I try not to post post-eps but I literally could not help myself.
I hope it doesn't suck because I don't do well under this kind of (totally self-inflicted) pressure.
He forces her to go home.
The EMTs finally break up their moment, insist that Jenny and her daughter need to go to the hospital as soon as possible to make sure that everything is alright, and Ryan and Esposito need to get thoroughly examined and put on oxygen.
Lanie agrees, making sure they strapped Ryan and Jenny and the baby in tight before beginning to guide Esposito towards another ambulance and waiting paramedics.
He watched Kate's face, the creases of her forehead still there though slightly faded, unsure of whether the moisture rimming her eyes was from relief or exhaustion.
He doesn't want to find out here.
"Hey guys," he says, waiting for them all to acknowledge him, "We'll come visit first thing in the morning."
Kate looks up at him slowly and he's sure he made the right decision. She didn't want to say it, but he knows she's not feeling up to it, and as much as he can't wait to hold Sarah Grace Ryan and clap Ryan on the back, he needs to take care of her before everything else.
Jenny looks like she's about to protest, probably something about wanting the entire family there together after this that would break down his resistance, so he speaks first.
"Give you all a little alone time."
Esposito and Lanie nod, mumbling a "see you bright and early" and Jenny glances between the two of them, then her daughter, and then her husband, letting her eyes linger on the latter before she nods, her eyes welling up with tears and he can't blame her. Ryan looks so grateful – a chance for the Ryan's to bond as the family they thought only minutes before they would never get the chance to have, and Castle has to mask his face at the thought because he nearly died – little Sarah Grace without a father and Jenny without a husband; Lanie without Javier; Kate without her team; him without his best friends.
If they had di–
If they had died – either of them – he's not sure any of them would have left that building truly alive.
They have approximately 5 hours before visiting hours begin at the hospital by the time they get back to the loft and she rounds on him as soon as he closes the door.
She's desperate, simultaneously trying to pull him closer and throw their clothes behind them and her eyes are closed. He tries to tell her to slow down, to breathe, but she shakes her head, her hands finally getting his jacket off before she pushes him back – hard – against the front door.
He wants to – Oh god does he need it too but he loves her too much for that, clears his mind of everything except for the way her eyes looked doused in flames, dark pools reflecting the burning building that could have taken destroyed them all.
She's shaking in his arms.
He slows her down, his hands sliding across her back so they settle on her ribs so his fingers fill in the empty spaces. He sighs against her lips and he feels her deflate against him, exhaustion finally wearing her down until she's doing nothing but breathing against his lips.
He moves his hand so he can grip her fingers and walks her towards the bathroom.
When he gets there, he turns the shower – not as hot as usual – before he strips her down and guides her inside. She tries to keep him there, clutches onto his shirt and he extricates himself from her hold, promises that he's just getting her some food and some painkillers for her fingers and a bottle of water so they'll be able to crawl into bed after she gets out and then he'll join her. She bites her lip and then nods once, moving further under the spray, leaving the glass door open.
When he comes back 10 minutes later, she's on the floor of the shower.
His heart pounds in his chest and once the thought flickers through his mind that she's hurt he stops thinking. He quickly crosses the bathroom to the open shower door, steps inside fully clothed to find her sitting directly under the spray, her head bent low as she holds her knees towards her chest.
Her name trips out past his lips, as well as the inane question of whether or not she's alright and she doesn't respond. He moves further into the shower until the water begins to thoroughly soak through his shirt, squats down in front of her and puts his hands lightly on her shoulders. She feels so slight under his hands, like if he squeezed too hard she would shatter under the pressure. He tilts his head, ignoring the way the water runs down into his eyes so he can look her in the eyes and she tries to avoid his gaze.
"This isn't your fault, Kate."
Her eyes flash back to his briefly before she tries to look away and he watches as the tears brim, and he doesn't let her. His hands move to her face, cradling her cheeks in his hands so she has to look at him.
"It's not your fault," he says forcefully, as if his words could make the past few hours stop spinning around in her mind.
"I sent them there," she hisses, "I did. I sent them there and they almost burned to death. I didn't think of what could have happened. I didn't do my job, Castle. I let them down."
She's angry but it's quickly fading. Her shoulders are tensing but her spine is loosening, her knuckles white and she winds them tightly together, the corners of her mouth starting to fall.
"He said goodbye, Castle," she chokes out, "we listened to Ryan say goodbye to his family. And what about Lanie –" her breath hitches and her body tries to fold in on itself but he won't let it. He holds her steady even as her tears finally spill over.
"She didn't get to say goodbye. She looked at me and she knew that she was never going to see Espo again and she loves him and there was nothing I could do about it. I sent them there and I couldn't get them out. I'm supposed to have their backs. They're our partners, Castle… Our friends."
She's crying and trembling underneath him and he leans in closer, his body taking the full impact of the shower as he pushes her wet hair off of her face. She's having trouble getting air into her lungs and he tries to sooth her but it's not working. She looks up at him, face so heartbreakingly open and afraid that it almost knocks him backwards.
"What if they'd died, babe? What if it had been us?"
He tugs her towards him, leans back so he's sitting on the shower floor so he can get her as close as possible. He doesn't want her to think in "what if". He doesn't want her to but he's been doing it too and it feels so selfish – he almost lost his best friends – but if Kate had been trapped in that building… He's not sure he wouldn't have run in after her. She managed to control herself well enough and still do her job but he doesn't think he could have done that. He thinks he would have been a mess. If he hadn't run into the building or assaulted the Fire Chief who was going to just leave Ryan and Esposito in there because it was too dangerous, he knows that he would have been crying. He's not too proud to admit that. He stood next to her when she was standing on a bomb, but it was different. He was there.
The last time he wasn't with her when she almost died it changed everything.
If he wasn't there this time… If she didn't come back to him...
He wraps his arms tightly around her as she settles in his lap, her stripped body aligned perfectly with his and she's sobbing into his neck and he blocks out all the thoughts of "what if" from his mind as he runs his hands up and down her back.
She's alive. They both are. Everyone is.
Everything's okay.
When they make it out of the shower, they have approximately 3 hours until they promised they would be at the hospital.
He strips off his soaking wet clothes, leaves them in a pile on the bathroom floor before he dries Kate off. He leads his fiancé into their bedroom. He pulls back the covers on his side of the bed and she slides across the sheets, settling into his side immediately when he follows her, the light sandwich he brought her remaining untouched on her side of the bed.
She's silent against him but her nails rake across his chest until they settle over his heart. The latent water from her hair is dripping down his shoulder onto the pillow, but it doesn't matter.
They have approximately 2 hours and 58 minutes until they have to be at the hospital to properly welcome their niece into the world and congratulate Ryan and Jenny and welcome back their team. He feels the telltale signs of her body giving itself over to sleep and he wraps his arm a little tighter around her, tilting his head so he can press his lips to her forehead.
The next 2 hours and 58 minutes, they can rest.
It's okay.
They're okay.
Everyone's fine.