Harry Potter and.....something else I'm too lazy to think up.
A parody
By Onionqueen
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Once upon a time in a land far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far away. There was a moody teenager named Harry Potter. But Harry Potter was not any ordinary moody teenager (are any of them?) he was a WIZARD. But Harry Potter was not any ordinary moody teenage- wizard he was also the SAVIOR of the WIZARDING world. But he was no ordinary moody teenage-wizard savior he was also also THE ONLY SIXTEEN YEAR OLD NEVER TO HAVE SWORN OR KNOWN ANYTHING ABOUT S-E-X! But he was no ordinary moody teenage-wizard savior who was the only sixteen year old never to have sworn or known anything about sex he was also.....
GET ON WITH IT!
Fine. So Harry Potter was sitting in his shit-hole of a room at number four private drive lying in bed awake pondering the meaning of life like any other savior when suddenly he was accosted by his owl Hedgwig. She was carrying a letter hopefully from his two bestest friends in the whole wide world, Hermione and Ron. He opened his letter excitedly wondering if this was an invitation to the Burrow where he Ron and Hermione would spend endless summer night swimming in the near bye pond, having pillow fights and talking about boys ...cough...I mean girls...yes...girls that's it.
But alas it was only a letter from his stalker stating again what he would like to do with Harry. But since Harry had no idea what sex was he had no idea what the letter meant so he just tossed it on the ground. Across the street a blond haired boy looked on through binoculars crushed that Harry had dismissed his advances so casually.
"Ah well next time" he said in his gross-mouth breather-stalker way. How sad that this poor misguided boy who was so in love with Harry had to sit in silence not able to express his true emotions in any other way than secret letters. The poor poor boy....
"excuse me the story is supposed to be about ME!" Harry exclaimed hitting the narrator numerous times over the head with a haring.
So sorry Harry, will get strait back to you...but that poor poor boy...
"Ahem" Harry said haring in hand.
Yes yes of course on with the story. Harry sat glumly on his bead stroking his haring, wondering why his friend had forsaken him, why everyone always left him. He promptly broke into song.
"When I was young I never needed anyone...
And making love was just for fun
Those days are gone
Livin' alone
I think of all the friends I've known
When I dial the telephone
Nobody's home
All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself
Anymore
Hard to be sure
Sometimes I feel so insecure
And loves so distant and obscure
Remains the cure...."
"Whats all that racket about boy?!" exclaimed a large mustached man who burst into Harry's room. He was quickly joined by a boy the size of a wail (is that even physically possible?) and a women no bigger than your thumb.
"My friends have forsaken me..." he said misty eyed bidding the tears not to fall.
"Fo-sak-in-whaty? Is that more of the ruddy rubbish they teach you at your school?" he said his face turning redder and redder until it resembled a rather large zit.
"For-sak-in" Harry spelled out "To quit or leave entirely; to desert; to abandon; to depart or withdraw from; to leave; as, false friends and flatterers forsake us in adversity."
"Don't be smart with me boy!" the man yelled as his face started to swell from the growing redness.
Harry sighed and gazed out his window why couldn't he have a nice loving uncle why couldn't he just be loved...
"Nobody knows the trouble I've seen Nobody knows but Jesus Nobody knows the trouble I've seen......" he stood ready to do his best Mariah Carey impersonation.
"STOP STOP THAT SINGING!" uncle Vernon exclaimed his head duly swelled another size and exploded covering Harry who was singing, Dudly who was doubling in size, and his wife who was the size of your thumb with blood, gore and all those yummy things.
"Well shit." Exclaimed Harry.
"Not to fear Harry we're here to rescue you!" exclaimed Professor Remus Lupin jumping through the window along with his faithful sidekicks Tonks the women auror to prove that Mrs. Weasly is not the only witch on the earth and Mad eye the old geezer weirdo who proved useful in previous plots but now is just here for kicks. "Um no offence but I don't really need saving I just need a mop and a shovel." Lupin stared at him blankly for some minutes."
Harry sighed. "alright you can save me." He said the glow returned to Lupin's eyes and he picked Harry up swung him over his shoulder.
"Order of the Phoenix away!" he yelled and jumped out of the window. Mad eye and Tonks groaned slapping their heads and preformed several memory charms.
"You never should have given him any chocolate." Tonks said punching Moody in the arm and changing her hair six times in six seconds. He just mumbled something and jumped out the window after Lupin.
Ok I was really bored/hyper when I wrote this so shhhh.
Plz r/r
---Onion
A parody
By Onionqueen
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------
Once upon a time in a land far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far away. There was a moody teenager named Harry Potter. But Harry Potter was not any ordinary moody teenager (are any of them?) he was a WIZARD. But Harry Potter was not any ordinary moody teenage- wizard he was also the SAVIOR of the WIZARDING world. But he was no ordinary moody teenage-wizard savior he was also also THE ONLY SIXTEEN YEAR OLD NEVER TO HAVE SWORN OR KNOWN ANYTHING ABOUT S-E-X! But he was no ordinary moody teenage-wizard savior who was the only sixteen year old never to have sworn or known anything about sex he was also.....
GET ON WITH IT!
Fine. So Harry Potter was sitting in his shit-hole of a room at number four private drive lying in bed awake pondering the meaning of life like any other savior when suddenly he was accosted by his owl Hedgwig. She was carrying a letter hopefully from his two bestest friends in the whole wide world, Hermione and Ron. He opened his letter excitedly wondering if this was an invitation to the Burrow where he Ron and Hermione would spend endless summer night swimming in the near bye pond, having pillow fights and talking about boys ...cough...I mean girls...yes...girls that's it.
But alas it was only a letter from his stalker stating again what he would like to do with Harry. But since Harry had no idea what sex was he had no idea what the letter meant so he just tossed it on the ground. Across the street a blond haired boy looked on through binoculars crushed that Harry had dismissed his advances so casually.
"Ah well next time" he said in his gross-mouth breather-stalker way. How sad that this poor misguided boy who was so in love with Harry had to sit in silence not able to express his true emotions in any other way than secret letters. The poor poor boy....
"excuse me the story is supposed to be about ME!" Harry exclaimed hitting the narrator numerous times over the head with a haring.
So sorry Harry, will get strait back to you...but that poor poor boy...
"Ahem" Harry said haring in hand.
Yes yes of course on with the story. Harry sat glumly on his bead stroking his haring, wondering why his friend had forsaken him, why everyone always left him. He promptly broke into song.
"When I was young I never needed anyone...
And making love was just for fun
Those days are gone
Livin' alone
I think of all the friends I've known
When I dial the telephone
Nobody's home
All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself
Anymore
Hard to be sure
Sometimes I feel so insecure
And loves so distant and obscure
Remains the cure...."
"Whats all that racket about boy?!" exclaimed a large mustached man who burst into Harry's room. He was quickly joined by a boy the size of a wail (is that even physically possible?) and a women no bigger than your thumb.
"My friends have forsaken me..." he said misty eyed bidding the tears not to fall.
"Fo-sak-in-whaty? Is that more of the ruddy rubbish they teach you at your school?" he said his face turning redder and redder until it resembled a rather large zit.
"For-sak-in" Harry spelled out "To quit or leave entirely; to desert; to abandon; to depart or withdraw from; to leave; as, false friends and flatterers forsake us in adversity."
"Don't be smart with me boy!" the man yelled as his face started to swell from the growing redness.
Harry sighed and gazed out his window why couldn't he have a nice loving uncle why couldn't he just be loved...
"Nobody knows the trouble I've seen Nobody knows but Jesus Nobody knows the trouble I've seen......" he stood ready to do his best Mariah Carey impersonation.
"STOP STOP THAT SINGING!" uncle Vernon exclaimed his head duly swelled another size and exploded covering Harry who was singing, Dudly who was doubling in size, and his wife who was the size of your thumb with blood, gore and all those yummy things.
"Well shit." Exclaimed Harry.
"Not to fear Harry we're here to rescue you!" exclaimed Professor Remus Lupin jumping through the window along with his faithful sidekicks Tonks the women auror to prove that Mrs. Weasly is not the only witch on the earth and Mad eye the old geezer weirdo who proved useful in previous plots but now is just here for kicks. "Um no offence but I don't really need saving I just need a mop and a shovel." Lupin stared at him blankly for some minutes."
Harry sighed. "alright you can save me." He said the glow returned to Lupin's eyes and he picked Harry up swung him over his shoulder.
"Order of the Phoenix away!" he yelled and jumped out of the window. Mad eye and Tonks groaned slapping their heads and preformed several memory charms.
"You never should have given him any chocolate." Tonks said punching Moody in the arm and changing her hair six times in six seconds. He just mumbled something and jumped out the window after Lupin.
Ok I was really bored/hyper when I wrote this so shhhh.
Plz r/r
---Onion