Thinking / by Lola
Did you ever wake up in the morning thinking if you'll get to lie back in bed and think at night? Did you ever think about thinking and about the why we do it? Why do we make ourselves suffer?
If we were to stop thinking right about now - would we be dead? Would everything stop?
If we would than I can safely say that there is one way I'm nor you are going to die in, neither today, nor tomorrow nor ever because if you think about it you will see that you can never not think. Because once you decide not to think you will immediately suffer the coincidence - thinking; thinking with all determination and motivation that you'll be able to gather - you will think about not thinking.
Too bad though, if it was possible, we would all have an easy way out.
***
"Willow why are you doing this?" Buffy tried reason for the last time.
"I could ask you the same thing", Willow answered as she stopped fighting for a moment "Why are you getting in my way when you know you don't want to? You have all this power and you don't use it." Willow gestured with one finger and Buffy flew up in the air reluctantly, "pity". She flew closer and closer to Willow not able to control it.
"You know what Buffy?" Willow said when Buffy was about one meter away from her and reached a full stop, "I am getting sick of people getting in my way!" Willow kicked Buffy in the stomach with her left foot. Buffy tried to get away, but Willow's spell held her tightly in mid air. "I am sick of you getting in my way!" Willow kicked again this time with left foot as Buffy writhed in pain. "I am sick of." but Willow was interrupted; Buffy caught her leg in the middle of the third kick. She lost balance and fell down releasing Buffy from her spell.
"I'm sorry willow." Buffy said and twisted Willows leg, throwing her on the floor and banged it against the corner of the table that resulted in a shivering sound of braking bone. Willow let out a little shriek of pain but quickly got back up (leaning all her weight on her healthy foot). She breathed heavily and began mumbling something in Latin. Buffy wasn't about to let her finish not wanting to suffer the results; she quickly kicked Willows one standing leg causing her to fall flat on her face.
Willow didn't get up. Buffy kneeled beside her and leaned her head on her lap. She had a big wound on her forehead and her leg was bleeding. "Willow?" She cried, "Willow."
Willow opened her eyes "Tara? Is that you?"
Buffy hesitated for a moment but then answered, "It's me."
"Tara, I'm tired. And I wanted to be with you so much." A tear slid down Willows cheek, "I miss you."
"Don't worry." Buffy said acting along "I'm here".
"Don't ever leave me again. please." Willow struggled to get up but Buffy didn't let her.
"Rest now; I'm here." Buffy put both her hands on the sides on Willows face and kissed her forehead; she closed her eyes like trying to block out her thoughts and with one sharp shift of Willows head ended it.
She sat there for hours not moving nor crying until someone walked through the door. She didn't even bother to see who it was.
"Buffy." he said putting one hand on her shoulder, "Oh Buffy." he sat down and gently tried to make her look at him.
"Let me go!" She pushed him away.
"No." He tried again to make her look at him but this time he succeeded.
She looked at him with red eyes and a serious look, "Why?" she asked.
"Why what?" he didn't understand.
"Why are you doing these? She's dead. it doesn't matter any more." And she looked back at Willow ignoring him again.
"What doesn't?" He asked in bafflement.
"Me."
"You will always matter. You are the one thing I love most in the world Buffy. I don't know what I would do without you." Buffy looked at him with that same cold stare like her eyes were fixed on him but she really wasn't seeing the old man in front her.
"You know what?" she said in sarcasm, "I don't think you should."
"Well it's too late, and I don't really care what you think right now."
A tear slid down Buffys cheek as she looked at him for a while and finally said "I am so sorry. I had no choice. I. I swear I tried to make it easy on her."
"I know you did." He said embracing her into his arms, "I know."
She finely broke down and cried; "Try not to think about it Buffy." He comforted her, "Try not to think about anything."
Did you ever wake up in the morning thinking if you'll get to lie back in bed and think at night? Did you ever think about thinking and about the why we do it? Why do we make ourselves suffer?
If we were to stop thinking right about now - would we be dead? Would everything stop?
If we would than I can safely say that there is one way I'm nor you are going to die in, neither today, nor tomorrow nor ever because if you think about it you will see that you can never not think. Because once you decide not to think you will immediately suffer the coincidence - thinking; thinking with all determination and motivation that you'll be able to gather - you will think about not thinking.
Too bad though, if it was possible, we would all have an easy way out.
***
"Willow why are you doing this?" Buffy tried reason for the last time.
"I could ask you the same thing", Willow answered as she stopped fighting for a moment "Why are you getting in my way when you know you don't want to? You have all this power and you don't use it." Willow gestured with one finger and Buffy flew up in the air reluctantly, "pity". She flew closer and closer to Willow not able to control it.
"You know what Buffy?" Willow said when Buffy was about one meter away from her and reached a full stop, "I am getting sick of people getting in my way!" Willow kicked Buffy in the stomach with her left foot. Buffy tried to get away, but Willow's spell held her tightly in mid air. "I am sick of you getting in my way!" Willow kicked again this time with left foot as Buffy writhed in pain. "I am sick of." but Willow was interrupted; Buffy caught her leg in the middle of the third kick. She lost balance and fell down releasing Buffy from her spell.
"I'm sorry willow." Buffy said and twisted Willows leg, throwing her on the floor and banged it against the corner of the table that resulted in a shivering sound of braking bone. Willow let out a little shriek of pain but quickly got back up (leaning all her weight on her healthy foot). She breathed heavily and began mumbling something in Latin. Buffy wasn't about to let her finish not wanting to suffer the results; she quickly kicked Willows one standing leg causing her to fall flat on her face.
Willow didn't get up. Buffy kneeled beside her and leaned her head on her lap. She had a big wound on her forehead and her leg was bleeding. "Willow?" She cried, "Willow."
Willow opened her eyes "Tara? Is that you?"
Buffy hesitated for a moment but then answered, "It's me."
"Tara, I'm tired. And I wanted to be with you so much." A tear slid down Willows cheek, "I miss you."
"Don't worry." Buffy said acting along "I'm here".
"Don't ever leave me again. please." Willow struggled to get up but Buffy didn't let her.
"Rest now; I'm here." Buffy put both her hands on the sides on Willows face and kissed her forehead; she closed her eyes like trying to block out her thoughts and with one sharp shift of Willows head ended it.
She sat there for hours not moving nor crying until someone walked through the door. She didn't even bother to see who it was.
"Buffy." he said putting one hand on her shoulder, "Oh Buffy." he sat down and gently tried to make her look at him.
"Let me go!" She pushed him away.
"No." He tried again to make her look at him but this time he succeeded.
She looked at him with red eyes and a serious look, "Why?" she asked.
"Why what?" he didn't understand.
"Why are you doing these? She's dead. it doesn't matter any more." And she looked back at Willow ignoring him again.
"What doesn't?" He asked in bafflement.
"Me."
"You will always matter. You are the one thing I love most in the world Buffy. I don't know what I would do without you." Buffy looked at him with that same cold stare like her eyes were fixed on him but she really wasn't seeing the old man in front her.
"You know what?" she said in sarcasm, "I don't think you should."
"Well it's too late, and I don't really care what you think right now."
A tear slid down Buffys cheek as she looked at him for a while and finally said "I am so sorry. I had no choice. I. I swear I tried to make it easy on her."
"I know you did." He said embracing her into his arms, "I know."
She finely broke down and cried; "Try not to think about it Buffy." He comforted her, "Try not to think about anything."