The day began like any other. A full-on death match.
"Give it back!"
"No!"
"Give it back you bastard!" now before you get the idea that I'm some sort of kickass mafia hitman, I'll tell you I'm the exact opposite. I'm a fifteen year old Namimori student who lives with a bird, named Roar, and a mattress. I'm no secret gang member, I'm no silent assassin, no matter how hard I wish, I'm still Nah Hiisake. But I'll have you know I'm not JUST Nah Hiisake! People know me much better as Doukeshi. It means clown. I sort of made a funny comment when I was really young and everyone laughed and now giggles are my heroine. My life plan consists of becoming a legendary comedian, killing my best friend during a cocaine exploration, and dying in a strip club from a heroin overdose the next morning. Most people laugh at such a plan but it's my life guide! And I won't allow myself to die unless it is after that exact set of experiences.
"Never!" my favorite bird got a little too vicious this time. He raked a set of well-manicured bird feet across my neck. Bad decision. That gave me the needed amount of time to strike. I grabbed one of his tiny legs and jerked it to the side. In retrospect, horrible course of action, but at the time it seemed pretty smart. Preliminary notes, I have no fucking idea what preliminary means and if you didn't guess already, I'm really not all that smart. People think I am at first, because I say witty things sometimes; however it takes about three minutes of knowing me to find out I'm an immature clown with no real future. Even though it's true I sort of choose reject that reality. For I am Doukeshi! The greatest clown of Namimori! And my wonderful clown powers allowed me to win the death match and claim my prize. The last piece of mochi!
Granted, I probably shouldn't be feeding a bird mochi in the first place, but Roar seems to like it and what makes him happy makes me happy. Not in the way you'd think, though, I mean we both like the same foods and therefore fight over them. I'm really not a very good owner but my bird isn't a very good bird. He curses, he fights me, he bites people, he inappropriate things, and he's a total douche to top it all off. Unfortunately for us, he can talk. Apparently I'm good with training animals. I wouldn't trade him for any other bird, however. You could say he's sort of my wingman, pun fully intended and extremely hilarious. Puns are kinda my thing, too. And, yes, they are MY things because everyone else hates them. I'm bringing them back, I missed puns. They're so... Punny! Give me a moment to catch my breath and we can continue on.
I shoved the delicious package of magic into my mouth and brushed off my clothes. It was the weekend luckily which meant I didn't have to wear a Namimori uniform. Instead I got to trade my skirt and stockings for a pair of two year old shorts and my clean pressed dress shirt for a tattered tank top. Neither of the articles of clothing had any color. I felt like they did at one point but that it was sucked out by over use and general lack of joy. There weren't a whole lot of smiles around my house due to some serious family financial issues so the small amount of the clothing I owned lacked color completely. But that's not important. I plucked Roar off his perch and seated him on my shoulder proudly. The bird went everywhere, whether or not it was allowed you could be guaranteed that Roar would be on my shoulder. After all he was my wingman. And, no, that joke will never get old. Today, the two of us were headed out in search of food. I had enough money to eat fancy once a month and I always chose the first Sunday.
And thus I set out to find a good sushi shop at the market. Some place to play a few practical jokes, do a little eavesdropping on other people's conversations, and generally destroy a couple's relationship. What could I say? It was Doukeshi's duty! And what kind of clown would I be if I weren't disruptive and obnoxious? Probably a good one but that doesn't matter. I tied a satchel of money and important items, better known as my sack just to get a few giggles, to one of my belt loops and set off into the world with only my convictions. And stink bombs and gummy candy. But, I'm Doukeshi and that's just what I do.
XxXxXxXxX
It must have been about noon because the sun was high in the sky and that's what the clock in the shop I was seated at read. Misleading, also a good clown technique. After getting thrown out of a few shops for general trouble making and shenanigans, I found a little ice cream parlor that would tolerate me and my fowl mouthed parrot. You probably thought Roar was something kickass like a falcon or a hawk, but he's just a colorful little parrot. I let him chip away at the last remains of some banana flavored ice. It had been an exceptional day for food sampling due to the great weather and I had gotten my fair share of free treats. By the time I got here, I was out of pranks and stomach room so I settled for a sort of snow cone like treat. And I still had about 2,000 yen left! This meant I could save up for next month and get a full-on meal. Yay for poor people!
"Sorry, you're 300 short." my ears picked on the sounds of a child in need. Now, general clowniness aside, I'm actually a pretty nice girl. Probably because I love seeing other people happy. It goes along with the whole bringing laughter thing. I've donated money to orphans and puppies and friends in need even though I need the cash, but that doesn't matter in the heat of the moment. So I sprung out of my seat and turned to see just who couldn't pay. And I was met by a mop of brown hair so luxurious it vaguely resembled an afro. Only one boy I knew had hair like that, Hapless Tsuna. Well, not so hapless anymore. Ever since he started piecing together a rag-tag team of misfits. There was Yamamoto, whom I adored for being an airhead and actually knew quite well, Ryohei, freaked me out and was sort of banished from my friend circle, Hibari, I never saw him unless he was reprimanding me for something, and some other foreign exchange kid with pretty hair. Sometimes there was a little boy with an authentic afro in a cow suit too. Bottom line, whenever they were with him Tsuna was suddenly very majestic and brave. However, this time, it was just him standing around digging through his pockets. I would have been an asshole if I didn't help.
"I believe I have the money, my good sir!" and, like a black stallion standing in the moonlight atop a hill, I slammed the money down with an insane amount of pride. Tsuna looked up at me with a horrified expression on his face, as if he half expected me to suck out his soul in exchange for the help. I didn't know why, I'd seen him around school a billion times before. He even laughed at my jokes! But this sort of mortified, mouth opened, eyes blank expression sat on his face for a moment before he realized who it was. Or at least decided I wasn't going to eat his flesh.
"Doukeshi?" I have to admit, Tsuna is amazingly adorable when he's confused. He's sort of like a puppy. And I was giving him an ice cream treat! Why do I always give animals food that's going to kill them? Oh well, not my problem.
"No, just some creepy rapist. Do you like ice cream, little boy?" I hissed, petting Tsuna's face with one hand in my best pedophile impersonation. He looked horrified for a minute and then laughed nervously. Good enough for this clown. I grabbed my bird and headed out the door with a final and tearful farewell. That was the day I helped Tsunayoshi Sawada. And that was also the day when a completely normal human interaction sprouted into to the one thing I feared most.
New story time~ I've been on break and I had an idea so here it is! I wrote a decent amount of this in the hospital so I apologize for any morphine induced strangeness. I'm hoping this will be at least a little fantastic, though! Leave a review, fav, and sub if you want more! Thanks for reading, mooncalves!
~DNS