Jan's surprise birthday party was a big success and Jan was the happiest I had seen her in a long time. My poor sweetheart, she gets so hard on herself sometimes. Marcia is a model oldest and Cindy plays the part of adorable youngest but I always considered Jan to be a marvelous middle. I know Carol could vouch the same and it breaks her heart to see Jan when she's going through these spells.

"Did I do this to her, Mike?"

That was the question she asked me one night not too long ago. It had to have been midnight and I heard her crying in her sleep. It appalled me because my wife is not one to have nightmares. I was not prepared to hear that when I turned on the light and asked her what was wrong. I just rubbed her back because I knew immeadiately who she meant.

"No, honey," I whispered.

"How do you know?" She sobbed.

"Because I do. Everyone knows how much you love your girls and everyone can see that you love them equally the same."

"I just don't know why Marcia and Cindy are okay but Jan isn't."

"Jan is fine. She's just having a hard time finding her way but she'll find it."

"You're right," she agreed as she slumped back on the bed. "Now I feel terrible for implying she wasn't okay. I just wish I didn't feel like such a terrible mom."

"You are not a terrible mom," I told her as I leaned back to kiss her cheek. "You just don't know what to do for her, that's all. You think I always know what to do when Greg, Peter or Bobby have a problem."

"You always manage to come through, though."

"You do, too. Honey, you are doing the best you can and I think your best is good enough to see Jan through. No more crying, okay?"

"Okay," she replied, managing a smile.

"I love you, sweetheart," I told her as I kissed her lips.

"I love you, too," she said as she kissed me back. "Thank you."

Carol was sleeping peacefully tonight, thank goodness. How come I wasn't? I sigh deeply and guess maybe I was more worried about Jan than I let on to Carol. It's really hard to see one of your children go through a hard time and you know there's really nothing you can do except try to be there for them. I decided to creep out of bed and go downstairs for a little walk and maybe grab a glass of water in there.

"Daddy?" I heard a voice whisper loudly from the bathroom as soon as I closed my bedroom door. Jan scared me so much that I practically jumped. I was not expecting her to be up.

"Jan, what on earth are you doing?"

"I was going to the bathroom and then I heard you and wondered who you were. I'm sorry."

She looked at me with sad eyes and my heart melted. I started to have flashbacks to when she was a little girl and she looked at me the same way. Her father had died not too long before that and there was so much sadness in her eyes that I prayed I would never see them again but here they were; staring holes through me.

"Hey," I finally said as I stretched my arms out for a hug. "Come here, baby."

Jan slowly started to walk to me almost as if she were afraid to see me. Oh, I didn't want to scare her. When she finally came to me, I wrapped my arms around her gently and only held on tighter until she hugged me back.

"It's okay, baby," I whispered in her ear as I kissed her cheek. "You're okay."

"How come you've never told me that before?"

"I thought I have," I gasped as I pulled her away from me to look at her. "At least, that's what I was trying to tell you."

"What about the dress I wore today?"

"What about it?"

"Would you have videotaped me even if I wasn't wearing a dress? I mean, would you do it if I were wearing a shirt and jeans instead?"

"Of course I would."

"It was weird today. I felt like I was somebody else. I didn't feel worth it."

"Jan Brady," I say as I take her face in my hands. "You are worth it. If I could do today for you all over again everyday, dress or no dress, I would do it for you. I love you that much."

"You really would?"

"Oh yes," I say as I kiss her cheek. "I really would because I really love you."

"Thanks, daddy," she said as she kissed my cheek back. "I really love you. I don't really know what I'd do to show for it, though."

"You can go to bed now," I say, half-joking.

"I can do that," she said with a giggle before she ran back to her bedroom. I smiled at her until I heard her door shut. I turn around to walk back in my bedroom before I see Carol smiling through her tears at the doorway.

"How long have you been there?"

"You are unbelieveable."

"How so?"

"I never thought I could marry a man that loved my daughter as much as I do."

"You better believe it," I tell her as I kiss her and walk her back to our bed. I silently prayed that I could get some sleep now.