Chapter 1.
True Names
(A.N. : Dedicated to Serra Elinsen and all my fellow awokeners. Sorry if this is a bit short the second chapter is much longer and I almost proofread it now. )
I hate the sun and I hate the salty food and I hate the smell of the warm dust and I hate those guys with cowboy hats and weird ties they wear just to make you feel weird it's not really tradition or whatever and I really just hate everything about Texas.
The worst is the night. There isn't really a night. You can't slip into merging with the evanescent forgetfulness of the nocturne sky when there is always someone listening to Medium re-airs or saying some weird southern thing like they say in westerns. You often hear gunshot and then silence and in the moning the paramedics come and they take a body in their medical van. It's always because the other guy looked at his woman or something. The coroner always says it's the combination of intense stress and a mild pre-disposition. It's terrible. It really is. It's like they won't let you escape even in mind from their abysmal stupidity.
Apparently that's Texan guy logic. Apparently it's okay to kill a guy if you tell him you're gonna tell him first and meet him in the middle of the freaking street. They all watch it from the windows like it's superball. It happens every day so traffic jams are a pain in the *ss. Everything in Texas makes me feel nauseous and unwhole. Everything is another touch of dark emptiness in the overreality of my eversuffering. One day, I'm gonna kill Texas and everyone that participates in the saccharine pretense of its hypocritical self-acceptance.
Especially my mom. I prefer to call her my progenitor now because she always ruins everything from our washer-dryer to my fourth grade play (an Elf costume with wings ? really apparent mom person really ?). Before she RUINED it too we often went to see her awesome family. I think they had a house and a shop in New England by the sea but it was too long ago and time started eroding my memories of them with waves of assaults of narrow Texan vulgarity and now all that I can think about that place is my cravings for crevet-flavored black chocolate. It was such a cool family. To give you an idea her mother's name is Andromeda and her sister's name is Hope Springs Eternal. Her name is Evergreen. Evergreen Bay. But she changed it to Caroline and then she married a guy named Jeffrey Johnson. He gives their meds to the sick people in an hospital and washes old people and a coma patient. Gross right ? Since he is my father and my mom chose my name I'm Emily Johnson. When I hear that name I want to cry because seriously progenitor person you see your very first child and that's all you got ? Emily ? WTF !? It's like she watched the Tim Burton movie with Elena Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp (the one where she's all over him) before it was out and went like "If I call my daughter that she'll always think she's gonna get dumped or guys could kill her so she'll stay at home with twenty cats and take care of me when I'm old.". Why would you do this to a child ? She could just have called me Chastity ! Wait Chastity is a really cool name but you get my point.
Anyway it didn't work and I've got a boyfriend since 8th grade. But he's just really like one of those sitcom kids they get in Seven's Heaven who never do anything parents don't like and asks her permission for everything like taking me out or camping trips that we never do because his volunteering stuff just has to happen the same day. He could just say no when they phone him because he's got enough of this stuff for his college application but I think he made friends with the people he met there and sometimes he just prefers spending the day with weirdos he just met than his freaking girlfriend. I am pretty sure porn is involved.
Sometimes I think I can't deal with all this much longer. The indifference of everyone else to the purposelesness of all this...
That's why I dream that I meet a dark shining stranger who gives me a real name and offers me a new life. But last night that dream was different. Last night everything ended in chaos and flames and the ocean burnt and he looked at it as if in relief. I was a prisonner forced to watch and enjoy his inescapable hold while every town burnt. Must be that stupid Texan sun. And that freaking crow.