For some reason, I always picture this story being played by chibi versions of the characters. Don't ask me why…
And another important announcement: this story is a very exaggerated parody of the game, so the characters will be out of… Character. It wasn't made to be serious, just to make fun of the series and other games I like.
Don't take me wrong; I love The Legend of Zelda. It's one of my favorite franchises of all time and I think Breath of the Wild was fantastic.
I also love all the other games I cited here. Trust me: I'm making fun of them because I like them. I would never spend so much time and effort writing about anything I don't like.
Disclaimer: The Legend of Zelda and everything related to it belong to Nintendo. Any other franchise or characters cited in this story belong to their respective creators. I'm saying it now so I won't be sued.
No More Calamity For Ganon!
Exhausted, sweaty, bruised, with his dignity wounded in countless ways and slightly hungry, Link arrived at the entrance of the Sanctum, the place where Calamity Ganon had been trapped by Zelda's power for the last one hundred years. His long journey was nearly over, the game's climax standing just a few steps away.
For many times, Link asked himself if that whole thing of destroying Ganon was worth all the effort he put in it, but it was his job as the Goddess's Hero and holder of the Triforce of Courage. No bigger honor existed in the world than serving the Goddess and protecting the world she loved so much.
Besides, that was the only thing he had been doing since the first The Legend of Zelda, so one could say he didn't have much experience in other areas to simply retire and start a new life as an industrial manager or programmer, for example.
"That's it! I'm finally here!" Link proudly declared unsheathing the Master Sword. "After freeing all the Divine Beasts, finishing all the Shrines, recovering all the memories, finding the Master Sword, the Hylian Shield and all the Korok seeds, which was for a reward that wasn't worth the effort, I've finally reached the final of my long journey! That is, until the DLCs are released… Get ready to have your evil ass kicked, Ganon! I'm coming for you!"
With the Master Sword in one hand and the Hylian Shield in the other, Link bravely ran towards the Sanctum, ready to face the Scourge of Hyrule Castle.
"Hyaaaa!" the hero yelled as he entered the place to find…
An empty Sanctum with some particles of Malice flying here and there.
"Huh?" Link looked around for a while. "Wasn't a cutscene supposed to happen now?"
Confused at the lack of… Anything, to say the truth… Link scanned the whole place up and down looking for something that could explain that weird situation.
Then, his eyes noticed something, or better saying, the lack of something in the ceiling.
"Wasn't Ganon's heart… Bag… Cocoon… Whatever thing supposed to be up there?"
Which rose another question.
"Hey, where's Ganon?"
"Oh, Link! I was waiting for you," said a weird, deformed, slightly mechanical voice coming from outside the Sanctum.
The hero turned around and saw Calamity Ganon slowly entering the place, his Guardian legs leaving cracks on the floor with each step he took.
"Ganon?!" Link asked confused.
"Link, I have something to tell you." Ganon apparently didn't notice (or outright ignored) the young man's surprised tone.
"Shh! You aren't supposed to speak in this game!" Link whispered to the creepy mass of living Malice. "Get back to your heart thing, so we can start the final boss battle."
"First, I have something to tell you."
"Can't it wait?" the hero asked annoyed.
"No."
Link sighed and facepalmed.
"Alright… What do you want to tell me?"
Ganon adjusted his legs, cleared his throat, took a deep breath and said:
"I give up."
The shock of hearing Ganon saying that was so big Link fell backwards with his legs standing up like in one of those classical animes.
"Give up?! What do you mean?!" he asked incredulous while getting up.
"I give up," Ganon repeated. "I don't want to continue doing that thing of conquering Hyrule, destroying the world, spreading chaos and destruction… I want to leave it all behind and start a new life."
"But you can't do that!" Link said exasperated. "Conquering Hyrule, destroying the world and spreading chaos and destruction is your job!"
"Of course I can," the monstrosity shot back. "We all were blessed with free will, weren't we?"
"Yes, we were," Link admitted. "But that's a totally different story! You can't simply leave your role as the main antagonist like that! Especially when we were about to have the final boss battle!"
"That's sad and all, but I've already made my mind," Ganon said nonchalant.
"But why?! You always played the role of main antagonist so well in all the previous games! What made you decide to give up so suddenly?!"
Ganon sighed.
"Link, no matter what I do, how I return, what tricks I use, the plans I make or whatever else, I always, ALWAYS lose! Don't you think it gets tiring after some time?"
"Ok, you're right about that. Losing too many consecutive times does irritate a bit," Link said, understanding that Ganon was probably feeling the same thing he felt whenever he played Touhou. "And I don't like to kill you all the time as well, but that's one of the things you, as a franchise's villain, and me, as the protagonist, have to endure because of our job! And people love you for that! You're the enemy that may lose, but is never defeated! If you don't return, people notice and complain about it!"
"And that's a good reason to bring me back all the time?" Ganon folded some of his arms.
"You come back because of Demise's curse," Link tried to reason. "You're his hatred for the Goddess and her hero coming back for revenge."
"And to kill me all the time?"
"You're the main antagonist. You MUST be defeated," Link deadpanned. "Besides, you usually die only once per game. I died COUNTLESS times since the first one!" he grumbled putting the Master Sword back in its hilt. "Smashed, crushed, devoured, electrocuted, burned, melted, shot, exploded, launched, raped by psycho chickens… 'Breath of the Wild', for example, is a nightmare for me! Do you know how many videos people publish on Youtube of me dying the most ridiculous or painful ways in this game just to satisfy their sadistic desires? I don't even have Hearts to recover energy anymore!"
"You have food."
"Food that isn't infinite and can't be found in vases or grass," Link shot back. "Now, can we please start the final boss battle?"
"I already said I won't do it anymore," Ganon grumbled.
"Come on, man! We have to do it!" the hero complained. "What do you think the players will say about a boss that looks badass, but won't show his 'badassness' giving them an epic final boss battle?"
"Why would I care?" the villain asked indifferent.
"Because this game was claimed one of the best games of all times! It's our obligation to live to that!"
"The game can be one of the best games of all times even if it has a crappy final boss. We still have the open world, the exploration and the gameplay," Ganon dismissed.
"And the frame drops…" Link mumbled sourly.
"Besides, who said this form is 'badass'? Look at me!" he showed his deformed body. "I look like a walking pile of scrapped machinery glued together using rotten meat! And the developers wanted me to make only weird creepy sounds! Couldn't they have given me at least one piece of dialogue?!"
"They did that because of your role in this game!" Link replied. "You're Calamity Ganon! Malice and hatred incarnate! The purest form of Demise's curse! You represent his never ending thirsty for revenge and unscrupulous will of domination! A destructive power that seeks nothing else but fulfilling your objectives! That's why they did you like that!"
Link scratched the back of his head awkwardly.
"Not only that, but you spent the last one hundred years stuck inside Hyrule Castle, surrounded by that gruesome Malice. It isn't very surprising that you ended like that."
"What about you?" Ganon pointed at Link. "You spent the last one hundred years inside a bathtub. Why aren't you all wrinkled and moldy?"
"It wasn't a bathtub, it was the Shrine of Resurrection. It preserves the body."
"That's probably the most ridiculous excuse I've ever heard in my life…" Ganon murmured.
"I know it sounds ridiculous, but that's what happened!" Link said defensively. "On top of that, I'm the protagonist. The protagonist is usually a person that fits what society considers 'good looking' for the sake of calling attention, showing perfection or simply for fanservice. That's why I still look young like one hundred years ago and Zelda has a nice booty."
"Fanservice?" Ganon would have raised an eyebrow if he had any.
"Things to please the fans' insatiable thirsty for dream boys and girls that don't exist," the Hyrulean hero proceeded to explain. "For example, in Nier: Automata, if you activate the self-destruction, 2B will lose her pants and show her butt to everyone. The beach DLC maps for Fire Emblem? Fanservice. Not to mention all the beach trips from Persona 3, Persona 4 and Persona 5."
Noticing how he was getting away from what he wanted to say, Link shook his head and returned from where he stopped.
"Back to the subject, that's why we look the way we do. You look that way because you're the antagonist, and that's how antagonists should look! Horrible, terrifying, scary… Spooky scary! That's why you're feared and respected as the villain you are!"
"Antagonists must be spooky scary, huh?" Ganon put his many arms on the hips. "What about Sephiroth, Megumi Kitaniji and Sofia Lamb? They're antagonists, but don't look like the butchery's trash can."
"But you aren't Sephiroth, Megumi Kitaniji or Sofia Lamb! You're Calamity Ganon!" Link yelled irritated. "Don't make me explain everything about you again!"
"It's not just Calamity Ganon!" the horrendous creature complained. "Every time I return is in a bad looking form! I was a big nosed, green man in Ocarina of Time, the same big nosed guy with a hole in the chest in Twilight Princess, they made the curse assume the form of a giant horned man for the final fight of Spirit Tracks… Not to say about the Downfall Timeline! In that, I'm a giant pig! A FREAKING GIANT PIG THAT WALKS ON TWO LEGS! THAT'S DISTURBING!"
"Beyond Good and Evil also has a pig that walks on two legs and I never saw anyone complaining about that…" Link stated out.
"But he isn't purple!"
"What being purple has to do with anything?!"
"That's not natural! Which kind of creature is colored purple?!"
"Spyro is purple and nobody cares!"
"But he's a dragon, not a PIG!"
"Ok, you want to complain about your job? Then I can complain about MY job as well!" Link retorted angrily. "In all games, I start having a relatively peaceful and pleasant life, spending my days taking care of my own business and without a care in the world. Then, some bullshit happens and all the peace and pleasure are thrown out the window and I, because it's always ME, must go out to face the WHOLE WORLD just to protect a bunch of floating triangles from the clutches of some twisted villain! I was forced to battle some of the most gruesome creatures I've ever seen in my life, burn all the neurons of my brain to solve all the puzzles the developers threw at my face, endure volcanic or bone freezing temperatures, lots of lazy people disguising their selfish desires as 'side quests'… Not to talk about Navi! She. Was. The. Worst!"
"If your job stresses you so much, why didn't you quit?" Ganon asked.
"Because that's my job as the franchise's protagonist! No matter how much I'm tired or irritated, keeping this series alive is extremely important to me! So many people grew playing OUR games! Just imagining their smiles as new entry is announced at E3 makes all the stress and tiredness disappear! Look at Mario, for example! He's been doing his job for years and Super Mario Odyssey is going to be THE GAME! That fatso is literally swimming in popularity and money! And guess who's with him?"
"Peach?" Ganon tried to guess.
"Uh… Yes, she too, but that's not who I'm talking about!"
"Luigi?"
"Well… Yes… But it isn't the person!"
"Wario?"
"You aren't understanding what…"
"Rosalina? Toad? Yoshi? Daisy? Waluigi?"
"Stop trying to guess!" Link yelled irritated. "I'm talking about BOWSER! THE GUY! For years and years and years he has been the main antagonist of the Mario series and he never complained, never disappointed, never GAVE UP!" he pointed an accusing finger at Ganon. "And he values all the care and glory he conquered as the ever-returning villain! So, stop complaining about your job and be grateful that you're loved for what you are!"
…
"Sheesh… You're sounding like a mother…"
"YOU AREN'T EVEN TAKING ME SERIOUSLY!" Link pulled his hair.
"Link, I'm taking you seriously. I really am," Ganon tried to calm the Hylian down before he became bald. "I'm grateful for everything that happened to me… At least for the good things… And knowing that many people out there love our games is rewarding, but I reached the limit of my patience. I simply can't take it anymore. Why can't we make a game that changes the roles for a bit? Like, the reborn hero is corrupted and destroys my reincarnation to steal its powers, and a new hero must be created to save Hyrule?"
"That is… A nice idea, actually," Link admitted rubbing his chin. "A new turn of events… A new hero… The curse assuming a new…" the Hylian Champion shook his head. "That's not the point! You can't give up! That's what I'm saying!"
"I understand your point, but, like I already said, I'm full of it. I want to try something new! Discover other things! Be free!" his horrible face lit up. "Maybe even abandon this life of evil deeds and become a good Samaritan!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Link screamed horrified. "Who are you and what have you done to Ganon?! I swear, if you laid a single finger on him, I'll rape you!"
"Link, you're exaggerating," the mass of Malice sighed. "Just because I spent the last I don't remember how many neither I care years being the villain doesn't mean I never wanted to do something else. Haven't you ever dreamed of doing another thing? Trying a different career, maybe?"
"I. Don't. Know," the conversation was clearly making the young man moody. "For the sake of coherence, the developers erased my memories just like in the story, so I wouldn't give spoilers or say things I wasn't supposed before the time."
"If they erased your memories, then how could we have this conversation without problems?"
"Because I recovered most them, which wasn't easy, by the way. I had to go through a lot of things."
Saying that made another thing come to his mind.
"Talking about that, and the Champions?! They all were killed by the Blights YOU created! If we don't have the final boss battle their deaths and efforts to stay in this world will be for nothing! Besides, they all are waiting at the Divine Beasts for our battle."
"They could've just run away when the Blights appeared." Ganon said dismissively.
"Hey! Don't mock them, they're my friends!" Link shot back indignant.
"I didn't mean it like that," clearing his throat, Ganon proceeded to explain.
"I'm just saying this whole thing of the Champions being killed was avoidable. Instead of staying until their agonizing deaths could grab them, they could have retreated and planned something different. There's a thin, but well-defined line between bravery and foolishness, you know? And I'm not saying it's not my fault. It's because I took control of the Divine Beasts and the Guardians that many people lost their lives. If possible, I would go back one hundred years in the past and undo everything, but I can't, so mourning it is useless."
The monstrosity got closer to Link.
"The best we can do now is honor their sacrifices, making the best of our lives. The lives THEY died for. So, instead of throwing yourself at the face of danger all the time, go have fun, make friends, discover a new life full of excitement! As for me, the only thing I can do is change my ways and compensate all the pain I caused."
"This is a dream…" Link was disturbed, his eyes wide open, his hair messed and his hands shaking violently. "A bad dream… This can't be happening…"
Ganon shook his head and rolled his eyes; reasoning with Link was clearly impossible. He was too loyal to his role as the game's protagonist to see beyond that. One could say he was practically a workaholic.
Knowing that restarting that discussion would accomplish nothing, the mass of putrid meat and Guardian parts turned around and began to leave.
"Hey! Where are you going?!" Link ran after the leaving Ganon.
"I'm doing what I said I would: I'm leaving this life behind to go after a new one." Ganon declared still walking.
"But you can't do that!" Link yelled, trying to keep up with him. "What about the final boss battle?! The ending?! The credits?! The scenes unlocked at the end for finishing the Divine Beasts and finding all the memories?! The game's scores?! The miserable one hundred twenty-nine hours I spent doing all this shit?!"
The Hylian Champion continued to yell reasons and more reasons at Ganon, who just ignored everything and continued walking away, going down all the stairs and sections of Hyrule Castle's outside until they arrived at the main gate.
"What about Zelda?!" Link said while quickly getting in front of Ganon before he could pass the gate. "She's still inside you! And the barrier she set around the castle won't allow you to leave!"
"Oh! Well remembered!" Ganon said, raising one of his many hands and putting it inside his chest.
The scene could be described as one of the most disgusting things Hyrule was ever forced to see. Not even the brave hero of the Triforce of Courage could watch without having a nearly irresistible will of tearing his eyes off.
After some more moments of pure horror, Ganon took a dripping mass of liquid Malice from his chest and shook it a few times, making many large blobs of the evil substance fall on the ground, slowly revealing a seemingly traumatized Zelda.
"All done!" he announced putting the princess down and cleaning some Malice from her hair. "The princess is safe and healthy like you left her one hundred years ago."
"Safe, maybe… But I have my doubts about the 'healthy' part…" Link slowly got nearer Zelda and checked if she was okay. "What happened to her? I know she was going to get out of you in the ending, but I don't recall anything about she being covered in Malice."
"It happened because you would weaken the Malice with the Bow of Light in the ending, but now I took her out on my own," Ganon explained.
"Wait… If you could take her out at will, why didn't you do that before?"
"I couldn't do it if I had evil intentions, but since I'm trying to become a better person there are no more evil intentions, so NOW I can."
"I see…" Link decided not to get much deeper in that subject and turned to face Zelda with a worried expression. "Zelda, can you hear me? Are you okay?"
"No! I'm not okay!" the princess suddenly cried, startling Link and nearly making him trip backwards. "I've spent the last one hundred years trapped inside Ganon! I couldn't sleep, eat, drink or even take a bath for all that time!"
"Neither brush your teeth, apparently," Link pinched his nose and took some steps back. "Ugh… Now I know why this game is called 'Zelda: Breath of the Wild.'"
"Shut up!" the princess yelled at his face, forcing Link to take even more steps behind.
"That won't be good for your health," Ganon commented.
"Shut up you too! It's your fault this happened to me!" Zelda yelled at the villain.
"Ah! Zelda! Now that you're here, maybe you can knock some sense in Ganon's head!" Link exclaimed, suddenly realizing how the princess could help him.
"Uh? What are you talking about?" Zelda asked.
"Ganon's trying to give up on his role as the game's antagonist!"
The princess covered her mouth to suppress a shocked gasp.
"What?! You can't do that!" she turned to face Ganon with a stern look.
"Great… Another critic…" the monstrous mass complained.
"If you do that, what will be of the franchise?! Who will be the villain?!"
"That's what I told him!" Link said accusingly.
The conversation was making a turn back to the beginning. Tired and annoyed, Ganon decided to appeal to what was most important to Zelda to cut the story short.
"My dear princess, I understand what you're saying, but asking me to be the antagonist isn't the same as asking the curse to return and terrorize your people repeatedly for all eternity?"
The princess seemed unsure for a moment. Ganon abandoning his role as the main antagonist would be bad for the franchise, but her people would be safe forever.
"If I abandon this life of evilness and calamity, the castle will return to normal in two or three days, the Malice that corrupted the Guardians will be gone and the Blood Moon will never happen again. Peace would be restored and Hyrule would be blessed with an everlasting age of prosperity."
"I know what you're trying to do!" Link pointed an accusing finger at Ganon. "Zelda! He's trying to tempt you! Don't fall for his tricks!"
Ganon put a hand over Link's mouth and proceeded.
"Just lift the barrier and I'll leave forever."
Everlasting peace? No more Malice? No more crazed Guardians? No Blood Moon? Everything sounded so tempting that Zelda began to seriously think it wasn't such a bad idea. Link, on other hand, began squirming and saying indecent things that were fortunately muffled by Ganon's hand.
"No! Wait!" realizing something, Zelda shook her head and gave the monster a stern look. "How am I supposed to know this isn't just a ruse to make me free you, so you can devastate the world as much as you wish?"
"Do you think I really want to do that?" Ganon said annoyed. "I did all these horrible things before because that was my job, but which reason would I have to destroy the world I live in? It would be the same as putting a bomb inside your own house!" Link continued to squirm, forcing Ganon to use another hand to control him. "And the time when I was Ganondorf, huh? I was the ONLY MALE GERUDO IN ONE HUNDRED YEARS. I could have enjoyed a full life of adoration and royalty surrounded by gorgeous women, but noooooo… I had to go bat shit crazy and try to take over Hyrule!"
"Well, in Wind Waker you said that Gerudo Desert had nothing and you wanted the green fields of…" Zelda tried to say, but was interrupted by the mass of Malice.
"Yes, yes… Green fields, fruits, water, blah blah blah… Look at Gerudo Town now!" he pointed to the direction the Gerudos' hometown was. "It has fountains of fresh water, food, commerce and lots of muscular women with bellies that could be used to wash clothes! If I had waited just a bit more, everything would be fine, but they had to make me become power thirsty!"
Despite being totally sincere, he couldn't convince Zelda, who kept a suspicious look on him.
"Okay, okay… After everything I did, even I would be doubtful of myself," he admitted. "So, to ensure you that I won't try to do anything bad again, let me give you something back."
"Something?" Zelda raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"This."
With one of his deformed hands, Ganon pulled a small mass of Malice from his chest and shook it a few times, making blobs of the repulsive matter fall on the ground, slowly revealing a golden triangle.
"Is… Is that…?!" the princess was at a loss of words.
"Yes, the Triforce of Power I stole from the Sacred Realm many ages ago," Ganon took a few more bits of Malice from it and offered to Zelda. "Without this, I won't have the same power or strength as before. The curse will be lifted FOREVER."
Zelda seemed unsure if she should accept or not. Link was desperately waving his hands, telling her to refuse.
"Take this. I have no use for it anymore," Ganon gently said, putting it nearer to the princess.
The Triforce of Power? Was he really offering it? What should she do? What SHOULDN'T she do?
If she accepted, then the series would be over forever; no more reincarnations, no more curse, no more enemies… NO MORE ANTAGONISTS. It would be the franchise's greatest disaster!
On other hand, it would be her people's salvation. No more pain, no more deaths, no more fear… No need for her and Link to be reincarnated in an endless cycle of doom and despair ever again.
The princess's indecision was making both the antagonist and the protagonist (whose mouth was still covered, by the way) nervous. There was no way to know what she would choose; Zelda could refuse the offer just as much as she could accept.
After many tense seconds, the princess made her mind and stared firmly at the golden triangle in front of her. Determined, although still a bit reluctant, she raised her hands and slowly approached them to the object. Ganon's face lit with happiness, while Link began to desperately mutter something that became completely incomprehensible due to Ganon's hand.
"I…" Zelda began apologetically. "I'm sorry, Link… But my people…" she grabbed the Triforce part. "It's more important than anything else."
If Ganon's hand wasn't covering his mouth, Link's scream would have reached the farthest parts of the map.
"Wise choice, my girl!" Ganon praised the princess, lightly tapping her on the back and finally taking his hand from Link's mouth. "You won't regret that!"
"AAAAHHHH! Why did you do that?!" the Hyrulean Champion cried in despair. "It's all over! We're over! The game's over! IT'S THE ULTIMATE GAME OVER!"
"I'm sorry, Link, but it's like I said," Zelda gave him a serious look. "My people is more important," she then turned to Ganon. "Ganon, before this day, I always thought that you really wanted to bring only destruction and devastation to us, but now… Now I see that I was wrong. This part of the Triforce you gave me is proof of that."
"Don't worry, princess," Ganon reassured. "After so much time doing what I did, even I began to wonder if it was just the developers will or if I really wanted that."
"Well…" the princess gave the monster a small, but sincere smile. "Since you did this to me, I think it's my turn to do something for you."
Zelda raised her hand and a blinding light appeared from it, revealing the barrier around Hyrule Castle that kept Calamity Ganon imprisoned for so long. Slowly, the barrier began disappearing, small glowing lights falling as it dissipated.
"The barrier is gone," Zelda declared. "You're free now."
Ganon nodded.
"This can't be happening…" Link, visibly shaken despite having his back turned to them, began muttering to himself. "This is just a dream… A bad dream… A nightmare…"
"If you excuse me, I'll leave. The only think I want now is to take a bath," Zelda said, bowing to Ganon and turning around, leaving to the castle.
"Don't use the east bathroom! There was a Lynel there!" Ganon warned while she left. "Well, now that's all solved, I think there's only one thing left to do."
Relieved, the now former antagonist turned around and began walking away, ready to start the new life he had longed since… A few weeks before all that happened, to say the truth.
"Hey! Where are you going?!" Link noticed Ganon leaving and yelled at him.
"To have an adventure of my own!" the monstrosity enthusiastically declared. "They said this game's map is twelve times the size of Twilight Princess's map and I want to see it by myself. If someone needs me, I'll be in one of those mountains there!" he pointed to some formations far away in the horizon.
"But what about the final boss battle?!"
"You only care about that stupid final boss battle…" Ganon, still leaving, complained annoyed.
"Of course! That's the game's climax! If you leave now, everything will have been for nothing!"
Ganon continued walking.
"Bowser would be ashamed of you!" Link angrily screamed.
"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!" that was the mass of Malice's answer.
"How come?! Come back here and repeat that in my… Ah! Forget it! He's already gone!" the hero gave up as his former nemesis disappeared behind a hill. "That's it! We're done for! No more The Legend of Zelda! What are we going to do?! Even worse: what am I going to do now?! My job is over! They don't need me anymore!" he took the Master Sword from its hilt. "Neither you! We're both useless from now on, partner!"
He sighed sadly.
"What can I do now? Since the first game I've been only fighting the evil, but that's not a problem anymore. Without Ganon and Demise's curse the world is safe from monsters and villains forever. The Blood Moon won't happen ever again, so the enemies can't return anymore. Even the ones that are still alive won't be a problem! Like Ganon said, the Guardians will be free from the Malice in a few days and return to their original function of protecting Hyrule!"
Link returned the Master Sword to its hilt and faced the castle with sad eyes.
"There's no reason to stay and keep fighting, but if I don't do that, then what can I do? Do I know how to something else that isn't saving the world? Do I have any other talents?" he scratched his head. "I never imagined this would happen, so I never mused having another job. I mean, have I ever had any dreams before? Usually, that wouldn't upset me, but now I don't have my job anymore and nothing else do here."
The hero stared at the blue sky.
"Is there any other place for me here? Am I needed somewhere else? Is there anything I can do that will give me another reason to exist?" his heart felt heavy. "Have I never dreamed of doing something that isn't serving the Goddess? I need an answer. Anything. Just one reason to… WAIT!" his face lit up and a wide smile appeared in his face. "I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING! I DID HAVE ANOTHER DREAM! I DID WANT TO DO SOMETHING ELSE! AND NOW'S THE CHANCE TO DO THAT!"
A few days later…
It was dangerous, without a doubt.
Fire flying everywhere, traps in all possible places, enemies suddenly appearing before him... It sometimes felt like his old life.
At the same time, there were so many different things; the speed, the wind on his face, the sensation of freedom and the friendly rivalry between everyone.
That new life also had some other new dangers he never thought he would face someday like banana peels, Bullet Bills, POW Blocks and the ever dreadful blue shell, but he didn't regret choosing it.
He wasn't the best at that, but it didn't matter. Even if you weren't the most skilled of all racers, you would always have a place there. He didn't have to worry about lives that depended on him or defeats that would cost the future of the world; no, it was much simpler and easier to bear.
As Link crossed the finish line, he felt an enormous amount of happiness. That wasn't one of his best performances; he ended in second, just a few seconds after Mario, but he didn't mind.
He had something else to do.
He had a new job he loved.
He found a new reason to exist.
He was fulfilling his long-forgotten dream of becoming a Mario Kart racer and he couldn't be happier than that.
The End