knew exactly where Cloud was going and what he was trying to do. The chill came from the fear that she wouldn't be able to stop him.
Chapter Three
"Justice is not the only right in this world. someday you will see."
-KluYa, Final Fantasy IV
As he walked, his boots churning through the dirt of the wide avenues of Rocket City, Cloud found it difficult to suppress his displeasure. Though Rocket City had grown at an even more rapid rate than Nibelheim, it still had the blackened streets and dusty air than seemed to betray the fact that it had been a virtual ghost town barely six months before. The newer houses were mostly made of leftover scrap metal, and it showed. Little effort had been taken to remedy the general state of disrepair of the older houses south of the launching pads. In the center of the town, the twin black pads rose up. The one on the left held the jagged green shape of the still- incomplete Highwind #3 rocket, intended as the first manned extraterrestrial launch. The right pad, without a rocket, seemed diminutive in comparison. It was still splotched with blots of brown rust, though some half-hearted effort seemed to have been made to fix that.
No, thought Cloud to himself, Highwind had gone a bit wrong here. It made him feel a bit better about the fact that Rocket City, like all the other towns, would likely not stand much longer.
Cloud walked briskly on, feeling freer than usual. Though he carried his sack and sword, they were a light load compared to the construction materials he was used to. He was also pleased to have put a stop, however temporary, to Tifa's incessant pursuit. She'd be back, though, knowing her. Cloud almost wished that she would try to stop what he was doing, so he'd have an excuse to get rid of her more permanently.
Soon he reached the central Highwind building. No attempt had been made to disguise the fact that it was made of mostly black scrap metal from the former Shinra building. By contrast to that imposing structure, the central Highwind building was only four stories tall, with nothing grandiose about it. A light stone bridge led from the top floor to the airship Highwind's landing pad, now empty, built over a ravine. Thick and dark smoke spiraled up from the building into the air. Cloud vaguely recalled an argument over using North Corel's coal resources. The coal was efficient compared to the other limited resources available (Shinra had done a good job of eliminating everything but Mako), but some argued that it would be easier to stop air pollution if they never even started using pollutants again. Cloud had tuned off the debate after that, since he had wanted nothing to do with politics or military again.
He entered the building, and the cold looks he threw kept the various guards from bothering him. Another reason not to get involved in the power games; though he had no official status, everyone deferred to him anyway, sometimes to the point of pissing him off. Cloud made his way down the carpeted stairs to the basement, telling anyone who asked that he had an appointment with Reeve, which no one questioned. Though none of the higher- ups really had an official title, Reeve and Cid were the ones who gave most of the orders. Knowing Reeve, Cloud thought wryly, he was probably trying to get everyone to like him before he asserted his dominance and became some kind of supreme leader.
In an opened side room beside Reeve's office, Cloud saw the still figure of a huge white moogle, with a stuffed black cat riding atop it. Cait Sith was supposedly just a toy that could be controlled by and turned on and off by Reeve, but the cat seemed to have something of a personality of its own. Despite everything else on his mind, Cloud took a moment to ponder for the thousandth time where Reeve ended and Cait Sith began.
A few meters further down the hallway, a rather fancy smooth wood door stood with a one-way-glass window in the upper half. Suppressing a smile at Reeve's ability to show his status, Cloud knocked on the door. In contrasting style, Reeve's office looked like a basement warehouse. Cloud wondered at the change; psychological games, maybe? In the center of the room, near the door, was a fairly simple desk, loaded with paperwork, and a few shelves behind it. Reeve sat behind it, wearing an elaborate blue suit, apparently engrossed in the document he was reading. The outer edges and back of the large room consisted of bare gray cement floor, dulled further by the thick dust that coated it. Reeve stood up as Cloud approached his desk, beaming with surprise.
"Cloud! Sorry I wasn't expecting you, or I would've scheduled a break. What do you think of."
Reeve broke off when he saw the look in the other's eyes. Cloud was in no mood for endless pleasantries. Just from his demeanor, it seemed that the being who had become so close with Cloud and his friends had been Cait Sith, not Reeve. Cloud stepped forward.
"Save it. I don't want to be wastin' time with this. I want the Materia."
Reeve was a bit nonplused. "The Materia? What would you want."
"It's not your concern," Cloud cut him off.
"Listen, Cloud, if there's some kind of problem, I'd be glad to help."
Cloud smiled faintly. "Works for me. You can help by givin' me the damn Materia and stayin' out of my way. Or, if you're in a masochistic mood, you can try to stop me and I can take it by force." He casually drew his sword. Reeve's confusion was turning to nervousness.
"Cloud, I'm sure if we just think this through." Reeve was cut off again, this time by a cold glare. "Look, I have a friend who'd like to talk to you." His features momentarily furrowed in concentration.
Before Cloud could respond, Cait Sith bounded through the opened doorway, past the alarmed guards. "Hiya, Cloud! Can't say ah see what y'all so uptight about, but calm down and let your ol' friends help ya with whatever it is!"
Stealing a brief glance at Reeve, who stood at apparent ease, Cloud turned to the cat. "I don't want your help. I just want your cooperation. Are you going to give me the Materia or not?"
Reeve shrugged. "Unless you tell me what you're doing, I won't be able to answer that."
That was all Cloud needed to know. Grabbing Reeve's coat with his left hand, he bodily threw the smaller man sideways, onto the floor, and started towards the back of the room. He was startled when he felt a moogle's weighted fist slam down on the back of his head. Cloud fell painfully to the floor, while Cait Sith danced around him, looking worried.
"Cloud! Get ahold of y'self!"
Rolling quickly back to his feet, eyes flashing with anger at his friend's betrayal, Cloud didn't hold back any longer. He blasted the doll with a Bolt 3 spell, turning to look around him as he did. The two guards at the door were drawing their weapons and beginning to yell for help, but a Death spell silenced them both forever. Instinctively, Cloud then cast Reflect around himself, just as Cait Sith attempted to cast Stop on him. Cloud felt the air in front of him crackle as the spell was sent back, paralyzing its caster.
Behind him, Reeve had drawn a shotgun, and was aiming it. Cloud spun around and impaled him through the chest with the long blade of the Masamune. Reeve's mouth opened in surprise before he collapsed, face-down. Cait Sith did the same. Pulling his sword free, Cloud stepped over Reeve's body. The hole in Reeve's back spilled a large pool of slowly flowing blood, bubbling out like a broken fountain.
In the back of the room was another safe. A combination lock was no barrier, especially when Cloud had been the one who set it up in the first place. Moments later, he strode out of the room, holding the Black Materia in his hand.
He avoided looking at Reeve's corpse again as he approached the door.
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After carefully destroying the stolen helicopter, and taking a short hike through the ruins of the Forgotten City, Cloud had finally reached his goal. As the pool surrounding the alter came into view, Cloud fingered the Black Materia in anticipation. As he had expected, the pool now contained even less water than it had before. That little bit of liquid desperately tried to gather on the surface, but it could no longer mask the fact that the pool was almost entirely filled now with the glowing green not-quite- liquid of Lifestream.
Cloud remembered when he and Tifa had first discovered this new pool of Lifestream. Despite his failure to communicate with Aeris at Mideel and the Northern Crater, he had hoped that this place might be somehow different. But it had soon become clear that Aeris had some limited control over Lifestream, but nothing short of a blast of Meteor could bridge the gap between the living and the dead. That, of course, would be catastrophic to the living. But Cloud knew it was worth it.
He still felt a twinge of guilt over the way he'd killed Reeve, but that was fading more quickly now. Cait Sith had attacked him from behind with the intent to hurt him. Brutal as it seemed, Cloud had done what he had to do to protect himself. He'd already forgotten any shame at all in what he'd done to Tifa. He hadn't hurt her too badly, except maybe mentally. If she insisted on displaying this contemptible jealousy of the joy he and Aeris could share, he would take extreme measures to keep her out of it. As for the rest of humanity who would suffer. let them. Cloud had given up almost everything he knew in his quests to save the world and defend its 'innocents.' Was it too much to ask for them to suffer a bit, if it meant that he and Aeris could finally have a little bit of joy?
Cloud raised the Black Materia in his hand. It glinted dully, seeming to absorb all light sent its way. Though the Materia had been kept under guard in the Highwind building, no one had really believed that Meteor would be a threat again. Somewhere along the line, a myth had developed that the power of Meteor could only be used once - despite the fact that Cloud knew it had been called at least twice. Others figured that its power could only be invoked by the Cetra, now extinct.
A grim smile spread across Cloud's face. Lifestream. Being careful not to touch the plasma, he slowly dipped the edge of the Black Materia into the pool. His near-fatal encounter with Lifestream at the Northern Crater had been more of a gift than he had realized at the time. Cloud had been a part of the knowledge and consciousness of many Cetra, among others. If the Materia was in contact with Lifestream, he was certain that he could invoke their powers and call Meteor.
The smile widened as he finished his summons and withdrew the Materia from the pool, leaving Cloud feeling the closest thing to satisfaction he'd felt in recent memory. "Just a little longer, Aeris. I'm coming."
Chapter Four
"Time flows like a river. and history repeats."
-Secret of Mana
"Cloud? Can you hear me?"
Obviosly, he couldn't. Tifa kicked the ground in frustration, trying to think of another plan. Cloud sat before her, eyes closed, locked in some kind of a deep trance. She tried to pry the Black Materia from his clenched right hand, but his grip on the stone was like iron. Despite her fervent attempts to come up with another explanation, all signs pointed the conclusion that he had already began to invoke the spell. She was too late.
Her search for Cloud had taken far too long, after the chaos in Rocket City. It had taken almost a full day to secure a ride on the last surviving helicopter, even just as far as Chocobo Bob's farm. Aboard her Gold Chocobo, Dancer, she had made better time, but had incorrectly guessed that Cloud would try to reach Lifestream in Mideel, where he had personally experienced it, rather than here in the Forgotten City. Cloud had probably gotten here days ago.
Tifa thought she still felt a kind of personal connection with Cloud after their experience in Lifestream, and spoke to him softly, trying to somehow project herself back into his mind. "Listen to me, Cloud. At least hear what I have to say. I don't know what's wrong with you. what's controlling your mind. But whether it's that sword, or some kind of demon, or whatever, I know that the real you is still there."
A barrier, real or imagined, blocked her efforts to communicate. Even if it was possible to reach him this way at all, something was stopping her. She gritted her teeth in frustration. "Come on, Cloud! Let me reach you! I know that you're not yourself; I can accept that. The real Cloud. the Cloud I. I mean." Her words were turning to toothpaste in her mouth, so she broke off. Her connection with the real Cloud was beyond the need for words. She held his head in her arms, silently trying to reach past whatever was possessing him, but his resistance only grew stronger. "Damn it! Why won't you listen to me? Why can't you help me?" Tifa, despite her best efforts to prevent it, began to give in to despair. Tears of frustration were beginning to well up in her eyes, and she allowed her face to drop to the cracked marble edge of the pool. She rose again an instant later, spinning to confirm what she'd seen out of the corner of her eye.
Jenova. She threw herself backwards onto the ground in front of Cloud to avoid its sudden attack. Jenova was here, looking as at had when she, Cloud, and Red had last faced it in the core of the planet: a skull with a thin-faced being affixed to its front, its tentacle-like arms sprawling outwards with a range of nearly twice its height. Tifa quickly rose again. Even last time, with most of its cells scattered throughout the world, Jenova had been fully reassembled in five years. This time, without such roadblocks, the Reunion had taken less than six months. Using all the strength she thought she could spare, Tifa cast a protective barrier over the inert Cloud, then spun again to face the nightmare from the skies.
Once again, Jenova's tentacle-arms cut through the air at her. Once again, Tifa was barely able to avoid them by twisting to the ground. She kicked out blindly, her left foot connecting with one of the arms on its backswing. Tifa raised her hands to call forth the power of Bahamut, and light blue plasma cut through Jenova's defenses, exploding spectacularly, but the attack did little to slow Jenova's advance.
Jenova's counterattack was a vicious fusion of red, blue, and yellow lights that seemed to cut into Tifa's mind. Her world exploded in pain, and she could sense Cloud's barrier weakening. With a supreme effort, Tifa struggled to fight her way back to consciousness. Her vision slowly returned, but she only had the time to cast a single curing spell before she once again had to avoid an attack from Jenova's arms. This time she wasn't quick enough. As she ducked the left arm, she felt the right one smash hard into her forehead. Her skin was flayed off wherever the arm touched it, and blood began to spew forth. Feeling lightheaded and dizzy, Tifa managed to jump into the path of the other arm before it could reach Cloud. A second trail of pain began to emanate from her right side where the blow had struck.
Her rage building even further, Tifa struck back, her own limbs flashing out, attacking with every martial arts technique she knew. Blow after blow connected. Sephiroth's "mother" gave an unearthly shriek of pain as hands, feet, water, and meteos rained down on its body and arms, seeming to come from everywhere at once. Still, even after weathering a blast of Final Heaven, the thing advanced. Tifa fell to the ground exhausted, and another blast of the multicolored light threatened to take the last of her life. The pain was even worse this time, and intensified as Tifa's mind fought to not give up. Even if she survived, how could she beat an immortal foe?
Calling on the last of her strength, and praying that she wasn't dooming the world, she cast her strongest Comet spell, aiming slightly to Jenova's left side. The meteos collided, making the air explode around their vicinity. Jenova absorbed most of the damage, but the force of the blasts pushed the creature sideways. For a moment Tifa feared that it wouldn't be enough, but a last explosion carried Jenova over the edge and into the pool of Lifestream.
The green plasma suddenly reacted, crackling into the air, surrounding Jenova. The tendrils of Lifestream fell again, as Jenova's sickly red plasma began to flow in clots, beginning to contaminate Lifestream with its virus, threatening to do to it as it had done to the Cetra, so many ages ago. The green glow Lifestream was slowly pushed away. But then it rebounded, rushing at Jenova. The air crackled, and the traces of red slowly faded, as, convulsing and sputtering, Lifestream enveloped Jenova. Then the plague from the skies was gone.
Tifa used her little remaining magical power do as much curing as possible. The pain faded somewhat, but it was still all she could do to keep from passing out. The flow of blood from her forehead and right side was beginning to slow, but showed no signs of stopping. Managing to raise her head, she saw that Lifestream was not unaffected by the destruction of Jenova. It seemed to swirl around in circles, building up speed, trying to hold the energy that was being released into it. For a second she thought she saw the blurred shapes of faces flashing by within the stream. Then there was a face, clear and distinct amidst the raging swirl of green.
-Tifa!- Aeris called. -Don't delude yourself!-
Then she was swept away by the current of souls.
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The remaining supplies from her sack had further restored Tifa's strength, but she was still nowhere near a hundred percent. or even twenty-five percent. Dazedly, she continued to search for the meaning of Aeris's message. "Don't delude yourself."
She had considered the possibility that Aeris was taunting her. She might be confident of Cloud's success in his insane attempt to reach her, and be telling Tifa not to fool herself into thinking she had a chance of stopping him. But Tifa had soon dismissed that possibility. She didn't want to think that of her friend, and Aeris had never done anything to suggest that she would go along with something like Cloud's plan. Tifa had seem Lifestream as it rid the world of Jenova, clearly at great effort and with pain to itself. No, Tifa had soon concluded, Aeris was trying to help her save Cloud and the Planet from disaster. She just needed to figure out what Aeris was trying to say.
Tifa's train of deductions had hit a rail-block somewhere around there. How was she deluding herself?
Eventually, she decided to get back to getting through Cloud's trance, her other problem, hoping that time might have let her come up with some new ideas. But the case soon proved as hopeless as before. Tifa tried to apply Aeris's warning to everything she thought of, but nothing fit. Finally, head pounding, she weakly kicked at a stone before sitting back, no closer to a solution than before. She guessed it had been a few hours since the battle with Jenova, and wondered how much time she had left. It would probably take another day or so for Cloud to complete his call for Meteor, if last time was any indication. She smiled grimly. She could probably hold out here for that long, unless she slowly bled to death first.
Another thought crossed her mind. If she couldn't find another way to stop Cloud from calling Meteor, would she have to kill him? Tifa's skin crawled at the very thought. She started to push the thought aside, but then decided to face it. If she would have to kill Cloud to save the Planet, would she be able to do it? She didn't know. Another gnawing fear told her that she might not have the strength to do it. Sensing that she was close to passing out, she tried to muster up her determination again. She wouldn't have to make that choice, because there would be some way to reach Cloud. There had to be!
Pulling herself back up, Tifa again cradled Cloud's head in her hands, and started from the beginning. Something in Cloud's mind had driven him crazy, causing him to leave Nibelheim, murder Reeve, and steal the Black Materia in an effort to summon Meteor. This would likely wipe out life on the Planet, but would break the barrier between living and dead, allowing him a brief time to be with Aeris. Aeris, presumably not as enthusiastic about this possibility as Cloud was, had given Tifa one hint, "don't delude yourself." Tifa was still trying to come up with a way to get in touch with Cloud.
She sighed, running a hand through her blood-stained hair. Maybe she was deluding herself by thinking that she could get through to Cloud this way. Maybe she'd be better off trying to figure out what had caused Cloud to snap. Whether it was some monster she didn't know about, or that damned sword, or.
It clicked. "Don't delude yourself."
Once again she reached out to Cloud's mind, this time trying to articulate her thoughts. "I'm having trouble believing it, but. something that's a part of you caused this, didn't it? It's not a sword or a monster that made you do these things; you did them. I still can't believe that you'd do something like this, with your own will. but, well. I can't help it. I still love you, Cloud, no matter what happens. We still have time. Will you listen to me?"
As before when trying to reach him, Tifa felt like she was surrounded by blackness, with a dark barrier before her. This time, a small, almost intangible slit opened in the barrier for her.
Something inside Cloud awoke.
Chapter Five
"If it is my fate to be destroyed. then I must simply laugh!!!"
-Magus, Chrono Trigger
Cloud sat up, his head throbbing. At first he couldn't see a thing. Then the world came back into focus, but it seemed to be a world made up of swirling colors. Cloud tried to blink his way through the sickly greens and yellows. He didn't know where he was, but had the idea that this wasn't the real world. His mind continued to spin. It was hard to think, to focus. Something was wrong with him, but he couldn't put his finger on it. He stood up and looked around. He seemed to in some kind of void. Just empty space, without even a visible floor. It reminded him of somewhere but, the memory was hazy. It was like the time. He couldn't remember.
For a few moments, he briefly contemplated how disconcerting it was to look like he was floating in space, not being able to see the floor. Then he could see a floor. He thought he'd seen it before. That other time, the time. Lifestream; the word came to him suddenly, and then he remembered. He felt like he had when he was within his mind, in Lifestream, divided. Incomplete. He must be inside his own mind again. Part of him, he realized, was somewhere else. Maybe that was why it was so hard to think clearly.
Abruptly, he remembered the Black Materia. Meteor. That was how he had made contact with Lifestream. His body wasn't inside it this time, but he had. his mind grew hazy for an instant there. He had invoked its powers. That was why his mind was in Lifestream, and he was inside his own mind. Like the last time. Lifestream. Tifa.
Tifa! He seemed to wake up a little bit more, though it was hard to tell. Tifa had been calling him. He was. again he took a few minutes to remember. It had to do with Meteor. After more effort, he remembered. He had awakened, become incomplete, because of Tifa. The other part of him was still trying to call Meteor. He had to stop it. That was it. Cloud closed his eyes again and tried to concentrate. He called out.
Nothing could hide from him in his own mind. A moment later, he stood before himself. The other incomplete Cloud's eyes were cold, full of hatred, contempt, and resentment. Like Sephiroth, Cloud realized. The other Cloud, the other part of him, flashed him a mocking smile.
Cloud suddenly realized he had a weapon strapped to his back. A sword. He pulled it free. The familiar weapon was his first blade, the Buster Sword that he had fought with for five years.
The other Cloud unsheathed the Masamune.
The swords collided. The shock through his weapon jarred Cloud's body. The other Cloud didn't seem affected. Cloud struck again, and ignoring the shock this time as the blades collided, he pressed his attack. The other Cloud was far to quick, defending and counterthrusting with contemptuous ease. His opponent knew everything he did, Cloud realized, and the added range and power of his weapon gave him a decided advantage.
The fight went on for a few minutes, with Cloud miraculously avoiding getting hurt, but he soon realized that he didn't stand a chance. The other Cloud knew it also. He spoke for the first time, in his hate-filled voice. "You can't win." Cloud began to feel stirrings of anger, something of an incomplete feeling without hatred. "You'd destroy the Planet!"
"Yes. You would." His opponent's words struck a haunting note within him. He redoubled his assault. This time, the other Cloud let him strike. He stabbed at the other Cloud, the Buster Sword slicing through the other's armor, but his blow still had no effect. Cloud stared at his seemingly invincible foe, who once again grinned that smile of total contempt.
"Get out of my mind!" Cloud yelled, as his vision began to waver, and he started to lose a sense of where he was. The other Cloud's voice drifted back distantly. "You can't get rid of me. I am your mind." Then he was alone again.
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Cloud had no idea how long he had stayed there, oblivious to his surroundings, when something once again began to happen. This time it was a pressure, pressing in on his mind, strong enough to cause physical pain. He temples ached as he tried to fight off the sudden doubt that spread over him. He recognized this as a mental attack from the other Cloud, his hatred, but there was nothing he could do about it. He felt his principles challenged, as questions filled his mind.
He asked himself why insisted on fighting his desires. For the Planet, and its innocents, the answer came back quickly enough. Even as he thought about it, that answer seemed glib and insincere. When had he suddenly started caring again? Even in his war with Shinra and Sephiroth, the planet had been secondary. But was it really worth giving up his happiness? He'd already suffered more than anyone else on the Planet. Was it too much to ask for a chance at a little joy? Why did he always have to be the one to make the sacrifices?
Cloud felt his will, his resolve fading. Desperately, he tried to fight the compulsion to allow his compassion to be replaced by bitterness. His head throbbed harder, and he thought he had begun to fall. Endlessly downward.
Suddenly, Tifa was there. The pressure seemed to fade as he stared at her beautiful and somehow delicate complexion, into her fiery eyes, not seeing the crimson streaks that ran down her forehead, staining her entire face and forming damp streaks in the darkness of her hair. She reached out towards him as if from a great distance, as if she were trying to fight through a barrier of some kind.
-Don't fight me, Cloud. Please, let me try to help you. I.-
Her voice was cut off and it seemed she was being pushed away from him. The other Cloud, no doubt. "Tifa!" he called.
For a moment, the resistance she was fighting dropped away, and he could hear her voice again. -.to me. Remember Aeris, Cloud! Think of.-
Then she was gone. The other Cloud had banished her from his mind. The waves of pressure returned, as strong as ever. Cloud knew that Tifa's words had been all that had saved him, and he held them before him desperately like a shield.
Then he did remember Aeris. Every detail of her face appeared clearly to him, changing as tender moments came back to him: her flirtatious smile as she offered a date for his services; her respect for and determination to help Tifa at Corneo's, if only for his sake; her care and self-sacrifice as she called out affirmation of Marlene's safety even as she was carried off by the Shinra; her gratitude when he came to save her; her desire to understand her Cetra heritage; her deep caring for him as they floated through the Gold Saucer's firework-lit night; her faint smile of love and fulfillment that even Sephiroth's brutal sword strike couldn't erase. He remembered it all.
Impossibly, the pressure on his mind intensified even more. He tried to resist it enough to build up coherency in his mind. Aeris wouldn't. His thought trailing off was only momentary. She wouldn't want this. He was rewarded with a stronger burst of pain. She wouldn't find joy in returning if the Planet and its people suffered. Cloud's head felt like he was going to burst. Fighting for his survival, he drove away all thoughts but Aeris. He still loved her.
If he loved her, he would put an end to this.
The thought cut through the pain with crystal clarity, the pressure on his mind melting away. His confusion was gone, and Cloud could only gasp with the delight of having control of his mind again. He was safe from the other Cloud now, he knew. It seemed Aeris would never cease to protect him, even in death. Love and resolve mingled in him as he straightened, throwing his head back to laugh. He knew what he had to do. Cloud once again began a journey through his mind to face himself.
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The other Cloud was waiting for him, of course. Cloud stifled back any fear or apprehension he felt, knowing that it might cost him his soul. The other Cloud was incapable of feeling these things, so his opponent's resolve wouldn't waver.
"Again? You don't give up, do you, boy?" The other Cloud held the naked Masamune in front of his face, and was sweating from his intense hate. Cloud only smiled at the idea of part of his mind feeling contempt for another part. He faced his enemy with a dispassionate coldness.
"I've had enough games. Let's get to the point. For Aeris's sake, this ends here."
"All right," the other snarled, then seemed to calm a bit. "Let's get to the point. You can't kill me. But your soul might just die trying."
Cloud raised his sword. "You're right. I can't kill you." He made as if to attack, then suddenly lunged for his opponent with his left hand, sheathing the Buster Sword across his back. He firmly gripped the other Cloud's shoulder. "But I can accept you."
"What the hell are you doing?!" The other Cloud swung the Masamune at his arm. Cloud twisted, but the blade still sliced through flesh and bone, only barely failing to take his arm off entirely. Cloud refused to relinquish has grip. "Stop it!" The other Cloud was panicking now. He drove his sword through Cloud's chest, but Cloud, as he had once before, yanked the blade out by the tip with his bare right hand. With a mighty sideways heave, he wrenched the sword from his enemy's grasp and threw it into the distance.
"I have to accept you. You've made me do some unforgivable things. But you've also helped me survive more times than I can count. You helped me kill Sephiroth. You're a part of me, Cloud. Accept it." The grimace and the hatred faded from the other Cloud's face. Its body faded away as well as Cloud drew his hatred and bitterness back into himself.
He was whole again.
Breathing a sigh of relief, Cloud slumped to the ground for a moment, starting to feel the agony of the injuries he'd sustained. His left arm limply hung at his side in uselessness, and even when he covered the wound in his chest, blood and gods-knew-what-else continued to pour out. Now that he was thinking clearly and had time to concentrate, he could see the pale green glow that surrounded everything here, hovering on the edge of his consciousness. He had gone through so many encounters with Lifestream by now, he had almost ceased to regard it as a novelty.
It was time to be getting back, he thought, back to the surface. Back to the world above. Why did he hesitate? He was reluctant to leave, he realized, because of her. He realized this was the closest he'd get to being with Aeris until he died. It wasn't much. But he felt better knowing she was among those that surrounded his mind here. His sense of responsibility grew more insistent, reminding him of the things that needed to be done. Still, he hesitated, her face still burned into his memory.
Finally, it was love that called him back. As he groped for reasons for why he should return, another equally beautiful dark-haired face replaced Aeris's in his mind. One he held with equal affection, and who he also owed his life.
"I'm here, Tifa," Cloud called, as he half floated and half swam upwards, out of Lifestream. To her.
Chapter Six
"She was smiling to the end. Unless we do something, that smile is going to just freeze in place."
-Cloud, Final Fantasy VII
Without warning, the sound of an explosion rang throughout the chamber, and much of the water covering Lifestream shot into the air in a geyser-like blast. The green flow of Lifestream began to grow, spilling upward, filling the pool. Tifa spun to face it, realizing in sudden panic that Lifestream must be reacting violently to the energy released when it had destroyed Jenova. If it was as bad as it looked, she had maybe two minutes to get out of the Forgotten City. Suppressing the wave of terror that threatened to overwhelm her, Tifa returned to Cloud's side.
As she reached out to him, wounds suddenly opened up in his body. His left arm filled with gashes and blood suddenly erupted from his chest, quickly turning his shirt into a mess of red. His eyes opened slowly. "I'm here, Tifa," he breathed faintly. She saw it, a glow in his blue eyes that told her that his mind was okay. Not wasting any more time, she hoisted him to his feet, almost dropping him twice, and half-led, half-dragged him away from the pool of Lifestream. His right hand opened, releasing his iron grip on the Black Materia, and showing that the hand was nearly destroyed. Tifa grabbed the Materia and threw it backwards into the now-overflowing pool of plasma before dragging him onward.
As fast as she was able to, Tifa climbed the stairs of the Forgotten City, Cloud's head draped over her shoulder as he shook it, trying to clear it. Blood ran into her eyes, blinding her for an instant. She blinked it away and moved onward, aware of the blood that by now completely caked her body. She hoped that not too much of it was hers. Immediately, she took that thought back. She hoped not too much of it was his.
Cloud was moving now. Though he still leaned against her for support, his left arm hanging bobbing limply at his side, his feet stumbled up the steps of his own accord. Their speed increased as they fought their way upwards.
Lifestream was moving faster too. The plasma swirled and continued shooting upward out of the pool, quickly sweeping across the floor and filling the room. By the time Tifa and Cloud had reached the top of the stairs, the bottom half had been submerged. Racing up the next twisting flight of stairs, the two barely made it to the tower at the end of this staircase, past the area that usually housed a large fish, before Lifestream had completely filled the large hole in the tower's floor and was flowing out.
The two raced downward to the outside of the tower, and Tifa stared in stunned dismay. Fifteen meters below, the stone floor of the Forgotten Capital was covered with Lifestream. They were trapped. Before they could even ponder this turn of events, the entire city seemed to shake. It was all Tifa could do to keep her balance and keep Cloud from falling into Lifestream as the tremors continued. The huge shape of the airship Highwind shot across the sky and slowed to a stop above them.
Despite the distance, Tifa thought she could make out the figure of Cid on the deck of the huge vessel, deploying some machine. A moment later, a long rope dropped from the ship, coiling its way downward towards them. As the rope fell towards them and the Lifestream from inside the tower began to flow to the floor outside, Tifa grabbed Cloud, holding him in front of herself and jumped. The air whipped by her as she reached for the shaking rope.
It was maybe a centimeter beyond her reach. As her hand reached futilely for the rope, they began to fall towards the endless sea of Lifestream building up beneath them.
It couldn't end like this! Her mind recoiled from the idea that they might still die, after everything they'd fought through to survive. It didn't end. Cloud's right hand suddenly shot forward to grab the rope. Amazingly, despite its mutilation, the hand held firm, Cloud's muscles clearly straining with the effort. Tifa wrapped her arms tightly around his body, holding on with what little strength she had left, and the rope began to pull them up.
They still wouldn't make it, she realized. Directly in their path, maybe half a second away, was a huge tidal wave of Lifestream. Its crest rose above her head, illuminating Cloud and her with its strange green glow as it prepared to break. Without even thinking about it, Tifa found herself praying to whatever powers guided her, begging for a little more time. She had done this many times in the past. This time, though, her wish was granted.
The wave of Lifestream abruptly halted in midair. Tifa stared at it in surprise. It wasn't moving. Energy still swirled around frantically inside of it, and Lifestream itself seemed to convulse with pain. The wave held firm. The rope lifted Cloud and Tifa past the top of its crest and into the air. Once they were past it, the wave suddenly broke, resuming its course as if it had never stopped.
As they rose higher, Tifa saw Lifestream sweeping on. It raged on, continuing its destruction of the Forgotten City. Tifa felt a twinge of pain at seeing the last tangible evidence of Cetra civilization in the world swept away. Lifestream seemed a tempest of destruction, a force of nature - uncontrollable, arbitrarily destroying anything in its path. But Tifa knew better.
In her mind's eye, she again saw the gas-like tendrils of Lifestream, gathering from around the world, converging on Meteor and Holy, bringing in the Planet's compassion to save Midgar. She saw the pool of Lifestream, struggling against Jenova's infestation, fighting rid the Planet and its inhabitants of the parasite forever. And she saw the wave of Lifestream, resisting its impulses, ignoring its pain, to give Cloud and her the few seconds they needed to survive.
As she weakly stumbled over the railing to the safety of the Highwind's deck, Tifa got a nice view of the glowing sea of green plasma far below.
"Thanks for everything, Aeris," she murmured.
Last Chapter
"Cloud? Would you tell me. 'it's all right?'"
"It's all right."
-Tifa and Cloud, Final Fantasy VII
It was looking like Cloud would be all right. The Highwind didn't have any beds, but they had managed to clear out a space for him to lie down on the left side of the bridge. He had fallen asleep almost immediately. As Tifa rose, she saw the only other person on the ship, a tired-looking Cid, staring at her. He had casually thrown off his flying helmet near the steering wheel, and now leaned against a rail, cigarette propped in his mouth, as usual.
"Okay," Cid said. "Now that we've gotten this crap cleared up, you mind telling me what the hell you think you were doing?"
Tifa stared at him for a second. She had already filled him in. "You know that. I was going after Cloud to."
"I know THAT, dammit. I meant you just runnin' off on your own without tellin' anyone or anything! Think, girl! You can't just count on me to drop out of the sky and save your ass every time something unexpected happens!"
Tifa was a bit startled. "Yeah, I'm sorry it had to happen that way. But I was..."
Cid pushed off the rail to a standing position. "In a goddamn hurry, yeah, I'll bet! Stupid bitch! Did it occur to you that your damn hurrying might get you killed without anyone knowing where the hell you were?! Did you stop to think?!" He kicked a console angrily, filling the bridge with annoying beeping sounds.
Tifa had had enough. After the endless barrage of narrow escapes and barely surviving, Cid's abuse was the last thing she wanted. "Damn right, I thought! I thought about what might happen. I don't know how long it takes to cast Meteor. What if I hadn't shown up? Hell, ten minutes later and Jenova would've had Cloud. I'm doing what I can, fighting for the Planet and for Cloud; I don't know what you're doing!"
Cid angrily approached her, pulling the cigarette from his mouth. "That doesn't give you an excuse to throw your goddamn life away!" He might have said more, but at that moment, he inadvertently waved his cigarette in Cloud's face. Tifa hurriedly leaned over and tried to fan the smoke away. Cid, presumably realizing that the smoke couldn't be helping either Cloud or Tifa's conditions, hastily snuffed the cigarette out and threw it into the corner by the wheel, where he was building up quite a collection of the things. When he turned back to face Tifa again, he was calmer.
"Look, I'm sorry. It's just that, hell, I do care about you. I don't want anything happenin' to you or Spike when I ain't there to help."
"Yeah, no problem." Tifa was too tired to argue the point. "How did you finally figure out where we were?"
Cid grinned his familiar crooked smile. "Didn't. I just got lucky. I've been flying back and forth across the damn globe for the past three days. Missed my weekend with Shera for it." He grew contemplative. "Still, good thing I got there in time. That was real close."
He really did seem disturbed by it. "Hey, Tifa. You're big on promises, right?" She nodded slowly, not entirely sure where he was going. "Well, could you promise me that next time you go off on some damn fool quest like this, you'll at least get word to me or Barrett or Red. Promise me that, okay?"
Tifa hesitated for a moment. She quickly realized that she wouldn't be able to make that promise. Finally, she spoke. "I promise I'll do what I can."
She hadn't really promised anything, and Cid's dissatisfied look let her know that it hadn't been lost on him. After waiting for a moment, Cid apparently decided that that was the best he was going to get from her. "All right. And you tell Spike the same thing when he wakes up."
Tifa nodded. Grunting, Cid walked out to the deck for a smoke.
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Awakening immediately initiated a mix of feelings within Cloud. He had tossed around in a mostly-unconscious state for a few hours, but he didn't feel like the semi-sleep had done him any good at all. He saw that most of his wounds were gone, and had a vague memory of the Cure spells that had eased the more severe physical pain. He still wore a few bandages. Just about every muscle in his body ached, and he felt stiff. Cloud slowly began to sit up, straining with the effort. Beside him, his eye immediately caught sight of his sword, the Masamune. For a moment, he wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to look at it again without feeling sick. But after a few seconds, he decided that the sword really had little to do with what had happened.
The whole situation was his fault.
The mental anguish was worse than the physical. Cloud groaned aloud as he thought of his brutal murder of Reeve. The guards at the door too. And he was close to having the blood of millions more on his hands. He could rationalize it all he wanted, but this time it hadn't been something else controlling his mind. His hatred had come from within himself, and had driven him to these things.
Now that his mind was whole again, his scattered thoughts at the time seemed humiliatingly selfish, and infantile. He still had trouble believing that he'd actually thought for even a moment that Aeris would be happy to be with him, if he was trying to undo everything she had devoted her life to. He would have liked to think she was pleased that he'd stopped himself, but he had no real reason to believe she didn't hate him for the people he'd killed and tried to kill. He groaned again.
He heard footsteps, and raised his head to look. Tifa was approaching, having heard him wake up, he guessed. Like him, she had gotten most of the blood cleaned off her face and body, and her injuries were healed or healing. She didn't look as though she'd slept, though. "Tifa," he greeted shortly.
Concern covered her features. "How're you doing, Cloud?"
Cloud shrugged. "Fine, I guess, for an attempted mass murderer. And you?"
For a moment, he wasn't sure how she would respond. Finally, she frowned. "I guess we'll have to get to that right away. I know about the things you've done, but you have to realize that."
"That it somehow wasn't my fault?" Cloud found himself growing angry. "That anything I can do can fix what happened? Don't lie to me, Tifa! I don't want you trying to make excuses for me!"
Her frown deepened. "That wasn't what I was going to say." She dropped down next to him as he looked away. "Remember, it was as hard for me to accept that you'd do something like that as it was for you. You have to realize that if you're going to blame yourself for what you tried to do, it means a lot that you were able to stop yourself, and accept your guilt. You were strong enough to do that." Tifa faltered for a moment before continuing. "Besides. I've been thinking, and I realized that I'm that way too. I guess we all are."
She had his attention. Genuinely curious, Cloud turned to listen. She went on. "I've known lots of people who let bitterness mutilate their minds like that. I mean, I've got a part of me that could have done the same kind of thing too. It's still kinda tough for me to accept, but if I'd been in the wrong mood, I might have gone crazy and, oh, I don't know. Tried to kill Aeris in a fit of jealousy, or something like that."
She seemed uncomfortable about continuing, and Cloud couldn't blame her at all. Were Tifa and the others really capable of the same kind of irrational callousness? Then he remembered Sephiroth. Once, even that murderer had had a good heart. He still remembered Sephiroth's almost fatherly affection for him. For Zack, actually, he amended, but he could still remember it as if it were meant for him.
Cloud could take little comfort from all this. It didn't change the fact that his resentment actually had taken control of him. Every time he tried to come to terms with himself, he was assaulted by images of Cait Sith; bouncing to keep up with Cloud and the others; cheerfully drawling his up- to-the-minute information about the Shinra; the cat bellowing orders over his tiny megaphone and the moogle smashing their foes in response. Thanks to Cloud's lack of control, they could never again be more than images or memories. Once again he felt himself sinking into guilt and despair.
"Cloud, please. I don't know how I feel about this either, but you can't just give up!" Tifa seemed to sense his mood change. Her statement lacked certainty, and was more like a plea than anything else. But as its meaning began to sink in, Cloud realized that she was right. He had successfully overcome and accepted himself. Now he had to try to see if he could rectify any of the damage he'd caused. To make sure Reeve's planning and work wouldn't be forgotten, and to do whatever he could to help rebuild the world for the future. To just lie there feeling sorry for himself, or to commit suicide, or, in fact, any other option, would be running away from the problem.
It was still a lot to cope with, but he figured he'd have to try. Sure, he had a responsibility to the Planet and its people to do what he could. But he also owed it to himself. And to Aeris.
"I don't plan to give up on life just yet," he mumbled, more to himself than to anyone else. Tifa sighed with relief but didn't speak.
After a few moments, Tifa began to pull herself back to her feet. From the way she moved, Cloud realized that physically speaking, she was hurt at least as badly as he was. For whatever reason, she was trying hard not to show how injured and exhausted she was. Then Cloud realized why; she was trying to be a source of strength for him. He was touched.
"Tifa?"
"Yeah?" She kneeled beside him again.
"Thinkin' about it, I've really lived a lot of my life for you, you know that? No matter what I might have said, it hasn't been so bad. I don't think I'd do it differently, given another chance." She didn't seem eager to add anything. "Anyway, I have a lot of work to do, and I guess a few more inner demons to fight off. I can tell you're not really sure about me, after what happened, but it'd mean a lot if you'd stand with me, and try to help. Could you do that?"
Tifa smiled. "Isn't that my line?" She laughed abruptly, sounding forced. Cloud, though he usually found it endearing, felt irritation with Tifa's habit of trying to avoid uncomfortable subjects by turning them into jokes. He suppressed his annoyance, with guilt, shame, and anguish still flowing through him.
"I'm serious, Tifa. Can I count on you to be there for me?"
She nodded wordlessly. Gently, he pulled her face towards his. When she didn't resist, he brushed her hair away and kissed her, throwing his arms around her body and squeezing her tightly. She returned the kiss with equal passion, and the hug with almost equal strength, squeezing a few salty drops from his eyes. She felt good against him, and even his guilt and shame faded as he lost himself to love.
Irrationally, he felt a need to prolong the kiss for all time. But eventually, his need for air forced him to pull his mouth away. As he did, the pain returned, but not as bad as before. Cloud felt ready to deal with the world again. Tifa gently brushed away his tears, though she was crying a bit herself.
"Tifa?"
"Don't worry, Cloud." Tifa threw her arms around him again, more gently this time. "It's all right."