Hey! It's my first time ever of celebrating GrimmIchi day, and to be honest, I didn't know if I would get this story finished (but I did, so it's A-Okay!) I got a lovely comment from TheAnimeHannah on my reviews for 'This Kiss', asking for a second serving. So here it is! This can be read as a sequel of 'This Kiss' but also a separate story. Please like/review/favourite/follow and all that jazz. Yaoi, so if you don't like, please don't read/flame. Please enjoy, and I appreciate all constructive criticisms.
So, for TheAnimeHannah, and everyone else who has reviewed/liked/favourite/followed, as well as making me feel welcome over the past couple of months, this is for you! Happy GrimmIchi day everyone!
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any of the characters. Story inspired by Will Young's Jealousy
Jealousy
It wasn't hard for me to be that when others spoke to him. Sure, I wanted him to have his freedom but whenever anyone would speak to him other than me, I'd get this burning feeling in my chest, as if my heart is on fire. It annoyed me, but also scared me. He was good looking, possibly too good looking for his own good, so if someone was to confess their love to him, he could have easily left me for someone else. Someone better to him, someone who treated him like he deserved, someone who just wasn't me. That thought alone kept me awake for countless nights on end. As far as I knew, I treated him like any other person, and several times, he had told me that he was his personal sex God in bed. But that didn't stop the agonising feeling in my chest. I didn't know what it was; no, I did know what it was. I just didn't want to admit it. I was jealous. Jealous of everyone that spoke to him, smiled at him, laughed with him. It drove me insane.
We were an odd couple, so to say. His bright orange hair contrasted against my equally bright blue hair, and so did our eyes. His warm, chocolate brown eyes made everyone happy, whilst my cerulean blue eyes only made everyone feel cold and distant towards me. I couldn't change that; I knew that. The amount of times that I told myself not to be jealous of everyone else around him didn't matter; it didn't change the fact that I was jealous, and possibly a little scared that he, the best thing that ever happened to me, might, one day, leave me for good. I hadn't seen him since this morning. We had walked to school hand-in-hand, but as soon as we got there, that content, happy feeling that I had when I was around him slowly started to disappear as a girl greeted the pair of us this morning with two of her friends. Her bright, long orange hair didn't come anywhere as close in vibrancy to his hair colour. Ichigo's. Her brown eyes were a lot lighter than Ichigo's, but they were on par in brightness and warmth that it slowly started to make me feel sick. Her body was flawless; if I was straight, I would be tripping just to make her mine. If I was straight, that is.
"Good morning, Ichigo. Grimmjow" she waved with a happy look all over her face. My hand slipped out of Ichigo's grasp and rested down by my side. I watched as Ichigo and this girl, Orihime, spoke. I heard that they were good friends, so I made it no business of mine to come between them and ruin a relationship, but the way my heart fell just then was unmistakable. I knew what it felt like, to be with someone one minute, and the next, on my own. I didn't want that to happen again; I didn't know if I could take it.
"Grimmjow, is something wrong?" Orihime soon asked. Her concerned voice shook me out of my thoughts, and as I slowly turned to face her and Ichigo, my heart sank even more.
"It's nothing, don't worry about it" I faked a small smile. In that instant, I needed to get away from the scene. One foot was soon placed in front of the other, and before I even realised it myself, I had walked, hoping to get some distance, hoping to reduce the heartache. It didn't, and for practically the whole day, all I could think about was 'What if Ichigo did leave me one day for her? For him? For anyone other than me? Before long, class was over, and I was about to escape the room when a boy came up to me. I knew who he was. His jet-black hair was like the shadows of a forest at midnight, and his bright green eyes contrasted against his hair and pale complexion. We had been friends since we were kids. The boy barely spoke to anyone; so many people had considered him to be either shy or anti-social.
"What is wrong with you, Grimmjow?" the boy asked as he stood by my desk. I turned to face him and sighed. The dejected feeling of my heart sinking further into my chest was a constant reminder of how I felt.
"You'd know even if I didn't tell you, Ulquiorra, so what's the point?" I asked and looked away to the outside world. The sky, the clouds, the scene outside looked so happy, so peaceful, and yet, inside of me, a raging war was happening.
"That is true. It does not take much for me to figure out what is wrong with you" Ulquiorra smiled a little, pulled up a chair at my desk and sat in it. "Do you want to know what I think you should do?" he quickly asked. It didn't come as a surprise. Ulquiorra, next to Ichigo, was practically my best friend. "I think you should talk to him. You not talking to him is driving the pair of you insane. He thinks that he has done something to upset you, Ichigo, that is" Ulquiorra added. I turned to look at him; my face was contorted into a shocked look. Did Ichigo really think that? Did he think that he had done something to piss me off?
"I don't think talking's a good idea. I just...well, you can guess how I feel. Right now, I don't know what I should do. What would you do?" I asked slowly and hung my head in shame. I could feel a light tint of blush rush to my cheeks, not that it mattered. Ulquiorra had seen me in shambles; he had been there through thick and thin for me. Through the hardships of having a mother that wished you dead, a drunken father and a psychopathic ex who couldn't take the fact that we were done long before I met Ichigo. Through all the happiness that I felt from being around Ichigo. It didn't matter what Ichigo and I did; it made me happy. We could be watching a film at mine, and it would make me happy, we could be laughing on a park bench and I would be happy. We could even be around his insane father and it would make me the happiest man on the face of the planet. Everything I had been through, Ulquiorra was there, just a few steps behind me. He was my best friend, next to Ichigo. My rock, my supporting arm. My everything. Next to Ichigo.
"Talk to him, it could not hurt to" Ulquiorra sighed before he left the area. I watched Ulquiorra's back with a small smile across my face. For the rest of the day, I felt semi-hopeful. It was true that I needed to tell Ichigo how I felt, but equally, when I tried to, he was busy talking to one person or another. As I walked half-heartedly down the corridor, the sound of a high pitched voice followed by a slightly lower pitched voice nearby was enough for me to freeze me in my place.
"Jeez, you're hopeless, you know that" the higher pitched voice sighed heavily.
"Shut up already. I just don't know what I've done to piss him off. He was fine this morning" the lower pitched voice rang. It wasn't hard to mistake it. That was Ichigo's voice. At that point, I was tempted to watch from around the nearby corner, but I didn't.
"Have you ever considered the fact that he's jealous?" the higher pitched voice asked. It definitely sounded like a woman's voice, and it sounded familiar.
"Of what, Rukia? Grimmjow? Jealous? Why would he be jealous?" Ichigo asked. It almost came out as a scoff, as if he was laughing at me directly. My heart sank a little deeper. A second or two quickly passed. "Wait, you don't think that he's...?" Ichigo asked slowly.
"Of course I think that, you idiot! He's crazy about you, but he doesn't want to control your life. It's obvious that he doesn't want you to leave him. Ulquiorra told me" the girl known as Rukia sang. A smile was easily recognisable in her voice, in her words. Rukia, compared to other girls, was alright. She was honest and insanely critical, not to mention a bit of a kid at heart, but she was kind and thoughtful. She was about five feet in height, so when she stood next to me, she felt like such a midget to me. I couldn't help being easily over 6 feet. Her short hair had just about reached her shoulder, and her large, violet eyes had the same sparkle in them as per usual. She was cute, like a younger sister type of cute, but other than that, I didn't have to worry about her as much as the others. Besides, she had a boyfriend already. In that instant, I wanted to 'casually stumble' across them, drag Ichigo away and tell him how I felt. Easier said than done. Rukia had hit the nail on its head, and I could do nothing but wait for Ichigo's response.
With that looming feeling over my head, I walked away quietly. I barely said much for the rest of the day, as a matter of fact, but that soon changed when the day ended. As soon as Professor Kuchiki stood up and left the classroom in a rather stoic manner, I slumped further into my chair. I had thought about what Rukia had said earlier, and what Ulquiorra had advised me to do, but despite everything else, I just couldn't find the right words. What would I say? More importantly, what would Ichigo say? What would he do if I told him? Would he laugh? Tell me that I'm being stupid? Would he...leave me? It scared me. It froze my whole body over in a light sheet of pure, cold ice. With that, I grabbed my bag, stood up abruptly and walked out of the room. As I walked down the corridor, the feeling of not being able to breathe correctly started to overpower my senses. It made my heart beat irregularly and unmistakably slower than usual. It made my vision blur slightly, anda panicking feeling would have kicked in if Ulquiorra hadn't placed his hand on my shoulder just when he did. I turned around to see him; a small smile was plastered on his face. It looked reassuring, if nothing else. Ulquiorra was a boy of little emotion, but I knew him better than probably anyone else. I had seen him smile, laugh and even shed a tear now and then. But when he was angry, it scared the living hell out of me.
"I spoke to Rukia, about your problem. You need to talk to him, and the sooner, the better. Otherwise, it will eat you alive" Ulquiorra spoke solemnly. I listened half-heartedly. Until now, I had been...well, not really alright, but near enough. Now, it only seemed to annoy me. I was jealous; I knew that, Ulquiorra knew that. Even Rukia knew that. A defeated feeling started to slow sink in. I watched as Ulquiorra began to walk down the corridor, and as I jogged up to him slowly, the unease that I felt slowly started to grow more powerful.
"I know that, but I just...I just don't wanna be hurt again, you know. What would you do if you were in my position?" I slowly asked as the pair of us walked past many happy, content groups of students. It didn't matter who they were, but that happy, content feeling they all had, I knew it too well. In that instant, my mind wandered. It felt like I was trapped in some horrible performance that I didn't want to be a part of, but what snapped me out of it was Ulquiorra's outstretched arm blocking me from the rest of the corridor. For an instant, I was confused but as I looked at the scene in front of me, a gut-wrenching feeling overcame me. Stood in front of me was Ichigo and in front of him was a voluptuous girl with dark skin and the brightest shade of long blonde hair that I had ever seen. She must have been about 5'6 or so, and she was possibly one of the hottest girls I had ever come across. Her cheerleading uniform made her curves more distinct and her legs longer. I knew who she was: Harribel. We knew of each other, but she had a nasty reputation of being, safe to say, a slut. By anyone's standards, she was hot, sexy even, but she played guys. Single guys, taken guys, I had even heard that my PE teacher Starrk had had a thing with her now and then.
"Come on; I'll make it worth the time. I promise" Harribel said with a small smile across her lips. I wanted to turn my back away or walk on as if I hadn't seen anything, but I remained in my place. Ulquiorra dropped his arm down to his side and looked up to me. I watched intently as Harribel closed the gap between Ichigo slightly.
"I've already told you, I have a boyfriend" Ichigo sighed and looked away slightly. I wanted to run up to him and kiss him deeply for that, but I didn't.
"But why not? I know that, but he'll be a no-factor. I won't tell him, I promise. Besides, I'm not the only one who thinks you're too good for him" Harribel spoke bluntly. Her lips were slippery and her words were loosely strung, but the way her lips were parted was definitely in a seductive manner. It got me angry; she knew that Ichigo and I were happy, yet she couldn't accept that fact. It irked me, and in that instant, I clenched my fist and bit my tongue in an attempt to stop myself from shouting aloud. Ulquiorra noticed how tense and awkward I was.
"I don't care what other people think. I want to be with him; he makes me happy. Why can't you just accept that already?" Ichigo asked. Harribel was taken aback by that, but as soon as she glanced over to where Ulquiorra and I stood, she quickly turned to face Ichigo. It didn't take her long to place her hand on his forearm, close the gap between them and whisper something in his ear. By the sheer look of disbelief on his face, she then took the opportunity to kiss him once of the lips. My jaw dropped instantly, and with that, I lost it. I moved past Ulquiorra and slipped past the scene. I only stopped to look back just as Ichigo pushed her away from him and wipe his lips with the back of his hand. I didn't know what to say to that; it felt like such a betrayal. It stung like hell, but it wasn't worth crying over. With that, I was gone. I didn't think to look back; I didn't know if I could handle it. It felt like a betrayal; it was a betrayal, to some extent. I knew that Ichigo didn't insinuate it, but that didn't change the fact that he didn't do something to stop her from doing it in the first place.
As soon as I got home that evening, I sat alone on the sofa, my head in my hands. I lived alone for about a year or two now, but even still, the fact that Ichigo's presence lingered here like freshly made coffee sent my stomach and mind into turmoil. I knew that I hadn't stayed and talked about it with Ichigo, but I didn't know what to say, or how to feel. I lost it. I felt like I lost the best thing that ever happened to me to another person. Time slowly etched on without much of a hindrance, but what snapped me out of my thoughts was the phone ringing. I didn't want to pick it, in case it was Ichigo. I ignored it, and slowly shifted up from my dejected, defeated position on the sofa, picked up the phone and answered it.
"Hello?" I began, unsure. Somewhere within me, part of me wished that it was Ichigo but another part of me wished that it wasn't. I wasn't annoyed anymore, or jealous. Just hurt. The hurt stung like a thorn.
"It is me, Grimmjow. Are you alright? I know what happened, I was there. I know that it is hard, but you really need to speak to Ichigo. I am sure it was just a misunderstanding" Ulquiorra spoke, his voice, quiet but filled with concern.
"I appreciate you calling to check on me, but I don't wanna to speak to him. You're probably right in saying that's it was a misunderstanding, but I just don't wanna be hurt anymore, Ulquiorra. You know that" I explained simply. In that instant, I wanted to hang up the phone, curl up in a ball and take in the solitude as it mixed with Ichigo's presence. I missed it, I missed him. I was about to slam the phone down on its receiver just then, and I would have if the doorbell didn't ring.
"Sorry, got to go. Thanks, Ulquiorra" I choked on my words as I hung up. The doorbell rang again. I walked over to it with hardly any energy, and as I unlocked and opened the door slightly, I saw him.
"Hey, can I come in?" Ichigo asked and offered a small smile. His usually vibrant hair colour looked darkened, and so did his eyes. He made no attempt to look at me in the eye. I stood frozen at the door, smiled once and opened it wider. After that, I turned my back towards him and slowly began to enter the kitchen. That was the plan, but what stopped me was Ichigo's hand on my wrist. "We need to talk" he spoke as I turned to face him.
"Ulquiorra told you, didn't he? About me being there when Harribel and you..." I trailed off. It hurt so much; I didn't know how much more of this I could take. Ichigo nodded once and his hand slowly slipped away. I wanted to picture his touch more; I craved it, longed for it, needed it. It felt warm, but also somewhat cold. Ichigo was drenched from head-to-toe. Had it rained? Must have done, and hard if he's soaked like that. "Come on, you'd better warm up, or you'll catch a cold" I sighed, but avoided his eyes altogether.
"I can handle a cold. What I can't handle is why you won't tell me what's wrong with you" Ichigo argued. In that instant, my eyes met with his'. It wasn't hard to mistake the look in them. It sent a sickening feeling straight to my stomach. "What's going on? Is it something that I've done? Why won't you tell me? Ulquiorra thinks you're mad at me for what happened with that girl earlier, and Rukia thinks you're jealous. Why can't you tell me what's wrong, Grimmjow?" With that, my body acted on its own. I wrapped my arms around Ichigo, pulling him closer to me. His body seemed to stiffen a little by my actions.
"I can't stand it, Ichigo. I was jealous, and annoyed, but with what happened earlier with you and that girl, I just...I just feel hurt. I know you didn't do anything but it's not the first time that something like that has happened to me. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Ichigo. I just don't wanna lose you to somebody else" I blurted out. It was embarrassing to admit it, but boy did it help. It felt like the weight of it had been lifted off of my shoulders, and for that, I felt relieved, but also a little scared. I rested my head in the juncture between his neck and shoulder blade, and waited for what seemed like hours on end.
"I feel the same way, Grimmjow. I'm sorry about what happened earlier, though" Ichigo spoke. It took me by surprise and as I drew my head away from his neck, I looked him once in the eyes, smiled and kissed him passionately. In that one kiss, it conveyed many emotions. Happiness. Relief. Content. I wasn't afraid anymore, nor was I jealous. I felt Ichigo pull me closer to him, and as he did, I stumbled forward a bit. It was only when one of my hands slipped underneath his shirt that I remember he was drenched to the bone. I had completely forgotten about it, and it was only when Ichigo pulled away for air that I remember.
"Come on, you're soaked" I smiled a little and pulled him up over my shoulder and made it for the stairs.
"Let go, I can walk myself, you idiot" Ichigo began, his fists gently pounded against my shoulder. I smirked at that and walked up the stairs. I could feel the damp fabric stick to my own body as I carried Ichigo over my shoulder up the stairs and into the bathroom. It was only when we both got into the bathroom that I put him down, ran the water from the showerhead, turned to face him and kissed him with as much passion as I could muster. I felt him press into me with such an intensity that got me so turned on, so aroused in that instant. His body, despite being dripping wet, felt warm and refreshing against my own, and as his own tongue danced along with my own in a erotically beautiful manner, I moved my knee in between his legs. Not only did it deepen the kiss ten-fold, but it came into contact with Ichigo's semi-hard on, and as it did, he moaned into the kiss. It turned me on even more so, and with that, I quickly guided him over to the shower and pushed him gently yet roughly so that his back made contact with the bathroom wall.
"Maybe so, but I'll be your idiot any day" I smirked as my hands reached the hem of his completely damp shirt. At first, the fabric wouldn't budge off of his chest; it was like trying to get glue off of your hands, but after a few twists and turns of the fabric, it slid off without much of a complaint. I threw it somewhere, not caring where it would land as I ran my hands over Ichigo's bare chest, my lips in the meantime had reached up to his neck and I gently began to suck on it like an overgrown parasite. I heard Ichigo moan shamelessly; his sexy moans instantly travelled towards my groin, and the more he moaned, the more turned on I became. I wanted to strip him completely and ravish him, ruin him for anyone but me. If Ichigo kept this up, I wouldn't be able to control myself, I thought. I got so hopelessly lost in pure, animalistic lust that my lips had trailed up to the shell of his ear, and as I licked at it once and nipped at it, I felt Ichigo moan and shudder against me, and it only continued to turn me on more. He moaned more when my blunt fingernails ghosted over his exposed nipples. The way his moans sounded against the harsh sound of the lukewarm water as it ran freely from the shower head only turned me on more, and if he kept it up, I would have come undone from just hearing his tantalising voice moan for me. Me and me alone.
I had been so lost in the lustful sensation that I didn't feel Ichigo's hands run down my chest and down to my belt buckle. I ground my hips into his once, as if to tell him to hurry up. I then pulled away and looked at him with glassed over eyes. He looked back at me with a similar look, smiled cheekily and leant in. He then blew near my ear, and boy did it turn me on. His breath smelt so good; he smelt so good, and as much as his breath was like a ghost, he wasn't. He was the real deal, my everything, the best thing that ever happened to me, and I was happy to be with him. Come rain or sun, I knew that we would stand strong, together. Within seconds, the pair of us were completely naked, and as I pressed again into Ichigo gently, I couldn't mistake the sexy moan he gave and the way his face looked so pure, so innocent. Using the lukewarm water as a form of lubricant, I allowed it to coat my fingers lightly before my hand snaked around Ichigo's waist. I then pushed one of the lightly coated digits past the tight ring of muscle and just as it entered, Ichigo hissed wantonly. With that as an indication that it hurt, I rested my head gently against his shoulder.
"Relax, it won't hurt. I promise" I whispered huskily into his ear, and from the corner of my eye, I could see that it hurt him. What could I do? What could I say to ease the pain? I just didn't know, but what surprised me was when Ichigo's hands snaked around my neck, pulling me closer to him. I stopped what I was doing in that instant; my whole body froze over like a pillar of ice.
"It doesn't hurt...not anymore. I love what you do to me. Go on, ruin me for another, make me yours'" Ichigo breathed as he squirmed around. I nodded and pushed another finger into him gently and slowly stretched him in a scissoring motion. I listened as his breath hitched; it sounded bittersweet at first, but after one swift movement, I was inside of him. It felt tight, unmistakeably tight but I secretly loved it. The intensity of his hair, the passion in every kiss we shared, the warm hidden lust in Ichigo's eyes whenever I was around him, it was all that I loved about him. It drove me crazy, and it made me love him all over again. I remained still for several moments, but as soon as I saw Ichigo nod from the corner of my eye, I rolled out only to thrust back in gently, as if to test the waters, to test the limits. Minutes passed and from an original slow pace, it had turned into a quick, rough pace, and as I hit Ichigo's prostate dead-on time and time again with such an intensity, such pure, unadulterated lust, I could feel myself slowly start to reach the edge. My hands at that point had gently held Ichigo in place against the cold wall of the shower, but I had managed to move one hand slowly down, and I heard Ichigo moan as my hand clasped around his length.
I started a slow pace as my hand leisurely stroked Ichigo's length, and in amongst the hard thrusts and the gentle pace of my hand, Ichigo moaned breathlessly. I then felt him rest his head in the juncture between my neck and shoulder blade, and it was only when his teeth grazed my neck softly that I knew that I was whole again, complete. I thrust into Ichigo for one last time before I felt myself come undone, deep within him. As I panted heavily for air, I heard Ichigo's sweet moans hitch once as he came in my hand. I remained still; I needed to breathe but more importantly, I needed to be close to Ichigo. I needed him by me, to stay near me when times got hard, to be mine. I pulled out of him slowly and rested my head on his shoulder, my limbs felt heavy but relaxed, and the feeling of knowing that I completed someone else's life made me happy. My hands instantly pulled Ichigo close to me, and at first, I felt him grow tense against me, not that it mattered to me at that point.
"Grimm, are you...?" Ichigo began as his arms started to slowly slip away from where they had wrapped themselves around my neck.
"Just let me hold you, please" I begged quietly as a vibrant shade of crimson adorned my cheeks and threatened to spread further across my face. It might have sounded sappy, but to me, I needed him close to me, and as soon as I felt Ichigo's body relax against my own and when his arms re-wrapped themselves around my neck, I felt complete, whole again, loved. I had no room for Jealousy; all I could feel at that point was Content. I was content to know that someone had finally accepted me, faults and all, and that very same person loved me just as equally as I loved him. I loved Ichigo from the bottom of my heart, and with all of my being. He had accepted me when next to no-one would look at me twice, when next to no-one would give me a chance, when next to no-one would even dare to try to understand who I was, what I wanted and how I felt. It was for that reason alone that not only made me love Ichigo more and more as each day slowly passed, but also because it made no room for Jealousy.