A/N: Based on spoilers and written before the latest two episodes aired. Thank you for reading. Feel free to let me know your thoughts on this. If it works or not and if I should add more chapters:)
Disclaimer: I don't own the Blacklist or any of its recognizable characters. No copyright infringement intended.
"Elizabeth he knows."
"Dembe?" She asked in surprise. When she answered the phone still drowsy from sleep, she forgot to check the caller. She moved up in bed, resting her back against the headboard. She breathed carefully, trying not to panic at hearing what Dembe was about to tell her.
"He listened to the tape and wants me to find the person who betrayed him." Dembe replied.
"Oh?" She managed, hoping she sounded indifferent but inside she was terrified.
"The voice is of a woman who is unknown to him but based on the very specific information given to the authorities, that only few people knew, he suspects you as the one who arranged the anonymous tip off. He suspected you from the start."
"Why would he think..." she trailed off. Of course he would have found out, it was only a matter of time before he connected the dots and suspected her.
"I told him it could not be you who has sent him on the path to the death penalty. But he would not hear any of it. He said you wanted him out of the way, so that you can investigate him freely, to find out his secrets on your own."
"Dembe, I..."
"Is it true, Elizabeth?"
"I..." She couldn't speak further.
"You must go to him tomorrow morning and explain." He said adamantly.
"I can't... " she finally broke down, "I just wanted... I wanted to know why... why he keeps the truth from me. Why he lied to me."
"Raymond did not lie... he told you that he has a secret, that he needs to keep."
"He's not Raymond Reddington! How does he keep that from me? He's not my father! He's an impostor! All this time, he's kept that from me!"
"He had a reason to keep his identity hidden, even from you. He wanted to tell you many times in the past but he couldn't. Because it was too dangerous. Because you knowing his true identity would jeopardize our mission."
"What are you talking about? What mission?" Now she was confused.
He ignored her questions and said, "Have you ever asked him directly if he was your father?"
"Yes." She remembered the first time, after Anslo Garrick incursion and his prolonged disappearance, that difficult time when all that was left of him, was his blood as evidence of his torture and when she didn't know for weeks if he was still alive.
The same weeks she also spent dreading to find out the results of the test on a DNA sample she took from his glass she swiped from that French restaurant in Montreal. Back then she wanted to know if what she suspected was true, because she was conflicted, because she started to have feelings.
She needed to know why he asked for her when he surrendered himself and gave up his freedom, why he seemed to stare at her with such feeling when they first met, why he got out of the box for her and not for Luli, or for Dembe. She needed to know why she was so important to him but when the envelope arrived, she was too scared to open it.
And then when he suddenly called and she thought she might never have another chance to find out, she asked him if he was her father and he said no. She believed him then and a few times after that when he denied it but when Cooper presented the new DNA result it made her doubt everything again. She wasn't sure what was real, what was true anymore. Tom Keen wasn't real, he was an impostor she married, a fantasy. She thought she had something real, a connection with Raymond Reddington but he turned out to be just another impostor.
He wasn't revealing his true motivations regarding her and she desperately needed to know why. But the cost of her search for answers turned out to be too dangerous and it seemed too late to change course.
"Ask him again." Dembe said.
"Why are you warning me, why not kill me right now? Why do you still trust me, Dembe?"
"Because even though you betrayed him, again, he wouldn't want me to, because he cares too much and I care about you, both of you."
"But why? Why does he care? He is not my father and I betrayed him and you. Why do you care about that man so much? How can you trust some pretender?"
"I care because he saved my life, repeatedly and I have saved his repeatedly. You and I share that, I think. And the past tragedy. He has saved us both."
"What do you mean?"
"Ask him if he has the burns on his back. He will tell you. He won't lie to you."
"What?! He has burns? The night of the fire. Oh my God!" She placed her hand on her mouth in shock. "He was the man on the floor." She suddenly realized what Dr Orchard was trying to tell her after her memory extraction. The people and the events may have been there but in different roles.
"I shot my father and Red burned in the fire! But how did he survive? How did I survive? Did he tell you?"
"It is not for me to tell you. Go to him before it's too late and ask him. Talk to him. You may be surprised with what you learn."
"I'm so sorry, Dembe. I know right now that my words don't mean much and you have every right not to believe me... but I never... I didn't mean for it to go this far... You should hate me. He should hate me. I hate myself. What I've become, this thing. A monster."
Maybe someday, if you're very lucky, you might wonder, at exactly what point did I become... this thing. It's ironic that the impostor known as Red was right when he said that to her, years ago.
"You need to see him soon and explain, I am certain that eventualy he will understand. He knows you were determined to find out his secrets, he expected it from you, one way, or another."
He expected her to betray him? But of course it wouldn't be the first time and he must be used to being surrounded by Judases. She felt sick at the thought of finding out that she's too far gone and that this time he may never forgive her. "I don't think I can bear to see him now. The hate and disappointment in his eyes." She replied sorrowfully.
"But you must. Whatever he may think right now, or say to you, deep down he can never hate you, he still cares and needs you. You need to have an honest talk, mend your relationship before it's too late. I will come for you tomorrow morning and drive you to visit him."
"Thank you, Dembe. You are a kind man and a wonderful friend. I don't deserve such kindness."
"Raymond thinks he doesn't deserve it either. Another thing you have in common. See you tomorrow. I will call you when I arrive. Be ready."
"I will. Thank you again." The call ended and Liz absently dropped the phone on her bed and stared at the wall ahead, not being able to fall asleep again. She was dreading to see the light of dawn too soon and the call that would bring her face to face with the man whose real name she did not know but she loved all the same.