Sitting on Connors lap as we sat with our friends in the garden I enjoyed the sound of laughter as I heard it echo in connors chest. Wrapping his arm around me a little tighter, I got comfy.

We were currently at Tristans house with the rest of the band having a barbeque, the afternoon hsad been really relaxed and it was nice to just let our hair down a little and enjoy everyone's company.

As the hours ticked by, the empty beer cans stacked up and the four boys gradually got louder and sillier.

I had been going out with Connor for years, long before the band was even formed. With no other real family of my own he had always been there for me as my only form of stability. He was always very protective of me and I adored that about him. The other boys in the band had got to know me as part of the furniture now. I liked to think of them all as my family.

"... What about Alton Towers?" brad suggested as the discussion of a day trip out was well under way.

"Yeah we are up for that, huh 'Liv?" Connor said to me as he looked down to my face and kissed my forehead. I nodded. A fun day out sounded good to me.

"Olivia, I can't imagine you screaming your head off on the fast rides." James teased me as it was a well known fact that I was fairly reserved and quiet.

"I can!..." tris butted in. "Have you not heard those two fucking each other on the tour bus... Olivia has a right pair of lungs on her." He said with a chuckle as he looked at Connor and I cosied up together. I went bright red and I think James wished he never mentioned anything.

"I'm just going to use the bathroom" I said to Connor as I moved his arm from around me. I flashed Tristan my pretend angry-eyes at him as I walked passed him and in to the house, leaving the boys in the garden.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I washed my hands after going to the loo. Looking at my reflection I shook my head. I was a pretty girl, I did know that and people had always told me but my self esteem was ridiculously low because of the awkward upbringing I had grown up with. I had been placed in more foster homes than I cared to remember.

With a sigh I unlocked the door of the bathroom and went to walk out. A small scream of shock left my lips though as I opened the door seeing James on the other side. "Shit! You made me jump." I said giving him a playful slap on the chest.

He smiled at me. "Sorry... I didn't mean to scare you." He replied, looking towards the stairs to see if anyone else was around. James then grabbed my wrist and pulled me back in to the bathroom, locking the door behind us.

"James! What the hell are you doing!?... this is too risky." I said in panicked whisper.

"I'm sorry... I just needed to talk to you, be alone with you... just for a minute!" He said, then pulled me in to his body, placing his lips on mine.

The slow kiss that James and I now shared wasn't our first. My tongue enjoyed slipping in to his warm mouth as his tongue enjoyed caressing mine. Reluctantly pulling away, James rested his forehead against mine.

"I love you 'liv." He said, his eyes sad with such heart ache in them that knew us being together properly was never going to happen...

I placed my hand on the side of James's face. "I love you too, but doing this here and now is wrong on so many levels, James... if Connor caught us you might as well kiss goodbye to your band." I said looking him in the eye as my thumb gently stroked his cheek.

James nodded. "I've just missed you... it's been over a week since we were last alone." He replied, taking a lock of my hair in his hands and playing with it.

"I know. James, it's not how I want things, this isn't how I want my life to go. I think it's time we tell Connor... or at least I should break up with him. What do you think?" I asked.

"Seriously?" James replied as he looked at me a bit taken aback. He walked over to the bath and sat on the edge.

"Yes!... I love Connor but I'm not in-love with him any more. James if you want me then I want you." I said softly.

Hearing a loud bang outside the bathroom door made both of us jump. I looked at james with frightened eyes.

The two of us didn't move an inch for several seconds until James finally got the courage and opened the door.

"It's fine there's nothing there... must of been the wind slamming a door shut or something." He said. "Look... Olivia... this breaking up with Connor thing... we will talk about when we get a proper chance yeah? Don't go doing anything stupid." He said searching my face.

I nodded. "Text me, okay?" I said wanting to just bury myself in his arms. James gave me a wink which was our non spoken communication for 'text me' which we usually used when in a crowded room and unable to talk freely. I smiled at him then watched him walk away from me and go down the stairs. On returning separately to the party in the garden I was no longer in the mood to enjoy myself but James seemed to be forcefully going over the top with having fun.

Sitting back down in the garden a fairly drunk Connor rested himself in the crook of my neck. I ran my fingers through the insane amount of hair he had on his head. "You're beautiful." He said as he took my hand in his and kissed my neck. Guilt piled on me thick.

I remained fairly quiet for the rest of the barbeque, my mind was loaded with what felt like the weight of the world.

I didn't go out of my way to cheat on Connor, just as James didn't want to feel the way he did about me. It just happened, starting off with joking around together which led to looks being exchanged between us which eventually brought us to sharing our first kiss in James's car. He had offered to take me home after Connor got caught up working late on a video shoot... James and I both knew what was going to happen. That was 6 months ago, now everytime James smiles my heart aches for him.

The amount of times either James or myself had called it a day on our relationship was sky high, but we always went back to each other. It was bitter sweet, I couldn't be with him but we couldn't be apart. Our alone time consisted of me telling Conner I was busy at uni or going shopping, where in reality I would sneak to James's house to be with him. James and I hadn't slept together though, not once! but we had come close to it a few times. James thought of Conner like a brother, screwing his girlfriend behind his back was too much of a burden for him to bear.

As our evening came to an end, and the taxi had dropped both Connor and I off at his place I showered and walked in to the bedroom as I towel dried my hair. Connor was sat up on his bed, wearing nothing but his Sponge Bob boxers and scrolling through the sky sports news on his phone. He was perfection, although at this precise moment in time he was drunk perfection, and tomorrow he was going to be hung over perfection.

Connor looked up to me, looking the towel that was wrapped around my body from the shower up and down and smiled, his hair now had a mind of it's own, he resembled a cute furry animal that had just woken up from hibernation.

"Olivia, You alright yeah? You've been quieter than usual tonight." He said watching me squeeze the moisture from my hair.

I nodded. "Bit tired, that's all... I feel a bit shit actually." I said truthfully, wondering how good Tristan was at actually cooking food properly on a barbeque.

Connor pulled a pretend sad face at me, chucking his phone down on the bed he held his arms wide open. "Come here.. con-cons will make it better." He said with a smirk.

I cracked a smile at him, then crawled from the end of his bed in to his arms.

"First things first... let's get rid of this." He said tugging at the towel that was wrapped around my body...