I know it has been a while and it is a little late for a Holiday fic, but hopefully you will like this. Should be about 3 chapters long most of it already written :)

Want to thank Newgirl78 for all the help and advice with this fic.

Nick never really enjoyed coming home for Christmas; this year seemed to be much worse. He was missing the loft terribly; if he was honest with himself it was Jess that he missed most. It was silly really if he thought about it, he was in Chicago for 8 days which in reality for a couple who had not been together very long, was a normal amount of time to be away from each other. It was bound to happen at some point. The problem was living together so soon after starting to date, Nick had gotten use to Jess always being around. It was difficult at first adjusting going from her roommate to boyfriend but somewhere around Thanksgiving things started to settle down.

It was around the time they were planning their Christmas things got a little awkward. Nick knew that he had to go home; it was the first Christmas without his Dad and he needed to be there for his Mom. He was about to ask Jess to come with him when she told him that her Mom asked for her to visit as they had not seen each other for quite some time. Nick was a little disappointed but at the time it was not that big of a deal, it was only 8 days after all.

The first time it really hit was when he taking her to the airport, she had been a little quiet that morning whilst organizing her things, and even more so in the car. Nick helped get her bags out of the car and took them towards the terminal, even waited right up until the last minute she had to go through to the main terminal. This was the first time that he had done that, always drop and run so he didn't have to pay airport car parking fees. He knew that both of them were delaying the moment as long as possible, trying to keep the conversation light and avoiding what was really on both their minds.

Jess looked at her watch and sighed deeply "I guess I should go though."

Nick tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach, "Oh right already, you are going to be back at home by New Years day right?"

Jess was completely avoiding eye contact, instead choosing to fiddle with her carry on case "err yeah sure. I will be back the day before, you?" She has stopped with the bag finally looking Nick right in the eye.

It may have been his imagination but they seemed bluer than normal. "Sure, with any luck. The flight back lands early morning on the 31st."

"Okay so I am sure that the days will fly." Jess was trying with all her might to be positive, even though it was the last thing she felt like.

"Yeah of course they will. You will barely have time to think with everything I am sure your Mom has planned." He picked up her case handing it to her "So erm, call me when you land or send a text or something." He leaned over giving her a quick kiss on her cheek.

"Will do; don't forget to set your alarm tomorrow. Your Mom won't forgive you if you miss your flight."

They had walked as far as they could together, standing awkwardly in the middle of departure lounge wondering what to say next.

When it looked like Nick was not going to say anything else Jess took a deep breath "I guess bye then."

"Yeah Bye Jess." Nick wanted to say more to tell her how he was really feeling, but he could not form the words, he ended up just standing there staring at her.

It hurt to watch her walk away, especially as he knew she wanted him to say something else.

Two days later Nick was still kicking himself over the way things were left at the airport. There had been very little time to actually talk to Jess, both seeming to miss each other between other commitments that the Christmas holidays brought. The first call once Jess had arrived in Portland, had been very awkward and stilted. He was pretty sure that they were both avoiding talking over the phone.

Needless to say, so far, Nick's Christmas had not been going well. Even his normally clueless brother had asked him if he was alright. It was now coming up to 2am Christmas morning, and Nick had been trying to write Jess a text for when it struck midnight in Portland and he was now running out of time. The text went through several draft; too formal, too sappy.

In the end, instead of getting even more frustrated, he sent a very simple one:

Merry Christmas Jess! x

The phone would have gotten thrown across the room if he hadn't just replaced it a few months ago when he and Jess had been in Mexico. No way was he going to have to buy another phone. Immediately after pushing send, he turned off the phone to stop himself from checking it every 5 minutes to see if she had replied. This worked for a few hours whilst he tossed and turned. Eventually, he ended up switching the damn thing on anyway, only to be left worse by the lack of response. Now he was never going to sleep.

Christmas Day past in a blur, Nick barely registering what was going on around him as he spent most of his time staring at the silent phone. Finally he gave up and decided he may as well go to bed. At least that way, he could be in a bad mood without anyone asking him every five minutes what was wrong or have his Mom hover around to see if he needed anything.

Eventually, he fell asleep on top of the covers still fully dressed, and it wasn't until the early hours of the morning that Nick woke to a ringing phone. Without thinking to see who it was, he assumed it was Schmidt and he answered rather gruffly.

"What!"

It wasn't until he was met with silence on the other end, that Nick woke up enough to realize who could be calling. "Jess?"

"Um yeah Nick, sorry to call so late. I'll let you get back to sleep." Jess sounded sad to him, but he was so relieved to hear her voice

"No wait Jess, its okay. Sorry I thought it had been one of the guys. How are you?" Nick replied eagerly.

"I'm okay, I guess. Mom has been keeping me busy. Did you have a good day?"

"Suppose. Same old holiday stuff, though little harder this year." And not just for the reason you would think, he added silently.

"Of course sorry, how is your Mom? Stupid question sorry... again" Nick couldn't see it but Jess was cursing herself at the other end. It had never been so difficult for her to talk to Nick, even at the beginning.

"Jess its fine, stop apologizing. Mom is fine under the circumstances. She said to say 'Hi' if I spoke to you."

"Give her my love." Jess sighed. This was not going well. "I guess I will let you get some sleep. Goodnight Miller."

"Goodnight Day." Nick held the phone to his ear even after the line went dead "I miss you" he said to an empty line.

The next couple of days dragged on, yet Nick couldn't say how he spent them as they all blurred into one. Neither Nick nor Jess wanted to try talking over the phone after the disaster of the first call.

The only communication was to Schmidt who warned Nick that he was arranging a New Year's party in his apartment and he had better be there. Other than that he spoke very little to his other roommates.

It wasn't until he was packing late on the 30th that his phone rang again, seeing the loft number appear.

"Hey."

"Nick, thank god you had your phone on." Schmidt sounded panicked the other end. Nick thinking he was having so crisis over something ridiculously pointless, didn't pay much attention to his friend's blabbering. It wasn't until he heard Jess' name that he started to pay attention.

"Schmidt wait, what was that about Jess?"

"See you never listen to me do you. I will repeat it one more time Nick due to the urgency, but if you don't..."

"Schmidt, just God damn tell me what is up with Jess." Nick interrupted Schmidt's lecture.

"Right sorry. We went to pick her up from the airport and she wasn't there. Cece phoned her Mom and she said that Jess had left for the airport and had not heard from her since." Schmidt tried to break this to Nick as gently as someone like Schmidt could.

Nick's heart rate picked up "Please tell me someone has heard from her."

"No. Nick we tried the best we could, but her phone is switched off."

"What about the airport? Can we find out if she at least checked in?" At this point Nick was feeling sick. He waited for an answer, to be met by silence. "Schmidt?" Nick spoke with a warning tone; he was barely keeping it together.

"Jess' mom called explaining the situation. I'm sorry Nick, apparently she never even check in." Schmidt knew how his friend really felt about Jess, even if Nick didn't really know himself. This had to be one of the hardest conversations they had ever had.

"Schmidt, where the hell is my girlfriend?" Nick closed his eyes pinching the bridge of his nose; losing his temper was not going to help Jess.

"Nick, we don't know." Schmidt finally getting to the point of the call.

"I have to go. If you hear from her, please let me know as soon as possible." Nick just prayed that she had been slightly delayed and would walk through the apartment door any second.

"Sure, of course man."

As soon he hung up with Schmidt, Nick rushed to get the land line to call the airline. There was no way he was going to be able to sit here and do nothing. Not caring what it cost he was going to get back to LA as soon as he possibly could. Managing to get a flight for that night, Nick made sure that his phone was fully charged so he could be contacted right up until he got on the plane.

The four hours and forty minutes back to LA was the longest he had ever experienced, not being able to use his phone did not help. As soon as the plane touched down he switched his phone back on. Scrolling through, he hoped that he would see a text from someone, telling him that Jess was safe and back home or at least a text from Jess saying that she was fine. Unfortunately this was not the case, there were a couple from Schmidt and Winston both saying the same thing in their own words – no news.

Coach came to pick Nick up from the airport, he was glad to see someone familiar knowing he would at least be home soon. He found out from Coach that Joan had contacted the police but they could not count Jess as missing until 24 hours since she was last seen or heard from.

Nick couldn't believe what he was hearing. Missing. This couldn't be happening.

Coach was polite enough to ignore the silent tears coming from Nick. He may not have known Jess as long as the others, but he hated seeing his friend in this state. The others weren't doing that well either, but Nick was a mess.

Nick arrived home just after dark to everyone sitting in the living room. Cece ran up to Nick to hug him. This was not good, Nick was relying one her to be the one to keep her emotions in check.

"Still nothing then?" He spoke directly to Schmidt who was watching Cece with her arms around Nick.

Schmidt couldn't get the words out and Nick was an absolute wreck. All he could do was shake his head.

Once Nick managed to get Cece off him, he asked for all the details again, wanting to make sure they hadn't missed anything. It turned out the others had phoned everyone they knew, hoping someone would have heard from her.

Nick couldn't listen anymore, his was sick to his stomach. Silence fell over the loft, as each one of them hoped that the phone would ring with news. It rang several times times and every time it did the occupants of the loft held their breath, but it was always someone looking for news rather than offering it.

Not being able to sit in the room any longer Nick got up to pace, he ended up in the hallway between both their rooms. This is where is all started he thought to himself. Back then he thought it had been a mistake to kiss her, but he had been wrong. It had been the best decision he ever made.

No, the best decision was running back out of that hotel and un-calling it.

The tiredness was starting to hit him and he knew he needed to at least get some sleep. Looking between the two rooms he nearly entered his own, until he changed his mind at the last minute and walked in to Jess', needing to be close to her somehow. Not bothering to undress he just removed his shoes, and laid down on her side of the bed. He knew it was the right choice when the smell of her shampoo and perfume engulfed him. It at least offered some comfort to him.

Nick started thinking about the airport when they said goodbye. He was so angry with himself for not saying what he should have, that he would miss her. That he... that he loved her. He should have told her a long time ago, not caring that it was too soon. Nothing was ever too soon when it came to Jess. What if, God forbid, he never saw her again? She was the reason he looked forward to getting up in the morning, he didn't know if he could go on without her.

"Come back to me Jess, please." He spoke quietly into the darkened room.

Surrounded by Jess' scent he fell into a fitful sleep, barely getting a few hours of rest.