Angel's Tears
By: Night Dragon
I sit here in my dark room. I can still hear their pleads and cries for their lives within my head and heart. I tried, and yet I failed...
I was born to be a soldier to fight against OZ. To protect the colonies... To protect the people. But look at us! We are no better than them! How can they say that we are the Heroes!? We took as many lives as any soldiers from OZ. If I had known about all of this from the start, I wouldn't be involve...
But I have to do it. I have to be the one who protects the people I care about... The people who care about me. The people that make up this world.
Five of us. The Gundam Pilots. We are nothing but a group of teenagers taking this whole war thing into mind. Taking this as part of our daily lives. As if this is all so easy for us.
It's NOT! NONE OF THIS IS EASY! All of us suffer the guilt of taking the lives of others, even if we don't show it. I hate it all! I hate having to take people, even the soldiers' lives. I hate having to keep seeing their blood shed for this war!
I can feel a warmth start to collect at the very corner of my eyes, knowing that they are tears.
People have died because of me! Me! It was my fault that they have suffered...
My Dad... he died because of what he said... what he believed... He hadn't stopped and fought back because he knew it would only bring up more conflict, that it would've caused more people to suffer if there had been a mistake. Father didn't want me to get involved. He didn't want me to become a Gundam pilot. But I didn't listen to what he said, and now look where I am. Look where I've gotten myself.
When Father died... I became my own worst nightmare. I'd been havingnightmares and that one last act brought me over the edge... I became an actual killer. A murderer. I was the one who destroyed a whole Colony! I did more damage than OZ could ever have done!
Then... Trowa... My God...
He was there when I changed. He was there. He saw... He thought... He was the one who brought me back... He was the one who gave me back the memories that I had pushed away. He sacrificed his life to give me back what I had almost lost. Then, because of that, I nearly killed him...
Trowa...
When he was gone I went through the suffering that I deserved. Duo was there by my side trying to comfort me during the time. I gave him smiles to assure him that I was all right, but once he left, I would lock the door and cry. I just couldn't stand the pain that was erupting within my heart and soul.
When we did find out that he was alive, I thought everything was for the best. He had amnesia. He couldn't remember any of us. Everyone knew I was crushed, all except Trowa. I could remember the talk Duo and I had...
I curled up into a ball just thinking about it.
Duo was talking with the "new" Trowa when he caught a glimpse of me leaving to my room. Before I got the chance to close the door, Duo got into the room and looks at me with a worried look.
"Quatre, why don't you try to talk to him? See if that'll jog his memories?" Duo suggested, but I shook my head furiously and looked at him with hurt eyes."Duo, do you think that I haven't been trying!? Look, Duo, maybe this is how it's supposed to be! Maybe he is to never have known me in the first place. Maybe he and I never were meant.... Maybe..." Tears were streaming down my eyes and I felt myself becoming rather weak. I looked at him knowing that I was in a pitiful state. "Duo, I can't look at Trowa... I just can't, not after what I almost did... I almost took his life... Maybe I shouldn't have been in his life in the first place...."
Maybe... I'm right. Maybe I should stay away. That way he won't get hurt anymore.... That way he'll be happy. He'll get on with his life, find a new love, more friends and....
And will never have to know the name of the lost love that was never meant to be.
He must forget about me....
tbc?