I rubbed my stomach with my hand after setting my tea and biscuits on the coffee table. Rhys had been hovering for weeks on end trying to make sure that I was as comfortable as possible. "So you can get back to normal," he'd say before leaning down to kiss my slightly protruding belly. I took a sip of my tea. Over the course of my life I'd heard that phrase. Rhys had been saying it in one form or another, like it was his new personal mantra. Back to normal. I never gave it much thought. Not until the 456 came to Earth. The 456 changed everything. They made our world a darker, colder place for everyone. An involuntary shiver made its way down my spine at the memory.
How much can a person take until there is no going "back to normal"? How much can someone's soul take until it's shattered to the point of no return? It seems like in the past few years, since Jack asked me to join Torchwood, all I had really felt has been brokenness, pain, and loss. So much loss. In the days after the 456 I had been amazed to find that the baby had made it, that it hadn't been lost too.
Owen and Tosh…There were even times that I came so close to losing Rhys. And though I know it's never permanent for him...I always find myself endlessly grieving for and losing Jack. Now Ianto is gone. Sweet Ianto. The worst part was realising that I never knew him. Not in the way you should now someone that you had considered a friend. Some days it feels like it's too much to bear.
It's been three months and I'm still looking for that back to normal.