A/N: lol this is a silly one shot I've had in my head for a while so…I went ahead and wrote it XD its unbeta'd and very awkward but I hope you all enjoy xxxxxx
D/C: I don't own any characters in this they all belong to Ryan Murphy
…..
"What are you doing?" Kurt tensed and spun around, his rather lengthening brunet hair falling over his brow as he gazed towards his soon to be stepbrother. He looked like a deer caught in headlights with his messy, brunet hair and unflattering lounge around sweats and t-shirt. The younger snidely tried to push closed the drawer he had been snooping through with his perky rear.
"M-me?" He asked, rather flustered, hands behind his back as he slowly slipped his findings into his back pocket. His cheeks were burning brightly and he was fully aware of this as he shifted awkwardly. There was a long pause and Finn raised an eyebrow. His previous roommate was clearly snooping and he'd have to remind himself to lock the door of his room from now on when he left. He had thought Kurt got over this stupid crush but maybe not. What on earth had he been looking for?
Finn paled as he noticed how close the drawer Kurt had been looking through was to his underwear drawer. His stomach did a flip. No way, Kurt wouldn't be like THAT would he?
"Erm, I'll see you later Finn." Kurt muttered, dodging passed him before any questions could be fired his way. As a concerned Finn checked through his underwear drawer to make sure nothing was taken Kurt rushed to his room and locked the door behind him. His heart was hammering as if he had just run a marathon. He pressed his forehead to the door and turned to look at his bed. It was neatly made, white sheets pulled up over the cover, red throw over only over the edge for decoration.
His laptop was laying on the bed, turned on and he let out an audible gasp as he realised the screen was facing the opened window. In a tissy, he ran over and closed the window, instantly opening it again as he wondered if it was to warm. After some moments of heavy contemplation he left the window slightly ajar and closed the curtains. Even though his room was located on the second floor he couldn't risk anyone seeing what he was about to do.
There were some moments in which he pottered around his room, making sure there was no possible way anyone could get in. He turned off the light in his room so that the soft glow of the lava lamp Finn had gotten him for his birthday was all that lit up his room. It had been a rather ghastly present and he only kept it in his room to be polite but Kurt had to admit that right now the lighting was just right. Dark enough to hide his shame but light enough so he wasn't completely surrounded in shadow.
Again with some consideration he decided against scented candles and by the time he was finally ready, or more accurately-finished stalling, it was almost one am. He could hear his fathers telltale snores and was aware that Carole was in bed as Pushing Daisies was finished a half an hour ago. Finn had been heading to bed when he caught Kurt snooping so he was definitely passed out by now.
He was all alone, awake in his home at one am.
If he didn't do it now he never would.
"It's okay…it's okay Kurt…everyone does this at some point." He looked into his mirror, hardly able to see his reflection due to the light as he gave himself a pep talk in little more than a whisper. His reflection looked as nervous as he felt, or so he assumed so he closed his eyes and took some deep breaths. The young man had just passed his sixteenth birthday. He was growing up and even compared to a year ago he was a completely different person.
His face wasn't quite so babyish with round cheeks, his hair was currently a mess of semi gelled locks and as he removed his shirt it displayed a body any young man would be jealous of. He was beautiful and somewhere deep down he knew that but right now he was too nervous to even think of anything other than what he was about to do. He removed a tube of lubrication that he had stolen from Finn's room from his back pocket and stared at it as he rested it upon his dresser.
Rather hesitantly he proceeded to remove his trousers and his boxer shorts and finally he stood with the only item on his body being the silver chain around his neck. The young man picked up the tube, holding it close so he could read the instructions but there were none. There was ingredients and he sat upon his bed, reading them over two and a half times before he realised he was stalling again.
He couldn't put this off forever.
It was natural to explore your body. That was what Mrs. Holiday said…okay she didn't but Bryan and Jake had been talking about it behind him as she spoke to them in sex ed. Although they had been talking about…'jacking off' over the picture on Ms. Holiday's facebook profile which they supposedly had found last night.
Still just because they were vulgar didn't mean they weren't right. It was natural to explore your body. If Kurt didn't know what he liked then how would his boyfriend?...whenever he found one that was.
With a sigh the boy decided finally to just man up and do it. He turned around, crawling into the bed and pulling the bed sheets over him. For some moments he hid himself beneath the duvet, thinking his bed was so warm, so soft…this was a place for sleep not…self manipulation. He shouldn't violate this area…not to mention he had just cleaned these sheets and they smelt of lavender. Did he really want his spunk's scent all over them?
The boy groaned, talking himself out of the action once more.
With a groan the young man opened his eyes and gazed to the laptop beside him. It was opened and facing him and he swallowed loudly as he gazed to the screen on front of him. He had spent nothing short of hours looking for the perfect video. Everything had been horrible, too disgusting or gorey, not tasteful enough or the two men in it had just been plain gross.
This one didn't look so bad…he had watched a half a minute or it to judge and it seemed…rather sweet. There was a lot of kissing and touching. The two men were very attractive, they looked…possibly to be a little older then Kurt…maybe 20. Although of course he knew they were older but they didn't look too much so. One of them had unruly black, curly hair which Kurt had to admit he always found somewhat attractive.
"I can do this…" He whispered, changing his angel so he was lying on his back. With a sigh he propped himself up and rested his laptop…on his stomach, yes…that would do. It perched on his belly, over the covers which were pulled up to his chest. The young man gnawed on his lip, taking in a loud breath and he picked up his headphones. His hand shivered just a little as he placed them in either ear.
For a moment he considered how to proceed. Should he use some lubrication now?
No…no it was okay…he was okay. He would just turn it on….he just had to get this over with.
"Okay…okay…" He whispered ever so gently, taking in a deep breath. With one hand he moved the curser to the play button then paused.
The screen was a little too close. It hurt his eyes. He didn't want to be overwhelmed by the sight of gay por..no, no he hated that word. Gay sex.
He moved his laptop down a little more, regretting it instantly when he realised it was over his groin.
"Dammit." He whispered, gripping onto the laptop once more. This wasn't working…not at all. With some shifting he soon found himself on his stomach, the laptop placed on front of him on the bed. He glanced back to make sure the door was shut as if anyone would come in they'd see the laptop. Once he was reminded that the door was locked he sighed in relief.
"Okay…no more stalling…" Once the headphones were in he took a deep breath, pressing down on the play button.
"Ohhh yess…" His eyes bulged out of his head as the man on his computer moaned loudly, too loudly considering he had headphones in. He suddenly realised the hearing aid wasn't actually plugged into his laptop and he did the first thing that came to mind. He began to bash some buttons on his laptop until the video itself froze. Some inspecting helped him discover that the volume was only at 15% so the chances his family even heard it was unrealistic but…still it was terrifying. His cheeks were burning bright pink and his stomach felt sickly.
Maybe…maybe he shouldn't watch this? Maybe it was a sign? Yes…yes that was it of course. It was a sign. He shouldn't be looking at this. He was too young, too fragile. It sounded like a better idea to just watch the sound of music and fall asleep afterwards.
However as soon as he was about to minimise the page he found himself hesitating. He had wanted to do this…just to say he could. Curiosity was getting the better of him. He was a young gay teenager with no role model or person to ask these kind of questions to. He wanted to know…he wanted to know what he was getting himself in for.
"Fine! Fine!" He whispered hoarsely as if his subconscious had actually been hammering at him, telling him to look. "I…I will look…"
He glanced to the video again, swallowing loudly. 'Passionate Jocks Teo and Rory fuck' it was such a vulgar title but then again they all were. He made sure his ear phones were in and finally…after much deliberation he turned on the video.
He watched the two men making out, squirming a little so his chin was rested on now folded arms. Perhaps it wasn't so bad…they were naked, yes but…they were kissing and kissing always meant love, right? The only sound on the headphones was occasional whimpers and the enhanced sound of wet kissing. Soon the two in the video fell into a position where the almost bald one was laying back on the bed, the shaggy haired male between his legs as they began to grind.
Kurt's stomach flipped as he watched, eyes wide. He felt disgusted in himself, terrified. He shouldn't be watching this, he really shouldn't it was…it was porn… But he couldn't tear his eyes away and unexpectedly his body began to react. His groin heated up and he squirmed.
The urge to touch himself was strong as the men touched and fondled one another, grinding. They were fucking mindlessly…it was just like experimenting and this was the right video for Kurt to watch. So far…it wasn't too bad although his high morals caused him to feel shame that he would watch this at all. He felt like some kind of peeping Tom.
Seconds passed and their movements became more animalistic, gripping onto one another to pull harder, grind rougher. Kurt suddenly felt too afraid to touch himself directly but there was a strong desire and animalistic need to feel relief. He felt like his body was moving of its own accord as he gripped one of his pillow and gazed to it. The brunet had to admit…the idea of grinding up against someone in that fashion wasn't as terrifying as he would have imagined. He let out a small groan of disappointment in himself, giving in and pulling the pillow close to his body. Some shifting around and bed creaking caused Kurt to soon find himself laying with his ass perched upwards beneath the sheets. The pillow felt thick between his legs which he clapped slightly together, a lump raising in his throat. His stomach was alive with nerves and he gazed to the men on the screen as they kissed.
"Ohh yea..feels good.."Kurt swallowed loudly as the shaggy haired male on the screen moaned and he began to move his hips, feeling his semi hard erection press into the cool fabric of the linen cases. His stomach was exploding with butterflies and already the boy felt very dizzy. It felt surprisingly good just to press against the pillow, mimicking the moves of the rather hot men on screen.
"Ugh.." He let out the smallest, most unsure of whimpers and felt his sight go fuzzy. It was clear that he was new to self manipulation, the young man was so nervous as he raised himself a little on his legs, grinding a little harder only for the bed to shift. The moment the structure moved, only making a small groan he stopped, eyes wide. There was moaning in his ears and his heart was thundering. No…no this was too damn risky!
With one swift motion the pillow found itself abandoned on the floor and Kurt cupped his flushing cheeks, unable to believe he had almost enjoyed that…actually…he had enjoyed it very much.
"God dammit.." He whispered, rubbing his forehead with the back of his hand. His heart was thundering in his chest and he considered abandoning this all together when the screen caught his eyes.
By now the men had somehow moved from their previous position to full on fucking…doggie style. Kurt bit his lip, frowning. Uneasiness settled in his stomach. This wasn't tender or experimental…it was fucking. He frowned, tempted to just give up all together but he had promised himself he would get through this. Just…just touch himself, that was all he had to do…see how it felt.
"Where is it?" The lubrication had somehow found itself behind his laptop. He picked it up and popped the small cap off. This was it. He would do it. Tonight he would be a man.
After some moments it became clear that the position on his stomach wouldn't work out. His hand wouldn't be able to move properly.
More shifting and soon he was sitting upwards, the laptop on front of him, his legs crossed Indian style. The movie was paused and his headphones were still in as he finally poured some cool lubrication on his palm. Goosebumps broke out on his arm. He waited a moment, hoping that it would warm up in his palm but that didn't happen. His hand slipped underneath the covers and he cupped his persistent semi-erection.
It took some moments for the cool lube to warm up and soon his hand was sliding along his impressive manhood. Once it began to feel even a little god he turned back on the movie, his stomach flipping.
There was grunts and moans and one of the men who had been so hot in the beginning now looked not unlike a pig as he fucked the curly haired male. Kurt frowned, unnerved how different the man looked but he tried to look passed it. The darker hair male was hot…his body was gorgeous, muscular but not too much so and he had an impressive cock.
Kurt blushed when he realised he had been staring at it. He never saw another other than his own.
'Oh gosh…what am I doing? Why can't I look away? It's not like I want to be fucked, I want to be wooed…oh but he is hot…' Kurt bit back a moan as it focused on this guys erotic face. He looked handsome..like a model and Kurt supposed he was in a way..just an adult model. 'What if he had been a model? I can imagine him on run ways…and I think his parents would have approved more of that..' His thoughts trailed off, he wasn't even noticing any pleasure anymore as his thoughts trailed off. 'He has a mother….and a father…I wonder if they even know…They probably wanted him to be president or something…not some cock-jockey…"
Kurt shut his eyes and let out a soft hiss, shaking his head. No, no, no thinking about stuff like that. This guy was hot..just focus on that…yes…
'Okay, okay…what's happening..he's riding him now alright…I-I guess that's kind of hot…I don't like how they're not facing one another though…it's so…uncaring…no Kurt…just…look at his lips, his eyes…yes…he is beautiful..but ugh why does he have to have a tattoo? It's disgusting….I don't understand it, it's so big and green and ugly…'
Kurt's hand had stopped all together and he frowned. This was…it was wrong. No. He didn't want this…he didn't want this at all. His first sexual experience shouldn't be with his laptop. It should be with someone who liked him for who he was, who wanted to touch and experiment with him.
"Forget it." He whispered softly, shaking his head and turning off the laptop once and for all. He was frowning, angered with himself. This was stupid…the entire idea was stupid. His shut off laptop was now resting beside the bed, the abused pillow hiding away in the closet to hide his shame. In his paranoia he sprayed some air freshener in case there was some kind of lingering scent that he had tried to masturbate. Soon Kurt found himself huddled underneath his blankets, eyes closed as he pulled the blankets over his head.
"Never again…never again…" He whispered softly to himself, cheeks burning. He was afraid that somehow everyone in the house would know what he did. Closing his eyes, he willed himself to just sleep it off, stomach alive with butterflies. Within half an hour he somehow found himself asleep in the house, leaving only one person awake.
"What did he take?" Finn growled, eyes bloodshot as he obsessively searched through his now messy room, fit to pass out but too focused on his quest as he pottered around the room, making rather too much noise in his tiredness. Only moments after his drum symbol fell to the ground Burt came storming out of his room. The sound of his fathers footsteps caused Kurt to wake up instantly and the boy tumbled out of bed, pulling on his boxer shorts. The man reached the doors of the boys rooms which were across from it. He knocked once on his sons door and twice on Finns.
"I don't kn…" Before he could continue his sleep deprived rant his sons door opened and Kurt stood with only his head sticking out.
"Dad, dad I'm so sorry!" He pleaded, eyes tear filled as a very awake but tired Finn flung open his door as well.
"Burt I…I'm sorry I didn't mean to i…"
"I don't want excuses." Burt said, his eyes tired. "Whichever of you is making all that noise just stop it! Your mother and I are trying to sleep." Both boys muttered a sheepish 'yes dad' 'yes sir' and Burt finally left for his own room. Kurt pulled back as if to close the door but a hand suddenly stretched out and gripped onto it.
"I know what you did!" Finn's voice was wrecked and gravelly as he referenced to knowing Kurt took something from his room. The boy however paled, believing he meant…something else…
"I didn't do anything!"
"Don't hide it from me…I know what you did! It's been keeping me up all night." Kurt paled. Had he been that loud? Should he have retuned the laptop down? Oh god no…
The poor younger male was shivering as his tall step-brother stood on front of him.
"I'm so tired of all these head games! Next time just fucking ask me okay and I'll give it to you…whatever it is you want!" The young male groaned, walking back to his room and Kurt's eyes widened as he said this. The door on front of him shut and his stomach sank.
"Yea…well…" He spat even though there was no one to listen to him. "Why didn't you tell me that when I had a crush on you?" Predictably no answer came and with one final door slap everyone was back in their bedrooms, Kurt walking over to his bed and punching his pillow before glancing down to his covered groin. "You're more trouble than you're worth!" He hissed before pulling back the covers and climbing into bed. Never again! Never again would he watch one of those movies!
….
A/N: originally this was intended to be a funny oneshot but I think it came across more as awkward than funny which I actually think suits a lot more XD it was just an idea in my mind based on what Kurt said about sexy, about watching those movies. Thanks to anyone who read it :)
Erm…about the video Kurt's watching…
That's a real porn video but I SWEARTO EFFING GOD I DIDN'T WATCH IT! So I've no idea what happens in it. I'm way too much like Kurt to actually…WATCH porn lol. I do write it sometimes tho I haven't really shown you guys any of it because its kinda messed up [they are usually prompts from people I love] usually I try to write love and the closest to porn on this account is probably Grease Monkey. But erm I swear I didn't watch XD what happened was there's this…thing floating around on tumblr lpbekka(.)tumblr(.)com /post/9685414377/kurtsky4ever-leeminkyo-lpbekka-lpbekka
I cant help it every time I ee it on my dash I have to reblog because LLLOOOLLL! But ofc I got curious, having no idea what the hell was going on with the second pic. 'is it a manip?' 'was Darren in a porno? *prays*' is it someone who looks a LOT like Darren?' apparently it was the latter so ofc I searched trying to just figure out who this was [it was for the fic I swear!] and found that some people kinda thought this p*rn star Teo looked like Blaine and I was like 'shaggy hair? Close enough xD' so yea….
Erm not much else to say, I love you guys so damn much its late now tho so I think I'm going to go to bed, love you all so much xxx