A/N: I...am on crack. Seriously. Or maybe there was something in the yogurt. Yes, that's it. Something was in the yogurt. Oh, well, gotta recall them then. Deliver them to me please! Anyway, this little crack bundle I thought up by accident. It just--hit me. I was reading a fanfic and BAM! BOOM! BASH! TING! it hit me! I enjoy writing short crack things like this, don't you?

Notes: Sasuke is officially Naruto's nutritionist! Didn't you know?

Disclaimer: Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto

Spoiled Ramen
by Mint Pizza Queen

Naruto bounced happily out to his kitchen and excitedly sat down at one of the chairs at his table. It wasn't everyday Sasuke offered to make him breakfast, so there was no way he was going to pass this special opportunity up!

Sasuke had told him he was going to make a breakfast that was new for the Uzumaki. Something new and healthy.

Oh! Maybe it was a new flavor of ramen with some vitamin supplement that Sasuke had discovered on his last mission!

The door swung open and lo-and-behold, Uchiha Sasuke marched inside wielding a tray covered in a cloth.

Naruto's face almost broke from the huge grin on his face.

Sasuke kicked the door shut and gracefully marched to the table, gently placing the tray in front of the blonde. He took a seat across from him and smacked a tan hand away as it grabbed for the cloth.

"Hold your horses, I'll do that!"

The blonde pouted, but allowed Sasuke to pull the cloth back to reveal--

--a plate of buttered toast, a small unlabeled cup of something, a cartoon of orange juice, a small plate of scrambled eggs, and several strips of bacon.

Naruto's eye twitched.

"Oi! Where's the ramen!?"

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "There isn't any."

"There isn't any ramen? Well, why didn't you stop at a shop on the way here!? I mean, come on!"

"You're not going to have ramen this morning."

There was a gentle howl as a wind passed through the room from the open window. Naruto blinked. "Say what?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes with a sigh. "You're not going to eat ramen this morning. You're going to try something new instead."

"I don't want anything new. I want ramen."

"Eat this. We have to get to training."

"I don't like this stuff."

"Liar, eat."

Naruto scowled. Damn that Uchiha! "Why should I?"

A smirk appeared and suddenly Naruto found himself slightly worried. "All right, reason number one: You're getting pudgy."

"Pudgy?"

Sasuke bared his teeth. "You're getting fat."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING FAT!?"

"Why, you of course. Eating nothing but ramen does that to you, you know."

"I am not fat!" Naruto scowled viciously with a finger pointed dangerously at his companion. "All right, reason number two!"

"Reason number two: Ramen has no positive nutritional value whatsoever. You cannot say 'Oh there are some bowls that have veggies in them!', that doesn't count. That is like eating a pea compared the required amount you need."

Naruto scowled. "Okaaaay..."

"Shall I continue?"

The blonde snorted. "Oh shut up! Never mind!" He eyed the tray. "So, you're saying toast, eggs, bacon, orange juice, and whatever the hell is in that cup is good for me?"

"It is."

"You're feeding me more than what I normally eat for breakfast!" Naruto retorted.

"Maybe so, but it's got the nutrients you need, baka."

"Hmph," the blonde stuck his nose in the air, arms crossed, and then shifted his gaze to the unlabeled cup. "What the hell is that?"

"Open it and see." Sasuke played with the corner of a napkin boredly.

Naruto growled softly before yanking the cup off the tray and sniffed at it. He took a hold of the lip of the foil and peeled it back, peeking into the cup. "Uh--" he sniffed again. "--it's fruity...sort of." He looked up to the Uchiha. "Uh, Sasuke, this ramen looks spoiled."

A vein began to throb dangerously on Sasuke's temple. "For the last time, I told you there is no ramen! I am not serving you your damned ramen!"

"What is it then?"

Sasuke grabbed a spoon and thrust it at the boy. "Taste it, and you tell me."

Naruto took the spoon and tentatively scooped a little bit of the contents out before tasting it. "Again, fruity. Still don't know what it is though."

The Uchiha rolled his eyes and groaned. "It's yogurt."

The boy dropped the cup on the table and began to hack and cough. Sasuke's eyes widened with concern before the blond began to rant. "ICK! YOGURT! NASTY!"

"But--"

"My tongue has been tainted with the remnants of a cow's flesh!"

"Say what!?"

Naruto shot up and dashed into his bathroom, gagging the whole time. "I like milk, but that is disgusting!"

"Naruto, you idiot!" Sasuke shot up and ran after him. "Eat your damn breakfast! It won't kill you!"

"The yogurt poisons me!"

"Naruto, you ass!"

"I feel my tongue burning! It's devouring my soul!"

"You're a freaking idiot! Now get out here before I kick your ass!"

"Tainted! I've been tainted!"

It wasn't until two in the afternoon that Sasuke and Naruto showed up to train with Kakashi and Sakura. They would've been there sooner, but it took Sasuke until half-past noon to get Naruto to eat all his breakfast. Realizing that it was now lunch time, it took him another few hours to get him to eat the next meal.

Who knew that Naruto was afraid of turkey sandwiches?

-fin-