Disclaimer: Joss is God, and these twisted characters are products of his
twisted mind.
Feedback: I'll be your bestest best friend if you give me some.
INTERVENTION
By Vixen
There was a jingle of the Magic Shop's bell as Buffy entered the store. Inside it smelled like aromatherapy and burning candles, which would have put Buffy in a peaceful mood, if it had been another day. But she knew what was on everyone's mind. In the heat of a battle last night the slayer had accidentally let the truth slip out, and now it was time to pay the price because now her friends knew.
From the table in the back of the shop Xander and Willow looked up as the blond came walking in, both looked like they had been talking for a long while, trying to decide what to do about the situation. Anya, over behind the counter shut the cash register's drawer, grimacing at the other girl.
It was Xander that broke the silence. Getting up he walked over to his old friend, led her over to the table, and offered her a chair, "Buffy, we have to talk."
With a disgruntled sigh, she sat and looked up at the three of them, pausing for a moment on each face to take in their emotions. There hadn't been much time last night to assess their feelings on the matter at hand. "I know you found out about me and…"
"We're not judging you, Buffy," Assuming an air of calm and an open mind, the redhead tried to sooth the disjointed mood that permeated the air. There had been too many bad vibes ever since the Scoobies had found out what Buffy had been keeping from them. "You're going through a lot in life at the moment, so you're bound to…
"Do incredibly stupid things," Anya offered, walking over towards the meeting area. Xander shot a look at his ex-girlfriend, mentally putting her picture in the dictionary next to tactless. "What? You said it yourself just before she walked in. I think your exact words were, 'How could she date him but all these years she's overlooked…"
Gently, Xander clasped a hand over Anya's mouth, stopping her from damaging his ego any further. "For the love of God, please don't finish that sentence."
"Look!" Buffy rose angrily. She folded her arms across her chest and set her mouth into a firm line, using all the physical posture a slayer could muster to keep control of the situation. "Its nice that all of a sudden my friends give a damn, but it would be better if you would all just back off. I don't understand why you think you have the right to stage an intervention every time you don't like who I'm dating."
"Well, you haven't had the best luck in the dating world… I think its your choice of orgasm buddies," Injecting her sidebar of opinion, Anya continued, "This could just be one more failed romance of yours, and we just want to stop you before you go all angsty slayer again like you seem to do every time you break up with a boyfriend."
"Gee, Anya, Thanks," Sarcastically Buffy said, "But you haven't exactly had the best of luck either."
Without thinking, Anya went into a rage, balling her fists she started for Buffy. Fortunately, Xander stepped in front of the vengeance-minded spurned woman, blocking her path.
"Let me at her, we'll see who has good luck!" She yelled as Xander grasped her shoulders, his feet were digging into the floor just to keep the ex- demon back.
"Oh yeah?" Buffy stood her ground, but was just as angry.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Everybody just apply the brakes a sec," Trying to calm the situation down a notch.
In a huff, Anya gave up and went to the basement door, to go check the inventory. Muttering loudly as she was walking down the stairs, "Well, I tried. But noooo don't listen to Anya, she's just a silly vengeance demon who can't get married because her boyfriend was chicken shit."
As soon as Anya was gone Buffy loosened her stance, and looked at her friends. "I'm sorry, I just… you can't possibly understand how much I love him. How much I want to be with him. And I know that he's been kind of evil in the past, but he's changed."
Xander looked at her doubtfully, "How can someone like that change. I mean, look at the people he hangs out with. Do you really want to associate yourself with people who kill others for a living?"
"He's sort of right, Buffy," Adding her two cents to the conversation, Willow frowned.
Taking a moment to collect her thoughts, so she could make her friends understand, Buffy sat back down at the table. Maybe they were right. He hadn't acted exactly righteous in the past, "Guys, I know that you're worried about me, and I love the fact that you care that much about me to try to help. But he's changed. I know he's done some bad stuff in the past, but he wants to be redeemed and if he's willing to want to help us why should we turn our back on him?"
Willow nodded, "You know, Xander, she's kind of right. He has been good to her in the past, and has helped save the world a couple of times. Maybe he really does want to be redeemed."
"A couple of times in the past doesn't mean he won't turn his back on her if someone asks him to. We can't trust this guy."
"But where else am I going to find a guy who knows all about the slayer-y stuff and still wants to be with me. Most guys would be pretty turned off once they find out about all the magick prophecies and junk."
At this Xander turned away, trying not to appear guilty. He had known about the slayer stuff. He had stood by her in the past. He had been there for her, but apparently it didn't matter. He didn't fit the criteria of needing redemption. "That's not a reason to date him. That's just a reason not to date."
"Well, if she wants to get laid she's going to have to date Xander, whether you still like her or not," Just returning from the basement, Anya carried a stack of books. She appeared to be in a better mood, as she went to organize the books on the shelves.
"Anya! God is everything about sex to you?" Buffy asked, slightly amused.
"Mostly, yeah."
"Well," Getting more serious, Buffy began, "I don't like him just for the sex, though it is really really good."
At this comment Xander had to stop from being overcome by the gag reflex.
"He's adorable, he loves me, he knows me, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, get married, have children. The whole idea of him and me spending the rest of eternity together makes me happier than I have been in years. I'm truly happy guys, and…"
"Oh god! Think about the children," A bad mental picture crossed Anya's mind. They all looked over at her, "What? I'm just saying.."
"Anyway," Buffy began again. "He's going to be here in a few minutes…"
"You told him to meet you here? When you know we all hate him?"
"We don't all hate him, Xander. Not now anyway. I'm willing to give him a shot, Buffy. For you."
"Thank you, Will."
The door jingled again, and in walked Buffy's new boyfriend. He was wearing a well-cut suit, his hair was slicked back, and he was looking as well mannered as possible. In his hand he carried a single rose. "Hi Buffy."
Crossing the room, Buffy couldn't hold back her emotions, "Oh, Jonathon, you came!"
"How could I pass you up?" He smirked, feeling on top of the world for the first time after the Superstar spell. Handing her the rose he grinned, "A beautiful flower for a beautiful lady."
Buffy stooped down to give Jonathon a kiss. "I love you, Jonathon."
"I love you too, sweetie."
Parked down the street, in their Troika Van, Warren and Andrew were practically rolling on the floor they were laughing so hard. The monitor continued to show a live video feed from the hidden camera that had been discreetly placed there the night before.
Their latest project seemed to be a success. When Jonathon had suggested that they infiltrate Buffy's social group by performing a spell that would make her fall utterly in love with him, Warren had doubted that it would work. And had seriously doubted Jonathon's reasons for the spell in the first place. In the end, though, it had worked and soon Warren would have enough dirt on the slayer to get rid of her.
And in the meantime they'd be witness to one hilarious romance.
Andrew paused, trying to catch his breath after laughing, "This is even better... than… free cable porn."
THE END
Feedback: I'll be your bestest best friend if you give me some.
INTERVENTION
By Vixen
There was a jingle of the Magic Shop's bell as Buffy entered the store. Inside it smelled like aromatherapy and burning candles, which would have put Buffy in a peaceful mood, if it had been another day. But she knew what was on everyone's mind. In the heat of a battle last night the slayer had accidentally let the truth slip out, and now it was time to pay the price because now her friends knew.
From the table in the back of the shop Xander and Willow looked up as the blond came walking in, both looked like they had been talking for a long while, trying to decide what to do about the situation. Anya, over behind the counter shut the cash register's drawer, grimacing at the other girl.
It was Xander that broke the silence. Getting up he walked over to his old friend, led her over to the table, and offered her a chair, "Buffy, we have to talk."
With a disgruntled sigh, she sat and looked up at the three of them, pausing for a moment on each face to take in their emotions. There hadn't been much time last night to assess their feelings on the matter at hand. "I know you found out about me and…"
"We're not judging you, Buffy," Assuming an air of calm and an open mind, the redhead tried to sooth the disjointed mood that permeated the air. There had been too many bad vibes ever since the Scoobies had found out what Buffy had been keeping from them. "You're going through a lot in life at the moment, so you're bound to…
"Do incredibly stupid things," Anya offered, walking over towards the meeting area. Xander shot a look at his ex-girlfriend, mentally putting her picture in the dictionary next to tactless. "What? You said it yourself just before she walked in. I think your exact words were, 'How could she date him but all these years she's overlooked…"
Gently, Xander clasped a hand over Anya's mouth, stopping her from damaging his ego any further. "For the love of God, please don't finish that sentence."
"Look!" Buffy rose angrily. She folded her arms across her chest and set her mouth into a firm line, using all the physical posture a slayer could muster to keep control of the situation. "Its nice that all of a sudden my friends give a damn, but it would be better if you would all just back off. I don't understand why you think you have the right to stage an intervention every time you don't like who I'm dating."
"Well, you haven't had the best luck in the dating world… I think its your choice of orgasm buddies," Injecting her sidebar of opinion, Anya continued, "This could just be one more failed romance of yours, and we just want to stop you before you go all angsty slayer again like you seem to do every time you break up with a boyfriend."
"Gee, Anya, Thanks," Sarcastically Buffy said, "But you haven't exactly had the best of luck either."
Without thinking, Anya went into a rage, balling her fists she started for Buffy. Fortunately, Xander stepped in front of the vengeance-minded spurned woman, blocking her path.
"Let me at her, we'll see who has good luck!" She yelled as Xander grasped her shoulders, his feet were digging into the floor just to keep the ex- demon back.
"Oh yeah?" Buffy stood her ground, but was just as angry.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Everybody just apply the brakes a sec," Trying to calm the situation down a notch.
In a huff, Anya gave up and went to the basement door, to go check the inventory. Muttering loudly as she was walking down the stairs, "Well, I tried. But noooo don't listen to Anya, she's just a silly vengeance demon who can't get married because her boyfriend was chicken shit."
As soon as Anya was gone Buffy loosened her stance, and looked at her friends. "I'm sorry, I just… you can't possibly understand how much I love him. How much I want to be with him. And I know that he's been kind of evil in the past, but he's changed."
Xander looked at her doubtfully, "How can someone like that change. I mean, look at the people he hangs out with. Do you really want to associate yourself with people who kill others for a living?"
"He's sort of right, Buffy," Adding her two cents to the conversation, Willow frowned.
Taking a moment to collect her thoughts, so she could make her friends understand, Buffy sat back down at the table. Maybe they were right. He hadn't acted exactly righteous in the past, "Guys, I know that you're worried about me, and I love the fact that you care that much about me to try to help. But he's changed. I know he's done some bad stuff in the past, but he wants to be redeemed and if he's willing to want to help us why should we turn our back on him?"
Willow nodded, "You know, Xander, she's kind of right. He has been good to her in the past, and has helped save the world a couple of times. Maybe he really does want to be redeemed."
"A couple of times in the past doesn't mean he won't turn his back on her if someone asks him to. We can't trust this guy."
"But where else am I going to find a guy who knows all about the slayer-y stuff and still wants to be with me. Most guys would be pretty turned off once they find out about all the magick prophecies and junk."
At this Xander turned away, trying not to appear guilty. He had known about the slayer stuff. He had stood by her in the past. He had been there for her, but apparently it didn't matter. He didn't fit the criteria of needing redemption. "That's not a reason to date him. That's just a reason not to date."
"Well, if she wants to get laid she's going to have to date Xander, whether you still like her or not," Just returning from the basement, Anya carried a stack of books. She appeared to be in a better mood, as she went to organize the books on the shelves.
"Anya! God is everything about sex to you?" Buffy asked, slightly amused.
"Mostly, yeah."
"Well," Getting more serious, Buffy began, "I don't like him just for the sex, though it is really really good."
At this comment Xander had to stop from being overcome by the gag reflex.
"He's adorable, he loves me, he knows me, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, get married, have children. The whole idea of him and me spending the rest of eternity together makes me happier than I have been in years. I'm truly happy guys, and…"
"Oh god! Think about the children," A bad mental picture crossed Anya's mind. They all looked over at her, "What? I'm just saying.."
"Anyway," Buffy began again. "He's going to be here in a few minutes…"
"You told him to meet you here? When you know we all hate him?"
"We don't all hate him, Xander. Not now anyway. I'm willing to give him a shot, Buffy. For you."
"Thank you, Will."
The door jingled again, and in walked Buffy's new boyfriend. He was wearing a well-cut suit, his hair was slicked back, and he was looking as well mannered as possible. In his hand he carried a single rose. "Hi Buffy."
Crossing the room, Buffy couldn't hold back her emotions, "Oh, Jonathon, you came!"
"How could I pass you up?" He smirked, feeling on top of the world for the first time after the Superstar spell. Handing her the rose he grinned, "A beautiful flower for a beautiful lady."
Buffy stooped down to give Jonathon a kiss. "I love you, Jonathon."
"I love you too, sweetie."
Parked down the street, in their Troika Van, Warren and Andrew were practically rolling on the floor they were laughing so hard. The monitor continued to show a live video feed from the hidden camera that had been discreetly placed there the night before.
Their latest project seemed to be a success. When Jonathon had suggested that they infiltrate Buffy's social group by performing a spell that would make her fall utterly in love with him, Warren had doubted that it would work. And had seriously doubted Jonathon's reasons for the spell in the first place. In the end, though, it had worked and soon Warren would have enough dirt on the slayer to get rid of her.
And in the meantime they'd be witness to one hilarious romance.
Andrew paused, trying to catch his breath after laughing, "This is even better... than… free cable porn."
THE END