Hi! So, this is my story. My first story, I might add. I'm so nervous. What if it sucks? OK, enough with the bad confidence. Here it is, I hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I don't own Stephenie Meyer, Twilight does. Oh no. Something just went terribly wrong. (I'm having so much fun, but you understand, right? Please?)

BPOV

I opened the bathroom cabinet and looked around. I easily found what I had been looking for; sleeping pills. I took down the small bottle and looked at the prescription. It had my name on it and was signed by Dr Gerandy. The instructions said that you should take one pill before you go to sleep.

After about a week of nightmares Charlie had had enough. He had made me go to the doctor to get something that would help me sleep. I knew from the start that the pills wouldn't help me sleep, and certainly not stop my nightmares from waking me up screaming every night. But I pretended for Charlie, taking one pill before bed every night for three nights in a row.

After jerking straight up in bed the third night, screaming, Charlie agreed to let me off the pills. He had been sure they would bring me some peace, some calm. For a while after that, he walked around with a defeated, suffering expression, which I couldn't understand for the longest time. That was until I saw him in the kitchen, holding the small bottle of pills and sighing, and then putting the bottle on the counter and walking out to his cruiser, hands shaking slightly.

I, of course, had always known that peace would never find me. I could never get out of this, and I knew it.

That's what had brought me to the bottle of sleeping pills this day. Charlie had been long gone; his cruiser had been missing from the driveway when I had woken up, several hours ago. Now it was about 2 a.m., and all I'd managed to do was to sit on my bed, for once letting small fragments of the thoughts I usually blocked to slip through my mind, letting me sense the love and longing I held for my lost family. By then, my plan had already begun to form in my head: I had to make it stop. I knew I wasn't getting any better, no matter how much I pretended.

He said it would be as if he never existed. He had promised. It was obvious that was a promise that was broken as soon as it was said. And I, in return, had promised that I wouldn't harm myself. I had made it so far. But now I'd gotten to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. During the months since they left, I had lived. But I hadn't been alive. You can't take away someone's reason to live and expect them to be fine. To just continue to drag out their misery without a reason to exist.

So, I had made my choice. I would die. I would willingly kill myself, because I could no longer stand this torture, to not even be able to think freely without being hurt to the point where I could barely breathe.

I hadn't put a lot of thought into this, but I didn't feel a need to. My only problems were Charlie and Jacob. I reasoned that Charlie had been able to live without me for so long; he could go back to that life, live in quiet solitude.

And Jacob. I had noticed that he had other feelings for me than I had for him. He liked me, a lot, possibly even loved me. But he didn't deserve this. I was only a broken shell of the person I used to be. He deserved someone who could love him back, as much as he loved that person. I knew I would never be able to love anyone else other than... than Edward. I flinched when I thought his name. I would never have to flinch at the thought, or sound, of his name ever again.

Encouraged by that thought, I squeezed the pill bottle in my hand and walked determinately out of the bathroom and into my room. I locked my door behind me, pressing down the handle just to see if it was securely locked. I then slowly walked to my bed and sat down on the edge of it. So, this was it, I thought calmly.

I took one last look at my room. I looked at my wardrobe. I turned my head to my desk, where I kept my books, and the rocking chair in which I had been rocked when I was a baby. In which Edward had sat. In which he had been waiting for me to wake up that first night. I quickly turned my head to the window. The sky outside was dark and cloudy, as always. I felt I was going to miss the weather, no matter how horrible it had been. I kept staring at my window, thinking of all the times that Edward had climbed through it. I felt the hole in my chest start to throb at the edges and quickly changed the course of my thoughts.

I opened the cap of the pill bottle and poured all the pills into my palm. There were a lot. I let the empty bottle roll out of my hand and onto the floor. It stopped against a leg of my desk. With a shaking hand I reached for the glass of water placed on my nightstand.

Come on, stop being such a wuss, I told myself, and steadied my grip of the glass. I looked at the pills in my hand. There was no way I would be able to swallow all of these at once. Instead, I turned slightly and poured the pills on my bed so it would be easier for me to pick them up a few at the time. I took three of the pills and placed them in my mouth, took a few sips of water and swallowed.

That wasn't so hard, I thought, encouraged, and put some more pills in my mouth and swallowed. With a feeling of success I took a handful of the pills and swallowed them in turns. I looked down at the pile of the remaining pills and felt a weird feeling of pride. There were only a few pills left. Surely the amount of pills I had swallowed would be enough, I thought, ignoring the rest of the pills. I put the glass back on the nightstand and brushed the remaining pills off my bed and onto the floor.

I sat on the bed with a tingling feeling spreading in my stomach. I thought that it was the pills that started to do their work, mixed with my feeling of unexplainable excitement. I felt uncomfortable sitting, so I lay down on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. I intertwined my fingers and placed my hands on my stomach. I had no idea how long it would take before the pills started to kick in, so I just lay there, waiting.

After a while I noticed a change. My body had gotten a whole lot heavier. I tried to move my arms and legs but they were way too heavy. This scared me a little, not being able to move, but a second later I decided that it didn't matter. I would be gone soon enough, what would some paralysis before I died mean? I also noticed that my breathing was getting heavier, I had to struggle a little to breathe. After some more waiting, my eyes started to get droopy, and when they finally slid close, I was thankful. I was getting away from the pain. I was finally going to be free. And if heaven held its promise, peace and happiness was awaiting. I drew a deep breath and without even realizing it, I sank into the darkness of the unknown.

That was it! How was it? Good? Bad? Tasty?

Anyways, would love some feedback, since I'm not sure how good I am at writing in English (I'm from Sweden), so, if you have a minute to spare, make me happy. Or sad, I don't know what your feedback will contain. Enough with the crazy rambling, have a great life and you will hear from me when I publish the next chapter. If you want to read it. Gosh, I really have to stop. Bye!

~Anna