A.N. I AM SO SORRY YOU ARE RREADING THIS! IT'S NOT MY FAULT! MY MUSE TRICKED ME INTO TAKING COLD MEDICINE WHEN I WAS SICK AND THEN PLAYED THIS AFTER SHE KNEW I HAD BEEN READING SOUBIXRITSUKA FANFICTION! IT'S NOT MY FAULT! *weeps* Anyway yes this idea jumped me, dragged me to a dark alley, and mugged me. This is…. I have no words for what this is except that it is pure crack.
Disclaimer: I would be ashamed to call myself Yun Kouga… especially after writing this. And I'm not part of aqua nor do I own the rights to any of their music especially "Barbie Girl"
Now on to the fic that will make you cry because of how much it sucks.
Barbie Girl songfic…kinda
Ritsuka was driving in his awesome ride like he did every Friday trying to get Soubi out of her house and on a date with him. When he pulled up he said
"Hi Soubi"
"Hi Ritsuka!" She replied as her bubble-ly self. She had been watering her garden and waiting -subconsciously- for Ritsuka to come over like he usually did. She was wearing her usual pink dress. –Even though she was working in her garden- It was surprisingly stain-free
"You wanna go for a ride?" Ritsuka asked hoping for a "yes"
"Sure Ritsuka!" She said dropping her watering can –like a ditz- and ran over to Ritsuka's car.
"Jump In..."After they had been driving for a while Soubi stated singing quietly to herself.
"I'm a Soubi girl, in the Soubi world "
Life in plastic, its fantastic!
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation" Ritsuka, being surprised by the lyrics, raked his brain for something to say to stop his train of thought which included her naked and tied to a bed.
"Come on Soubi, let's go party!"
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation" Hearing the lyrics again, Ritsuka tried to stop the slow stream of blood coming from my nose before she saw it and asked why his nose was bleeding.
"I'm a blond bimbo girl, in the fantasy worldDress me up, make it tight, I'm your dolly" Soubi continued her song without noticing Ritsuka's ahem "problem". Then something came over him and he started singing with Soubi.
"You're my doll, rock'n'roll, feel the glamour in pink,kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky..." Ritsuka apparently wanted some help with his "little friend" –that wasn't so little-
"You can touch, you can play, if you say: 'I'm always yours'" And also apparently, Soubi had no qualms with it either as long as he said that she's always his… this can't turn out well.
"I'm a Soubi girl, in the Soubi worldLife in plastic, its fantastic!You can brush my hair, undress me everywhereImagination, life is your creation" And the nosebleed grows.
"Come on Soubi, let's go party!
Come on Soubi, let's go party!
Come on Soubi, let's go party!
Come on Soubi, let's go party!" Soubi hurry up and say yes already!
"Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you pleaseI can act like a star, I can beg on my knees" Again Ritsuka's thoughts are turning kinkier as the nosebleed becomes a running river.
"Come jump in, bimbo friend, let us do it again,hit the town, fool around, let's go party!"More blood and Soubi still hasn't even realized that Ritsuka is bleeding.
A.N IT GETS REPETITVE AND I'M LAZY SO I'M GOING TO STOP TYPING WHAT'S GOING ON UNTIL THE END… FEEL FREE TO SKIP THE REST OF THE SONG.
"You can touch, you can play, if you say: 'I'm always yours' " "
you can touch, you can play, if you say: 'I'm always yours'"
Come on Soubi, let's go party!
Come on Soubi, let's go party!
Come on Soubi, let's go party!"
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!
You can brush my hair; undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation"
"I'm a Soubi girl, in the Soubi world "
Life in plastic, its fantastic!
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation"
Come on Soubi, let's go party!
Come on Soubi, let's go party!
Come on Soubi, let's go party!"
"Oh, I'm having so much fun"!
"Well Soubi, we're just getting started"
"Oh, I love you Ritsuka!"
Ritsuka woke up in a cold sweat. He looked around and realized that he was in his bed and it was time to get to school. He hurriedly got ready and sped out the door before his mother could yell at him for not being "her Ritsuka".
When he got to school he saw his friend Yuiko and Yayoi waiting for him outside the gates. As they start walking to their first period class (they're in seventh grade) Yuiko asks how their weekends were. Yayoi answers flamboyantly that he had a wonderful weekend. Before Ritsuka can answer –not that he really wants to- they get to their first period class and the day moves on.
When they got out of school Soubi was waiting, without fail, outside the gates with the same expression he always has. Ritsuka, seeing his fighter and remembering his dream, immediately blushes furiously and looks away from him.
"What's wrong Ritsuka? Is it Soubi? Did you two have a fight?" Yuiko asked noticing his distress.
"N-no we didn't have a fight it's just… something happened but he doesn't know about it." Ritsuka said trying to reassure his friend. 'Dammit I still have that song stuck in my head from my dream. UUUUGGGGHHHHH! THIS SUCKS!' Ritsuka sighed as they reached the gate. Before they parted Ritsuka asked Yuiko
"Ne, Yuiko, next time I come over could we listen to something else?"
Yes Ritsuka had had "Barbie Girl" stuck in his head since Friday the week before. After that Soubi and Ritsuka walked in silence, save Soubi's attempts at small-talk and coaxing with all those 'I love you's
When they got back to Soubi's apartment –as that's where they usually go after Soubi picks Ritsuka up from school- Soubi grabbed Ritsuka and dragged him to the couch.
"What the hell Soubi? Put me down! That's an order!" Ritsuka yelled in protest.
"Okay" Soubi said with a smile as he dropped Ritsuka on the couch, and crawled on top of him to prevent his escape.
"So… what's been bothering you?" Soubi asked, getting right to the point, knowing his sacrifice would be protesting if his hand wasn't covering his mouth.
"'Et 'or h'nd 'ff 'y mou'h" (Translation: Get your hand off my mouth)
"Will you answer my question?" Soubi asked teasingly.
"'EEEESSSSFF" (Translation: YYYYYYEEEEEESSSSSS!(And about the "ff" at the end I actually covered my mouth with my hand and it sounded like there was an "f" sound so…))
"Okay" Soubi said, lifting his hand. "What's wrong? I know something's up now tell me." Ritsuka blushed again remembering Soubi A) as a girl and B) wearing a dress, but not just any dress, a pink one with ruffles. Thinking of the latter made the stoic 13-year-old cry with laughter. Soubi, being utterly confused, thought that he did something to make Ritsuka cry.
"Ritsuka! What did I do? Why are you crying?" Soubi asked hurriedly, worry lacing his voice.
"N-n-nothing… i-i-it's… j-j-just… m-m-my… d-d-dream…hahahahahahahahaha!" Ritsuka tried to say between bursts of laughter and giggles. Soubi breathed a sigh of relief realizing nothing was wrong and nothing was his fault.
"So what was the dream about if it could make you laugh?" Ritsuka stopped laughing. Soubi looked at him wondering why he stopped laughing and saw the perfect rendition of a deer about to get hit by a speeding truck, more commonly known as deer-in-the-headlights look.
"What dream? I didn't say anything about a dream." Ritsuka said, willing Soubi to play along.
"No you said something about a dream and I want to know" (A.N. GOD! I'm making Soubi sound like a five-year-old! *giggles* oops oh well)
"Fine. Have you heard the song Barbie Girl by Aqua? 'Cause Yuiko was playing it when I went to her house on Friday so it got stuck in my head all weekend and last night I had a dream… and… …" (Translation: and in it you were the girl in the song and I was the guy and… we actually sang the song and it was embarrassing 'cause of the lyrics and…) Ritsuka stopped and blushed deeper.
Soubi laughed at Ritsuka's face and the dream 'well I was hoping he would think of me this weekend. I definitely did not have this in mind but... it works'. Soubi got off the couch and went in the kitchen to start making dinner. As he started he heard a faint command from the living room.
"Soubi I don't ever want to hear that devil summoning-music again, and if I catch you in a dress I think I might actually hurt you."
"Dammit there goes his birthday present…oh well"
And to this day we still don't know if he was being sarcastic or not.
Umm so yeah like I said the idea viciously attacked me and it wouldn't let me go until I wrote it and I'm sorry to everyone who had the misfortune of reading it. Also sorry about the ending I suck at those –along with writing in general-
Dear people who like stating the obvious,
Yes I know it sucks so if you review "it sucks" or anything along those lines I will promptly smile and shove it up your ass. Now if you tell why it sucks, or have some ideas on how I could get better I will probably smile and thank you for taking the time out of your day to leave a kind-hearted review.
Sincerely,
Either your worse nightmare or best friend,
The author/ Althea Lynn
Me: YES! 5 PAGES!
A: Yeah 'cause you spent the entire time talking.
L: Well that's no way to treat master/sister/muse-controller/ whatever and the hell else she is.
Me: L! You swore oh I'm soooo proud of you!
A: I swear all the time but do I get any recognition? Oh no, of course not. Man, way to spread the love…NOT!
Me: I'm sorry A, it's just that it's her first time and…
L&A: *rolls eyes*
L: I think I should add "mother" to that list of thing she is to us, huh?
A: Yeah, probably.
Me: Anyway ple-
A&L: *in mono-tone* please R&R!
Me: Awe their all grown up *wipes tear from eye*
A&L: *rolls eyes*
A: Please or she'll continue acting weird and might rob a bank or something.